How to talk sense in to my child???? | ADHD Information

wow you just helped me realise why my son acts younger then all the kids in his class. i am always at him to act his age and get fustrated at his immaturity. that has really opened my eye im going to print that off. wish doctor would tell you these thing cause until now i never new and thought it was me prehaps babying him. ill print this off and put on my fridge!!< id="gwProxy" ="">< ="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" ="">Seriously...this is the one huge struggle that DH & I have with DS7.  He really struggles with impulse control and after an "incident" whether it be hitting or taking a toy away.  When the adult in charge has a talk w/him, he knows its wrong and has all of the right answers for how he "should've" handled the situation, however he is very rarely able to apply the correct way at the time.  Whether the situation happens again 10 min later or 10 days later, he doesn't have the capability to connect the cause/effect and correct way to handle it, his impulse takes over.  We are finding this to be a big struggle since punishing doesn't help and honestly, rewarding doesn't help either.  It seems like it's all about impulse control and maturity.  We are always talking w/him about the right way to handle situations & he usually if fully aware of what the right thing to do would've been, he just can't put it together when the time is right.  Our DS is very smart, well above his grade level academically so for us, it makes it even harder cause we feel like he is super smart so why can't he figure it out??   Honestly, I don't know what the answer is or have any suggestions, just know that you're not alone.  During the school year his teacher used a sticker chart for every single aspect of his day and that seemed to help.  He got rewarded each day (at first) if he met the goal for the day, then later we went to weekly when he started doing better.  The only problem we still struggled with is that his teacher was still constantly reminding him about his sticker chart for him to do well.  He didn't remember it on his own, when she reminded him less to make him more accountable, he would struggle.  It's been a constant battle for us for a couple of years now, we wonder how much longer we will struggle with it before it finally gets better....hopefully soon!They are 30% behind in the maturity dept, so if you child is biologically 8.5 years old, readjust your perspective to a 6 year old. That's what you are dealing with.correct Jessica spot on.  my daughter is 7 1/2 and my son is 5 1/2 so she is treated matuarally like him I highly recommend a book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I don't remember the author's name and I'm not sure if the book is still in print, but I imagine it wouldn't be hard to find at the library or on Amazon. It contains numerous simple, effective ways to communicate with kids that work. Check it out!

My 8 1/2 yr old son has been on medication for his adhd since January this year but Im not sure how effective it is. When my son does something wrong or misbehaves, my hubby & I have troub le actually sitting down with our son and talking to him ............ he either denies whatever it is were talking about, gets upset and dosnt want to talk about it and say wer'e annoying him!!!!!!!!!! or he gets very defensive. Im not sure whether this is part of his adhd or something more (I've often thought it leans more towards oppostional defiance disorder behaviour.......odd). My son is rather immature and I wonder if thats why it's hard for him to actually sit and listen and discuss what were talking about. Does anyone else have this sort of problem?

Thanks

we have this kind of problem, mainly our daughter will sit and listen but take nothing in and do whatever she has been told not to do 5 mins later

children with adhd are although their age perhaps accademically they are 2-3 years younger emotionally and behaviourally. it is what is known as the 30% rule, below is an article from another adhd forum from an expert in adhd dr berkely anbd basically as a child with adhd gets older, the gap can widen in emotional and behavioural age and they can lag significally behind their peers in these areas

The 30% rule.

With ADHD, there are a number of parts of the brain involved and each kid has a different mixture of symptoms characterized by a slower development of these areas. Having said that some useful generalizations can be made. In general ADHD can be seen as a deficit in self regulation-self control. These kids have developmental deficits in the ability to resist impulse, stay on focus, connect what they do with the consequences, seeing ahead, planning for upcoming events, following rules and a number of other issues. ADHD kids are seen as more impulsive and having difficulty regulating behaviors and emotions. They do not see as far into the future as their age mates. They can be seen as functioning on a younger age level-immaturity if you would. Be aware that this has little to do with intelligence or achievement. It involves only those areas affected by adhd.

A number of years ago Russell Barkley examined studies looking at the amount of this deficit and he found an average of around 30%.

What this means is that you can take 30% (or a third which ever is easier) off a child's age and this will give you a rough idea how you should be treating this child.

If you have a 10 year old you should be treating him more like a 7 year old. Would you hand a 7 year old a book and tell him to have a report ready in one month? No way! What will happen is that "you" will do the assignment, not the kid. If we expect the child to operate like the normal 10 year old then it is our problem not the child's. What we might do is approach the assignment as you would a 7 year old. Break it down into smaller segments. Have the child read a few pages each day and write a few sentences covering what he just read. Again he has the ability to understand the material. This effects the amount of work that can be done.

The same principle applies to emotional issues. A 6 year old child will be operating more like a child almost 2 years younger. In other words, he will be reacting emotionally more like a 4 year old. Like a 4 year old, he will show his emotions faster and they will be more intense. If you expect him to exhibit an emotional control of a normal 6 year old it is your problem, not the child's. You are expecting the child to behave in a way of which he is not capable. If you expect him to see and react to events coming at him in the future again the 30% rule applies. "Didn't you see that coming?" The answer is likely "No". The child is simply not capable of looking that far into the future.

On discipline, take an 8 year old. He is likely to be operating on the level of a 5-6 year old. If you expect him to follow rules, connect behaviors to consequences, see problems and head them off like a 8 year old, it your problem. If you expect him to do like a 5 year old then you can successfully make it his problem. If you insist on dealing with him as a 8 year old then you will have battles, struggles and not a lot of behavior changes. If you deal with him as you would a 5 years old, then you will probably see some positive changes. This is in your control. Younger kids tend to forget more, goof up more, test the parents more but we do not think much about it because we expect the younger child to act this way. It is when we expect the child to act in a developmentally inappropriate manner is when we get into trouble.

Your child wants to drive at 16. Using the 30% rule, you are letting an someone with the emotional maturity of an 11 year drive your car. Wow! Not a good thing. Many parents link driving privileges to taking medication. Medication can, on some, bring them up to almost normal. This is to a good extent a treatable issue.

The 30% rule is based on unmedicated.

i hope this helps