OUT OF CONTROL TEEN ON ADHD | ADHD Information

thank you for your feedback but yea all thats been done my wife just spoils him ive even gone to cps and they told me unless he hurts someone theres nothing they can do even his school called cps but they only see what they want they dont see him go off on his mother plus he only breaks things when she home because he knows i wont put up with it his good he plays his mother like a puppet because he knows she will do what ever he tells her to do and as far as doctors they treat him by what ever she tells them not the truth like trying to get her to get help is hard because as far as she concerned shes right and everone else is wrong i even ask he do you see your son in prison she says yes

 

    troubled in santa rosa

HELLO PEOPLE WELL IM NEW HERE AND IVE RUN OUT OF HELP FOR MY 17 YR OLD STEPSON HE WAS ADOPTED AT JUST AFTER BIRTH BY MY WIFE AND HER EX IT IS MY UNDERSTANDING THAT AROUND AGE 3 THEY SAID HE HAD ADHD AND FROM WHAT I GET FROM THE EX IS MY WIFE FELT SORRY FOR HIM BECAUSE ON TOP OF THE ADHD HE WAS A DRUG BABY SO SENSE AGE 3 MY WIFE HAS TREATED HIM LIKE A BABY AND WILL NOT LET HIM GROW UP SHE DOES NOTHING BUT SPOIL HIM AND LETS HIM DO WHAT EVER HE WANTS.

           THE BOYS LIFE IS XBOX IF YOU LET HIM HE WILL PLAY VIDEO GAMES 24/7 HE HAS NO FRIENDS MAYBE 1 HE PLAYS ALL THE WORST VIDEOS HE CAN PLAY THE MAIN THING ON HIS MIND IS KILLING IN ANY FORM WHEN HE GETS MAD HE BREAKS THINGS LIKE FOR STARTERS HE BROKE 6 OUT OF 4 WINDOWS IN HIS ROOM,GONE THROUGH ABOUT 5 OR 6 XBOXES, LOST COUNT ON CELLPHONES,AND IPODS AND THE ONLY THING HIS MOTHER DID WAS REPLACE WHAT EVER HE BREAKS.

       HIS MOTHER CANT EVEN GET HIM TO SHOWER HE WILL GO 2 ,3,4 MONTHS AT A TIME WITHOUT A SHOWER HE GOS TO A SPECIAL SCHOOL BUT THE SCHOOLS HANDS ARE TIED BECAUSE THE MOTHER WILL NOT FOLLOW THOUGH WITH ANYTHING LIKE HOMEWORK OR CHOIRS SHE WILL DO THEM. AT 17 HE COMES HOME FROM SCHOOL GOES IN HIS ROOM AND STARTS ORDING HIS MOTHER AROUND LIKE GET ME THIS GET ME THAT DO THIS AND IF ITS NOT DONE RIGHT AWAY HE STARTS CALLING HER BAD NAMES. TO FINISH ON A SAD NOTE MY  THOUGHTS OF HIS FUTURE IS A MURDEROF SOME KIND OR RAPEST OR DEAD HE HAS ALREADY BEEN HELD AT GUNPOINT TWICE IN THE LAST YEAR BY LOCAL POLICE. IVE TRYED GETTING HELP BY LOCAL AGENTS BUT THEY TELL ME UNLESS HE HURTS SOMEONE THERES NOTHING THEY CAN DO,MY WIFE TELLS ME ITS JUST THAT I HATE THE KID BUT IM THE ONLY ONE TRYING TO SAVE HIS LIFE. BOTH ME AND MY WIFE ARE 53 YEARS OLD THIS IS HER ONLY CHILD I HAVE RAISED THREE KIDS OF MY OWN AGES 26,25,21 THE TWO OLDEST ARE BOYS THE YOUNGEST A GIRL AND I HAVE 2 GRANDCHILDREN SO NEED SOME KIND OF HELP BEFORE ITS TOO LATE OH YEA MY WIFE IS A RN AND SHE RIGHT AND EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG.

 

                                                                           THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME ANYWAY

                      TROUBLED IN SANTA ROSA CA

            

You have a lot going on. Has your wife ever tried to help him? Has she ever tried to medicate him to control all the impulsive behaviors? He may have another condition as well since you mention a "drug" baby, but not sure. Doctors would know. There usually is another co-morbid with adhd'ers, could be depression, anxiety - he sounds like depression is there. Would your wife ever let you get him help since she is feeling sorry for him, BUT, is NOT helping him. She is actually hurting him.

I wonder if a 30 day evaluation would help get him evaluated, medicated and start him on the right track so he has a future, right now, I don't know if he really does, and that is very sad!

You can love him and feel bad, but she needs to love him and help him. he is almost an adult in age and the law will hold him accountable. AND when he turns 18, YOU and your wife will NOT be allowed to make ANY medical decisions.

I am so glad you found these boards before he turns 18. You sound like a wonderful man and they are BOTH luck to have you care so much for them!

Also, your wife probably needs to talk to a specialist so she can understand what she needs to do to help him and to understand that she hasn't been, otherwise she won't change.

I hope I have been of some help to you, a start - call your step sons doctor and tell them what you are looking to do for him, he needs help now, starting right now!

Please post any questions or updates, I really care!

Ok, I am upset that your wife sees him going to prison but doesn't help prevent it from being a possibility in the future, AND someone getting hurt. Doesn't she love him? If she did, she would help him.

It is hard for people to hear criticism about our children and parenting or lack of parenting. SHe probably took it personal. BUT she has to remember she is trying to help her family, and this son

I am worried about your son as well. I feel that if nothing is done, then he is going to end up dead or locked up for life, which is probably as bad as being dead in my opinion.

Your wife has to want to help him, as well as his dad. They have to stick with it because again, when he is 18, they have no legal say in what he does.

Can YOU take charge in this matter and start the ball rolling before it is too late, someone has to. And you have come here to these boards because YOU want to help.

I would also go back to the counselor, with your s-son, if you can and his dad, and wife or without your wife, just go back. Would that work?

YES MY WIFE HER EX HUSBAND AND HER SON STARTED SEEING SOMEONE THEN AFTER WE GOT TOGETHER I SAW THE PROBLEMS RIGHT AWAY SO I SAID LETS GO TO THE SAME PERSON THEY WENT TO BECAUSE THEY KNEW EACH  OTHER SO WE WENT AND THATS WHEN I FOUND OUT MY WIFE WAS ONLY TALKING ABOUT WHAT SHE WANTED THEM TO HEARSO I SAID WHAT I WANTED THE COUNSELER AGREED WITH ME MY WIFE DIDNT LIKE WHAT SHE HEARD SO WE NEVER WENT BACK

Has he and/or the whole family gone to counseling?  It sounds like it would be beneficial.  Even if your stepson and wife won't go, I'd go to therapy by yourself.  You have a lot on your plate.

WELL JUST TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE SAID ON HERE IS ONLY A 3RD OF WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS ABOUT WHAT GOES ON IN MY HOUSE. AND YES I'VE DONE EVERYTHING MORE THAN ONCE AFTER 7 YEARS IM ABOUT TO CALL IT QUITS

I can only wonder what a toll this has put on your marriage.

I still can't help but mention that you are a wonderful person in a difficult situation, and you obviously came here because you care, yes YOU CARE.

You can't stand by and not do nothing and let this child hurt themselves.

A little info on adhd'ers, they are 30% behind their years in maturity level. So if he is 17, he acts like an 11 year old.

Something has to be done to help him from himself.

Please you came here because you care, give it another try.

 

I take with "a grain of salt" any comments made my someone who says "WIFE'S A NURES AND DUMB AS A FENCE POST AND HAS NO CLUE WHAT SHE DOING TO HER 17 YEAR OLD SON".