New parent of adhd diagnose child | ADHD Information

Read 1-2-3 Magic for discipline ideas with ADHDers.

Seems like you've got a kid that's gone so long untreated that he is really suffering. Developmentally, academically, self-esteem. It is no small thing to be that much older than your peers. It is no small thing to be at such a low reading level. I would combine meds with with a tutor. Access all the tools you have available.Jessica N40577.9037731482

Welcome, as you will be a great advocate for your step son from what you learn from this site.

We also live similar lives and care so much for our families and want the very best.

My son could NEVER make it through a day at school without his meds. He is very adHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHd and impulsive. He has been medicated since 1st grade and is now in 8th. He has NEVER missed the honor roll and plays team sports. None of that would have been possible without his meds.

He started getting bullied in school because of labeling before meds and it continued until he finished elementary and entered middle school, DS couldnt' shake the label. parents are actually worse than the children and the teachers, all who labeled him.

I feel bad for your step son as he has no voice in what is to happen to him, and he cannot control his adhd, as it is a neurological disorder.

I received an explaination as to why I should medicate my very young son when I was still contemplating ( my husband was against it ) and they said to me would I deny him his eyeglasses if he wore a prescription, would I deny him insulin if he were a diabetic. I answered NO to both of these and thus we began meds.

It is a long journey to find the right med and right dosage so one has to be diligent while stuggling with this.

Maybe pass along the information that you learn here to your husband and his exwife so that the best solution can be taken to help the child. He simply cannot help himself, he has been formally diagnosed with a gentic condition. Being genetic, someone else in the family passed it down from either his mom's or dads side. The child is NOT the only family member with adhd. And there is a lot of information out there now a days than there used to be when the parents were growing up not to help this child.

You obviously care a lot for your step son, that is why you went looking for us. Thank you for finding us!! We are here to help you!!

My sons both have Adhd, the one just has trouble with focusing, the other, who is 10, sounds like your boy.

He has always been super hyper and impulsive.  He struggled with reading and in 3rd grade was barely reading at 2nd grade level.  He is brilliant with math.  One thing I have learned with researching Adhd, is that children can have areas of great focus and success and still be ADHD.  If they are passionate about something, they will accomodate for that, no matter how hard.

We tried all sorts of stuff. I believed what I had "heard" about ADHD - too many overmedicated, overdiagnosed, bad parented, in the wrong type school kids. We did occupational therapy for Sensory Integration Dysfunction, diet changes, different parenting styles ( which can help later)testing for Auditory processing dysfunction and more. (never helped with scholastic stuff)

I finally, after more research, realized my boy fit nearly all the criteria for ADHHHD. He was diagnosed by a child psychologist who specializes in ADHD. (he also has a co-existing disorder called ODD, oppositional defiant disorder)

I studied online, went to the library and learned the facts.  I was educated by his doctor and as a last resort, put him on the meds.  It wasn't perfect at first, (had to try 2 kinds and then adjust the dose - there can be rebound - start low dose), but the ability to learn was INSTANT. Within one month he was reading at a 4th grade level (up 2 grades) and able to write essays. (he always hated writing and just could not do it) He was calm, and able to think before he made decisions.

The difference is like this: most of us operate like "ready, aim fire." Adhd kids are, "ready, fire, aim".  Also, I learned that the ADHD brain moves so fast, that they simply cannot remember.  When the brain is slowed on the meds, the ability to remember what is being taught, can finally kick in.  Then they can develop positive habits, (study, social, chores) that over time will kick in even if the meds might not be present.

I definately wanted him to have impulse control before he got to be a teenager.

He is in 4th grade now and just got straight A's.  His teacher says he is gifted and he says over and over that he loves school.

I also want to say, it's not perfect. We see the therapist regularly for behavior modifcation. (mostly for parenting) Specialists in this area have some great techniques. ( I want to add that behavior modification won't work very well witout the meds, because the brain is still incapable of slowing down and remembering)We still have some not so good days, as with anthing.  And I have to be patient with him and myself. It is hard to be a parent with children who have ADHD. (although my other boy who is 12 and just has the attention issue and no behvior stuff is quite easy, now that school is stable).  Also, even though I do use consequenses, they don't work as well as positive reinforcement. It seems as though there can be too many consequenses and then my little boy just starts saying how bad he is:( We go through cycles, do some sort of rewards plan and then it wears off.  Then change it up and do another..

Ignoring or leaving the room can be quite effective.

There is appx 80-90% success rate in treatment for ADHD with meds and behavioral therapy. (I read that in a book about ADHD put out by the American Acadamy of Pediatrics) There have been more scientific studies done for ADHD in children than for Ashma or diabetes.

Sorry to ramble, I just really felt the need to share today :). 

Good luck to you and God bless.

Good evening:

I hope some one takes a minute and reads this thread.

After much consideration, we decided to take my 9yr old stepson to the doctor because we have seen some behavioral problems that have also developed in school.  This has been affecting his grades severely.  He is in the 2nd grade.  He had to do the 1st grade twice.  He has a reading problem and can't seem to read to a 2nd grade standard and has failed the 1st marking period and he is on his way to fail the second marking period.  Due to this, he is also failing science and history.  He just cant remember things and does not pay attention or is detailed.  However; he has no problem with math.  We have also noticed that he is not following directions, pays attention, or seems to retain information after the first few seconds.  We finally went to the appointment this evening and had him evaluated.  Based upon the teachers evaluation and the test given to him while at the 2hour appointment, they have determined he suffers from ADHD.

The doctor recommended 3 types of treatment.

Goal focus; which I read on one of the threads about the marbles and he would like....He also mentioned this should be done during school hours, has anyone tried this? Have the teachers help with this request?

He also said behavioral consequences. This is similar to if he does something wrong we take things away like t.v., games, video games, etc.; however, we have tried this and it just doesn't work with him.  I don't know what to do.

The third option which I'mnot willing to consider yet is the medication.  Is just soo hard to have to put a child on medication this early on in his life.  I'm not sure about this option at all.

If anyone has some suggestions, ideas, or blogs that I may read I would greatly appreciate them. 

This is very new to me and extremely challeging because he is not my son so I'm trying to understand the illness and give support to my husband and the family.

Thanks,

Judy

Hi Judy

 I have an 11 year old son with ADHD, and like you in the beginning I did not want too try the medication, but we tried everything else and his education was very important and he just could not keep on track at school, so we were asked by his peditrician too try a 2 week trial of concerta, which we did and what a difference that made. He was 6 at the time, he is now 11 and still doing very well on concerta with zero side effects.

I understand trying everything else 1st because I did as well, just keep in mind there are meds out there that wont cause ill side effects. you can always try it for 2 weeks and see the difference, talk too the doctor and see what he/she thinks would be right for your son.

goodluck!

Michina, I was also very hesitant to try medication and when we did, I was only willing to give them a very small window to show improvement before we stopped. The reason I was willing to start them was that I was seeing how the problems at school were affecting his self-esteem and changing who he was. He was happy and "normal" at home: at school, he wasn't able to "fit" with the other kids, often looked hurt and defensive, and the other kids avoided him. He became the kids that the other kids just assumed had done all the bad stuff, had broken the toy or torn the paper. Now, after about four years of medication, he's half done with middle school and is doing great. Grades are terrific, has lots of friends, is in after-school clubs and activities, and has lots of self-confidence. I'm not trying to be a medication pusher; I'm just saying that in our case, the medication helped get all the other stuff out of his way so people could see what a great kid he is.

  

I want to thank all of you for taking the time and writing your suggestions and experiences.  This is very hard for us as I'm sure when your child was diagnose it was for your and your family.

Unfortunately, all I could do is suggest the treatment as I'm not the child's mother, simply the step mom.  Nonetheless, I'm determine to support and assist in any way possible for the child's well being.  He is a very loving and caring boy that needs help in understanding his illness. 

I'm grateful to have found this forum as it has given me some insight of the situation.

Once again, thanks!

Judy
One thing to remember is that consequences can be good and bad.  With our kids it is far more helpful to reinforce with positive consequences than with negative.  Think of it like training a dog: reinforce each step of the task and ignore that other stuff for the time being.  I've been working with my 12 yr. old on washing the dishes.  He can earn one point for an ok attitude (just ok, not good because noone likes washing dishes), a second point for getting them clean, and a third for completing the task in less than 30 minutes.   If he yells and screams the whole time, but he gets them clean and it only takes 29 minutes, then he still gets two points.  I have to remind myself over and over that he does really deserve those two points, but you get the idea.

Your son's teacher should not have a problem using a reward system for him.  It will benefit her and she will likely have input regard which areas need to be focused on first.  Send in some prizes and charts for tracking and keep in touch with her regularly.

Request (in writing) that you school perform psycho- educational testing to determine if he has a learning disability that is causing his reading difficulties.  Learning disabilities frequently coexist with ADHD.

Russell Barkley is widely regarded as one of the foremost experts on ADHD.  I highly recommend any of his books. 

I also highly recommend you consider medication.  Behavioral interventions and therapy can be very helpful and should be used regardless, but medication is the only treatment for ADHD that has been proven to improve or normalize brain function.  When my son first started medication I cried- they were tears of joy because for the first time ever he came home and told me about his day (he was 8), and he told me about it in sequential order and it made sense. It was a big deal.

Yes, please do keep us posted to what occurs.

You know the funny thing about adhd is it is genetic, sooooooooo, someone on mom or dad's side passed the gene along when the child was "created".

My husband is our "carrier" as he and his brothers/sisters, nieces, nephews all have it. BUT my husband was against medication, not sure if it was due to accepting the diagnosis as it was really not diagnosed when he was a child, or the fear of putting meds in our son's little body. Not sure, BUT it was the best thing we ever did, and now my husband tries to back peddal that he wasn't against meds at first - go figure!!

I look forward to reading your future posts and only want the best for all.

Once again, I want to thank everyone that took the time to respond.  At this point, the parents are having a tough time accepting the diagnose and coming up with a game plan.  As of yesterday, the have opted to not medicate the child.  As for me, I will stay completely out of the decision.  I guess it will take time for the parents to come to term with the diagnose and perhaps will be willing to seek other remedies.

I'm a mom of 2 girls, 20yrs and 26yrs and I would definitely do all in my power to make sure my children get the best possible treatment and give them the opportunity of a better life. I hope and pray that he gets the same opportunity and that they realize that doing something even if its small is better than to not want to deal with the situation.  This in my eyes is not going away, but with time will become worst.

I will keep everyone posted of the updates......

Again, thanks!

Judy

While I am not suggesting that a child with ADHD can just 'get away' with anything, the removal of tv and other priviledges doesn't work with these kids for a reason.  They aren't able to stop and think about consequences in the moment.  They know the consequence is there, my son in fact could quote school rules (and the consequences of breaking them) better than any other kid his age last year (probably because no one else had them repeated to them as often!) but he still could not follow them with any consistency.  The marbles system works with him now, I think because he is medicated and because it is more positive than punitive.  But mostly because he is medicated.  Every morning before his meds kick in I get a reminder of why he takes them!

Believe me when I say that putting a child on this kind of medication is a very tough decision.  I am happy with the decision we made for a lot of reasons, but mostly because my son is also happy with it.  We never pretended they were 'vitamins' or anything, he was 7 when diagnosed so we explained exactly what he was seeing the dr for and what the meds could do for him.  Within a month he asked me, without me bringing up the subject first, to never take away the medicine.  He said he feels so much better and really likes school now that he is not in trouble all the time. 

Earlier this week I forgot to give him his meds, the teacher could tell within 2 minutes of class beginning that he was different.  A very challenging day ensued, at the end of which my son begged me to give him his medication (which I couldn't do at that point as he would have never slept that night!)  For me that pretty much cemented my resolve to keep him on this as long as he needs it.

A good friend of mine has a son with inattentive ADHD, not so much of the hyper/impulsive like my son has.  He was struggling in school so much that he would get stomach aches almost every Sunday night from the stress.  More than once he said things like he wished he was dead because he was so stupid.  Now he has caught up to his class and his confidence is growing steadily. 

I guess my point is that, as scary as the medication is, I would recommend you also consider the risks of not taking it if other things are not helping him.  I wish you all the best, and by the way this boy is very lucky to have such concerned parents looking out for him!

 

Willa

I agree with Willa - absolutely, kids with ADHD respond to reward systems
and punishments don't phase them. Check out the post about the marble
technique. Try one behavior to tackle at a time, and give 50 million
reminders - don't be a nag, but act like one, and be supportive every step of
the way. It's really hard in the beginning, but when you figure out what
works, things start happening fast and you won't believe how great the
changes can be.

Good luck!