13yr boy ’going out’ with 16 yr girl-help | ADHD Information

Thanks for your advice.  I have told him that I will be accessing his facebook from now on and he accepts this.  I guess my main concern is that this relationship will sexualise him while he is still too young.  I can't imagine a 16 yr old will be content with holding hands for too long and will want to move on to kissing.  I hear what you all say about not forcing a breakup as my first impulse is to break this up!  Guess I have to go at this a bit more softly.

Really appreciate some advice on how to tackle this. 

My son,who will be 14 next month is ADHD.  He started attending a youth group at a church 2 suburbs from ours as his new best friend attended there.  We were so pleased he had made a good friend.  He told me he met a girl called Emily and that he had asked her out.  Now, I understand from kids this age that this doesn't really mean anything apart from haviing names linked together.

He then told me after a month that she was 15 yrs old.  I told him that this was too old and that they need to break up. Particularly when my husband went to pick my son up from youth group and he saw our son hug Emily goodbye.

My daughter has since told me that Emily is really 16 and that my son asked her not to tell us this.  My daughter said that on facebook, my son is calling her 'his little peachblossom' and Emily tells him that she 'thinks of him everyday'.  We are currently away from home on vacation but I have told my son that they break up as soon as we get back home.  I don't trust that he will do this.  I think the whole thing is inappropriate.  I know this is difficult for my son because for the first time in his life, someone really wants to be close to him.  How do I tackle this?  Emily is much too old for him in my opinion - my son still plays with Lego, sleeps with stuffed toys and hasn't gone through puberty yet!

Thanks all.

I would try not to over-react. The girl may be immature too. She probably is if she is interested this way in your son.
If the only place they see each other is at the church group then I don't see how it can be much of a problem. I would just monitor and let it run its course. These young teen romances are usually very short-lived.
I would speak to your son about lying, but if you over-react and force him to end the friendship, it may encourage him to lie more. I would encourage him to talk to you about his friendships so that he will know he can talk to you and turn to you for advice.
That's my 2 cents. Best of luck!

Personally- I would not tell him to break up with her. I would just keep their contact limited to church group and facebook and ride it out.  She is probably much more sexually mature and they may be having inappropriate banter on facebook through their inbox or chat, so if I were you I would talk to him about that- get his password and make sure that he knows you have the right to check in on his facebook page, inbox, etc...

 

in the first place i wouldn't have told him to break up with her when he said
she was 15 because he is almost 14 so that is only a one year difference. I
can understand 16. maybe you should get to know this girl. when you pick
him up go and introduce yourself or something. all i am saying is that she
may not be more sexually mature than him. she may be a nice girl who is a
little immature for her grade. to be honest, at that age i was not very
sexually mature and probably would not have been comfortable doing much
at all. age is relative. if he were a year or two older most people would not
find it weird at all. just monitor it and maybe try to get to know her before
you decide she will be a bad influence on him. you don't want to end a
friendship if it is innocent and especially if she is the first person who wants
to be close to him.