New, looking for support | ADHD Information

I have reviewed the posts here and not been able to find any stories similar to mine. I am hoping to find support without premature judgement.

My son is 9 years old. A few years ago he was removed from my home by DSS and placed with family b/c of a bruise on his inner thigh, he was 6 years old. The bruise was caused by his bicycle, but he lied and told DSS workers several stories about how he got the bruise. He was returned to my custody 2 months later after I completed parenting classes. During this time he was diagnosed with ADHD and is now taking Focalin XR 30 mg am/ 20 mg XR pm. He is a very smart kid, my little bug! But my biggest fear in life is to lose my kids again. I have 2 other children. I know it sounds harsh to say that he "lied" to DSS, but he told me so. And now (still, three years later), when he gets angry he will sometimes say things like, "you can't punnish me b/c it's against the law", or "If you take my PSP away that means you hate me". Now, I know this all may sound paranoid, but my son says mean things like "your a bad mom, I hate you, I hope you die". He was only diagnosed with ADHD, does any of this sound familiar to anyone here?

His father's family has a history of Bipolar Disorder, I brought this up with the Dr. and was told that it could be this, but no Dr. would diagnose this until he is older?    

The posts I've read here have inspired me to make more of an effort to really understand whats going on with him. At a very young age, when he was in daycare, he would hit/bite other children/teachers and was actually kicked out of one daycare, so his aggressive behavior started at a very young age maybe 2 y/o. I remember at the time talking with the director of the daycare and asking if his behavior was normal, asking for resources to get help. I asked his pediatrician who told me he was too young to test for anything. He was my first child and although I felt something wasn't right, everyone was telling me he was fine. Right now this behavior is the only problem. In school he is excelling. He is performing above grade level (4th grade). He made the Principles list for reading last year (he likes to read!) . And he really excells in math, I mean the boy can turn out multiplication and division better than my 15 y/o nephew. And I'm talking about double digit multiplication problems (21x23). He has it all memorized, I can't do it as fast as he can! His only issue with school is reading comprehension and his teacher said she isn't too concerned at this point especially with his interest in reading (he may have just been bored by the test he took).

 I assure you all, I am not an abuser. I guess after being labeled I have been hesitant to reach out for help. I apologize for jumping around and dragging this out. Has anyone else here ever experienced anything similar? Any ideas? Words of wisdom?

 

  Hugs to you!  It sounds like you've been through a lot and you've come to the right place for support.  I don't have a similar experience, since our son doesn't have the same issues as yours, but I can say that I can relate to some of your experiences.  Such as knowing for a while that something isn't right & having to wait it out for him to get older before they finally decide to help you with meds.  I can also relate to how frustrating it can be to live with the day to day occurences that ADHD brings and how much it can wear on your sanity.  It's very frustrating when you can see something isn't right but no doctor can put their finger on it or they brush you off saying "he's too young to diagnose" or "it's just a part of the ADHD".  You as a parent know if there is more to it that just ADHD, you can see if something isn't right and it's up to you to push & push until you find the help you need to make your son & you happy.  Don't give up, keep asking questions, read everything you can get your hands on that may sound like what you're seeing, get 2nd & 3rd opinions if you're able....keep searching for the answers you & your family so badly need.  He sounds like he's super smart and does fairly well in school (academically), at least he has that going for him--he will do great things w/that later in life--just you wait.  Sorry I couldn't offer more specific advise on what to do....but don't give up!

I guess our son's situation might be similiar.  We knew something was up at a very young age.  But, waited until he was 5 before we talked to his doctor.  In summary, he has been diagnosed with ADHD (highly impulsive and hyper), Sensory Processing Disorder - stimulis seeking, meets the criteria for tourettes and to top it off he is considered highly gifted (IQ 160+).  He has just turned 7 and with the complicated combination of issues is unable to take standard ADHD meds.  So, we are "on our own" as they say.

Our son is very active and risk taking and has multiple bruises all the time.  He doesn't feel pain the way that we do (SPD - diagnosed by Occupational Therapist).  He uses hate talk...  this is really hard to understand because we do not use the words he uses.  At four, he called me stupid/idiot at least 20 times a day.  Then progressed to I hate you..to I will kill you...to Kill Momma, Kill Momma.  These words come every time we cross him.  We also get distructive behaviors (throwing shoes, knocking over books, kicking holes in the walls).  For us, behavior is the only problem also...he is doing great academically.

If this sounds like your son...I highly recommend The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D.  It basically indicated that these easily frustrated kids have a delay in skills (executive or other) that cause them to explode with frustration.  It is helpful to understand them and also help them to develop the skills to be more flexible. 

Sounds like your son is a very smart ..my son is also working several grades ahead in all subjects (except for handwriting..struggles with small motor skills delay).  Thank GOD that he isn't struggling academically..that is very hard to deal with.  Our DS is amazing in many ways and such a "handful" in others.  You are not alone...  many of us are walking the same or similiar paths. 

FYI: I think the dual combination of ADHD and giftedness is called "twice exceptional".  Roll that around in your mind a bit...your son is twice exceptional! 

 

 

psbml5: I cried when I read your response! I can't believe there are other children like this. I have often wondered to myself if It's just me. I am definately going to bring this up with his doctor at his next appointment. I will be sure to pick up Dr. Greene's book.

I am so happy I found this forum! This is a place I am sure I will spend a great deal of time!  

It sounds like your son has built up anger in him and wants alot of attention, maybe its why he threatens to turn you in. I know of situations like yours and maybe we can talk. I do not beleive you are an abuser and can tell you are a good parent. I would be glad to talk to you

Children CAN be diagnosed with bipolar. You need to treat the bipolar first and then the adhd and they can be very successful. Iunderstand what you are saying in regards to those saying he is too young, but that is not the case anymore.

Contact his pediatrician or whoever diagnosed his adhd and request an evaluation.

Also, I think it is a serious concern how he is hanging the idea of you not being able to punish him because it is "against the law" - that is serious. Seomeone needs to know about this, but they need to be trustworthy, as we do NOT want him removed from your care.

May I ask, has he ever had a 30 day in house evaluation? I think that this would be best as doctors would be able to see him daily for that time period, then you could provide him with the correct and best treatment plan!

But remember, children CAN AND ARE being diagnosed with bipolar, he is NOT too young

and lastly, you sound like a great loving mother who only wants the best for her child, no judging here! Please continue to post as we really do care about your family!

 I can't say that I've been through what you have but I also have had some of the same issues you have. Back when Red was younger 4-5 in pre-k (he's 7 now)he was a huge storyteller the bigger the better I felt like he was trying to out tell his friends and there is nothing wrong with that. He just wanted to be the center of attention. I think his teacher just knew that to begin with. I also hear "I hate you" on a daily basis and "adults are stupid" ( again with his poor impulse control) at least twice a day but I'm hoping that once we get his meds figured out that this will be a thing of the past.

  Enough about me and my situation I just want you to know you ARE NOT alone with some of these things. You are his mom and you can try to correct this behavior. I know it's hurtful but I just try to let these words slide right down my back and I really try to limit time with video games with Red because it is such a huge trigger for him. Way too much stimulation. I actually took the video game system and hid it in my closet for about a month. And I told them (both my boys) I didn't know where it went. Until things calmed down. When I did reintroduce the games we have a strict limit of 30 minutes a day. We as parents have to do it because we love them and I know you do. Otherwise you would not be here asking for advice. You know you love him and that is all that matters. Hope this helps.

Redsmom40424.4469560185

I must say, I feel a little guilty for expecting you guys to be more judgemental!

Thank you for the replies.

BETHANN: I think I am ready to switch pediatricians. I don't feel like his Dr. is hearing me. It seems like he thinks I am overreacting or something, but he's not here to see my son go from elated to angry in 2 seconds flat! As far as 30 day inpatient evaluation, I don't think my insurance will cover that. That is why he isn't in therapy anymore. I pay for health insurance and the copays on mental health are astronomical! I will be sure to check it out though! If anyone knows about any reduced cost/ free agencies that provide therapy please let me know.

Redsmom: I know what you mean about the video games. My son is lucky to play them during the week. He has just this summer begun to get into them. They didn't really hold his attention very well. They were also a source of frustration for him especially if he couldn't figure it out or if he wasn't able to accomplish what he was trying to do, he would just melt down completely! It got to a point with us also that we took the game away, but ended up giving it back because it was hard to explain to our other son why he couldn't play.

psbml5: I did get Dr. Greene's book and am in the process of reading it. It is touching to me that your son mostly takes out his frustrations on you, meaning he trusts your unconditional love for him, I supose making him feel safe in doing so, and knowing you will still love him. That really makes sense! And really makes me feel better! Now the next time he goes off on me I will try to remember that he is doing so with the utmost trust. What a reassuring way to look at this situation. Thank You!   

First off - you're son isn't too young to be diagnosed as bipolar.  They can do it as early at 6-years old...

Our son is very similar to your son...He's ADHD, but he has periods of extreme outbursts, hits his sister, tells his father he hates him, etc...A regular battle zone in the house.  You're not alone in this....it's frustrating not knowing where to turn too for the answers.

Hi Mamabug22,

Thank you for letting me know that my post touched you.  I feel the same way about this forum..we learn so much and support each other.

There are a FEW little ones (as described on this forum) that are similiar to my little guy.  But, I know that we basically had never imagined that there would be so much to deal with.  And it is disappointing that the meds that work so well for others do not work for him (dark thoughts, hate talk, aggressive behavior, tics).

Please do get Dr Greene's book...the phrase that I try and remember is "Children do well if they can".  When I look through all the frustrations with my son, I know that he is trying his best to be loving all the time.  He just can't.   Also, in our situation, my son mostly takes out his frustrations on me...I have been told by his therapist..that he does this because he trusts me the most to have unconditional love for him.  That seems counter-intuitive..I would hope for and expect the most loving behavior from him.. but the opposite is true. 

I often wish that we lived near each other..and that our kiddos could be friends.  I think they would be the most forgiving of each other.

Blessing for a great day!

Sandy