assessment form filled out by teachers | ADHD Information

Just got the teachers forms back today. My son is 6. One of the questions asks is the child spiteful and/or vindictive. He is in first grade and music, gym and primary teacher put that he is occasionally. It is hard to fathom that a 6 year old can be condered spiteful and vindictive. He is not, he is hyper and disruptive in class. This hurts terribly to think that the teachers feel this way about my child.((((hugs))))) that is very harsh for them too say if he is not purposefully hurting others. IM so sorry sometimes they just don't understand our kids (in my opinion) I know I felt that some teachers just "couldn't be bothered" with my child, they despised the fact that he was in their class. that hurts too....I can relate. There are sometimes that my impressions from the teacher assessment is that they don't like my dd. This year a couple of times it seems that the teacher could care less about my dd. But when I talk to her in person it is totally different. She was just giving an honest opinion on the questionaire. It hurts our pride. We all want our child to be the perfect child in school. ADHD gets in the way of that goal. IMO, these kinds of questions aren't fair to the child because they assume a knowledge of the child's motivations, which the teacher can't possibly know, and negatively characterize those motivations. Instead, I think the questions on what are meant to be objective forms should be strictly objective: does the child act in ways that hurt others? does the child express sorrow about his/her actions? etc. The only one who should be answering questions about why a child does something is the child.I got similar negative input. They gossip too. Try your best to ignore it. It is so hard to know that the teachers are misinterpreting your child's actions.  I know your pain.  If you think it might help, send the teacher an email explaining the true explanation for some of his behaviors.  Some teachers don't care, but some might see your child in a different light.

Bear in mind that the teacher only put "occasionally" spiteful or vindictive.  My 5yo son is most certainly spiteful or vindictive at times, as I'm sure all kids are whether they have ADHD or not.  My advice is to remember that no one is perfect!!  And that the whole intent of this form is to get help for your child, not to criticise your child.

 

Hi,

I am new to this site.
My 7yo son has not been formally diagnosed, but I have known for years and it has been recommended that he be assessed. His teacher did one of those forms.
It is disturbing to see it on paper. some of the things that she saw "occasionally" I see "very often" and other things that she sees "very often" I dont see.As hard as it is to see, that's the whole reason they have someone other than the parents fill out the form.  A teacher can be a lot more objective than we can!  Also, the way I see it, a teacher spends a lot of time with a lot of kids, while we only have our own.  That can give them an advantage in distinguishing what is 'normal' and what is not.My daughter was impulsive.  After the fact she would say it was an accident.  Other kids who got pushed or hit did not see it that way.  In my daughters eyes she would react before she could think about it, and then being the caring child as she is would immediately regret it - thus she would say it was an accident.  Others would then say she was a liar, that she did it on purpose.  Only us parents who know our child best and know the motivation behind the action.
She has gotten lots more control of her impulses and this has made he true personality shine through. 

I think the point I tried to make is being misunderstood.   probably said it poorly.  I was hoping to make the mom who originally posted feel better by suggesting that NO kid is perfect, which I firmly believe.   Correction - the perfect kid does not have perfect behavior, whether there is a 'disorder' or not.  I would honestly be more worried about a child who never did anything to stick up for herself than one who occasionally got in trouble for making a poor choice in sticking up for herself.   A child who needs to learn how to properly defend herself in social situations is way ahead of one who doesn't believe she has the right to. 

The words 'spiteful' and 'vindictive' are very powerful, and obviously make us as parents feel defensive.  I'm trying to say that you shouldn't feel defensive or like your child is being 'attacked' by the teacher.  You should accept the bad things your child does as well as the good, and work with the teacher to help your child make better choices.   That may include helping the teacher understand your child's actions, or not.  You'll feel a lot better about things if you accept the fact that your child making poor choices doesn't make her a bad person.