I Shouldn’t Feel This Way, Help
Give him a day or two to adjust back to home. My kids only see their dad two or three times a year. Dad's schedule not mine. His routine has been disrupted and needs adjustment to get back to normal. Get him to do a favor for you for rewards. I reward for quiet around here. Ask for minutes of it. I give a treat or some money for it. They say not to bribe kids, but I find it works wonders.Thanks, Aaron's mom. I wish I would have seen this coming before he came home, so that I could have come here and asked for advice. I love him with all my heart and would die if I lost him, but man, how things were different and easier when he wasn't here.let me just say that it took a while for me to admit the following: I love my
son but sometimes, I don't like him very much. As he gets older, things do
get easier on some levels. My child is on the a-b honor roll this year and
there have been NO reports of trouble at school. However, here at home, he
has no friends to play with so we do other things instead.
[QUOTE=longsally]let me just say that it took a while for me to admit the following: I love my
son but sometimes, I don't like him very much. As he gets older, things do
get easier on some levels. My child is on the a-b honor roll this year and
there have been NO reports of trouble at school. However, here at home, he
has no friends to play with so we do other things instead.[/QUOTE]
I would have to admit the same thing, just never out loud to anyone. However, I think the older mine gets (13 yo) the harder it gets because he is soooooo immature and doesn't seem to be growing up and it drives me crazy.
There's nothing wrong with saying that you don't like your son's behavior and the effects it has on the family. It doesn't mean that you don't love him.
As others have said, you're not alone in feeling this way.
I have to agree that sometimes the disruption to the routine doesn't seem worth the break I get when my son is away. I'm still not sure if it is more that his behavior gets worse (which it does) or that I've adjusted to the peace so quickly.But I really think you have to make the decision not to feel guilty- there are so many things that we mothers end up feeling guilty about that are perfectly normal and natural. If our kids are being obnoxious, we are going to get annoyed, we are occasionally going to want to do things like tell them to shut up or wish they would go away. I've always been perfectly honest about the fact that I sometimes wish I could just shake my son till he starts acting reasonably. I try to give vent to these feelings humorously. There are many jokes about beating the children in our house (and the children laugh at them all).
The difference between an effective parent and an ineffective one is that the effective one knows how to act the opposite of how they feel when those occasions arise. The best thing I ever did was to start to point out to my son when he was behaving obnoxiously (in a gentle and unemotional manner). Now when he's on my last nerve I can take a deep breathe and tell him "Your behavior right now is extremely obnoxious and you need to leave the room- I'll talk to you in few minutes." Sort of like a time out but without the punitive factor.
Don't give up the opportunity for another break should your son have the chance to go away again- you need that time and so does the rest of your family. Just be prepared for his homecoming.
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