when is a good time to tell your child | ADHD Information

When is a good time to tell your child that they have ADHD?  My DD was diagnosed over the summer and she is on meds.  She keeps asking what  they are for and we just tell her that it helps her in school.  Also, how do you go about telling them?  Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks.

 

Have you seen the show Parenthood? It drives me crazy that the parents
don't tell their son he's autistic!

I told my son when he reported to me that kids told him he was crazy. He
knew he was "different" and other kids gave him their opinion of what
was going on with him. I set him straight, and he used it to set the kids
straight. He told them he wasn't crazy, he had ADHD.

Now he's very accepting of himself. He knows he's different, and that's
okay, because some things he's better at - he can make connections
faster than any of the kids in his class and he's one of only 3 kids in his
class that are not overweight (!!!) - and some things he has to work a little
harder at - like controlling his impulsiveness. Just like another kid might
need glasses to see clearly. It's no big deal to him now.

I find that if they are asking a question, you answer the question being asked in an age appropriate and truthful manner.  Then answer the follow up questions.  Don't feed too much info or try to force the hard facts, they will ask about them when they are ready to deal with the information.  My daughter is adopted and this has proven to be the best way to handle adoption related issues too.  If I try to give her more info then she asks it turns into a major thing.  If she asks, she is ready to deal with the answer. 

Your daughter is asking.  This means she is trying to understand and you are not being truthful.  She knows it and that is why she keeps asking. 

She probably even knows part of it and just wants you to help her understand fully.

Good luck.

Thank you TverMom for the information.  My daughter is also adopted.  I will take everybody's advice and start telling her more about it.  She does know she is adopted and has taken that very well.

Thanks everybody.

Thank u John.  We are seeing a very good doctor now an he is really trying to help us as much as possible.  I am thankful to see that I am not alone. Sometime it is so hard when she is going 100 miles a hour. We have started her on some meds and I have seen a big differents.  I checked out books at the library so I am starting my mission on understanding ADHD.  

Of all the "characterizations" of ADHD that I've heard, I think that Ned Hallowell's is one of the best.  Here it is, in a Q and A format:

Q: What is the best analogy you use to describe ADD?

A: Having ADD is like having a race car for a brain, A Ferrari engine for a brain. It will propel you to win many races in your lifetime. However, there is one problem. You have bicycle brakes! So, you need to see a brake specialist, someone like me. Once you get your brakes strengthened, then the race car can win races instead of spinning out on on turns.
To get the best outcome, it is CRUCIAL that you take a positive approach to treatment and that you work with a doctor who can help you do this. I see myself not as someone who treats disorders and disabilities, but as someone who helps people develop their talents and realize their dreams. That kind of positive approach to treatment makes all the difference in the world.

Luvmykids0240505.3430787037I understand how you feel.  My daughter is 12 and I have seen a big change. She has not been on meds. because I had a problem with it being addictive. But since she has been in middle school her ADHD has spread like  wildfire. She has more freedom and she has to  be better at keeping up with all the different assignment from different teachers. Now she is making f's and missing assignment left and right. She questioned me about ADHD.  She was told she had it in the second grade, but never wanted to talk about it and was embarrass about it around other children.  She is asking about it now.  I think when they know they are   having problems and want to be better they will come forward.  I still think she is shy about it but I am trying to get better educated on this subject to help her. This is why I joined this newgroup.

dear gooftypat,

welcome!  you'll find plenty of folks with advice and opinions around here--an incredibly open and helpful place.

From your post here, it sounds like you and your daughter are at a place where you both would benefit going together to see a good doctor.  If your daughter is diagnosed as having ADD, the doctor will discuss with you the various types of ADD meds as well as addictive properties and other issues both parents and patients need to know about.  And your daughter....please don't wait 'til your daughter is desperate and pleading to you for help.  If she's shy and she's waited 5 years to to talk to you about this and she's now getting Fs for grades, please be there to support your daughter. 

Learn as much as you can about ADD--there's lots of myths and lore about this which seems and sounds right but much of it is dead wrong.  By you and your daughter educating yourselves, you'll know what's fact and what's fiction.  Plus, the best way to make the most  of having ADD traits is to know what ADD is,what it  isn't, and what can be most helpful in accentuating the positive and minimizing the negative.  

Please keep us informed of your progress!!< id="gwProxy" ="">< ="if(of(jsCall)==''){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" ="">

If your child was struggling in certain areas, it might be a relief that those problems were associated with having a medical condition and that the medication should help her in those areas.  That's the approach I took with my son, and it comforted him to know that he wasn't a bad kid and there was a reason for what was going on.

To be clear, I never told him that he was a bad kid.  However, he felt badly about himself due to the ADHD behaviors.  The medications helped control those behaviors, and his self-esteem then soared as he no longer was getting in trouble, had friends, etc.

Mom2ADHDboy40506.4055439815

I think it really depends on the age & awareness of the child.  Our DS just turned 8 and has been on meds since 5.  At first he asked why he was taking them & at age 5, we knew he couldn't comprehend ADHD so we just told him that the medicine helps him concentrate & be more calm instead of feeling excited all the time.  That answer was good enough for him at the time & he's never asked again.  His meds are just a part of his daily life & he seems oblivious to being a little different to others his age.  He is very smart & has no trouble academically, in fact he is very much above everyone else in his class, so that isn't an issue.  He does struggle some socially but has a good network of kids/teachers to help him along.  I think age appropriate answers are best and less is more.  Personally I feel like if they already feel "different" we don't need to make them feel more different by giving them a long drawn out explanation that they may hyperfocus on & possibly use as an excuse for certain behaviors.  Keep it light and to the point and explain that it's just a part of who they are, just like anyone else who has an illness that takes meds to help them feel good on a daily basis.  I've often struggled with the question of telling him more & explaining it to him but have decided that if it doesn't bother him & he's not asking, then why bother.

I once had a friend who told me to tell my child thathis meds were vitamins!!!!!  some people....just tell him the truth.  My son is aware of his condition and we are very honest with him about it.