I want to thank everyone in advanced for any suggestion or ideas to help us!!
My girlfriend (24yrs old and I'm 24 also) has a 4yr old son, that is not mine, and is pregnant with my child (about 10weeks). We have been dating for about 5months. Her son was diagnosed with ADHD alittle over a year ago. He is on Tenex, take twice a day. She has had a rough life and been bounced place to place growing up and since he was born he was also. For the 2yrs prior to them moving in with me they lived on their own, in which he was pretty much allowed to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, which to me is another problem of its own.
I was raised in a somewhat strict household. If you did something wrong you got punished either grounded, toys taking, or spanked. Her son has never really lived in a house that had structure or rules or any kind of discipline. So when they moved in with me and saw this I knew it had to change. He never had a bed time before and we started one for him of 9pm and have since changed it to 815-830. Which seemed to help at first. I should also mention that I am a System Operator for an electric utility and work 12hr swing shifts (6am-6pm and 6pm-6am). Which isnt the best schedule with a young family but it pays well and I love what I do. When I am home at night or in the morning, at first, he would do what he was told to do when it was time to go to bed or getting ready in the morning. But on the days I am not there things would get out of hand. And here recently during the times I'm not there all hell breaks lose with him. He goes nuts, runnings through the house hits my girlfriend in the stomach, kicks her, yells, screams, cries, throws himself on the ground, you name it he most likely has done it. She is having a very rough time with this pregnancy and this is just making it harder on her. And he has started with me to back talk and throw fits when he doesn't get his way. I don't have the best temper in the world and have not hit him in anyway. Normally a change in my tone and he knows he is in trouble and will do what he is told but even that doesn't work anymore. Is the tenex not working anymore and other meds need to be consisdered?? He is only alittle over 40lbs.
I know I have to control my temper better but his attitude is getting worse. He is getting agressive towards her, my dog, and I. We need to get it under control before the baby gets here and drives us apart, which isn't far from happening. We both are very very very frustrated and don't know where to turn for help.
Any help or suggestions would be great!!!
Thank you so much for your time!
James.
Hey James
Alot of it has to do with change. He was taken out of his comfort zone and dropped into a place where things are different. Especially if expectations were not set before the move. My step-daughter was the same way. You have to research it and know exactly what adhd is. What we did was let them know what your expectations are we named five things that were not allowed. and 5 things that we wanted more of ( hugging, smiling, laughing, enjoy family time) and we posted it everywhere.You can make charts or pull them of the internet. Once you google adhd in children. You should get plenty of ideas. Plus there are books you can read or check out from library. Be consistent. It prolly won't be hard for you but you have to get your gf on board. My husband had a very hard time because our dd was already dx with everything when I came along. And admitting she was out of control or that he gave into her becasue he didn't want to deal with trying to teach how to problem solve meant he was saying that he was a bad parent. Which is not the case but thats how they think. It's a trial and error thing. One technique works for one child and might not the next one.
Hope this helped some. Good Luck!
Welcome James,
Our DS, age 7, also ADHD (hyper and impulsive) is on Tenex too. It does not eliminate all the behaviors..at best it dials his motor down a notch. On his personal activity scale he gets dialed down from a 10 to a 9. Not a huge improvement but it does make it so that we can just barely stand it. He is not able to take stimulants due to severe side effects.
Your little guy is very young and he could very well be acting up due to uncertainty about his place in Mommy's world with the change in living arrangements and a new sibling on the way. These little people need so much stability and certainty. It sounds like he would very much benefit from you being a very constant influence in his life. I don't actually mean that you should be the one disclipining him or setting/changing rules for him. Be the soft place for him to land, be the constant source of love and affection, be the kindness and understanding that he so much needs from an adult male.
Wishing you all the best...with your new family and especially with your little guy!
Kids with ADHD react differently to discipline. Punishments don't work.