longsally | ADHD Information

longsally, I was reading a response post you made to the post titles "Does it get any better" which I also responded to.  It was to do with our adhd son's having trouble with friends at school and social cue's etc.......... You mentioned you are adhd but you din't think it got better as you got older. Could you elaborate a little more?   What I mean is, if you had trouble socially with other kids, did it change as you got older and were able to self monitor and be more aware of how to act?

If Im not being rude here, could you please explain what adhd symptons you display as an adult and what your biggest challenge is? Are you on meds?

Personally, I think both my husband and I are both adhd/add.

Again, I hope I'm not offending you here but if I am, please just say so.

Cheers

well.....I was just like my son as a child, no friends, pathetic b-day parties with no one to invite, no sleep overs, my mother put all her time and energy into my older sisters who "acted normal" and pretty much rejected me.  I NEVER heard I love you, no hugs, no kisses, she was a terror as a mother. I was horribly bullied in school and she took no action to help me.

I did not outgrow my adhd as a teenager, some do.  I only had a few friends and as a result, I did things I should not have done like smoking and drinking.  A a teenager, I started tohave sex, looking for the love and attention I could not get from home.  needless to say, a lot of love and support from home goes a LONG WAY towards the self esteem problems that come up later on.  I continued to float through life, unable to finish school, unable to hold a job, no medication as no one ever suggested it. 

Then, one day, I had an accident, a bad one and was the only survivor.  I decided then what i wanted to do and went to schoolt to do it.  I put all that excess energy I had into studying and worked harder than most had to but I completed school. My adhd now allows me to work all night and still have enough energy to come home, get the kids ready for school, sleep a few hours, get them off the bus and help them with school work.  If you channel the energy the right way, you will be amazed what you can accomplish.

My home is immaculate, laundry always caught up, dishes always done, the house runs like clock work.  It was my early life that I am trying so hard not to repeat with my son.  I give him more hugs and kisses than e could ever count, tell him several times a day how proud I am of him and how much I love him and always tell him that he can talk to me whenever he wants to about anything he wants to.  I am an advocate for my child at school and am planning on working extra hours in 2 years to send him to a private school they have here for adhd kids.  It is 600.00 a month and well worth it to save his self esteem and give him a leg up at school.  I hope this helps.

I should add that this does not mean I dont get upset and frustrated with him, I do and sometimes I want to pull my hair out as some of my posts show, LOLI haven't ever met you but I am so proud of you.   You took a bad situation and turned it to the positive, made something of yourself and support your family and son completely!!  That is what ADHD can do!!!!  You are a wonderful mother!! I to try to give ds lots of support and tell him I love him everyday!  Because of my own anxiety issues and being bullied in high school, I am hypersensitive to his not having any friends.  Sometimes it is hard for me to separate my hurt from his hurt.  I just pray that all of the love in the world will substitute for not having friends in his early years.  

imcbmcc,

My son didn't have any friends in elementary school, BUT, in middle school he started to. There he got a fresh start for a new beginning. There were more boys for him to hang out with and with adhd as well.

I am also very emotional over bullying, as a lot of us here can relate personally. I talk to my son about those feelings and memories that I have as well. This way he doesn't feel that he is alone and the only one.

Hang in there, it can get better with time.

longsally, thank you so much for your reply and devulging the information you did.  It was so sad reading about your mother .Your son however,   is certainly fortuante to have you as his mother. Whilst I do tell my son I love him heaps, proud of him, hugs etc...........your post really hit a chord with me and I will make an effort to do all of that a litte bit more. You are very fortunate to have a private school for adhd kids even if it is expensive.  If the school is beneficial to your son, it'd be worth every cent. Thanks again for your post.

I dont mind sharing although I have to say that deep down, I have to wonder how different my life could have and would have been if I had been raised by a family that was willing to put in the time and attention that I needed. 

imcbmcc, I have the same problem.  When these kids are mean to him, I GO OFF!!!  I have a hard time separating my hurt from his and I get involved sometimes more than I should.  I am working on that now.

Tara4us, I have to tell you that there is nothing more gratifying to me than to say " hey ds, I have something to tell you" and he says " yeah, you love me, lol I know". This while he is smiling away!!!!

Bethann, I still have triggers after all these years.  I can remember my mother cleaning my room with this cleaner , her pushing past me to do it and it used to give me a headache and now when I smell it, I feel absolutely nauseated.

The private school is expensive but most private schools here are about 13-14,000 a year so I am not really worried about 6000.00 for the year.  There is a 7:1 ratio in the school, they are expected to move around, 1/2 days on fridays and no homework.

Longsally, you are a wonderful mother. And, as I describer myself, you are the mother you didn't have, but wanted.

yeah......I used to pray for a mother like me....I used to wonder how I ended up with a mother who NEVER hugged, NEVER kissed, NEVER gave encouragement, NEVER said anything nice to me or complimented me in any way.

I would have loved a mother that hugged, snuggled, kissed me and told me constanmtly how sweet I was and told me that she knew I was smart and could do anything.

you know, my relationship with my mother even as an adult is not a good one.  I once found a note she wrote to my sister that said something along the lines of " I am so proud of you and I know you can accomplish anything".  I asked her why she didnt write me letters like that.  She actually said " tell me what you want it to say and Ill write it for you". 

Just 4 years ago, the entire family got together and she gave my sisters and brothers in law Gap gift cards...she handed me a paperback book with the 2.50 price tag still on it...a book on parenting skills.  She still slaps me in the face every chance she gets....it still hurts....

Ouch, no matter how hard I try to not those types of things bother me, it always leaves me thinking about it all day/night.  Thing is, no matter what you say people like that don't change:( 

Longsally,

My personality would have cut that "mother" out of my life. I don't know if she is still involved with you and your family, but she wouldn't be involved in mine.

That really is hurtful, and she knows it.

I am truly sorry.

But just continue to love and advocate for your children, and you are blessed to have the husband who you have.

You did find happiness and love in your life.

AND your son's who you advocate for and love,  know how much you love them! Even if they don't express it!