concerned mother & grandmother | ADHD Information

Help!  My grandson was diagnosed over a year ago as severe ADHD.  The problem is that his mother is ADD/ADHD also.  So, we have someone who is disorganized, unstructured, etc.  trying to raise a child who has the same issues.  Without going into a lot of details-- meds are not given consistently; no routine for getting up, homework, chores, getting to school on time, etc.; no discipline structure; etc.; etc.; etc. 

Mom has mentioned that she needs some parenting classes.  where can we find such things?  what are some other ideas that can help mom?

how involved should we as grandparents be?

How old is your grandson?

I would consult the pediatrician. If he is diagnosed and prescribed medication, a professional is involved there.

We attended early intervention, however, at age 3, you age out and end up in another program, depending on the disability.

I would start with the pediatrician. Or call your Children's hospital, but I still think the pediatricians office can direct you!

I hope this helps!

grandson is 7, just completing first grade.

ADHD was diagnosed by Psychologist, then meds prescribed by Pediatrician

 

I would contact his pediatrician. They can refer your daughter to parenting classes and assist where she needs help.

why won't mom take meds to help her help her children?

Hi,

When our DS went to his child psychologist..he made several suggestions regarding behavioral modification plans, etc.  These plans and instructions were for us to implement..because he said DS wouldn't be able to modify his behavior until age 10 +.  If your grandson is seeing a psychologist, he or she would probably be able to consult with your daughter about a structured day, healthy diet, positive discipline, what to hold your GS accountable for, etc.  Ours did..we are still going and working through trial and error behavior plants, etc.  Good luck!

Mom needs medication and non-ADHD Dad needs to give it to her every morning. Then everything will fall into place.

agree. but it ain't happ'ning

given the continuing situation, what are your suggestions?

Dear compbaker,

I am also a mother who is undiagnosed and unmedicated. I appreciate any and all help that I can get. I have built a somewhat structured routine over the last few years, but I am anywhere from perfect. I have the school help me as much as possible.

My son receives his noon-time meds at school, and I'm sure your grandson's school nurse could give him his meds first thing when he gets there. Honestly, kids are very adaptable but it is helpful to have meds in order to focus at school.

If there isn't abuse occurring at home due to his ADHD behaviors (because we all know how ADHD can drive a person crazy), then all he really needs help with is the school day. A 24 hour med given first thing at school would be ideal.

Could you be the advocate for your grandson? If I were you I would at least suggest this option to your daughter. I know that I get a bit defensive of my parenting skills, but I am equally appreciative of any help I am offered.

Parenting classes just didn't work for me, because I already knew how to be a more structured parent (I read a lot of the books and took the classes). But, ADHD can sometimes get in the way of following through on those great ideas and techniques. The simpler the implementation, the easier it is to follow.

Rather than trying to change the mother's behaviors, I would try and find a solution that fits her skills. Are mornings her best time, or is she more capable in the evenings? I'm not so great in the morning until I have coffee, but I've gotten pretty good at handling an evening routine (bedtime at 8:00pm no matter what).

Just like with my son, I only tried to change one thing at a time and take that change one step at a time. Once I had a bedtime routine down pat, I started to work on a lunch time routine...and so forth. I don't think those without ADD can understand how difficult it can be to build schedules and stick with them.

Keep in mind that having ADD your whole life leads to self-esteem issues. To be criticized can lead to outbreaks of anger. If your daughter feels that way, you need to "walk on eggshells" when presenting your worries. Make sure to emphasize that you are not being critical of her, but that you "heard" that meds could (should?) be given at school for consistency.

It might not be true, exactly, but it will ease her burden and your anxieties at the same time. If she isn't sensitive, then just go ahead and ask her if you can be the school liaison. You would then be the one they call when issues arise.

I hope this has helped. If not, feel free to PM me with any exact questions. I'm always happy to try and help.

Then I would suggest that mom take 2000 mg daily of high EPA fish oil, magnesium, and vitamin B complex.

And if money is available, hire an ADHD coach for a few months. If money is not available, focus on what organizational tools you can provide.

I'll just toss some ideas out there. A multi-paper rack that hangs on the wall, labeled appropriately, for homework. A holder for core medications on the dining room table. An alarm specifically for those medications that goes off at the same time every day. A hook for school backpacks. Create a simple morning list spreadsheet that the child checks off (brush teeth, get dressed, feed dog, brush hair) and make a bunch of copies and place them in a central location with a pencil. Call and talk to your grandchild every Friday night and ask if he set his alarm for school; have him to it while you are on the phone. Give the school nurse ten extra pills and your email for when she runs out. Give mom the 1-2-3 Magic book in CD version and put in it in CD changer in her car (child discipline).

I live with three ADHD people (I call it ADHD Land). I spend a huge portion of my time keeping them organized and on track. This is an unrelenting huge undertaking.Jessica N40336.8584837963