I am doing this alone and need HELP!!!

I am a single mom of 2 children, a 9 yr. old girl with add and a 5 yr. old girl with adhd. Right now I am having real difficulties with the 5 yr. old. She was diagnosed when she was 3 and I had struggles with putting her on medication at the time but have realized that it is best for her. She is currently on Ritalin LA 10 mg.  And I just can't seem to control her, she is also very defiant. She has also been in play therapy for almost a yr. The counslor was having me try smart discipline, but it didn't work for her. Any consequence I give her she just laughs at or is not affected by it at all.  She feels like she has to always be hurting someone or she does things that is off the wall, like flushing 2 slices of bread down the toilet. Thank goodness it went down and didn't overflow. She just laughed about it. So if there is anyone out there that can give me ANY advice, I will gladly take all I can.

We're raising our 7 y/o twin grandsons who have both been diagnosed with ADHD this past Spring. They were on Strattera, but the benefits weren't being seen by school and after school care teachers, so this past week we started with Concerta 18 mg. I don't know how this is going to go, we'll see.

My best advise to anyone who has a child diagnosed with ADD/ADHD is to find a professional who has great experience treating this disorder. Also, the school often can refer to program teaching behavior modification. If your child isn't reacting to meds in the way you think they should, be persistent and find someone who will listen to you!! I was surprised that your child was diagnosed at age three, and on medication at age five. We had to wait until our kiddo's were 6-7 years old.

I really know what you are talking about here.  I am a single mom of two children ages 5 and 6.  My 5yr old is not affected by any disorders at present but, my 6yr old has Down's and ADHD.  It is  that much harder to control her because she has the developmental problems associated with the Down's so she frequently doesn't understand and you can't reason with her.  I have to have special locks on my doors becuase if she can get them open she will bolt and take off right down the middle of the street.  She knows the oven is hot and will tell me "hot" and then reach out impulsively and touch it.  My friends and family don't understand completely and get VERY frustrated with her and continuously tell me that I just have to "teach" her.  I can't take her to some friends and family's houses to visit because she will tear their house up or make them a nervous wreck worrying that she will.  I can't enjoy a visit with them in a situation like that because I am having to stay right on top of her and can't sit still long enough to have even a short conversation.  She does the same sort of strange things your daughter does like flushing bread down the toilet and if I don't have a lock on the fridge she will get an 18 pack of eggs out and smear them all over the kitchen and anything else she can reach.  Same with any other messy food she can get her hands on.  Needless to say I have to sit right with her when she is eating and sippy cups are a MUST.  If my 5yr old has to leave the table for a napkin or to use the bathroom etc. he will put his plate by me and ask me to watch his food so my daughter doesn't grab his food or knock his plate on the floor.  My friendships and most family contact is all through the phone and that way she is only annoying me. 

She is on extended release metadate CD 20mg twice a day (morning and afternoon).  I have a behavior specialist that comes to the house once a week to help with her behavior problems.  He has suggested to me that the more structured I can make her life the better.  As soon as she comes home from school have a snack prepared and when she walks in the door take her immediately to her seat at the table and structure the rest of her day as much as I can.  He is also pushing for me to ignore the bad behavior TOTALLY and REALLY praise the good behavior.  This is being a VERY hard thing to do when she pours a cup of yogurt on the couch and smears it in or rips to shreds a book.  (I have bought couch slipcovers so I can take them off and wash them to keep from having to rent a steam cleaner).  It is really hard to do if she is making the messes faster than I can get to them to clean them up. 

The behavior specialist is being paid for through my local Regional Center.  I also receive repite services so I can get out of the house a few times a month with a sitter, also paid for by the Regional Center. 

I have found that she has a better appetite if I wait to give her medication until just before we eat (no more than 20mins before) or right after we eat. 

She is in school in a special ED class and goes full days and is intergrating into regluar kindergarten classes one to two hours a day. 

She has shown HUGE amounts of improvement with the medication but still needs a LOT of supervision and guidance and some of the problems I have are due to her getting her meds late. 

I recently heard from a friend that zinc is being used in the treatment of ADHD and I am looking into that to see if it might add any benefits.  I am waiting for the Dr to call me back about it to see if it might work and how much to give her if it will.  I don't know a lot about it but I am getting the general idea that it helps with the prescribed meds and supplements a deficiency of zinc in their system and helps to regulate dopamine.  If anyone has tried zinc with their children I would love to hear from you. 

I was pretty relieved to hear that my daughter isn't the only one that does VERY strange things and seems so out of control.  It is somehow comforting to know I am not in this boat alone. 

I wish you luck and pray that things go well for you. 

Rebel

My daughter takes Ritalin LA 10 mg. It seems to work at school. Someone had told me about maybe she has ODD, but I am not sure how to have her tested. He dad who until a year ago wasn't in her life much. Now he doesn't really think she needs meds or any further testing. It is very hard for me to go further because they have to have permission from him first. It really isn't fair, but what can I do.

atwitsend2, I am also a single mother..but of 4.  My son who is now 6 was diagnosed when he was 4 with adhd and a learning disability.  He didn't start taking medication until h was 5. We stared out on Ritalin 10 mg, then went to 20 mg.  His focus in school was great, but he started loosing weight (6lbs in 2 mos). So, he was switched to Concerta 18 mg.  He regained his appetite, but all of his focus and impulse control was gone.  He received a "warning' on the bus for not being able to stay seated, and his behavior in school got worse.  My biggest issue is trying to find the right dosage/meds to help him.  He is now back on Ritalin 10 mg LA.  It does appears to calm him and he now eats regularly. It's very hard, trying to deal with the ADHD, his learing issues, and raise 4 kids alone.  I have a good support system in my mom.  She has the patience of Job!!.

He is currently in a program at our local Children's Hospital where they deal specifically with all types of childhood disabilities...(adhd, learning disabilities, physical, etc) The doctors, phsycologist, speech, ot, pt all individually evaluate your child and come up with a plan to assist them in school, home, etc.  This has been a great help for me..   www.cincinnatichildrens.org  They take referrals from all over the county..you don't have to live here  to get their services..

hope this helps!!

This is totally of the subject, but do you have sole custody of your two children or joint custody?  I have been trying to get help with my children's schedule.  I have divorced from my ex-husband for the last 9 years.  My son is now 10 and has ADHD.  I have primary custody but we still have joint custody.  The courts are not upto date on ADHD and how the schedule is very inportant to their success in school and life.  Any suggestions???

I am trying to get help with the best schedule for my children.  I am looking for therapist, lawyers any one that can help.  Even letters from other parents of  children with ADHD that I can take to court. 

HELP!!!! ANY ONE!!!

I hadn't heard of them diagnosing any children until at least they started school. But my daughter was in the 3 yr. old preschool program and the teacher was having alot of trouble with her sitting or listening also being very defiant, so I took her to the doctor to talk to them about this issue and they said there aren't many kids that young on meds but it isn't unusal. They had a questionaire form for myself and the teacher to fill out and extensive talked with both of us. So they then felt that is what she needed. Believe I was not thrilled about it. I still have issue with it myself. But I can see a big difference in her when she's on the meds and when she's not.

Hi All and Wits End,

My son is ADHD and is now 15.  He was diagnosed when he was 3 and started on meds when he was 5 because his first school and his second school said no meds no school.    When he was 5 I would sit and cry and think it is so hard to control him now - how on earth am I going to manage by the time he is 15 - but we made it and we have been through the meds.

A couple of experiences we have had which you may want to beware of.  

Ritalin LA.    My son took that for the first 6 months he was in high school and he became violent and was suspended from school 3 times.  That was really really horrible because he is not a violent child normally.

One of the things I have found really hard is trying to work out what effect the different meds have on him - I can't get any sensible feedback from him and end up guessing.

He started this year on Concerta and its just not working for us - yes he is less trouble but its because he is high as a kite.    He has not had that reaction from anything else.

Last year we kept him off everything for a whole year - partly because I was so worried about his weight and growth - the pattern didn't change.   His appetite went through the roof but he burned it all off - no weight gain at all so maybe the size of our kids is because they burn it off - not just the meds.

I envy you parents in the US - we get no help here in Australia.   I have to pay $100 to see the paediatrician for his prescriptions every three months and then the scripts are $140 per month and nothing back on health insurance.

The doctors write out the scripts but there is no supports groups or anything - that is why I have joined a US board - to get some help.

I didn't want to give my son meds and am currently looking at the Dore system and the Learning Breakthrough Program.   

As a parent you never ever give up and you keep researching but the rewards are there - stop sometimes and think about how healthy our kids are and how creative, one of the pieces of gold in my life is my sons sense of humour - I value it more than anything else.

So - chin up - imagine life without the meds and without messageboards.

Would love to hear any feedback about Dore or Learning Breakthrough.

When we went to a parenting group for kids w/ADD-ADHD, one of the most useful things I learned was to focus on the acceptable behaviour instead of the negative.  The counselor told us to make a chart, and every time he did something "right" he would get a check.  If he received 5 checks in 5 days (not to hard to start) he would get a reward (ice cream, small toy, whatever).   Of course as time goes on, he needed more than 5 checks to get rewarded, but you get the idea.

Here is a site that offers free behavior modification charts and may be great for a young child - hope this helps!

http://www.latitudes.org/behavioral_charts.html

Hi atwitsend2, i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am a single mom of an 11 year old son with adhd. It is very tough at times especially when the meds. wear off, but  then i realize he just has to let off his steam. For my son it took trying many different medications before i found one that worked the best, and for him it has been concerta, he is on a very high dose, but it works really well for him. Good luck, and stay strong thats what it takes!

I am a single mom of 2 children, a 9 yr. old girl with add and a 5 yr. old girl with adhd. Right now I am having real difficulties with the 5 yr. old. She was diagnosed when she was 3 and I had struggles with putting her on medication at the time but have realized that it is best for her. She is currently on Ritalin LA 10 mg.  And I just can't seem to control her, she is also very defiant. She has also been in play therapy for almost a yr. The counslor was having me try smart discipline, but it didn't work for her. Any consequence I give her she just laughs at or is not affected by it at all.  She feels like she has to always be hurting someone or she does things that is off the wall, like flushing 2 slices of bread down the toilet. Thank goodness it went down and didn't overflow. She just laughed about it. So if there is anyone out there that can give me ANY advice, I will gladly take all I can.

Hi....I too am doing this alone.  My sons dad is finally starting to realize that yes our son does have a problem and that it isn't just me (like he used to always say).  The only advice I can give is DONT GIVE UP!  I was at my wits end and had actually told my sons dad that he needed to take him full time because I couldn't handle it anymore.  Well I came to my senses and realized that I couldn't just give up on my son that easily.  It has been a challenge to "raise" him (he is soon to be 7) but I'm glad I haven't given up yet.  He is on Concerta and it helps quite a bit but it isn't a "magical" pill that takes all the problems away.  We still have difficulty each and every day in the mornings and in the evenings but I just have to remind myself that not all things are worth making a mountain out of them!  I just had a 9 night/10 day break from my son and I really needed it.  He spent his Spring Break with his dad and it not only did me good but it did him some good also.  My son came home and although it has only been 3 nights since he has been back, there has been an awesome improvement (I'd like to think that that has nothing to do with anything his dad did but maybe he talked to him about some things I don't know).  So anyways.........hang in there!