Lost alone and a war with teachers | ADHD Information

We thought about the international school, but the girls are dutch there
grand parent can not speak any english. My feeling would be it is
hiding from the issues instead of meeting them head on. It would then
make use no better than the teachers. But thanks for your input all
information and ideas are welcome. Happy, what is your native language? What did you write and speak as a child? You should be able to find a translator in that language at a local college or university. God i am so not HAPPY. I live in holland with my husband and two
children, my dutch spoken language is not that great. My understand
is also limited but i can get by as the most dutch people do
understand and speck english.
So Last week my husband handed in papers for the school to be filled
in so both my girls can be tested for adhd. My 5 year old is failing all
her tests, can not concentrate especially in groups, and she is getting
angry very easily and is withdraw more, she has also says she is
stupid in dutch.
My other child has been at school for two months and the difference in
her confidence is scary, she has alway been very very hyperactive she
can not go to the toilet without being distracted 10 times before she
gets there, she often is angry and frustrated.
My children understand english well and Their spoken english is non
existent the oldest spoken dutch is very poor. This is just a little of our
life issue.
The day my husband gave the school the forms for the tests, i got a
person shouting in dutch on the phone, it took me a few minute to
figure out that it was the teachers of my 4 year old.
She demanded to speck with my husband who was not home. She
would not speak with me. More refused to speck to me, i asked her to
speak to me calmly 3 times. She demanded a meeting so i managed
to arrange one.
Then i called my husband a told him what happened he was as
confused as me. So he called the school. The teacher was so rude to
him he was in shock.
So far we have the feeling the school holds me personally responsible
for the girls development and have expressed that everything is
because i speak english.
I work with and am friends with many expats here and the all speck
both father and mothers languages and none of there children have
any issues some are shy to speak the expat parents languages but
can do so.
I expressed that to the teachers many times. They refuse to help us
with the tests they refuse to communicate with me.
They have poopood strongly there is no such thing as adhd it is an
excuse. They even said dyslexia they do not know what dyslexia is.
I am terrified to go to the meeting as i get so mixed up when i am
under pressure to express myself.
I have also read that a child test depends on two separate
environmental reports ( home and school).
I feel like the worst mother in the world and most of all a failure. I feel
fighting for my children could destroy the small bit of confidence i
have. I wonder at times would my amazing wonder children be better
of with their dyslexic adhd mother. But them i remember my add
husband.
I am so scared and feel i do not know what to do.... I can not stop
crying and feeling sick today. I am not an uneducated stupid woman i
just find certain things hard.
I do not know what to do...i need help so much but feel i am so alone.So sorry you are having to go through this.
I have to admit that my first reaction was that you should take your children out of the school and home school them, but that may not be the best choice.
Are you living in Holland permanently? If not, for how long?
Do you have any friends there (besides your husband) who are fluent in Dutch, who could perhaps help you communicate with the school and go to the meeting?
Can your husband go to the meeting with you?
I know it can be hard enough communicating and working with a school in your own language and culture. I can only imagine the challenge you are facing.
Sorry I don't have much to offer in the way of advice. You are NOT the worst mother in the world and try not to let anyone make you feel that way. Maybe it would help to write down your ideas, concerns, questions, etc. in advance of the meeting so that you can try to present it logically.
You are trying to help your daughters succeed in school, so if you can try, as much as possible, to set your emotions aside and work with that goal in mind, maybe it will help? And don't go to that meeting alone if at all possible.
Best of luck.
Two things come to mind after reading your post.  I would definitely look into homeschooling if at all possible.  I would also research the laws of Holland with regard to children with disabilities in school.  Push for a diagnosis.  Here in the States, once you formally request in writing to the school that your child be tested, they are obliged by law to honor your request.  Unfortunately, too many people (including teachers) do not believe in adhd and think parents use it as an excuse.  I tell people that it is not an excuse, but it is a reason - a reason that needs to be addressed in order for the child to be able to reach his potential.   I would say with both parents being ADD or ADHD, and your dyslexia that homeschooling is not an option.

The main treatment for ADHD/ADD is medication. I don't think that the school can prevent you from this. Why not contact a child psychiatrist for an evaluation? If the school staff refuses to participate in the evaluation, I'm sure there are ways around this. Use a daycare person, or a preschool teacher. I did a quick search, and perhaps you can contact this university medical center for a referral to a doctor, or contact a similar facility in your area.

University Medical Centre Utrecht
A01.468
Heidelberglaan 100
3584 CX Utrecht
The Netherlands


Contact an ADHD support group in the Netherlands. They should also be able to refer you to a doctor for a diagnosis and medication, and also to obtain an advocaat specializing in education law:

NETHERLANDS SUPPORT GROUPS

Bilthoven
Landelijk Bureau Balans
Postbus 93
3720 AB Bilthoven

Tel: 030 - 225 50 50 (int: + 31 30 - 225 50 50)
Fax: 030 225 24 40


Balans has many local Committees all over the Netherlands. Please contact the above main office for your nearest Committee.

HIT is de Hulp- en Informatietelefoon van de landelijke vereniging Balans.

Elke werkdag (behalve woensdag)

van 9-30 tot 13.00 uur via 0900 - 202 00 65 (55 ct per min.).

- Speciaal voor kinderen (HIT voor Kids):

Praten over ADHD op maandagavond van 18.00 tot 19.30 op 036 - 532 80 29.
HIT voor Kids is er ook voor broers en zussen!

Bilthoven
Impuls
Postbus 93
3720 AB Bilthoven

Tel: 030 - 225 50 50
Fax: 030 225 24 40


HIK is de Hulp-, Informatie- en Klachtenlijn van de landelijke vereniging Impuls.

Deze is bereikbaar op:

donderdag en vrijdag van 14.00 tot 16.00 uur via hetzelfde nummer als de HIT van Balans: 0900 - 202 00 65 (55 ct per min.).

Heemstede
Vereniging BAS
NL 2100
AB Heemstede
Tel: NL-078-315054

Back Up To Map

Jessica N40551.6075925926Thanks to all, some great ideas which some times are a bit hard to
see when you are sitting in the middle.
Yesterday i type a letter to the teacher ( in english ) letting them have
an insight of our lifes and what we see in our children which included
the beauties and their struggles along with their social interactions. I
spent hours on it and crying. Wow it was like having a therapy session
only 50 euro cheeper.lol. I let my husband read and add his imput ops
and spell check it. Which took longer that writing it. Lol.
Also thanks for the address to support here in holland, i can never find
stuff in google, and my husband never quit gets around to it.
I loved the home schooling coments, but more in the sence that it
made me laugh which i also needed.. Thanks all.My parents had friends that were expats and their children attended American schools.  They exist and should be something that you check into - your children may find the enfironment a lot ore helpful.