ADHD and preteen hormones | ADHD Information

Hi everyone. I am new to this forum, and clearly here to find some peace of mind. ADHD has so much shame attached to it making it difficult to talk to friends and other parents. I hope this forum brings me some peace, as I do feel I am drowning. My son is 11, and was finally diagnosed with ADHD combined (impulsive, inattentive) last fall. Started meds, switched, blah blah blah. We have noticed ADHD symptoms since 1st grade, but teachers wouldn't help, peds wouldn't touch him since school wouldn't give him MFE tests because he's a straight A student. Finally we got somewhere last summer, but now we are undoing all the damage of years of yelling and frustration that I feel has pushed him further down. Meds were working well in the beginning, had problems, then we switched to a different one. He's DEFINITELY having hormone issues, which I understand can affect the meds. He started on Concerta, then we switched to Vyvance. I felt the vyvance was making him more impulsive/angry, he was getting to trouble at school, biting his nails alot and his clothes, and said he has a hard time remembering names. I guess I could go on and on, and I'm just hoping this sounds familiar to someone because I need help. He's consumed my thoughts for so many years, I'm exhausted and spend most evenings in tears, and I just want him to be happy and have friends. Anyone with me?I know how you feel. Other's can make you feel like it's you doing a lousy job parenting or they just sort of sit there and don't say anything.. which is worse! LOL

Maybe try treating his mood issue by itself? Usually they say treat the most problematic symptom. My nine year old has adhd and a mood disorder. He does very well in school and doesn't have any bahvior issues with adults at school. Home is a wayyy different story. Nightmare at times. My day goes down the tubes once that bus rolls up im sorry to say. I'm going talk to my sons doctor about starting the mood med and leave the adhd alone. He's got major anxiety anyways and Im just so nervous that the stim meds will make it worse. So maybe consider talking to his dctr about dealing with that one issue first and only for now?? Good luck.

My son is turning 13 in a few weeks. We see a psychopharmacologist for his meds. This doctor is great. He has been with us from the beginning of meds. We tried lots, but concerta was best. You HAVE to work the dosing before changing meds. What dose was your son on when you switched?

Also, what about trying tenex/guanfacine to the med? My son is on both concerta AND tenex (guanfacine - generic form) since the beginning. He is on 104mgs of concerta and only 1 mg of tenex. It works like a charm for him. The tenex helps smooth everything over, it relaxes him and that is what it is supposed to do.

Anxiety is very common with adhders, as well as depression due to low self esteem. Your son is probably starting puberty which also can change the meds working for them.

Have you heard of sensory intergration? I think you describe some signs like biting fingers and chewing on shirt. My son is also sensory and was diagnosed when he was 2.

Your son sounds overwhelmed and maybe going through a lot of anxiety.

Are you happy with the med he is currently on? I wonder if something else could help him.

Also, have you had the school evaluate him yet? He can be a straight A student but have learning disabilities. Schools don't want to spend $, especially if they are getting great grades, but your child is probably ready to break.

You need to put in writing a request for THEM to evaluate your son. He may also be able to receive Occupational therapy for his sensory. How is his penmanship? We also sought out OT's privately. My son is also speech delayed.

I know I am throwing a lot out at you, but there is help. I also think that the tenex may make things even better for him, but I am not a doctor. I am just a mother of a child who has been where you are.

I hope this is of some help. Please ask any questions.

oh boy!

I can relate to the preteen hormone/ADHD combo and the ignorant comments from others!

My oldest is impulsive, fidgety and a little rough sometimes.... very typical ADHD, heavy on the H! Well, my brother in law has two "angel babies", calm, quiet and oh so gentle. When the cousins play, the brother in law always looks at my son with shock and disgust. He has made comments about him being out of control, and tried to give me parenting advice!!! I fume! I think my ADHD boy has way more personality and charisma than his little android children! (okay that last comment was harsh, but they are very boring in comparison to my chatty young tornado!)

As far as the hormones are concerned, I'm still shaking in my boots as to what that will bring. My husband is ADHD that has never been medicated. School was torture, high school was the last straw and he dropped out. As an adult he had to chose his 9-5 career very carefully to find something he could be successful at... he is an excellent hydraulics mechanic, all self-taught.

The husband doesn't recognise the madication as being helpful at all and he wants our son OFF OF IT! Sounds great in theory, but I'm afraid it will make school even harder than it already is for my son.

I am also new here to the forum - came looking because I need to be able to vent with some parents who get this...my son has been on/off meds since he was in Kinder and just finished 7th grade - about to turn 13. So I'm not new to the subject of ADHD - I've done quite a bit of self-education on the subject over the years - especially as pertains to meds vs non-medicating strategies. We try to take a med break in the summer to allow him to have energy to really play during the day and also to have a real appetite and get a growth spurt in from the extra nutrition he consumes.

This summer has me throwing in the towel by the end of week 2 (and turning to a glass of wine when he finally goes to bed at night)! His sister is 10 and there is nothing but fighting and he seems to find nothing better in life than to spend the entire day pushing her buttons and aggravating us just for something to do...in addition to figuring out that I seem quite at the end of myself to find an effective way of disciplining him. I have the guilty feeling of wanting to put him back on the meds just so the rest of us can have some peace, but that feels so wrong. I certainly don't want him to think we only like him when he's on meds...but his moods are horrible on the rest of us. Now that we are at that cusp of teenage years, it is hard to say - is this his ADHD or is it normal almost-13yo boy behavior that I have to get through? (I work in a preschool and really not fond of "normal" teenagers in the first place - ha ha)

I have to say I'm reading about Tenex here and never heard of it...so maybe I will go research that a bit and maybe that could be an answer. He doesn't really need to focus in the summer...so maybe just a mood stabilizer, if that is what that is, is the answer...

Is there anyone out there that has been through the pre-teen years with some encouragement?
[QUOTE=BETHANN]

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How does one go about finding a psychopharmacologist? I've never even heard the term. But my son is also about to turn 13 and it may be time for us to look into someone besides just his pedi that he's been getting prescriptions from for the last 5 years.

Hi cat40,

We were referred by our pediatrician back when we began the med journey. My son was turning 7 at the time and is very H.

Our pediatrician was "man" or should I say "doctor" enough to admit that this isn't is field of specialty and sent us to a doctor where all of this is his speciality.

My pediatrician doesn't know all these meds like our psychopharm and our psychopharm can help with broken bones, etc like our ped. - two different fields of speciality.

Our psychopharm knows all the meds out there and believe me there are tons, he also knows that you will never know unless you try. He is the one who started our son on guanfacine in addition to concerta back in 2004.

It helps control our son's impulsiveness and relax him and calm him down. He needs BOTH concerta and guanfacine.

Your son is my son's age. There is puberty, peer pressure going on I bet. Also I have a daughter age 11. My son and she fight as well. Typical sibling stuff. It is frustrating, especially working full time, as I do as well.

I really recommend using a pschopharmacologist. Call your ped for a referral.

My son is medicated 24/7. He has adhd 24/7.

Hey Aniko, Trixiecat, how has the summer been for your family and boys? School starts for us in a few weeks, how about you?

dirtyboymom, Welcome! It is so nice to have you here on these boards. I keep reading your posts because we are involved with similar subject matters here.

With school starting soon, the boards will start to fill up with posts!

Hope all is well!!

Bethann, thanks for thinking about me. My summer has been just okay. The last couple of weeks have been hard with bad decision making, negotiating and some lying of minor issues. We had a doctors appointment yesterday to renew prescriptions and I started crying (which isn't like me) because it is so overwhelming sometimes. My husband travels alot for his job so everything is on me. It is hard sometimes to like your child when you wake up to the negotiating and the fighting with his sister (which is normal for alot of families). So I have been in a bad, on edge mood which isn't good. And then to top it off, everything he is involved in seems to need extra work (writing tutor, I tutor him in math, hebrew school extra studying, baseball camp, etc. ) all to keep him up to speed because things don't come easy or naturally to him. You all know how it is...it gets overwhelming. What is weird though is I am not chomping at the bit to get him back in school. It will be good in one aspect because I work from home part-time and it has been difficult to do my job with the kids here when they aren't in camp, but I am hoping that the neighbor who was making fun of him last year on the bus and telling stories about him that weren't true, has stopped all of her nonsense (that is a whole another story).

I think the bottom line is that I would have enjoyed my summer a little bit more if I could just take the kids more places and have fun (and forget about work). That isn't reality though because you can't do that every day. I need to lighten up more and find a way to take the edge off of my feelings. And I need to work on seeing the glass half full, versus half empty. My son could be alot worse off and I need to realize it is going to take a long time to see changes on each little thing we are working on.

I hope you had a good summer. Let me know it is going for you. It helps to hear what everyone else is going through to get ideas and just to not feel alone. When does school start for you? We start August 30th.

trixiecat40410.1871064815

We live a VERY similar life, in more ways than you realize.

Kids will know who is telling the truth and who isn't when it comes to that "crap" - but they will also chose to ignore it and follow the liar, that has also been our experience.

Our children will grow up and be fine adults. They will also be assets to society. They have been through so, so much in their early years, more than they should have to. It will make them strong, and compassionate.

Keep doing what you are doing, and stick around here, it helps keep us strong!

Hi Bethann,

Thanks for your thoughtful reply to my post. We have had him tested, but they wouldn't do the MFE because of his grades being high. The other tests (BASC and can't remember the other) were a joke. His teachers results compared with mine looked like we were talking about 2 different kids. He starts jr. high this fall, and I'm terrified for him. Currently we are on vacation at Myrtle Beach, and we tried 1 day with no meds. It was a rough day....he had to make a sound at all times and for lack of a better word, was a spaz all day. His sisters had to tell him countlesstimes to stop doing things, and it seemed he'd forget what he said 2 seconds after he said it...same goes for things we'd say. My husband and I actually whispered to each other that he seemed like he was Autistic--no disrespect. We seriously were freaking out at what we were observing. When he wasn't spazzing out, he looked just lost in his own world in the car. If there was something that interested him, he come back to earth. But once he was bored or alone, he'd check out. Today we did meds again in the a.m. Spaz was gone, but anger and frustration returned. Had a hard time engaging in spontaneous fun, swimming, etc. Could just be that he's tired from a long day in the sun yesterday thought too. It's all just so confusing...what's normal, what's not. Am I the one who needs the meds? Am I just an impatient mother? I feel very lost and alone--and mostly sad for my son's suffering. I will check with our doc about tenex. We're scheduled with a new psych/md when we get back. He's someone new and I'm PRAYING that we like him and he can help. Thanks for helping me to feel not so quite alone.

Please mention ALL your concerns and observations. They could very well be due to bordom/no meds, exhausted from the heat, etc. Who knows.

I also wonder that after you mentioned you gave him his meds but the anger came back, is the med he is on the correct dosage OR the correct med?

Also mention this to the prescribing doctor.

My son can't handle adderall XR and family. It makes him angry, aggitated, etc - no good words.

He is on the concerta/ritalin family.

This is quite common, I don't believe people can handle either, but I am not sure.

Double check on the meds.

You bring up austistic, which is serious, BUT don't you think by age 13 even teachers would have noticed "something" - I do. They have him all those hours each day, five days a week. They would notice but mention this as well. It sure can't hurt!

Be thorough when you get back. I think there is alot going on and we can accept the excuses for the behavior.

My son would be lost without his computer and video games on vacation. So we would deal with stuff as well.

Bethann,

I have switched between vyvance and concerta. He's about 119 lbs. and had 40 mg. or concerta 36 mg. I think the vyvance is a bad pick for him and the lower dose of it didn't do anything. I like concerta, but we were still having issues. Maybe the dosage on that needs to be adjusted or something different added to it. I have given him 5 mg. of ritalin in the afternoon to get him thru in the event of a later night/get togethers, but I can't say that it makes much difference.

This vacation is helpful in that my husband is able to see what I see during the day and we're trying to communicate what we both observe. I have been keeping a log the last few months, so I hope that serves us well. I agree that autism would have certainly been caught by now. It's the first day we watched him without meds since last summer, and it just floored to see how he was. We have 2 younger girls that are so easy-going and happy go lucky. The stark contrast, especially on vacation, is sometimes tough to take.

How do you discipline your son? What do let go and resign to adhd, and what do you hold him accountable for?

My son has been medicated since he was shy of 7. We were lucky, by working hard and consistent, we found the right med and kept an eye on the dose level.

He is a good kid, honestly. He is shy, quiet, easily embarassed, and a x-box king. He is an honor student because he cares about his grades, but is totally addicted to video games, computer, etc. He loves electronics. I plan on sending him to a college where he can pursue a career in this field, or engineering.

My son is so sensitive that if he gets in trouble his eyes well up with tears. He really never gets in trouble so i have no unusual discipline except taking away his electronics, sending him to his room.

I am completely and thoroughly compassionate to his adhd. I accept it but feel so bad for him not having any control over it when his meds where off. It is totally neurological and he didn't ask for it, it was passed down through the gene line.

My son is also speech delayed but has been lucky with no real problem with kids. He has been bullied but has enough friends now to nip that. He also spent his entire elementary school years excluded due to snobs, and labeling.

I am very sensitive myself and feel horrible for what my son has been through. I have posted incidents over the years here on this board and other boards and have been consoled.

Finding the right dosage is just as important as finding the right med. Keep trying and you will find it because it does exist.

The correct diagnosis is also just as important.

Please keep us updated, as we have all been where you are, at one point or another. So we get it!

I admire your patience and diligence with your son. You were fortunate to start with him at a younger age, although I'm sure those elementary years were tough. My son also has spent the better part of his elementary school years without friends or plans on weekend, and shunned by kids (and parents!) in our neighborhood. It's been extremely difficult and I wish I had known then what I know now so I could have been consoled as you were . I'm very frustrated with our schools system and the teachers he's had, and also the ped he had at the time. NOBODY would help, and as I said, we just thought we had an unruly kid. I carry SO much guilt about how much we rode him for every little thing because we simply didn't know. Aargh!! We love him so much and I want to see his suffering end--or at least help him to manage.

I can't look back though, and I knew these would not be easy days. I'm comforted by others who are going thru the same--will let you know what happens when we meet the new psych.

Aniko, I am curious how old your son is now. My son is 10 and has no friends or plans for the weekend also. It is so sad to watch because I think he is a good kid deep down. Have you thought how you might have helped him differently? I am just looking for advice.

I just want to add that PARENTS were the worst.

All we did was love him, talk with him, ask him if he was ok. He felt safe telling me what happened at school and then we contacted the school. DS doesn't like to tell nor to have any attention brought on him.

X-box live has been a life saver. He "plays" with kids and talks with them on the live. DS has always been a gamer but this has helped.

He is turning 13 this Sunday and recently has had his first sleepover at our house and friends to go downtown and get lunch/hang out.

I honestly think the live helped him.

DS ALWAYS wanted friends, but had been labeled, etc so unfortunately time healed things.

I too love him so much, and he knows. Everyday he is told this. And he says it back and at times will say "I know".

Keep trying, see if you can get him to open up to you or your husband and then you will know how HE is feeling deep down inside.

Everyone needs at least one friend. I was my son's ONE friend for many many years. We also talked about this as well.

He still loved going to school to learn, which also helped, but social was bad.

Is there anyone, even a cousin, just one friend? If there isn't then that is where you and your husband begin.

I also would sign my son up for after school activities to meet other kids that didn't go to his school. This helped. And he plays football, but hates it. This is his last year. He plays because it makes my husband and I happy.

My son wasn't unruly, just impulsive. But it didn't matter, parents and kids like to blame anyone but themselves. You mean to tell me that your son is the ONLY adhd'er in school - NO WAY! I too have been down this street as well!!

Yes, please keep posting and updating. I have walked in your shoes.

Trixiecat,

My son is 11...he'll be 12 in Dec. Not sure how I could have done things differently. We only got this diagnosis last summer and before that we were just spinning not knowing what was going on with him.We finally understand that there's just some things he can't help. It's not easy to explain to him, but we just try to coach him and give him tools and strategies. The meds helped, but at the moment we're at a crossroads with that. I think he is well liked at school, but he never has plans with anyone. He plays all sports, but we can tell he's not completely focuses. He loves to play football, and the team is great, but because of his self esteem issues, he almost always plays better in the backyard than on gameday. My son is very outgoing, yet sensitive, and likes to be funny. His difficulty is understanding when others have had enough and that is he is now becoming annoying--even when they ask him to stop, he's in a zone with impulsiveness and can't stop. As you might imagine, other kids (and his sisters) don't trust that spending time with him will be fun. So I guess my answer is that we just keep trying. Meds help and coaching, but I tell my son the rest is up to him--we don't want our kids to be vicitims. That is the tough part, and I'm hoping with the right meds, he can use these tools more effectively. I hope that helps...I'm still learning everything, but writing these posts has helped me sort things out and see a pattern. Talk to your son and ask him who he'd really like to spend time with at school and why. Maybe you could call the parent and set it up. My son is a "homebody" and prefers to have kids come to our house. Just tell your son you love him and always will....

My son is 11.5 and was both on Vyvanse which made him angry and aggressive, and now Concerta 72 mg plus we just started Intuniv a long acting guafacine (tenex). We just changed the Intuniv to evenings and it has done wonders for him. His personality is better during the day, his mornings which were a stuggle are no longer. He sleeps better and overall acts better. My son also talks live thru the games on the computer, he wants the XBox. It has taken years to get his meds right and we are still working on dosage issues.

We have sleep overs here at our house so that I can insure that he follows his med routine and eats which is an issue he also has(not from meds) He is not allowed to go to Boy Scout camp on his own, his dad is one of the leaders and usually goes to oversee him, but this summer he, my husband is leading a 2 week boy scout backpacking trip which my son is not old enough and he can't go to the camping part because of his immaturity and inability to take care of himself.

He only has a handful of friends but they are good ones. this was his 1st year of middle school and it was hard to say the least. hoping next year will be better.

I have a 504 for him some people have IEP's (individualized education plan) to help them on the way straight A's or not. but, YOU need the diagnosis to get the help. It lets you get accomodations for him in school that he couldn't get otherwise. but if you find the right med he might not need anything. My son has had straight a's in gifted program but took a dive to c's a b, and 1 A this 1st year of middle school. he sees a therapist every week and a child psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD meds for young people. We also got our own diagnosis as the school would not do anything because of grades either but he was having anxiety in school from the meds not being right and the new situation.

Good luck to you and I advise you to take Bethann,s feedback, she knows alot about this and I respect her fully.

spamula,

Your son sounds nearly identical to mine in every way. We just returned from vacation, and I'm having anxiety as to how the rest of the summer will go. We see a psych for him as parents only next week and then my son will see him the week after that. What do I do between now and then? We have house guests coming in with their kids next week, and I'm bracing myself for the worst. I'm hearing alot about tenex, and am considering some sort of Xbox/gaming system for him. We have the Wii but he only plays that for so long. I also don't like the idea of him spending all summer playing video games. But as it stands, he is unable to be social in an appropriate way right now. My mom has offered for him to stay with her until we can get back on track which is really nice, but not sure the right move. The neighborhood kids have basically shunned him, and one particular "(insert explicative here!)" dad makes my son's life miserable. Meanwhile my 2 younger girls are out playing with everyone with no problem, and this makes my son even more upset, understandably. How much does your son weigh and what were/are his particular ADHD struggles?

The thing about the Xbox is that they can play the game while socializing with kids from all over so not quite as bad as the WII which we have also. We have had to lock down the computers with passwords and have taken video games away so as to regulate his time with them. My son is HHHYYYYYYYYPER. as well as having social problems, he pushes people away not even knowing why or how. He was having homework problems ie. not wanting to do it, and had to make up alot of work just to pass this year. He is definatly challenged with time management and structure is the best for him, the more the better. He has anxiety disorder for which he has been on Zoloft for years, since he was 7. He also has problems communicating what he wants appropriatly and definatly organizational abilities are non exsistant. I am really happy sice he started the Intuiv ( tenex) and he seem much happier too. a lot less compulsive.

aniko,

I am horrified reading that a "dad makes your son's life miserable!"

What does an adult do to your child?

I am disgusted just thinking about it.

Can you put an end to this???? Your poor child!

Tell me about it. In the 7 years we have lived here this particular dad has chosen my son as "that kid." My husband and I KNOW he can be much to take, and up until last summer, he was undiagnosed. But this guy obviously thinks his kids are perfect, and these are some of the things he has said to my son: "Hit the bricks", "You're always the one breaking something," "You're a bully...under the definition bully, it's your picture." Can you believe that? There's more, but you get the idea. On every occasion my husband would have words with him and we just avoided them for a time until things would settle down. The bully comments came right before we left for vacation just recently and I marched over there and let him have it. It ruined was what actually a really beautiful day all around. I finally explained to him that we are WELL aware of his challenges, we're working on it, etc. He apologized and felt bad only after I explained to him all we had been doing and I hated "outing" my son in this way. I hope that this puts a stop to it....I know kids can be kids, but when other parents verbally abuse my kids, it just sets me off. Thank you for responding that part. It is simply horrifying.

I could cry right now! I am so so sorry for what this disgusting person has done/said to your son!

This adult is the bully, not your son! He needs to apologize to your son IN FRONT of his children!! They will label your son and tell other children and it could make his social life a problem at school and with other potential friends.

I am so glad you have addressed it with this person. He is NOT a man, a horrible father, and horrible person!!

He is a bully and you need to tell him this. Tell him he is also abusing a child!

Aniko, you are among friends here. We all understand, support each other and have compassion and respect for one anther. We love our children so much that we seek support and help from each other so that we may be better parents and provide a better life for them all.

It sounds like we are all going through similar situations. It feels good to know that I am not alone. I give you alot of credit for calling your neighbor out on his behaviour. I have a similar situation. Mine is a parent of friends of my kids. He is always correcting my son and being a ball buster with him. He though is the same way with his kids, but I feel he is too on edge with my son and too quick to jump on him. Not to wish anything bad on anyone, but sometimes I wish people like him had to go through 1/2 of what we go through with our son. Or just walk in my shoes for one week and maybe he would get it. I have been telling my kid what a great kid he is and doing whatever I can to pump him up when he deserves it.

trixiecat,

You need to pull that parent aside and nicely mention it to him. Depending on what is being said, can be considered abusive. Your son is a child.

I wonder if he does this to his own children?? Someone needs to bust this guys balls!! Maybe someone has and that is why he picks on children!

I don't think I would want my children near this guy. His kids would have to be at my house, never the reverse, unless I was there.

What these "adults" are doing to these children is affecting their self esteem. It can also affect the way the other children treat your son. It is just plain wrong.

These adults really need parenting classes!!

Ok, for all you ladies who so kindly responded about my jack@$$, neighbor, this will make you giggle. So I'm out mowing the lawn today and he comes over with his big landscaping mower and insists on mowing our front lawn for me (which would take me over an hour). Not sure if this was his way of making things right with me for being a ball buster with my son, but I got a big kick out of it and gladly watched him mow my lawn (as did my son from the front window)!!!! Life just throws these things at me and for a brief moment, all seems right with the world again.

Get what you can from him, it is the least he can do.

What a man!