At a loss and frustrated | ADHD Information

This is my first post and a long one at that.

I've been reading this forum for a few days now...anyway I'm just at a loss so I'll start from the beginning.

My oldest child is turning 12. From the very beginning she was always a bit slow reaching her milestones. She's smart - it just takes her longer to learn things. She didn't walk till she was 16 mths. Didn't really talk till she was 2 1/2, etc.

At five years old she went for her yearly check up and during one of the activities the doctor noticed that she her motor skills were lacking on the left side. She gave us referrals for an occupational therapist and a physio therapist to work with her at school. Over the next 8 months they did multiple exercises with her weekly and called me in for a meeting. During one of the programs they sat her down and read a short story to her. She was supposed to recount five events in sequence. Apparently they weren't able to finish the story before she got up and walked away. They suggested we go for further testing because she wasn't able to stay on task. I was appalled that they would suggest this and said maybe the story was boring, or possibly she left because the room is open concept and she was distracted by something interesting.

During her first year of school she really didn't have any friends. She went to daycare with the same children that were in her class but was always a loner in the playground.

By grade 1 she began finding reasons to stay in and help teachers rather than playing outside. She rarely was invited to birthday parties. I can probably count how many parties she has attended in the last 12 years on one hand. She was still unable to learn her sounds from junior kindergarten and was showing problems in math.

She also had night terrors and began sleep walking. We seen a pediatrician about this and he basically brushed it off as something she would grow out of. When I asked if the night terrors and problems at school he said I would need a second referral to discuss anything outside of night terrors. I was insulted he wouldn't discuss and never went back

She also began acting out and having screaming fits when things didn't go her way. By age 8 she was very disobedient at home. Outside of the home we always received compliments of how polite she is and how well mannered. So I thought it was us. I figured we just have a kid who doesn't want to listen.

The same year she did something so out of the ordinary. She was grounded for leaving the yard. I sent her to her room. I went back up about 45 minutes later to check on her only to find the screen on her window removed and window wide open. She jumped 14 ft to leave the house. I wouldn't even do that, and I'm an adult. Granted she tossed her pillow out of the window but still that's a long way to go. She came home a few hours later.

I phoned the doc the next day about this and she said it's behavioral issues resulting from our education system. She said that once we send our children to school they loose all of the things we instill in them.

The following year she was showing even more problems in school academically. We got her a tutor who is a teacher from the school and had weekly sessions. She has the same tutor still. The school said she was very attached to adults. She didn't play with the other children and still had no friends. If a new kid came to her class my daughter would immediately make friends with them, but after a few days they would stop playing with her.

She was always different from the other kids and what's disheartening is you could see that the children looked at her differently. Almost like a what are you doing. And it's not that she's not a nice person. She makes a great friend but there's just to much of her at once. She gets very excited when other kids are around and just becomes almost silly to the point of not even being funny. She thinks she is but you can see it on the other kids faces that they are put off by her.

Flash forward a couple of years and the behaviors gets worse. She begins taking off. Not intentionally I don't think. But more so just up and leaves where she is and goes elsewhere. She also began stealing and lying about it.

I can see differences between her and her siblings. At 10 she was throwing massive temper tantrums and they would go on for a good hour at least. I though this was normal until I was able to teach a 3 and 5 year old how to control their emotions and calm down. Now if two small children can control themselves why can't she.

In Gr 6 the school suggested we seek professional help and have her tested. They wrote letters for our family doc explaining the issues they had at school. Again none of the school problems were behavioral but academic and socially. My doctor didn't think anything was wrong with her (nor did she see her to check) but said she's fine its the school system.

She just finished Gr 6. Her behavior at home at this point has become very physical. She throws things, kicks her door or the walls, slaps her siblings around, swears and yells at everyone. We have had our yelling matches and yes I do end up yelling because I don't know what else to do at this point. She doesn't care if she gets grounded. She can't accept responsibility for her own actions. If she is grounded she will ask me literally every 10 minutes, can she go to her friends. You would think she was doing this to bug me, but I'm beginning to think she forgets she already asked that question and yes the persistent can I go, can I go drives me nuts. She's loud and doesn't handle disappointment well at all.

She has kicked my car door on multiple occasions because she didnt get what she wanted. She has broke the heater vents in the car from kicking the dash and she's kicked the windows.

She punched me in the head from behind recently because I wanted to check out her facebook account. She knows I'm to have access to anything she does online but was very upset one day about it.

We had three more instances this year where she was stealing. She even went as far as taking my credit card and tried to use it at an ATM. I called the police. Shes at the age where she could get charged and I wanted the school officer to speak with her. She refused to accept responsibility for it, like she does when anything happens and tried to blame it on her siblings saying they bother her thats why she steals. Her stealing wasnt spread across months either. She was caught two days in a row, spoke to the police on the second day and a week later stole my credit card.

She is very impulsive, has always been a on the go kid. She will play outside from the time she wakes up until she goes to sleep. I still have to make her go to bed at 8pm even though she's older because if she doesn't have 10+ hours of sleep she is terrible.

At the end of the year this year I was informed by her school that they are now marking her as a 5th grade english. She is two grades behind and the don't want to keep her back because it will effect her socially. She has someone scribe all of her writing to her because she can't totally process what she reads and be able to put it back on the paper. She had a few behavioral issues at school this year where she was outright defiant to the teachers. She still doesn't have friends and her aggressiveness at home has gotten way out of hand.

4 months ago I went back to my family doctor with more letters from the school and in tears. I explained to her that she is different. I an see it when I compare her to my other kids and her peers. She is socially behind. Can't make friends and is very immature for her age. She gets along better with 4 - 6 year olds then kids her age. She still clings to adults.

She finally agreed that something isn't right and suggested it could be a temp thing we can correct and maybe a chemical imbalance. She said she would have us referred to a child physciatrist in the city. 2 months later and we still havent had a phone call for when that appointment is. I called them back and they said they would find out when the appointment is.

Finally three weeks ago we had enough. She became very upset over something so silly as putting on a clean shirt. Once she began cursing her dad grounded her and she flipped. She tossed the vaccum at him and ran around the house screaming and finally out the door. He tried to chase her back and I told him to just let her be - let her run...she'll be back.

I called the doctors the next day and told them I need to see someone - anyone because I just don't understand. And she's becoming very physical now instead of just outbursts.

We finally have an appointment set up for Sept.

I don't know if this is ADD/ADHD or if I just have a kid with behavioral issues. Its hard to - because she can be a very sweet and pleasant kid. Then other days its like omg I need to leave. Its soooo hard. The days that she's awesome I wonder ok maybe there isn't anything wrong, maybe she's just had a bad day.

All it takes is one thing to set her off like asking her to get her dirty laundry or telling her she has to go to bed.

At this point I am basically trying to avoid any confrontational situations. When she swears I just ask her not to and ignore it. The other kids know not to do it, but punishing the oldest does absolutely nothing but create massive tension for everyone. I haven't given up on her - I just don't have the energy to argue anymore. I'm tired.

So after my big long sob story, which I do apologize for but need to explain how it's been - is this normal. idk I just don't get it. I dont get how things can be great one minute and she can be so hostile the next. I don't understand the lying or why she takes things apart then lies about it. She cut all her sisters doll's hairs. Right bald. And even with the hair on her bed she denied she did it. She cut her own hair last year and eyelashes then denied it even though she had a bald patch. And whats sad is when she has a good day - which is few and far between as of late. Im so tired and frustrated that I dont actually enjoy it. I'm still angry from the time before and I shouldnt be.

idk. Im just lost is what I am





mom7940384.3981712963I wish I could help you or had some answers for you. It sounds to me like
more than ADHD. Is there a history of bipolar in your family? Something
is not right, but whatever it is, you do need an answer soon. I would push
for an appointment with the doctor sooner than September. You should
try and get started on treatment before school starts.

Howard Glasser has a "Nurtured Heart Approach" book and system that I
would suggest checking out. It is for difficult kids. I bought the DVD's
myself for my ADHD child. It makes sense what he is saying. Look online
at his website.

You also need to get help for yourself. I personally saw a therapist and
took medication when my ds was diagnosed with ADHD. I think a family
therapist would help your family deal with this. You need to take care of
her and yourself as well. This is a stressful time.

Hang in there and keep calling for an appointment. You are her advocate.
Push for what you need for your daughter. God bless and know that you
are not alone.A Sept appointment? You must have an HMO if you are relying on the pediatrician. Even so, most HMOs allow you to go to a psychiatrist -- or any mental health professional -- without a referral. I suggest that you locate your insurance company and find out if you need a referral. Then go on their website and search for psychiatrists, then call around to see who can get you in now. I'd dump your pediatrician like a hot potato. Just because there's an MD at the end of the name does not mean that they know what they are talking about when it comes to mental health.

Once you get a diagnosis, she probably needs therapy, and a teen support group, both of which the psychiatrist may be able to hook you up with.

In the meantime the default position is to compliment and give positive reinforcement for every single little thing that she does right. Also schedule weekly 1:1 time, like lunch out. Or go out of your way to make her favorite breakfast, and then eat it with her.Jessica N40384.8516782407Have you contacted any type of group home or hospital specializing in Children and behavioral issues? They often have Therapists and Doctors on staff who will accept appointments for children and families who are not inpatients. Also often these places will give parents respite for a weekend or so when things are getting pretty hairy and parents are really stressed. Hope this helps some, and my prayers are with you and your family.