Please help!! | ADHD Information

I understand how you feel. My daughter is in first grade and she has both
good and bad days. No one thing is going to work on its own. You need to
keep doing some of the negative and some positive reinforcement. Our
daughter has a chart that she gets a sticker on each day if she doesn't throw
temper tantrums and a sticker if she eats her dinner without complaining. At
the end of the week she gets little prizes from the dollar store. 3 prizes for
getting all of the stickers and fewer for less. She's been doing this for a few
months and it works pretty well.
We haven't abandoned punishments though. If she does something wild or
out-of-control, then she may sit in the corner or lose a toy. It a hard
balance to strike and mostly I wonder if we get it right. But all I can do is
keep trying and show her love everyday. Do you feel like the Focalin is helping at all? Does it seem to help but wear off too quickly?  It just sounds to me like the medication isn't right yet.  With my son, if his meds aren't right you can forget trying to get his behavior under control-PERIOD!  I wasn't able to use ANY of the "normal" parenting techniques (or even the techniques for ADHD kids for that matter!) until he was properly medicated.  Once we found the right combo he was able to control himself much better and a lot of the techniques started to work!    My child was diagnosed with ADHD last year in Kindergarten.  We have been on Focalin XR 20 mg now for several months.  She is at times the most wonderful daughter anyone could ask for.  She is very loving and kind.  On another note she can be the worst behaved child ever!  She is destructive and I believe just doesn't think about the consequinces of her actions.  She knows it is wrong and yet she does it anyways.  Today I get a call from her teacher and said that she wouldn't read her books today to finish phonics and she took finger paint and painted all over the toilet paper roll holder in the bathroom.  When another child came in and caught her she yelled at her teacher and said, "Look what someone has done!"  She lied several times about it and finally when the teacher told her she could see the paint in her fingernails she finally told the truth.  She had washed her hands quickly before the teacher came in the room.  Tonight was a struggle to do her homework.  She told me it was finished and she had read her books then when I came in to check it none of it was done.  I just don't know how to handle her.  Conventional methods don't seem to work and she takes her meds every day.  At this point she has nothing in her room to play with, due to she is grounded and can't play with anything.  I have also tried grounding her to her bed.  All of this is not helping. 
Please can anyone help me.  I am going to try the marble method tomorrow.  I just read about it tonight and am going to give it a try.  My other 2 girls don't even want to play with her, which makes me really sad. 

Hey Becca

We're in the same boat as you except our daughter was diagnosed in 2nd grade. Now shes in fourth grade. I too removed everything from her room. I have tried everything Ive read or have been recommended. Nothing seems to click with her. She acts like she doesn't care that her things are gone or getting in trouble.  I give postive reinforcement for everything. If she pushes her chair in when she gets up from the table. If she handles a conflict well. I never fellow a postive with a negative. It is hard because they only thing of t hings in the moment not what follows it. You have to try to be 3 steps ahead of them. It will drive you crazy. I try not to ask open ended question when she lies. If I know for sure that she has done something. I dont give her an option to lie. I just sit her down and explain why this was wrong.

What I am really struggling with is the other children in the house who do not have adhd. The same problem you are having we are too. Other two girls do not want to play or sometimes be in the same room with her. And that makes it hard and sad. What makes it really hard is that they do not comment or laugh at the crazy things that our adhd daughter does. But yet she is the first one to point out anything they do. Like this mourning My ten yr old was eating breakfast and I guess she slipped her milk to loudly and she demanded that she stop making that sound because it was annoying her.

I wish I could tell you something to try and that it will work. But its just trial and error. It will work out in the end. It does feel like you are running around all day with a fire hose, outting out fires. If you firgure out a great idea how to deal with the other children let me know. I just don't want them to grow up to resent us for giving all the attention to our adhd kids.

 

Thanks

Hi Becca,

Hang in there...our DS is very similiar to your daughter.  He is 7, ADHD with a super high hyper and impulsive component.  Our DS does every crazy thing he can think of (and he can think of alot of stuff) and has no ability to put on the brakes or think about consequences.  Our Dr told us that behavior modification will not be effective until he is 5th/6th grade ... several years from now.  FYI: DS cannot take stimulants due to adverse reactions.

The lying and denying is not at all uncommon.  We struggle with it too.  It is a first impulse thing and they seldom get beyond the first impulse.  I can't even tell you what works..I wish I knew.  But, things are very much better when we have a well structured day and everyone knows the plan.  From this board, I have gotten the advice that we should work on one behavior thing at a time..  we are currently working on hitting.  We are rewarding for not hitting..instead of punishing for hitting.  Positive rewards seem to work better than consequences. 

It is exhausting, frustrating and sometimes lonely being mom to a child with these issues.  But, know you are not alone.  All of us here..GET IT.  How hard it is, how many different things you have tried that didn't work and still how much you love them and worry about them. 

Give your DD extra hugs and kisses!  They need us so much more than our other kids.  Blessings for a good week.  Welcome to this board and let us know how things are going.  Hope the marble system works for you...keep it simple...working on maybe one behavior at a time. 

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Sandy

I have a 10 yr old girl with ADHD and a non ADHD 6 year old. 

My 10 year old does better when she gets a lot of physical activity. 

I also give my daughters separate activities and spend time with each of them separately.  I think my 10 year old resents the "easy life" my 6 year old has and picks on her constantly.  So I find things that my 10 year old and I can do just the two of us to make her feel special and especially liked and loved.