Worst week yet | ADHD Information

Let your son pick his own new hat.  Don't give the other family the satisfaction of putting your son in a position to have to thank them or accept some lame apology. 

 

 

Decline the hat.
I agree with kidsinspace, have a long sit-down with the head of the middle school program, and explain in detail and let him/ her know how the failure the address the situation caused a lot of pain.We did speak with the head of the middle school program. He was just beside himself that this occurred. They admitted failing my son. I just
wish they would have done their job. Suffice to say we won't be participating in any future activities. Shame because they would be good for our
child.

Well, we went against your wise advice and allowed D and his dad to come to our house and give B a replacement hat. We thought that we were
doing the right thing and possibly there could be some reconciliation.

Boy were we wrong.

The kid and his dad came up to the door, handed my son the hat, the kid mumbled "Sorry I took your hat" and then they turned on their heels
and left. Took about 2 to 3 seconds.

I guess I know where the kid get his behavior from. Makes me sad because this child will do this again to another child. No one deserves to be
mistreated!!!

Can I tell all of you how much I appreciate your "listening" and understanding??? It has been wonderful to know that their are people who get it.
And are wonderful about supporting each other as we go through these things.
Not sure where to turn, but I need to vent. I am so upset my stomach
aches.

DS, age 11, diagnosed when he was 8, ADHD combined, anxiety. As
some say on this forum, ADHHHHHHD. Lots of difficulty with impulse
control, although we have seen improvement. Meds have made the
world of improvement - he is a different kid when he is on them. He has
gone to 1.5 years of social skill training, OT, and some individual
therapy/coaching. We pulled him out of public school when he was in
1st grade because it was too much chaos for him and because they spent
more time telling me how bad he was vs. working with me.

Two weeks ago, we decided to permit him to go on a two overnight youth
group retreat with church. The ratio was 2 counselors to 12 campers. I
met privately with the head of the middle school program and let
them know that there was one child (call him D) that loved to torment my
child (call him B). My child lacks the maturity to walk away and will
engage with this kid. D LOVES to get a rise out of B and will go to
great lengths to trick, tease, embarres B. I asked the leader to covertly
introduce my child to other groups of kids. I asked that they do this early
on because D is sneaky and will torment B "under the radar".

Long story short, the weekend was horrible. They did not introduce my
son to new groups of kids - they thought he was happy. My son was
teased, ditched, locked out, had his things hidden and was made fun
of -- all weekend. He sobbed and sobbed when he got home. The
teasing reached a whole new level and my husband and I consider it
bullying. We were so upset that my husband decided to talk to the
parents. He met with the father at their house and told them what went
on.

Two days later, they called us and launched into a full out assault on our
child. As an example, it isn't just D that doesn't like him, nobody does.
They dredged up things that occurred when B was undiagnosed
(years ago!) and essentially said that, "yes B got teased, but he brings it on
himself. Our son participated, but certainly isn't capable of instigating
these things." Not a bit of concern about our son, not a bit of
sorrow over what transpired.

We are aghast and heart broken. We know our son is doing better, we
also know he can be annoying and hard to be with. But that doesn't
permit this type of behavior at the expense of my son's esteem. These
people were our friends.

Thanks for letting me vent. I just don't know how to proceed.workinghard40452.5025925926This was a church group?

Number 1 - never go back to that church. Sorry, but they are evil people,
and I know how harsh that sounds.

Number 2 - not sure where you are, but if your son is in school tell them
he has been bullied, because chances are he's also being bullied there.

Number 3 - I would strongly suggest therapy for your son. It's such a
fine line with kids these days. He didn't deserve to be treated like that,
but he might think he did. I'd get a 3rd party involved so he can really
work that out.

Good luck!
Well, we know where D gets the bully behavior from don't we :). Not a real loss, more like an enlightenment, right?

I guess this all depends on where D and B are together. Church, school, or both? They attend church together. After this, we are changing services. I can't let my son be in the same room as this
other child.

The dad of D called yesterday. He wants to bring D over to replace the hat that D whipped off of my son's head and
threw into the woods. I understand why he wants to do this, but how can I let them come when they said such
hateful things?

they can shove that hat where the sun don't shine. Your son is 11- he is old enough to hear the truth- the world is full of a-holes and unfortunately he had to spend the weekend with a bunch of them.

You need to go back to the people you spoke to before the trip and ask them why these 2 kids were in the same group and make them fully aware of the bullying and tormenting that occurred.

None of this will heal the wounds your son suffered, time will ease the pain, but the scars will remain. Next time there is a chance for something like this perhaps you or your husband should volunteer to chaperone.