Hi, your son sounds similar to my son who is also 8 yrs old. My son has ADHD and has only been on med's for about 4 months. All those year's of knowing my son wasn't your "average" child and just thinking he was downright cheeky, disobedient etc..........never in my wildest dreams did I even consider ADHD unitl I read a book on it and that was my son exactly. My son also like's to make deals and feel's the need to have the last say. Tonight he asked if he could go to bed late 9pm (Saturday night) and I said "No, usual time at 8.30pm" and my son say's "How about 8.45pm?" This applie's to almost everything and it is so frustrating.........I just wish when I said something, he'd say "OK Mum" I was interested in reading the part you mentioned about "destructive" behaviour as my son does some strange things too which I consider "destructive". My son has a fairly new school jacket which he's hardly worn and a few day's ago I noticed there is a sharp cut on the hem like done iwht scissors. Of course, my son denie's any knowledge of this. For the past 6 months of school my son has shredded all the tops of his socks.....I think he pull's a thread but there are hole's in them too. I bought a few more pair's but have given up now and he has to wear the ruined one's or buy more himself. Thereagain, he tried to deny any knowledge of this too. At school last year all his pencils, rubbers etc.........that I bought for him were snapped in half. Does anybody know if this is related to ADHD and if it can get worse? My son continually picks at any sores on him and they bleed and get real bad but he keeps doing it. Me and my hubby are always second guessing the way we handle things relating to my son BUT we are in the process of holding a family meeting and all putting in idea's about "rules" around the house and what is expected of them etc.......I am going to try the "marble" system........if you see the first email on the list there is alot of info on this and it is suppose to be good. This board is a great place for advice and just seeing that others are in similar (if not the same) position. Take care and good luck. Tarina.
We have the defiant/argumentative/negotiating behavior too.. we have had some success with a modified marble system. DS, age 7, gets marbles if he does what we say the first time without argument. Once he gets 100 marbles we translate that into a previously agreed upon treat or money.
If I ask him to do something and he doesn't do it.. I simply say "that was a missed opportunity for you to earn a marble". I think they simply get into the habit of saying NO and they have to learn the habit of saying yes and obeying the first time.
For our DS, this system or any other behavior plan did not work when his ADHD was completely unmedicated. Although, he is still unable to take stimulants due to the side effects...he is taking Tenex and it seems to be helping turn his motor down. Focusing on only one behavior at a time works the best!
Good Luck!
hello, let me start by saying that i have an 8 yr old son with ADHD. He was diagnosed at 4, and has been on concerta for 3 years. The main reason for the medication was so he could focus at school, and it has really worked in his case, he is going to be mainstreamed next year into a regular 3rd grade class.
for the most part i have taken each day , day by day, trying to not let his behavior overwhelm me. he constantly wants to control things at home, (ie food consumption, when he does homework, when he takes baths, etc etc) and for the most part its hasnt been a big issue to let him have some say in his daily activities, but i think in the long run it makes things harder on everyone. he constantly tries to make deals and i just want to throw my arms up and give up! with the constant question in my mind "why cant he just do what he is told??" i realize this is my fault, and with a child with his special needs it is now apparent you cant give him an inch, cause he will take a mile. i am contantly struggling to find a happy medium with discipline for day to day. im constantly at odds with what is right and wrong in his case. i really dont want to make any mistakes with my son.
he has some destructive behavior, and i try to channel his creativity, but i find alot of ripped up clothing and paper from time to time, i try to teach him that this is not the right way, and now on top of it, hes forcing his nose to bleed. the other night he made his nose bleed to avoid dinner, so finaly after sending him to bed with no dinner (he refused to eat and there was blood everwhere) he broke the blinds by his bed. and today his teacher informed me he was making his nose bleed at school also... im confused and lost here!
any feedback or information that could lead me to the right way, i would love to know.. thank you for the time you took to read this
have a great day
cawseimablonde,
I know exactly what you mean about him constantly wanting to control everything! My son is the same way! I think it's because he feels so out-of-control most of the time that it's comforting to him to control things around him. The most important thing I've learned is to chose my battles. I let him control the things that don't really matter and I make sure to only say "No" when I really mean "No". What I mean by that is if it really doesn't matter, it's better to just let him control it from the beginning than to say "No" and have him ask 100 times and finally give in.
Let me give an example: If my son says "Mommy, I want to sit in your seat for dinner tonight" my first impulse is to just say "No" but then I firgure out that it's really important to him (for some reason) and wish I had said yes because it really doesn't matter. So the simple answer is just say yes from the beginning when you can but mean it when you say "No" and make sure you back it up!
The destructive behavior and making his nose bleed may be anxiety. Have you talked to the doc about this? How is the Concerta working for him? Do you think the meds may need some adjustment? My son has anxiety and stimulants make it worse so he takes Tenex to help with it. I would definitely talk to the doctor about it. It may be something that can be helped with a medication adjustment.
Your son sounds like mine. He is so impulsive. He has snipped his sheets, takes apart electronic equipment (which is already trashed) and leaves the parts around his room, go on a bike ride and be told he can't stop and he does and I have to go look for him, and is argumentative about everything he wants. We have been trying hard showing him the consequences and it helps somewhat. He will not do that behaviour again, but another one will show up. It is an every day challenge. My son is 10 and tonight he peed on a neighbors curb because he couldn't hold it in - we only live two house away. Thankfully no one saw him. I am exhausted with not being able to trust him and him not having any friends. I am constantly told maturity would help. I worry his impulses will get the best of him come middle school!!