Frustrated! | ADHD Information

Sorry for the long post...I just need to unload...feeling very sad today.  Our DS7 has ADHD and sesory issues as well.  He is taking Guanfacine (2mg AM and 2mg PM) and uses the Daytrana patch 30 mg.  This combo has worked well for him for quite a while now and we for the most part we feel its a good fit for him.  HOWEVER, we still struggle with impulse control issues and constantly wonder if that is something that can be helped with different meds or if it's just a part of who he is & control of it will come with maturity (which is what we keep getting told by his psych and anyone else that has evaluated him).  He is super smart and does very well academically.  He goes to a private Catholic school where the staff goes above & beyond to help him & nurture him, I can't say enough good things about them.  BUT, the impulse control is the biggest battle we have by far.  The problem is, he knows the right way to handle situations, he'll tell you over & over what he SHOULD'VE done and what would've been better and truly feels remorse when he has done something he knows is wrong, but in the moment...he can't control himself enough to switch his brain to "proper behavior" mode.  Most of the impulse control problems I'm referring to are being physical with other kids and reacting physically to situations (pushing, hitting, taking things away & yelling).  Some of this is related to his sensory processing disorder and his need for physical touch but is some of it controllable if we changed meds?  I just hate the thought of changing meds, that is such a nightmare!  My frustration today comes from the Summer care program he is in, it's a mix of all public & private school kids in the area.  There are a few kids that have taken to picking on him and pushing his buttons, knowing that he will retaliate.  Today one of them picked on him until he finally just kicked the kid in the stomach (I was told by one of the adults in charge that this particular kid tends to do this w/our DS).  I realize that it was wrong on DS part to kick him but obviously he was being provoked, why do kids have to be so mean!  My heart just breaks for him cause I know (and every adult that deals w/him knows) that he is a kind hearted kid and loves being friends with everyone...he just can't control his actions sometimes, especially when provoked.  So far, being in 2nd grade, our DS is has been fortunate to have many friends and is always invited to birthday parties....which I cherish since I know this is not the case for most ADHD kids.  I'm just scared that this will change the older he gets if we aren't able to help him control himself until he matures.  He has a great personality & his self esteem isn't an issue at all (he wakes up every day with a fresh start, no grudges or bad feelings from what may have happened in the past), but will it become an issue in the future with the contant reminding of what he knows is right when his impulse takes over & makes him do what is wrong?  I just feel like we've done everything we can for him (psychologist, psychiatrist, meds & OT) and it still seems like we're missing something.  Has anyone had luck with anything that helps with impulse control?  There are no real social skills training groups in our town, I've already checked into that.  The public school district is going to evaluate him again this fall to see if he qualifies for some OT in the classroom, that would deal with social skills somewhat, but that may take a while.  Thanks for taking the time to read....like I said, sorry for the long post but I needed to unload.  My son's had difficulties at his summer camp, even though he loves it.
It's too new for him, too chaotic, not enough of a schedule. He actually
told me today that he knows they go on a field trip every Friday (they go
twice a week, never on Monday, but the other days are random) so he's
trying to get a handle on the schedule himself.

He did have one incident where he got into it with another kid. Then he
got frustrated a second time and he kicked the arts and crafts cabinet -
still not ideal, but when he explained that he really wanted to hit the kid
but didn't want to hurt him so he kicked the cabinet, he was praised all
around for making a better (even if it wasn't the best) choice. So he can
master his impulsive when he gets punished for the worse behavior,
praised for better choices, and encouraged to make even better choices
next time. We're hoping the next time he will get away from kids (make
sure his personal space is clear) and then do karate punches into the air.
If he doesn't hit anything but air he won't get in trouble at all.

Here's what I suggest:
1. Talk to your child to find out what's really going on with him. You
might think you know, but it might not be what's actually going on. What
feeds my son's anger is that he gets frustrated with himself when he's
feeling out of control and it just ramps him up and up. Then he feels
horrible and humiliated afterward - so sad.
2. Help your child to get out of black and white thinking about it, that
there are better choices, not just good and bad. Try to help him do
something close but not as extreme.
3. Keep talking to him and encouraging him. ADHD kids compare
themselves to non-ADHD kids, so it's very hard for them to see their own
progress. Compared to "everyone else" they're still in the hole, but in
reality they've covered some real distance.
4. Remember honey, not vinegar, and think about giving rewards vs.
taking away something.
5. Check out The Explosive Child.   My son turned completely around
when I started using the program outlined in the book, relating to him
differently and more helpfully for him.

Good luck!

WE are in the same situation...son just back from Boy Scout camp with DH.  Apparently, there were several incidents of ganging up on DS and DS responding with hitting.  DH was mortified..and the stress of doing these things with DS is overwelming.  He is very impulsive and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight.  He also has SPD- stimulis seeking-- so he is high energy and attracts kids to him, then he gets hyper stimulated and acts "over the top". 

Hugs for your son and family...these little ones go through so much!