don’t know what to do | ADHD Information
This is my first time on this board. I'm in tears right now. My son is 10. He was diagnosed with adhd at age 6, but the problems started presenting themselves at age 2. He's also been diagnosed with a serious of other disorders from bipolar to Odd and arsburgers syndrome (thats probably spelled wrong but right now I dont have the patience to go look). His current psyciatrist says he just has adhd. He's been on alot of different medications... some that practically turned him into a zombie. The doctors didn't want to listen and take him off of them so we changed doctors. He went through an inpatient day treatment program for close to a year at age 7. He's been diagnosed by ssi as disabled so I federal medicaid covers his treatment. we've tried lots of options and programs. I guess I should start from the beginning. At age 2 he was getting kicked out of daycares for being agressive and biting, and at age 5 he was suspended and then at age 6 expelled from school for agressive behavior and being to much of a distraction to the other students. The school district put him in a special program at another school for children with behavior trouble. He continued to have problems and got very behind in school. He was violent and difficult at home. He sent me into preterm labor with my daughter by kicking me in the stomach. The school did a very poor job of communicating with the doctors so we tried the daytreatment program that was associated with the clinic we used. They did not have licensed teachers and consentrated more on healthcare than learning and he got further behind. He was 8 and couldn't read. We pulled him out of there after almost a year, changed doctors, got him off the strong medicines and went back to the public school district. He had a councelor that came to school and was in a special class. The school didnt know how to deal with him and he was such a distraction to the other students that he had to be frequently removed from the class. He was hitting teachers. The answer that was given was to send him home at 12 and provide him with frequent breakes. He continued to fall behind. I was continuously at the school for conferences and meetings. The therapist came to the school weekly. Things were terrible. He wasn't learning, he wasn't trying, and he was hurting. The child I just described doesn't fully explain my son... it doesnt even sound like him, but it was. He's a very loving boy, he cares so much about others and the way they feel. He doesn't have many friends but wants everyone to like him. He's overly concerned with what people think about him. It hurts him deeply when others don't like him, but at times he can be so horrible to them that its no wonder they dont like him. He cried alot because no one wanted to be his friend. I was hurting because I didnt know how to help him. We moved to another state over the summer. We found a new doctor. He started a new school. He was very behind. At age 9 he couldnt read but had been passed repeatedly and was in the fourth grade. The school put him in another special class for kids with behavior problems. He has a wonderful teacher that could handle him. They did alot of testing and got him the help he needed. I was so proud. He learned to read, he learned multiplication. His teacher said he was one of the better kids in her class. He doesnt steal, he's never been to jail, ect. His behavior at home improved. He didn't cry all the time anymore. He made friends, but still had a little trouble from time to time. He seemed happy. He was doing so well. Now it's almost the end of the school year and he's done a complete 180. He's disrespectful to teachers, to me. His teacher still says he is one of her better students but thats not saying much. I've met those children and most have been to juvie and are on probation. He fights at school. He runs his mouth to kids and gets beat up at home and school. He talked crap to a 6 year old that knocked out his tooth (thank goodness a baby tooth and no gum damage). He lied to me about what happened and had there not been another adult present I would have believed him. He never lied. He had trouble but he was basically a good hearted, good boy. Now he lies all the time. Everything is always some one elses fault and he feels he never does anything wrong. He hits the dog. He slaps his 3 yearold baby sister and has slammed her on the ground. I've read alot and tried alot of different things. Logic doesnt help... he sees the error, understands, but repeatedly reacts in the wrong way when upset. grounding made us all miserable because he was in trouble so often he kept getting grounded. Taking away priveledges didnt work. yelling was pointless. Spanking made me and him both miserable and I had to stop because I was afraid i would get to angry and actually hurt him. I've even tried threating a boys home or military school to scare him. Nothing has worked, we go back to the doctor next week, and the teacher is sending reports on his school behavior with us. I do not want to put him back on the medication and make him a zombie. He was doing so well, and I just do not understand. At this point I am seriously considering a temporary boys home or some sort of inpatient care. I am also seeking counceling for myself. I feel like a horrible mother. I love my son, but I don't like this new little boy that lives in his body. He has become a danger in our home and cannot be left alone in a room with his sister without her crying saying he hit her. Usually there are red marks on her, but he lies and says he didnt touch her. Please if anyone has any tips or knows of any programs... anything that might help. We are all miserable and I don't know how to help him and protect the baby too. I don't want to send him away, but I just dont know what to do. I'm so scared for him. He's on the wrong path and I dont know how to help. I'm afraid a boys home will make this worse.My son's ADHD made people think he had ODD before he started gettingtreatments.
What meds have he been on? What testing has been done? And what
doctors has he seen?
My son didn't respond to anything until I took him to a neuropsychologist
who gave very specific recommendations to help my son. And he's been
doing tremendously.
There have been so many I dont think I can remember them all without dragging out records, but I'll try. We started out on focalin, and then switched to Concerta. He has been on several doesages but currently takes 54mg. He's taken seraquil, clonidine, depacote, tenex, and ridalin... I think there was one more but without dragging out old records I'm not sure. As far as testing the doctors really havent done any. They talk to the school, they talk to me, they talk with him and they have run blood work. He has seen numerous therapist, psyciatrist and psycologist, plus school councelors, and various other professionals that work with the school. I don't know where else to go for help. He's been telling his doctors everything is wonderful and the current doctor looks at me like I dont know what I'm talking about when I tell him whats going on... which is why I'm taking all of the notes from his teacher with me this time.
Sending out mega hugs to you mommyneedshelpBased on the information you have shared, your child is dealing with a multitude of disorders and problems that go far beyond ADHD. Some of the behaviors you speak of are unrelated to ADHD and in fact, a child who also has bipolar disorder or aspergers can get very agitated or hostile when taking ADHD med's which is why its important to get those disorders under control first. ADHD is the least of it. I know your child has been through the mill and my heart goes out to him and your entire family unit. Every parent here can relate to the heartache. There has to be a solution. I would in fact seek out another psychiatrist and get another opinion. Only a professional can give you some real solutions so try to get a referral to a doctor with a good reputation that is capapble of giving you an accurate, differential diagnosis so that symptoms can be managed properly without such horrible side effects and behaviors. Quality of life is the goal and someone has to help you help this dear child. Good luck and know that we are here for you. Please keep us posted
Luvmykids0240318.3069791667My heart breaks for you and your son. I can tell that you love him so much. Have you taken him to see a neurologist? Sometimes when it is hard to pinpoint what is going on, that is the next step some people take.I would demand that his Dr. refer him to a good neurologist. It is sounds like there are a few things going on and you hate to keep throwing medication at him when they are not exactly sure what the full diagnosis is. I have a friend whose son was diagnosed with ADHD recently and the neurologist could actually see on the scan, now she has no doubts on what she needs to do.
It almost seems like you need to stop all meds (with Drs. permission of course) and start from scratch.
Thanks for posting and please know that you are not alone. My prayers are with you. Stay strong and keep fighting for him!! Thank you... Reading and sharing have both helped me alot. Just knowing that I am not alone and there are others that understand has done so much to help. I'm still at a loss and unsure of what to do, but I don't feel like such a terrible mom anymore and things don't seem as hopeless. There is a workable solution for us out there... somewhere... I just have to find it.
understand how you feel. My son 11 dx'd at 8, has been on everything out there, he is now on 72 mg. with intuniv 1 mg. and Zoloft 50.. We have all of the sudden we have been having outbursts and horrible behavior.
Every day sucks the life out of me and his father wants to leave from the stress.
I just so get it. Good Luck! You are in my heart.
When your son tried the meds was he seeing a specialist? Sometimes the right med may not look like the right med at first. For instance, my son cannot take stimulants by themselves. The side effects make him anxious and moody. But taken with Tenex it gets much, much better but still not great. Then we ended up adding Strattera to the mix and WHAM! What a great combination! It is REALLY working for him.
There were several times during the "trial and error period" that I was so frustrated and wanted to switch medications completely. But each time the doc would say "I know how frustrated you are but we have to try every combination/dose/timing with each medication or we may pass up the perfect combo for your son" At the time it didn't make sense but she was so right! If we hadn't stuck with some of these meds because I was ready to throw them out we wouldn't have come to the right combo for him.
The point is that most average doctors don't have the expertise to manage these medications (and even some specialists don't either!) My son's doc is a psychopharmacologist (I just recently found this out. I thought she was a psychiatrist!) and she's the ONLY reason we are at a good place right now!
It may be worth it to try another specialist. At least it can't hurt! 
I wish you the best of luck and please don't ever feel like a bad mother!!!! Just by being here you have proved that you're not!
reaction is to tell you to protect your family. If he's hurting you and his
sister, then perhaps a residential facility is the best thing for you. It's hard to
think about a placement like that but recognizing your own limits and needs
is important.
Given the alternatives, is it better to have a zombie - like kid, or one who
beats his dog and sister? Maybe they can adjust the dosage so that he shows
more personality.My son has been seeing a child Psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. for his meds he has tried many combinations. my son also sees an adolescent psychologist as well to work on life skills. It is very hard to predict what the future holds. I wish you the best. Don't give up!In my opinion a boys' home is not a good idea. I'm sure there have been improvements since I was a teenager, but my cousin spent two years in a girls' home and the staff were so over-worked they just kept the girls medicated and didn't help them to deal with the basic issues.
I will tell you that from all the research I've been doing I have started to realize that ADHD is NOT a behavior issue, it is a neurotransmitter issue. The behavior is a side-effect of that. I agree that the proper medication could help. The problem is that most meds are given somewhat randomly, for example: lets try this, and if it doesn't work, we'll try this...and so on. It sounds like you've already gone this route.
Check out Dr. Charles Parker's web-blog on dosing. Neuroscientists are learning more and more about it, but even they don't understand why some things work and others don't. Also, remember that 10 is on the cusp of puberty. If a child already has hormonal/chemical imbalances in the way the brain functions, just think about how the hormones of puberty will disrupt that even more.
Lastly, you are not a horrible mother. You aren't even a bad mother...because you are here, aren't you? You are desperately seeking a solution for you and for your son. My best advice would be research. Educate yourself with everything you can find so that when you actually get in to talk to the doctor you will be able to have a solid foundation to work with. And keep coming to this board. The more I share and talk about what's going on, the more I feel in control of my actions (even though I might be at a loss about my son's). Best wishes to you.