note to principal | ADHD Information

Here's the latest edition, in response to an email from him telling me all
the things my son did completely ignoring the fact that his staff was
totally non-proactive.


I want to make sure that you understand I am not saying that DS should
be able to touch another student or that he can yell at a teacher.

But he is very anxious and scared that he will be attacked or he will be
punished for defending himself. He started therapy last month because
he told me, "I hate my life, I don't want to live anymore." That is serious.
He's 8 years old and is a star student. According to his therapist it's the
stress of the bullying, and the anticipation of being bullied, that is making
him feel that way. It is completely unacceptable.

When his anxiety gets ramped up he can't keep his energy in check and
he moves his hands rapidly or touches his hair. When that starts to
happen his ed tech needs to reassure him immediately. He's supposed to
have a "sensory diet" - it needs to be implemented as soon as he starts to
exhibit anxious behavior. The ed techs need to understand that it's not
an attempted assault, it's a form of self-calming behavior.

I know I've been coming down on his ed techs a lot. But last year he had
fantastic ed techs, and they worked with him instead of contributing to
his anxiety, and he had a great year. It can be done.

Last Friday I was at the school during Special Olympics. In one event DS
came in 4th. Afterward when he was back at the WPS waiting area his
perfectionism kicked in, and he said he should have run faster. G was
also at the waiting area, and hadn't said anything to him all day, until he
heard that comment. He was trying to make a joke - maybe even trying
to cheer DS up - but it definitely seemed to be timed to kick him when he
was down. He came over and said if he wanted to run faster C should
have been at the finish line. C and DS get along great, and C is friendly
with G, too. G is constantly needling DS about C, telling DS that C likes
him better. For G to say the name C to DS it's like waving a red flag at a
bull. DS reacts immediately and explosively, to Gs bemusement. So of
course, DS snapped back, C isn't even here. And G said, yes he is. And
somehow DS dropped it - I give him a huge amount of credit for it since
his schedule was completely altered that day and he was tired and hungry
and his impulsivity was peaking. When the conversation happened there
were 2 ed techs standing right there, and they didn't intervene at all. I
didn't either - it wasn't my place - but it was everything I could do not to.
It was exactly the type of needling that is so irritating and hurtful to DS,
and again, no adult helped him. G's not a bad kid - he likes to have fun.
But he gets under DS's skin and then he's on edge waiting for the next
attack, jumping at shadows because no one helps him.

We could go back and forth from now until the end of time. The fact is
that DS is being mishandled at your school. He has an ed tech who's
supposed to be a social buffer for him and it's not happening despite the
IEP. As I have said over and over, for DS there is always a trigger. Get rid
of the trigger, and the negative behaviors will stop happening. You can
push back on DS all you want. He's reacting, and if you just try to treat
the symptoms and stick with the status quo, nothing is going to change.
Thankfully he only has to put up with that for a few more weeks this year.

Thank you for trying to help him,
Corrina,
Sorry; I'm probably too late responding to do any good.
It's really hard when schools don't do what they're supposed to and you have to fight to get your kid what he needs!
I think your letter is really good. The only suggestion I would have would be maybe to try to make it a little more concise and maybe point out, bullet style, exactly what the IEP points are and exactly how it is not being followed. If he has a plan and it's not being followed, it's very clear that it's the school's duty to follow the plan. I also think it's particularly effective when you refer to the therapist's instructions.
In the third paragraph, where you say "the stress of bullying," I would add "at school." (I'm probably too late, but if not...)
Good for you for standing up for your kid; I think you're doing a fantastic job and I know how hard it is.
Best of luck. Let us know how things work out.