13 yr-old stealing | ADHD Information

I was so relieved to read that lying is a sx of ADHD. I have an issue that goes one step further. My son is obsessed with anything electronic, especially computer games. He has been stealing my credit card numbers and using them to download games, etc. I've had to replace four cards so far, and he's charged over 1,000 in Itunes and computer game downloads. We are taking him to a therapist, but she doesn't seem to take this issue as seriously as I do. I wish I could find a therapist who specialized in electronic addictions such as this, but mostly, I just need to know how to handle the cc theft.
Does anyone have any similar experiences or some advice for how to handle the4 stealing? It's really hard for me to deal with my son when he's lying, stealing, and no longer doing much at school. I'd appreciate some ideas. Thanks. when i was a child, i stole.  from my older sister, from my mothers' purse, from my cousin, from friends, from school, from stores.  big items, little items, expensive items, cheap items, important items, petty items. clothes, jewelry, shoes, a hose once, toys, candy, food, videos, school supplies, you name it.  if it fit in a hiding place, i took it. at age 12, i took some expensive colored pencils from a teacher at school and never told a soul.  they announced it over the announcements and i never came forward.  i know that there was no way i could explain all the emotions that were involved at the time but today, i still feel bad about it.  it continued until i was in my late 20s.  i had to work through a lot of emotional stuff.  even though i was untreated ADHD during those years, i think it had more to do with emotional stuff and less to do with the ADHD stuff.  if this therapist isn't taking you seriously, take your son somewhere else.  you need to get a grip on this before it gets out of hand and he steals from a store somewhere or worse.  business owners are much harsher these days than they were in those days.  they DO indeed prosecute.  I did get caught once when my kids were little but I was already in therapy for shoplifting so i think they were easy on me.  i don't think it'd be the same today.  stealing has more to do with getting attention, getting love from parents, competing with siblings, jealousy, immaturity, impulsivity (perhaps the only ADHD trait). stealing is stemmed from deep emotional pain.  it really has little to do with the item being stolen.  once i worked through all that hard emotional stuff, the shoplifting mysteriously ceased.  but being a teenager, you still have time to address those issues.  let me stress that it has less to do with the ADHD and more to do with deeper emotional issues.  and let me stress that the sooner you get your child to a therapist who really cares, understands and is willing to help him, the better off you all will be.  i don't recommend scolding (it doesn't work) for the stealing.  all that achieves is guilty feelings in the child and destroys the self-esteem.  i don't recommend severe punishment either.  a better way would be to talk to the child to help them sort out their feelings and to understand why stealing is not okay.  kids often don't know why they're stealing and often lack the verbal skills to explain their feelings (yes, even at age 13 they're still kids and don't have the vocabulary to express themselves).  The therapist can help you all figure out the family dynamics which has contributed to the stealing too.  I know you and your son can work through this but it'll take a lot of work.  I had to do it all on my own with very little support.  Your son is lucky that you are concerned and that you want to help him.  I will say a prayer for you. :)
kjl269140309.8206597222

I do not have any experience dealing with this issue, but my adhd son is very much a gamer. Sorry, I can only support what you are doing.

Have you thought about an OCD diagnosis? Or do you just feel he wants what he wants now?

Are his meds where they need to be?

He has been diagnosed as having OCD tendencies, but he
isn't on meds for that. Maybe that would help. Thanks.

my son takes guanfacine, also known as tenex, for anxiety and his extra H. Boy what a difference for him.

I hope what you decide on helps with this for your all. It could really turn into something that gets him in serious troubole, if you know what I mean.

My son will be 13 in June.

Thanks for your comments and your prayer. My son is working
with a new therapist, and I hope we can figure out what his
issues are. He's always felt like he doesn't get his fair
share of things, even though he has more than most kids. My
problem is that gaming is the only thing he wants to do,
and I'm not going to give in and let him play nonstop
(although he plays plenty) in an attempt to help him feel
less deprived.
I do want to help him deal with the emotional issues. I'm
just not sure how to give him what he needs because he
doesn't seem to know either. You're right--he has a very
hard time expressing or understanding his feelings.Good luck to you mom.  I do agree that he shouldn't be allowed to play games nonstop.  that's manipulation on his part and you're the parent. :)  Of course kids don't think anything in life is fair.  That's part of learning how to be grown up - accepting all that unfairness.  Perhaps when he feels that he's not getting his fair share of things, it could be something intangible like enough attention or enough quality time or enough praise, etc.  It may have less to do with the games.  You could also find out what makes these games so attractive to him.  Learning about what interests him may help him relax the intensity.  Maybe even learn the games yourself and you could play together?

kids, in general, often can't tell you what they need.  it's up to us parents to figure it out. "i don't know" seems to be the only words a kid can tell you when asked.  i know it's frustrating.  I also think that the expression issues could be intensified by the ADHD but not caused by it.  I think that because those of us with ADHD have such a hard time organizing our thoughts to begin with, we then have problems expressing those thoughts.

Hang in there and keep going to this new therapist. 

My daughter started off with taking small items from school friends when she was 8.  She told me they were the rewards for classroom quizs, good behaviour and even exchanges with friends.  I realized there were problems when I discovered she took things from the supermarkets, and even things from souviner shops when we went on holidays.  Chastisement and talking to her did not help at all.

Fortunately my daughter seems to care about what her friends think of her.  I worked very closely with her schoolteachers.  If there were rewards from school, I would be informed and no exchanges were allowed anymore in class.  Things that she picked up from school got to be given to the schoolteachers.  These were all being spelled out and agreed upon.  She would be sent to the school disciplinary teacher (who inturn might expose her in the school assembly) if she were to do it again.

Before we go into a shop, I would remind her about the consequences of shoplifting, and pointed the security to her.  Also I would make sure that she stayed by my side all the time so she would not have the chance of putting her hands on anything.  Before we leave the shop, I would remind her again.  I also show her news on tv about people caught shoplifting and their consequences.  I continue to talk to her about this bad behaviour, stealing.   I still monitor that the rules are being obeyed.  I reward her with cute little items (things that girls her age like) for doing well in class tests.  Things seem to be working so far.  I know this is a life long process and I am not letting my guard down yet.

I hope this helps.