My Son the "enemy" | ADHD Information

My DD came home today and told me that my sons "considered" best friend" told his sister that DS was the enemy.  I thought the year was going so well, at teacher conferences the teachers said DS was doing fine academically and one teacher even said he is a great kid.  Apparently, socially he is being overbearing and unlikeable.  Calling kids names and short tempered.  We have had new kids over for playdates and have yet had a return call.  He is so OVER listening to me talk about social skills, he has seen the social worker and listens well and forgets the minute he walks out the door.  I am so OVER trying to explain how to be nice.  He said that he wasn't sad about friends but today I found 2 crumpled pictures from last year at school with other kids.  So, do we let the natural consequences of his actions help him to see how his social behavior affects his friendships or do we increase his meds (currently 27mg of Concerta and 1 mg of intuniv) to help him be successful in friendships?  Do we risk the chance of side affects even though academically he is fine or do we risk his social well being??? Why is this always so hard..... The poor little guy!  I feel so badly for our ADHDers!  They just don't "get it" socially sometimes!  The social aspects of life are just as important as the academic aspects.  I would check with the doc and see if an increase would help.  It seems like a few minor side effects may be ok if you can save his self esteem!  It's sounds like you're doing everything you can on your end so just keep supporting him! He's obviously suffering a great cost due to his social interactions.  At some point, this'll hurt his self-esteem, if it hasn't already.  Personally, I would increase the Concerta dosage and see what happens.  The worst that happens is that you lower it again. 

imcbmcc wrote:

So, do we let the natural consequences of his actions help him to see how his so
cial behavior affects his friendships or do we increase his meds (currently 27mg of Concerta and 1 mg of intuniv) to help him be successful in friendships?  Do we risk the chance of side affects even though academically he is fine or do we risk his social well being??? Why is this always so hard.....

 

To answer your questions....These children act on impulse so consequences are long forgotten because with impulsivity, they act before they think and no amount of consequences, even natural will change anything when the child isnt on effective treatment. The medication is given so that they child is able to meet their full potential across the board, socially, emotionally and academically. Eventually these children hit the wall academically because peer pressure and issues of low self esteem get the best of them. If his social well being is compromised as a young adult and the child continues to act on impulse due to lack of effective treatment,  consequences from society are far worse then a few side effects of medication.

The risk of ineffective treatment or no treatment at all will eventualluy impact on every area of the child's life as they grow older. Its a quality of life issue. Once you get the right cocktail of meds and the right doses, you may only need to raise the meds or change them at puberty. While all medications have side effects, for example, prednisone for the child with asthma, side effects should be mild and if they arent there are ways to remedy that.

For my child, at the time I wasnt fraid of medication or side effects, I was afraid of the consequences down the road of having an untreated ADHD child and once they enter puberty, symptoms are even more exacerbated. ADHD should be treated, not punished so when the child is struggling, has no friends and eventually struggles academically, thats punishment. Life for these children shouldnt have to be so hard and whats really hard for the parent is watching your child suffer down the road and having no power to do anything about it. These decisions are never easy but whatever decision you do make, know that they are the right ones for your child because your a loving, caring parent

My 8 1/2 year old son had social issues too.  Anxiety over being around the nearly 700 children in school and issues making friends.  He found it embarassing and difficult to interact with other kids and would resort to acting silly or teasing to get the attention of other children.  I don't know the age of your child but mine didn't want to "talk" about it either.  I resorted to role-playing.  I'd pretend to be a kid and my son would pretend to be a new student at school.  We basically practiced on how he could make conversation and carry it if he wanted to.  While we were practicing there would of course be dead silence, at first, because he didn't know what to say.  I'd whisper "Ask me what I did this summer".  He'd ask, I'd make up something outlandish up then ask him what he did etc.  I gave him llittle hints along the way hoping I was helping.  After few months of practicing now and then we went to a community function.  He happened to run into a kid he hadn't seen for months.  My little guy carried the entire conversation right down to "Well, I've been fine.  Nice seeing you.  Talk to you later."  I swear I could've sat down and bawled!  A month ago an his new basketball coach introduced himself to my son.  My son responded "Nice to meet you Scott."  I almost fell off my chair!  This is a child that would speak to NO ONE.  After the coach walked away I asked my son why he'd said what he said.  He responded "Didn't I do it right mom?"  I laughed through my tears and told him I was SOOOO proud of him.  He'd done it EXACTLY right.

We read every night as well.  The books we generally read are about teasing, how to be a good friend, bullies etc.  I ordered a BUNCH of age appropriate books from Amazon.com.  Check it out.

Bottom line for us is the med's make it possible for me to help teach my son creatively what's appropriate and what's not.     

Good luck and do NOT give up!  There's a lovely child in there who just wants to be accepted and fit in.

Been  through all of this, remember it oh so well and it still hurts!

Please, increase his concerta and think of adding tenex to the routine. It is also known as guanfacine. This helps relax them.

My son has been on concerta since he was turning 7, he is now 13 1/2. BUT from the very get go, we had guanfacine as well. He started the concerta at the very lowest dose and only .5mgs of guanfacine.

Now at his current age, he is on 104 mgs of concerta, and 1 mg of guanfacine. They were hand in hand as a charm.

DS is also 5 8, 155-160 lbs.

Please as his prescribing doctor about it.