Annoying Classmate | ADHD Information

My ds is in fourth grade at a small school. He is doing great on all
accounts - meds working, focusing, good grades, friends. However, this
year another classmate has started teasing him and just being really
immature. This annoying kid is immature (youngest in class - ds is
second oldest) and looking for attention. He did the same thing to a
classmate last year and that kid left. My ds has tried to stay away, but
there is only one classroom per grade and there is only so much he can
take. DS has had to defend himself - chased him on playground, threw
dirt on him - went and told this kids mom (who is school nurse). All of
which he has been in trouble for - or at least we at home have heard
about. We do not condone his actions, but realize his frustrations. Things
could be handled better. I can only tell DS so many times to ignore him
and go and tell the teacher, but somehow the teacher seems to not see
these things happen. This classmate is slick and knows how to tell a lie. I
am at my wits end. I have spoken to the teacher and this kids mom as
well as DS. My husband is about to pull him out of this school. I agree
that a bigger school might be better, but I don't want to leave like this.
Also, I have two other kids enrolled there. We are going to speak to the
head of the school and the teacher today to see if we can resolve this or
come up with a solution. Any advice? DS is not instigating these things
and would be OK if this kid would leave him alone. DS is getting in
trouble for the way he is reacting to this child. DS has anxiety as well as
ADHD. He is taking meds for both. He is a sensitive kid and worries. I
would like to stay out of it and let the kids work it out, but it has been
going on for a few weeks and it seems like I have to step in more. Anyone
go thru this or can offer some insight? Would a bigger school be better?You should talk to the prnicipal and threaten to get a lawyer. Your son is being bullied and harrassed and it is the school's job to protect him. He shoudl never have to tolerate this kind of crap. That kid sounds like a terror.

I agree - be a bit more forceful.  My daughter was harrassed by a girl on the school bus for a year.  Finally her therapist said, that adults needed to intervene, that my daughter had tried every viable option.

I went to the principal right before the end of school and told her that if any issues arose the next school year that I would demand that the other child be removed from the bus.  That even the counselor indicated that this was unacceptable.

I find out now that there were several parents in the same boat as me and we were all being so quiet that this 3rd grader was running rough shod over several families.

I think because we know that our kids can be challenging and that we are trying to teach them to handle their own problems that we allow things to go on for too long sometimes.  Sometimes it is the other kid that is the problem and the adults in charge need to be held accountable for fixing it. 

 

 

I do not think that pulling your child out of that school will teach your child anything expect how to run away from there problems. I completly agree with Tvermom in the fact the adults need to be held accountable as well as that bulling child. What needs to happen is you need to demand that your child or that child be put into different classes and seperated at all times. This needs to be done since it is clear that people seem to not see what is going on. I also agree with Tvermom in that fact that because we do have ADHD kids that sometime can cause problems that we tend to overlook things alot as well as other kids thatg are having problems with our kids. We tend to say "well what did you do to them?" We have to stick up for our kids as well as teach them how to stick up for themselves and from what I am hearing your child has done all they can. Now its your turn. You child sounds like they are doing great and for this one bully to turn all of his achievements into bad behaviors or problems for your child is unacceptable. Good luck!

 

Demand a meeting with the principal and this kid's parents and the school counselor. Since the kid's mom is the school nurse, be sure to take along someone who can act as a third, impartial party. I never trust the administration to deal impartially with employees when their children are at fault. Then explain what's been going on and what you want to happen. Be forceful and leave no wiggle room.  My daughter was in a similar situation.  Teacher demanded they stay apart.  No contact at lunch, playground, in line, etc.  They had to sit at different lunch tables even.  This worked well for us.  In the end the truth came out about this other girl when she slapped my daughter right in front of a school worker at lunch, but even if the adults at school aren't sure whose to blame, your son will be happy that he and this other boy have to stay apart.

Hi babygonz,

Just following this thread and wondering if there has been any progress?

Please update us when there is, I too have been there with my son, and then some!

Longsalley, funny that you said that.  I used to tell my daughter (when her classmate was bothering her) that if she defended herself she would not be in trouble with us.  I explained that the school would have to give her a consequence, but it would be worth it to put this girl in her place.  My daughter doesn't have it in her though, so staying away from her, and the girl being forced to stay away from my daughter,  worked well.

ok, throwing in on this one,,,,,,

son had a child in his class in 2nd grade that bullied him.  Child was slick, teacher did NOT send home notes, did NOT call the parents, did NOT send this child to guidance, did NOTHING to help my son.  I went in to see the principal and DEMANDED something be done, I also spoke to the parents directly.  He is also on our bus.  Let me just say, they are no longer in the same class, its 4th grade now but this child STILL calls my son names as often as he can and picks on him on the bus.

I DO NOT advocate violence, however, had my son smacked the heck out of this child in 2nd grade, I firmly believe that none of this would be happening now.  Tell your son to punch him, without warning, in the nose as hard as he can!!!!!! ( after being bullied of course).  This child WILL leave him alone.  IOf he doesnt learn to stand up for himself now, he will be running his whole life!!!

longsally...that's what my husband says to do! One solid unexpected pop.

I was told by a teacher in a public school that he taught his son to fight so that he could protect himself from a bully. His son then went and gave the other child a good "pop" in the nose and that ended the bullying!!

And remember this was a teacher whose own son was going through this crap!

My nephew had to do the same things last year in 6th grade.  This one boy rotated who he was bullying in the lunchroom.  The school only put 6 6th grade boys in an primarily 8th grade lunch.

Finally, my nephew belted him.  The kid fell into another kid's tray.  The tray went flying.  It was like a movie scene.  Both boys got in school punishment, but my nephew only got one day.  But, he gained so much street credibility. 

My sister and her husband supported him 100%.  My nephew told them he didn't even punch him as hard as he could have.  My BIL advice, if there is a next time, give them everything. 

 

 

 

 

Update. Thank you for all your responses. My husband and I had a
meeting with ds teacher and the head of primary school. They understand
our position now. We are doing our part to help ds and be his advocate.
He is seeing the school social worker once per week to help him learn
how to handle this child and the older girls in 5th grade that bug him in
gym (another story). I don't want to pull him out of school and I don't
think it will come to that. Ds is doing better with ignoring this child.
Anything that happens, he tells the teacher. It seems that this child in his
class did the same thing to another boy last year. That boy left the school
with depression about it and is now medicated for it. It is sad that it came
to that and I don't know if that boys parents ever said anything. I so
agree with a previous poster that we are so ready to blame our own kids
because they do have some challenges. This time it is NOT my son. He is
10, has ADHD/anxiety, and is doing great in school. I am proud of him,
but do want him to learn how to handle this kid. It might be this boy now,
but it will be someone else later in life unfortunately. I will keep you
posted. We are going to stay on top of this and advocate for ds. Thanks
again. I love this board!

That is great news! I am saddened by what happened to the other boy from last year and what this same child do to him! Is he back at school this year?

Do the parents of this problemed child know what he has done to your son and the child last year?

My husband did mention to the child's father (one who left last year) what is
going on. That child is doing well in his new school. I will keep you posted.

Thank you for that!

You are good people!

The "problem child" parents do know what is going on. The mom works at
the school.and while mom may know, I am sure that she is doing nothing about it, just like the mom of our problem child.  NO ONE in the neighborhood is allowed to play with him except the ndn.  I am sure she doesnt notice or care though.

what is a ndn?

I actually fell sorry for these difficult kids, if an adult would step in and help them, life would be easier for them, and others.

the sad thing is something is going wrong in their home and no one is helping the child. It could even be a call for help, even if it is a 30 day evaluation in a hospital.

the school said that since the mom works there, they are going thru the dad
to work this out. I think the mom has her head in the sand really. I am just
going to worry about my own kid and do what we can to help ds.In your shoes, I would first talk to the teacher as planned. Then for each and every incident, I would email the teacher, ccing the mom, describing the situation and asking her to address it with the boys. KEEP THE SENT EMAIL. For the next incident, forward that email, describing the next situation. And continue until you have an email string of at least 5-6 emails. Then at the next occurrence forward it to the principal but don't bother copying the teacher unless she has been proactive. Describe the most recent issue, and state flat out that your husband is discussing resolution by removing ALL CHILDREN (a bluff, albeit). Then give the annual dollar amount of the loss--it should be around ,000 (they get about K a year from the state for each kid enrolled). State that you look forward to receiving his/her response so that you can make a decision asap. Schools are suffering. If you have 3 kids there, you have power. Use it.

The bottom line is, this is the teacher's turf and she needs to resolve the situation. You are not there, but they need to know that you can and will resolve it your way if needed.Jessica N40446.8587268519NDN- next door neighbor