Table Manners | ADHD Information

Last night my girls (4 and 7) had a date with Papa-my dad at McDonald's. Afterwards he tells me that they have no table manners and that I need to work with them on that. Hello!!!! Duh, you just got a glimsp of what I have been dealing with for the past 7 yrs.  

The 7 yr old with ADHD will only eat if it is something she decides at that time not to be picky about. Rarely sits still and most of the time stands instead of sitting. The 4 yr old feeds off of the 7 yr old and uses dinner time as playtime and "let's pretend" instead of eating. I have tried no talking rules. I have tried tv trays facing the wall. I have tried using the timer. Fussing at them to be quiet and eat doesn't work. Threating losing dessert or other privilages don't work. HELP!!!!

My son is the same way. He's very good at understanding there are different
"rules" depending upon where he is. So he has restaurant rules, and he can
keep it up for about an hour at a time. Just like anything else, it took a lot of
practice. We eat at least once a week - I'm a single mother and it's the only
time someone else takes care of me, so I need that break. It's expensive, but
it saves my sanity, and my son has made real progress.OMG I feel your pain!  Our DS 8 is on medication & when he's fully medicated, he does pretty well.  It's breakfast time that he's horrible, when he's just taken his meds.  We also have a 4 yr old who is not ADHD and we've gotten to the point that we don't allow them to eat breakfast together any longer, since DS4 feeds off of DS8's poor manners & it escalates so much it's awful.  DS4 has seen enough of DS8's poor table manners over the years to have learned some of them so even dinner time isn't the greatest.  DS8 does pretty good at dinner but now DS4 thinks he's funny with his poor manners and we're having a hard time knipping it.  We don't even take them out to eat anymore cause it's just too stressful, I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you but am right w/you when it comes to looking for suggestions. Well at least I know I am not alone. Breakfast is fine since that is the one time that DD7 actually wants to eat. And if we are lucky DD4 is still asleep or waking up. I heard the same table manners complaint from the older generation. It is because they do not understand ADHD.
You could try writing the manners on paper large and posting it on the wall in front of the 7 year old. She can read the entire list before beginning the meal to her sibling, and then read each one as it is violated. It does work at a certain age. In my case it seemed to take forever. Or you can just decide that you don't care what grandpa thinks about their table manners.In my experience table manners take a very long time to develop in a child with adhd.  I've been working with my 12 yr. old on table manners since he was about 4.  I quickly realized I needed to pick and choose the issues.  My goals ended up being to get him to use his utensils and to chew with his mouth closed.  After eight years of daily reminders and various reinforcements he uses a fork or spoon about 80% of the time and chews with his mouth shut about 50% of the time.  In the beginning it was about 10% of the time and never, respectively. 

Maybe by the time he's an adult I will have taught him to use a napkin.

My point being, hang in there.  It just takes lots of time, but you will see results.  Maybe write down several detailed descriptions of a mealtime and then look back in 6 months or a year and see how it compares- it can be hard to see slow progress.   

My daughter's table manners have been a challenge.  Recently she started getting letter grades at school.  Now she wants to be graded on her table manners.  It has really helped for some reason.  No kind of chart or anything has ever worked for me before.  Don't know why this is different, but it helps.  Just throwing it out there in case it helps anyone. 

When my ds was younger, if he didn't sit still at the table he had to stand up and eat, and that seemed to help.  If he had bad manners he had to go eat in a room by himself and watch himself in a mirror while he ate.  It sounds more mean than it was and when he saw what the rest of us were seeing, it help greatly.

How does lunch go on weekends?  That question is relevant only if you give your child meds on the weekend.  If your older child does okay with table manners while meds are in the system, this tells you it's an ADHD issue.

hmm, well Christmas break I got the unusual often irratating "I'm hungrey whine" from the oldest. But instead of wanting food she wanted candy and ice. Rarely did both kids eat at the same time. Most of the time the one that wasnt ready to eat would eat later in the day. So they never really ate lunch at the same time.

We have a dr appt, thursday and I am going to bring everything up.

My 9 yr old has ADHD and table manners have been drilled into his head since he was a baby. And people think you raise them without them because they dont understand ADHD.

 "What is this table manners thing you are talking about, I don't understand, should I be teaching my child this?" 

I separate my 7 yr old non ADHD (we think) and 9 yr old ADHD. One at the kitchen table, one at the dining table. My son sits with his leg up at the table. That is a battle I gave in to in order to win a use your fork battle. One less battle, no harm done. I do ask him to put his leg down at restaurants. If my son is too loud and obnoxious at the table I put him in his room after a few warnings and we eat a regular dinner without him and he eats by himself. Do what it takes to get normalcy around the house. There are other people in the house too. Not just the ADHD child.

Remember, we teach them and they cannot learn properly at this point in their lives and if the grandparents and the people in the restaurants dont like it, tuff.