how to keep friends-any advice? | ADHD Information

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My 8 yr old daughter is doing so mucher than she was. She no longer
has extreme anxiety/aggitation. We've made 2 changes - no TV 45 min
before bed but instead I read a book to her in living room while she
relaxes AND no tv in the morning before school. We had already been
giving her fish oil but added Vaxa attend. Somethings been working
because meltdowns are less and WAY shorter in duration.
However, friends are an issue. The one friend she loved in class has
shunned her. She now hangs out with only 1 friend in her class, one who
she does not even really like but must also be shunned by the others.
She is in girlscouts, but those girls seem to have a deep connection (they
often ride together for the meetings) and we seem like an outsider. We
are close to 1 of the 2 women who run the troop, and my daughter loves
her daughter.
My daughter says during recess all the girls from girlscouts along with
some girls from her class play together but ignore her. She hates sports
and group activities (she has social anxiety).
The school recently had someone in to evaluate her in class. Part was a
teacher rating. Although never brought to our attention, the teacher
reported my daughter sometimes bullys, gets easily annoyed by other
kids, and hits. The hitting was a shock to me, although she sometimes
gets sooo excited and has hurt me many times because she is "in my
face". I can see this being very annoying to kids. Any advice to help her
would be appreciated. My son participated in social groups at school. They actually taught the kids
how to be friends. He did spectacularly there; didn't completely transfer to
his regular class, because he had already been shunned.

I'd say practice with her over the summer. Talk to her about scenarios she
would encounter, and give her tips on breaking the ice. Maybe even formal
therapy could help. Then she can have some good techniques for making
new friends when she starts school next year.

Good luck!

My ten y/o is the same way except for the hitting. But my dd will get in their faces and touch their belongings and argue with them. One girl in her class explained to her mother that dd was like knat because they keep coming back for more.

DD has Trichotillomania which is a sensory disorder dealing with anxiety. DD will pull pieces of her hair out. Up unitl last yr (3rd grade) she had alot of hair missing at times. So kids would say stuff. Over the summer We workd very hard on this. She thought that her scalp would hurt when the hair grew bk threw the scabs. In  the middle of the summer everything came together and she let her hair grow. We decided not to put her bk in that elmentary school because we wanted dd to be able to start fresh and make friends without anyone knowing that. dd was so excitied that nobody would know her. So we started in 4th grade at new school. It was going really good until we decided to lower dose of meds and she started making this sound with her nose and sniffing really loudly. She came home in a bad mood and her planner was filled with behavioral comments. So we are having the same yr like last. Our other girls 10 and 7 they go to Imagine Charter School. So I talked to principal about how could we accommandate dd if she were to attend next yr. That school is very structurd. From their uniform to how they walk in a line in the hallway. They are very big on postive incentives. 88% of Adhd students thrive their. It's not a special school for Adhd kids. But they understand how to teach for all types of kids. I could go on for hrs about that school. My point is dd is going to start fresh in that school. Again shes super excitied. We can't predict that it will go ok. We can only hope. The one thing that is great is that they do not make the kids sit for 6 hrs and pay attention. They usually have 3 different teachers for all grades and make the kids change classes (in a very uniform line). They are going to put dd in a classrm where she only has one teacher all day. So not much change will happen. We only have a 504 plan. And every 20 mins or so they have the kids moving around the room filling out their education passports (its like stations). And they have PE, music and art (which is her favorite) everyday.Also, every student has a intervention teacher the whole class sees for 30 mins everyday.The kids can talk about their day or concerns they have, or questions they were to afraid to ask in class about classwork or start their hmwk. They do it this way so they do not single one kid out to pull them out for an intervention. We just didn't know how she would do in such a different setting like this.

I'm not sure where you are at but they have Imagine Charter Schools alot of places. It's a free school. You just apply.

Or you could try and change her school so she could have a fresh start.

We didn't want to change in the middle of the yr. So when we told her to got accepted (we made a huge deal about it) She was thrilled.

Im sorry for rambling. My husband took all the kids to the park. And my house is empty. Im just enjoying being able to listening to quietness.

Hope some of this helped and good luck

 

I've read so many posts about kids with ADHD and friends (or lack of).  Being an adult, I have the same problems.  Granted, I may not act like a child but I think sometimes my enthusiasm, eagerness, excitement of something can scare people away.  I make inappropriate comments which I almost always immediately realize was not the right thing to say but how many times can one apologize???  I am a good listener and very compassionate but i think some people may think that i'm being intrusive, in their face, wanting to know their business.  but it's because i really do care.  my closest friends understand all that but when i'm making new friends, it's really hard.  my therapist had me read a couple books (i haven't even finished the first one and I already don't feel like reading the second one) on friendships and how to make/keep them.  there's just too many tips to remember them when i'm in a situation.  i can't whip out a book and say wait a minuted, i have to read how i'm supposed to react to that comment/situation.  people would think i'm nuts!

my point is that the whole friendship thing is not just a childhood problem.  i've always had problems making/keeping friends.  also another thing to keep in mind is that kids will drift from friend to friend throughout their school years.  but trust me, i know that pain of rejection all too well.  i suffered a lot of rejection from peers and family alike when i was a kid because of my ADHD.  it's better today but i really have to work at it.
The schools we could change her to are very small and I fear if shunned
there it would even be worse. There is one girl in her troop that actually
called her for a playdate (the 1st that happened) but unfortunately we were
busy. I think I'll try to promote that friendship. How about a girls
sleepover, with about 5 girls. Maybe that would help form a bond to a
group.Regarding the Girl Scout friends not treating her well:  I'm a Girl Scout leader and had a girl in my troop who was in danger of being shunned because of her behavior.  We worked in many of the patches and activities having to do with inclusion of all girls/diabilities/bullying ect. All of those topics are in the Girl Scout books. We talk about every Girl Scout being a sister to other Girl Scouts.  I can see the positive changes in all the girls.  We find creative ways to break the cliques during meetings in positive ways. Girl Scouts may be the perfect place for your daughter if the troop supports her.  Hope that helps.

To kjl2691:  I read your post and laughed out loud.  We may have been twins separated at birth. I too sometimes scare people with my outgoing behavior and say things impulsively. 

People tell me how funny and energetic I am BUT in my head I say that they only like me because they are only with me for short periods of time.  I think that I'm exhausting to be around for longer periods of time.  Maybe that is because of the messages I received from my husband (now divorced) and the fact that I exhaust myself sometimes.    

The up side?  While my daughter was being diagnosed with ADHD they asked us to answer questions about ourselves and other family members as ADHD can be inherited.  I recognize some ADHD in myself and have tried medications and therapy.  I realize that this is who I am and I can chose to change some of my own behaviors and thought processes as they make my life harder.  Only in this way can I help guide my daughter.  On the other hand there are many good things about ADHD and I try to celebrate those.

What I am trying to learn and teach my daugher: I believe we were born as hunters into a farmers world.  There isn't anything WRONG with us...we are just wired different. 

Sorry if I rambled....this was theraputic.  Thank you for your post.