Impulse control | ADHD Information

I've got two ADHDers. For the rooms, I use competition and I've got one keeping the room clean 80% of the time, and the other 50% of the time. I say goodnight to the child with the cleanest room first.

As far as rewards, you would need the instant kind. Like a piece of candy or a sticker, right then.

As far the therapist, it sounds like she is just giving you run of the mill parent coaching, for parenting a normal child. Is sounds like she does not get it, and perhaps you should seek out someone with legitimate (versus claimed) experience in ADHD children.

I have 2 daughters with  pretty severe ADHD. They're both great kids and I love them to bits, but we are having some REALLY troubling behaviors. They can't seem to control any impulses at all. Constantly taking food and hiding it in their rooms--we provide plenty of food and healthy snacks. They are 11 and 9 and I keep catching them in behaviors that are present in younger kids--writing on walls, destroying toys and they can't seem to keep their rooms clean--it's not just regular messy--it's all the clothes out of the drawers, toys in pieces on the floor, writing on sheets and pillowcases. We have tried consequences and even positive things they can earn by not exhibiting these behaviors. They are on meds. Concerta, seroquel and intunive for one and vyvanse seroquel and intuniv for the other. I am at my wit's end!! I feel like I can't even take them to church, the grocery store or anywhere else I get so embarrassed by their behavior. Has anyone else had these problems? I have talked to the Dr about this and we try med after med that doesn't seem to help this at all. I could sure use some suggestions.

Have you tried therapy? My son made huge progress when he got a
counselor who listened to all the terrible things he's done without fears of
punishment so he could get it off his chest, and then he listened to her
advice and he follows it - for the most part. It was not a 100% turn around,
but I'd say an 80-90% change, which was huge for him.

Good luck!Yes, Corrina. My kids are in therapy and have been for a long time. I adopted them thru foster care and I have kept them in it. Before it's said by someone, it is not a behavior learned in the birth home-they are not birth sisters and have wildly differing pasts with the exception that their birth mothers both used illegal drugs during gestation, but I am told that this is more of an ADHD and ODD symptomology than that of the average 'drug born child'.  The therapist gives me the same advice everytime--give positive reinforcement. BAH! We have done that untill our heads spun! Unfortunately, I think she is one of the therapists that seems to think the parents are to blame for most bad behaviors--otherwise the girls do good with her. She was also instrumental in helping us get an IEP for my oldest. Maybe I need a new positive reinforcement. I have tried charts, point cards, daily lists, straws (adding to or removing for good and bad acts), earning a prize at the end of each month, week and day, daily journals, money for completeing a month, week or even day with no behaviors. I am pulling my hair out. Have you read the book The Explosive Child?   You're describing impulsive
behavior vs angry outbursts, but it might help you. It's a plan that helps
kids think about others' thoughts and feelings so they can recognize their
own.

Also - since you feel persecuted by your kids' therapist, maybe you could
try another round of family therapy with a new one?

My son does better when I limit him. You can get radical. There's no
reason to keep their clothes in their bedrooms. My son's dresser is on a
different floor from his bedroom (it's closer to the bathroom and washer
and dryer). My son has his bed, his stuffed animals he sleeps with, and
his books, and that's it in his bedroom. He goes there to sleep and to
wind down, only. He has a queen sized bed so I can lay with him and
read to him. He needs to have as few distractions as possible so he can
settle down and sleep. And the side effect is that his toys etc are in a
common area so I can keep an eye on him. And that's how it's been
basically from the beginning, since way before his diagnosis - we had a
train table in the living room instead of a coffee table when he was 2.

Also, it sounds like they need nonverbal outlets to get their feelings out.
Keep an easel with a huge pad of paper on it in a corner where they can
write whatever without self-censoring just to get it out.

Find a common ground. Don't compare them to other kids, and don't
insist that they meet your standards, because they probably can't, and
your disappointment is probably feeding their behavior issues. Pick the
one thing you can't tolerate - writing on their beds, for instance - and
work on that. Remind them 10 times a day. Let them come up with a
reward that they can work toward. Chart their positive behaviors.
Negotiate with them. Work on it daily - hourly - for a couple of months,
at least, until they have totally integrated the new habits before you try to
work on another behavior.

It sounds like you've tried just about everything. That's great - it means
you're willing and able to put the energy into this to make it better. You
haven't actually tried everything, because you haven't found the right
path yet. You could be inches away from finding it - don't give up. But
take the time to strip your expectations away and figure out the best life
you can have with your children. Don't settle for where you are, and don't
keep aiming for some ideal that doesn't have anything to do with your
actual kids. You can do this!

And don't worry about anyone jumping on you at this site. We've all been
there; we've seen it all and heard it all. Go ahead and vent - we can take
it, and you'll get nothing but sympathy and support in return from us.

Good luck!