No excuses to my name | ADHD Information

I remember when I was on maternity leave and we couldn't even afford to
order a pizza. It felt like college days again! Maybe you could make a
budget that allows for some small splurges once per week. It seems your
doing better with the spending and I know with myself, if I don't allow
myself to splurge a little, then I completely give up. Maybe you could agree
with your sister to take 0.00 of your parents money and give it to her to
put in a "rainy day" fund each month, like when your muffler goes bad or
something. If you never need it, you could always give it back or buy them
something nice with it.
You should check on watching shows on you computer. I THINK many
shows are available that way.    mamamia - thank you for your suggestions.  i hadn't thought about the rainy day fund but i'm sure my sister would think of it.  but right now, saving is just not an option.  we just haven't gotten to that point yet.  but thank you for replying.  often i come here, post something and get nothing.  so thanks for writing. How contradictory.  I seem to have every excuse under the sun for every situation.  I try to rationalize every behavior and will "explain" why I did this or didn't do that.  I have a difficult time trying to figure out what the REASON is and not just excuse it away.  I get put on the defensive a lot.  I think that's part of my ADHD nature.  To admit that I've done something wrong is too much so I make an excuse to make myself look better or to make the error not so large in the other person's eyes.

lately, my sister has been helping me cut costs and to watch my budget.  i have made some excuses for some purchases but it's all a learning process.  i didn't NEED that box of candy.  but i also haven't been 100% open with her.  she thinks i could do away with cable tv and after many reasons (which are probably all just excuses to hide my fears) I told her I'd give it serious thought. she thinks cable tv is a nicity, not a necessity.  she even suggested to get rid of it for the summer to see how it goes. (wouldn't they have a reconnect fee later?)  Well, I woke up this morning and said out loud to myself, "I just can't do that right now."  To not have any tv or even just to get one of those boxes and have just 10 channels is just too much for me right now.  i would be extremely bored and i would maybe eat more (and i'm already overweight).  i think i would become more depressed and agitated. i wouldn't have a clue what to do with that time.  reading, cleaning, exercising - there's only so much of that one can do.  yes, it's true, i probably watch too much tv but it's my only source of entertainment, my only escape.  it's what i do. Because I can't get rid of the tv right now, does it mean that i'm unwilling to change my ways? does all this sound like excuses?  I can't even tell. i want to make sacrifices to improve things but i just don't know how. I have learned a lot by going through this process with my sister.  i've learned that i eat out way too much.  i've learned that i can't shop at the fancy grocery stores no matter what the urge.  i've learned that there are things i can still do to cut costs.  and i'm one step closer to cutting up and closing out those credit cards (once the last is paid).  i opted out of going to seattle yesterday so i could drive halfway there to see a long time friend (saving on gas) so i've made some gains.

i haven't been open with my sister about something also.  I have G in student debt.  for the past two and a half years, my parents were paying the monthly payment (until the house sold).  well, just about two months before the house sold (the closing was just a few weeks ago), i realized that this is MY debt and MY responsibility and i told them that "I" was going to take over and how much I appreciated their help, etc.  Just prior to that email, my dad had said something like "we have some ideas about how to handle the student loans".  I had come up with the real solution - MY bill, MY responsibility.  Well, just after the house closed, my dad sent me another email and he said that they wanted to help with the loan payment and wanted to give me 0/month towards it.  It was difficult but I accepted.  Not because I'm greedy but because my parents obviously wanted to do this. Maybe they're thinking "you can't take it with you" attitude.  They're approaching 80 years old.  Who knows. Sometimes I have a hard time accepting help because I want so badly to be independent.  So, I didn't tell my sister that they're helping me with this.  I don't want her to be resentful that they're helping me yet again.  do i tell her and hope that it doesn't cause any disharmony?  i want to be honest with my sister about my spending but i don't know how to tell her this.  So, I didn't tell her about the cheese, popcorn and chili powder i got yesterday.  Based on what i've told her,she thinks i only have to get me to June 11th (next payday) but the reality is once that deposit from parents is made, I'll have another 0.  I'm not sure how to tell her this.

i'm open to any suggestions.