Problems at school | ADHD Information

Hi, my adhd son will be 9 in a few months and whislt he can be a bit mouthy with us at home, he's never displayed this at school (to teachers etc.....). This week however, his teacher pulled me aside to say she had to tell a group of kids to be quiet in class and my son had said something to her and smiled. She also had a talk with him after school and he again smiled. When she was telling me, she couldn't recall what he had said.  If the "smiling" part is the same as what he does at home, it's actually a smug little smirk! Whenw e got home from school, I sat down with my son and calmly tried to talk about it and he said he din't do anything but he said it with such defiance and smugness, that I know he did do it. The teacher said she could ask the class of 20 students what he said if I did want to know as they all heard it. The teacher took it as backchat and I was highly disgusted that my son would do that and I was hoping he would apologies the next morning but he still smugly said "I didnt do anything".

What do you do when you are trying to talk/educate your child on the correct behaviours and the deny it (but you know they're lying) and they downright refuse to listen to what you have to say.

I also hope this is a one off and that its not the start of backchat to teachers etc.....

Does anyone have to deal with soemthing similar?

Thanks

Marlene

I think it's a diversion tactic, but once my son starts insisting he didn't do
something, he gets to the point that he believes it. It's definitely a "pick
your battles" kind of moment. Rather than listen to him scream "but I
didn't do that!" 50 times, I'll say, "Okay, but if this sort of thing ever does
happen, this is what you need to do." If I'm do that when he's still
wavering, before he's convinced himself that nothing happened, then he'll
listen to me and will be able to apply it to his situation and will hopefully
apply it going forward, and he'll be able to save face. Then comes the
really hard part - he'll demand that I comfort him for dealing with the
"liars." Again, I think 2 things are going on with that - he wants to make
sure I'm really on "his side" and whatever happened he went through the
wringer, he knows it was wrong and he got carried away and that scares
and embarrasses him, so he really does need comfort, he just can't admit
what he needs comfort for.

You probably think I'm mad for going along with all this. Let me add that
my son sees a therapist with whom he is completely honest. It's easier
for him to process these sorts of things when there is some distance. I
know that eventually he will be able to go through everything and learn to
make better choices and how to control himself in the future, so when
he's caught up in the moment and injustice of it all, I just let it go.

Good luck!

I haven't dealt with anything involving teachers, however, I have dealt with the denying of doing/saying/etc something even with witnesses there.

I don't know if it is just kids or adhd'ers. I know that my son swears by his denial that it makes you want to believe him. I think he believes it as well.

Sorry wish I could offer more help, but you are NOT alone on this one!!