I rarely go anywhere with my son..without some kid complaining or tattling on him. I feel like I can't take my eyes off of him..so that I KNOW for certain who did what.. More often than not, my son gets in trouble for something someone else started. He doesn't cry or tattle..he enjoys "mixing it up" ..so it is always a bit of surprise to him when the other kids cries, tattles, complains, etc. He hasn't ever (and I mean never) complained about how some other kid is treating him. I I don't know what the solution is...my son is big (7 yrs old 53 inches tall and 75 lbs) his peers don't pick on him physically. But, for the smaller guys & girls, I can imagine that it is heart breaking to have them assaulted.
Good luck with the new strategy. I hope that your son's new attitude and hopefully new condifence will help out with the other kids.
FYI: Our son takes Tae Kwon Do..it does help with just the physical confidence ... he has never used it to defend himself.
I think you are making a mistake.sorry, but I cannot agree. We tried the no hitting route. While I am policing my child, the other parents arent watching their kids and my son has become the neighborhood punching bag. Since we told him to fight back, no one hits him anymore. I attempted to protect him and he developed the rep as a whiny crybaby who goes to his mother for everything. He is 10 and he has to learn to stand up to people like this or he will be running his whole life.
He is aware that he can not just hit for no reason. He understands that someone must hit him first. That is not assault, that is called defending yourself and he has every right to do that, even by the law.
I think it is working. Yesterday, the boy who pushed my son..see first post...told my son in front of 4 other boys that he was not welcome to play. My son said he could if he wanted and with that, the boy slammed my son in the face with a football. It was a viscious blow, caught again on security camera.
Before I could get outside, he took that child down and punched him one time. Then he told him that he hasnt really hurt him yet but he will if he keeps hitting him. The other boys just stood there. No one else took a swipe at him. After a few moments, all the boys headed up the street to play on the cul-de-sac. The only ones left were my son and the mean boys older brother who was telling my son that he should not have hit him.
At this point, I walked out and told that child that anyone who hit's my child will be beaten by my child and I dont want to hear anyone complain when he does. I also told him that his brother deserved what he got. Then I told my son that it is a free country and he can go play on the cul-de-sac if he wants and if either of those brothers tries to tell him to leave, go straight to the mother and tell her what happenned.
well, he got up there and the boy who hit him told him to leave. My son then headed for his front door and when he told the child that he was going to tell the mother what he did, they agreed to let him stay and play. Slowly but surely.....they are stopping. I hope the trend continues. BTW, son does kickboxing and has a kick that can take me down!!
@Longsally- I totally agree with you- I have done the same thing. When your kid gets bullied- he has to hit back- otherwise he becomes an easy target for everyone who saw it. Have tried it both ways with my 14 year old, and I firmly believe in defending yourself.
@inspiredbymusic- I dont mean to be rude but your response is extemely naive, even in a "civilized society" there are going to be times kids should stick up for themselves- so until the ones who start problems can be stopped (never) the rest of them can and should stand up for themselves.
It is such a hard thing and such a fine line to walk. WhereAt my child's elementary school, you do not get in trouble if you react physically if someone is hitting/punching/kicking/choking/pinning you down and you can't get away. IDK if it's always been this way or it's only the case after I asked the school counselor, "What should my son do when he's pinned to the ground and someone is punching him repeatedly? He can't get away, and calling for help won't work if no adult is nearby."
I hope that all of our kids are left alone, not experiencing either physical attacks or name calling.
Well, considering that my son has had 2 in school suspensions this year forThis is just a statement, general, and I am putting it out on the board for all to see. I have tried to guide my son and I have put myself into situations that maybe I should not have. As a result, I firmly beliebe that some of my son's social skills issues are my fault. I have decided to take action..
I have decided to butt out. I told my son, if someone assaults you, smack them as hard as you can. When the other kids come to me and tell me that my ds hit them, I just say " handle it yourselves". I will no longer get involved and in doing so, there are actually less fights and problems going on.
yesterday, my son was sat on and then pushed by a child and my son shoved him back so hard that he fell into the side of the trampoline and started to cry. My son then called him a name ( something I did ask him not to do) and when I was told about it, I said "good for you". I hope that by doing this, the other kids will realize that if they bother my child, he will retaliate so it might be better to leave him alone. I know this is not the popular opinion but I am at a loss anymore of what to do.
krstas: Respectfully disagree. (And maybe I'm naive, but it's worked in my family, and we've managed to raise a son who is now 18 and a successful college freshman.) Maybe we are talking about two different things.[QUOTE=inspiredbymusic]
Personally I would tell my kid not to associate with kids who behave this way (and whose parents apparently think it's OK too). I wouldn't have my kid hanging out with kids like that any more than I would have him hanging out with kids who do drugs, smoke, use bad language, steal, etc. Those aren't appropriate friends. They're bad influences. Nobody is perfect, of course, but that is just unacceptable to me.
I CANNOT keep my child in the house 24/7. THIS IS THE REAL WORLD. And as I stated, I was policing my child but the other parents were not.
Self-defense means using physical force necessary to prevent yourself from being injured. It doesn't mean if someone hits you, hit back.
In the real world, if you do not kit back, you get the rep that you are an easy target. My child didnt hit back and that is what happenned to him. Now, they know he will hit back if struck so they no longer hit him.
Also, for those of you who think hitting back is a good idea, a few questions:
-What happens if the other kid is just bigger and/or stronger than your kid? Or if the other kid just fights better?
-What happens if your kid "hits back" and the other kid hits back even harder?
-What if your kid "hits back" and the other kid fall, hits his head and is seriously injured?
-What if the neighborhood kids start carrying weapons?
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The children, aged 7 -10 do not carry weapons. 2nd of all, several of these kids are larger. That does not mean my child should not defend himself and now, they respect him and no longer hit him. If someone should be hurt by being hit...so be it.
Here is the latest scenario: son had the same adhd neighbor over to play. That child became frustrated with my son. He ended up grabbing my child by the hand and twisting it. With that, my son took his other hand and punched this child. The child then started to cry and complained to my husband that my child had hit him. NOTHING was said about the fact that he had made contact first and tried to twist my sons hand off. That is what he has to learn. My child will never make physical contact first but by god, he will finish it.