Tantrums | ADHD Information

I pick my battles. Bed time isn't one of them for me. I've found it is easier on my own stress levels to lie down next to my son. If I've already read him a story, I sing to him until he falls asleep. I'm not rewarding his tantrum, I am helping him when he can't really help himself.

I don't do this all the time, because the tantrums don't always happen at bedtime. Sometimes, after three or four times of being told to go back to bed, he will just stay, especially if the lights are out and the door is shut. BUT, my son is afraid of the dark, so if he's having a hard time, it's usually that his imagination has got the better of him and he can't self-calm.

The therapist described it as being stuck in the "primitive" part of the brain, instead of the frontal cortex. The only way out is to have an outside source create new brain images (at least until he's older and figures out coping skills to deal with it). It's the same thing that an infant needs until they learn how to self-calm.

That said, I know of a wonderful mother with adopted children who mentioned that her son has some sort of syndrome related to separation. I can't remember the name of it right now, but it would seem to me that your stories are similar, so that might be what is going on. Could you start seeing a therapist to help with that? Apparently it goes deeper than just separation anxiety and can cause serious problems.

My son doesn't communicate his thoughts with words as much as with behaviors. Some of his tantrums are because he wants something right now, but other times they are due to his anxiety and he just doesn't have the ability to verbalize what's going on with his thoughts. His therapist is helping him by giving him words he can use when he's stuck in that place. That might be a solution for you as well. I found the reference for you. It's called Reactive Attachment Disorder and I'm sure you could google it and see if it relates to your daughter. Best of luck to you.Our nine year old, Sylvia (who we adopted from Bulgaria at age 30 months) is doing really well on medication for her ADHD. School is great, much of the day goes very well, etc. ADHD medication has been a miracle! But she is still having a LOT of tantrums when not on the medication and they are a total DRAG for us.

The tantrums are nearly always caused by something she wants and isn't getting. Tonight Sylvia just didn't want to go to bed. She tried hard first to hide and fall asleep in our room. I got her to get up and go to her room where I tucked her in at the scheduled time. A few minutes later she was back in our room. I took her back to her room a second time. Finally, when she tried to get back into our room a third time I simply locked our bedroom door and said--"good night Sylvia. You have been tucked in, now go to bed." This was when she threw the tantrum. She screamed and kicked and hit the door for more than 30 minutes. I mostly ignored her but every few minutes I just said, "Sylvia I'm not opening the door, go to bed." My husband was in the living room and so he ended up somewhat intervening and dialoguing with her. But I maintained my posture that she had been tucked in and should simply GO TO BED. The problem with all of this is that Sylvia gets into a really needy ("mommy I need you, I need you mommy") place and starts crying and crying for mommy. I am unsure whether this is adoption loss stuff below her anger at not getting what she wants--or if its just manipulating to get me to give in and give her what she wants. If I am doing the wrong thing by locking the door after her coming into our room multiple times, to keep her in her bed--I want to try something different. But my feeling tends to be that she should NOT be rewarded in any way for not going to bed on time and throwing a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. Any ideas or feedback?slhindman40307.9739467593