Siblings
know that there are others out there who are willing to
listen and share their stories. Sometimes, I feel like
the worst parent. Things can be great for a week and one
bad moment will make me forget about the
positive...yesterday was a tough day, but today is a new
day. We are trying the marble program with DS and he
seems excited about it. It breaks my heart because I
know he wants to do well...he doesn't have a mean bone in
his body until he gets frustrated or offended which can
happen easily...he is so sensitive. Then, he lashes out
and I or my older son is the target regardless of what
made him angry. And when I try to ask him what is wrong,
he just says "None of your business!" He's 8!!! I
sometimes feel like I have made him feel like he can't
talk to me...he makes me feel like I'm the enemy. And
I'm trying to figure out how to change that, but I
struggle with the patience part of it. I don't want him
to speak disrespectfully to me, but I also don't want him
to think I'm the "bad guy" all the time. My DH is a
great dad...he is helpful when he is home, but he also
thinks that sometimes I let Reagan walk all over me. I
do it for a time and then I just get fed up and lose it.
I'm sorry to be rambling...I need to take a deep breath
and be grateful that we had a good morning. Thanks for
listening.
Hi, Just out of curiosity, is your son on any med's?
I have a 9 yr old adhd son and his sister is 17 months younger than him. My daughter is more mature than my son and is on the quieter side whereas my son is on the (extremely) noisier side. My 2 play ok for awhile and at time's it seems like they are constantly at each other. They are apart a good amount of time too as my daughter likes to do her quiet things (draw, read etc......). This annoys my son as he likes to be around someone and constantly doing something active so he is always bugging her. If my daughter has a playdate, my son will annoy and embarass her. I also am at a loss as to how to handle things and lose my patience..........way toooooo much. My son is not on med's at the moment. We tried 2 duifferent type's and they didn;t seem to make a great deal of difference and in fact next week back to the specialise and he may need to try a different med.
I am currently in the process of making up a reward system (marbles/tokens) and I'm also typing up a list of all the household rules and everyone is going to get their own copy. This will relate to anything that I want changed regarding behaviours etc......... From the reward system, if they earn so many marbles/token they can pick a voucher (I have nice bright coloured card paper with stickers to make reward vouchers ) and they can start earning certain things etc.....
It is hard raising an adhd child and this board is great for advice and just reading posts. I wish you all the best.
Hi Tara4us...You sound just like me...I am always trying to come up
with reward programs (we just started the "Marble"
Program this morning...lol). I also have "Family Rules",
a "Family Mission Statement, " etc. I think those are
great things because they help keep the important things
in focus. My DS is on meds...Concerta (18mg) and we just
added Intuniv (1mg) today...hoping that helps with some
"rebound" issues ("rebound" is common with all stimulant
meds). I also just ordered EPA Omega-3 which I've read
some positive things about.
One thing that I try to do whenever possible is if one
child has a playdate, I try to have one for the other as
well or I try to have something special for the one
without a playdate so that the other can have "special"
time with their friend. My biggest challenge is that my
older non-ADHD son has a best friend that lives 2 doors
away and I love their friendship but I feel badly for DS
with ADHD feeling left out. He has friends, good
friends, but not someone so close by. When they all play
together, the 2 older boys sometimes "gang up" on my DS
with ADHD or ignore him...nothing that terrible, typical
kid-stuff, but b/c DS is ultra-sensitive one little thing
can turn into a big thing quickly. I feel bad for both
of them in this situation.
Don't feel bad about losing your patience
sometimes...we're all human. One thing I've learned from
these message boards is that we are not alone. We all
are trying to do the best we can, but we're not perfect.
I tell my kids this and I think it actually helps...them
knowing that it's okay to make mistakes as long as we are
always learning from them and moving forward. Forgive
yourself and even ask your kids for forgiveness
sometimes. Better that they learn to learn from their
mistakes rather than thinking they can't make mistakes at
all.
It's comforting to know we're all in this together. Good
luck!
I am new to this website and have spent the last hour or
so reading different posts. I am very glad to have found
this website. I am a mother of 2 boys (10 year old and 8
1/2 year old with ADHD). I struggle with how to help my
10 year old. On one hand, I want him to be a loving &
supportive big brother...I try to help him understand why
my ADHD son behaves the way he does sometimes. Then,
other times, I feel bad for him. He's only 15 months
older and I sometimes feel like to put too much
responsibility on him for helping his brother or being
accepting/supportive. Because they are so close in age,
they often play with other kids together and my DS will
behave in ways that "bother"/"embarass" my older son.
They typically get along very well, but once others are
around, my ADHD son will do things that annoy my older
son and/or my older son will try to avoid my ADHD son
which only makes my ADHD son want to be near him more.
My older son is like a security blanket for my ADHD son
and I honestly think his annoying behaviors stem from his
anxiety. I feel so torn about this situation. I want to
teach them to accept & support each other, but at the
same time, I don't want my older son to be resentful.
Any suggestions on how to handle this one would be very
much appreciated. Seems to me that your older son needs to be understanding and tolerant, to a certain degree. He is not obligated to deal with regular annoyance or embarrassment. I bet that as he enters pre-teen and teen years he will pretty much dictate how things will go, and you will just be going along for the ride. I would just let things play out naturally, and not force any together time. Avoidance seems like a pretty diplomatic out to me.
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