Mornings are hell---help! | ADHD Information

DS7 is on 30 mg Daytrana & 5 mg Guanfacine (2 at night & 3 in the morning).  Our mornings are getting worse & worse every day & I end up with stress headaches & regret by the time I get to work, I need a change & I'm not sure what else to try.  We've already made the change of hubby getting him up, dressed, breakfast and some days he even has time to help him brush his teeth.  Literally the only job I have w/him is to get him to put his shoes on & get him out the door and it falls apart every time.  We also have a 4 yr old who is falling into a pattern of learning his brother's bad behavior.  The problem we are having is that no matter what I request for them to do, no matter what tone I use, how nicely I ask, say please....I get arguing, stomping & whining.  This continues until I am at the boiling point & blow my top, literally screaming at them...that is when they listen.  I hate myself for losing it like I do, they are just kids & deserve a mommy that is patient and nice, not a sreaming maniac that can't keep her cool.  This has become a pattern that is repeated every morning even tho I tell myself every morning when I get up, "I'm going to do it right today.  Have patience, don't yell, try a different approach".  But when the time comes, I lose it.  I feel like I've tried everything, nickel jar (similar to marble approach), sticker chart for first time listening, timers, making a game or race out of it...they do not listen to me.  At this point in the morning DS7 is not fully medicated so that is part of his problem but somehow we still need to get this problem under control and I'm at my wits end.  Any suggestions?  I am really in need of help.  Hubby is tired of hearing about horrible mornings and we end up arguing about it.  He doesn't have the trouble I do.  Help!!

Our mornings on the weekend are hellatious, to say the least. My son is the one who added the H in adHd!!

The ONLY reason that they are not on school days is that my husband gives our son his meds an hour before our son has to get up. This way when DS gets up he is medicated. Otherwise all hell brakes lose. Weekends I just deal with it.

Try medicating earlier so that when he wakes up to get up, the meds have kicked in.

I work early so my husband has the weekday morning routine. I take over on weekends, etc.

I also find DS has gotten worse in this department as he has gotten older. His afternoons when the meds wear off can be quite a trip as well. He yells and screams on the x-box with his buddies while playing, totally over stimulated, etc.

He can turn it off when told to, he just needs the re -directing and reminding.

I can't wait for the H to eventually become a slower h, not sure if or when, but it sure would be nice!!

All good suggestions, some I've considered.  Our son also has SPD so I've often wondered if the yelling is what truly gets thru, it's almost like even tho he can hear me just fine, the trigger to actually get moving isn't present unless it's loudly addressed.  As it is we get him up at 6:30am to get meds & eat, this is a whole hour before we actually leave.  He's usually done w/everything by 7am and then has 1/2 hour to play with the dog or be lazy.  I've recently thought about getting him up at 6am to do meds and let him go back to sleep until 7, then do breakfast & get dressed, which allows no down time.  It's possible that hour of extra rest while meds kick in could help out.  He does act differently with my DH but he is more relaxed & can overlook the defiant behavior & turn it into a game & make it fun, most times he has the patience to do that.  I, on the other hand, do not have the patience for it (I am not a morning person & with two kids to get ready & out the door along w/myself...it's all about the schedule).  Hubby & I will talk over some of these suggestions.  Ultimately I'm going to have to make some changes myself too, but whatever changes we make, hopefully they work!

You said your husband gets him up, dressed etc. Does he have the same problems?  I'm just asking because maybe he has some techniques that he can share that will help.  With my son, I notice that he acts up in the mornings more with me than with my husband. I think it's because my husband is just naturally more consistant and structured than I am.  I'm more laid back which seems to work just fine when my son is fully medicated but in the mornings before it kicks in he needs my husband's strict no "BS" attitude.  And just like you, I try every morning to be better and more "rigid" and structured without losing my temper but it's very hard because it's not as natural to me!

Also, maybe your husband could put the patch on him before he actually wakes up to get it in his system earlier.  If that makes it wear off too early in the day maybe a booster dose in the afternoon would help? 

How's his sleep? Get him to bed earlier so he can get up earlier and you'll
have more time. Though, if I really want my son to move and get
everything done, I get him up late. He can do everything in 10 minutes if
he has too, and he's not awake enough to give me any lip.

One thing that helped with my child was to make a visual chart - basically
a set of posters - of what he needed to do in order. It was a strange
decorating option, but it worked for him.

As for yelling - my son has a sensory integration order, and I finally
realized that he literally needed me to yell in order for him to hear me.
That helped me tremendously. Then I could yell, but not be angry when I
did it. It made all the difference. I yell, get my son's attention, and he
does what he needs to. Believe it or not, there is no tension despite the
volume.

It's annoying, but if you get radical, throw out what's "supposed to"
happen and go with what works, and accept that it. Ask him what he
wants to be responsible for in the morning. Tell him you'll give him the
chance to do it. Give him a week, give him a chart, give him reminders,
then celebrate when he succeeds.

I know I'm making this sound too simple. But it can be easier if stop
forcing the issue.I have the same result with volume. I didn't realize it until my second son was born. He is the one with Down syndrome and he also has a hearing loss. I found myself hollering EVERYTHING so that he could hear, even without his hearing aids. Oddly enough, my older son also responded better to the increase in volume.

I also don't ask any more. I don't really use "manners" with my son. I used to think he'd never learn how to be polite if I didn't treat him with the same courtesy that I use with others. I've since then learned that short, simple commands work better than requests.

I also find it works best if I let him sleep in until 30 minutes before departure time. That leaves only enough time to dress, eat, and head out the door. No tv, computer or nintendo...just get ready and go! Of course, we have a 15 minute drive to school, so that also allows for a nice transition before getting to school.

The school bus just didn't work for us. He was so keyed up by the time he got to school that he couldn't get his head on straight for the first hour of the day. Even when I drive him to school he spends the first 30 minutes or so getting used to the transition. Luckily, this year, he has a teacher that understands and has allowed him a little time before needing to buckle down and get to work.

I truly hope you figure out a solution that works for you. The "mean" yelling voice used to make more frequent appearances in our home, but has slowly disappeared. My son doesn't seem to notice one way or the other, but I sure do. I'm a much happier person now that I've got a handle on my own emotional response to his attitude. I'm sure you'll get there too!! I have had the same problems! On school days I get my son up about 15 minutes before the bus comes, he is only 6 so this works well for us but what I do is I get him out of bed (physically have to help him up and downstairs), I give him his meds, get him dressed and take him to the bus stop....Saves me a headache every morning and saves him from getting in trouble! He eats at school and by the time he gets there (after napping on the bus) he is calmed down and ready to start his day. On the weekends, he is on daytrana patch and I give it to him about an hour or so before he wakes up and that makes a huge difference as well! Good luck!When my ds was using Daytrana, I used to put it on about 2 hours before he
woke up. It takes a while to "kick in". At least in our case, it took a
minimum of 2 hours.

Now, ds takes Concerta 54mg. in the morning with a short acting Ritalin (5-
10mg) to help him get together before school.

Mornings are tough for everyone, hang in there.