Can’t believe I am at this point | ADHD Information

Wow, I have not been on here for awhile--I have a son that is 12 that has ADHD and many anger issues. I will spare you the long back story...let's just say that it is very similar to many of the postings here. He is in 6th grade now and things have been going fairly well...a few issues at school, but still overall okay. The lingering problem is that he literally has no friends, none. He has a bad reputation from years of aggression and run ins with other kids. Many parents will not let there kids play with him. The last straw came today...a good friend of mine has a son his age, Her son has many issues as well, although his fall more on the spectrum, which, excuse me, causes people to feel sorry for her kid, not shun him. My son has always played with her kid and that has been his one friend. The kids birthday was last week and I asked her if she was doing anything for his birthday, she said no. (Do you know where this is going??). I find out today that she had a party and did not invite my kid. To make matters worse, we have talked about this many times and how badly we feel when it happens. I feel very betrayed and angry...I am also so sad for my son who is such a good kid. He notices now tha the is different. How can I help him make friends? The school is no hlep, he doesn't like sports, his bad rap follows him EVERYWHERE and I am concerned tha the is beginning to get very depressed. Anyone out there in the Chicago suburbs whose kid needs a friend??    Wow, my heart breaks for your guy. Can you put him in a program where he is in an organized group with other kids and you pay for it, like an after-school thing? How about a Y program? In those situations, where they have both structured and free time, he could make some friends who don't know him from school. What about changing schools? I know that sounds extreme, but a bad reputation takes a LONG time to overcome and only one slip can bring it right back. Otherwise, we live about three hours away, but my son loves to have friends over! Thanks so much...it's a thought to switch, just so hard...

That is so tough.  Do you think he has certain behaviors at this point that are causing kids to shy away from him, or is it only based on his actions from long ago?  If it's the former, a social skills class might be a good idea.  If the latter, I know he's not interested in sports, but might he like to try a chess club, drama club, or some other activity that could involve meeting new kids from other schools?  Here we have community centers that offer a lot of different recreational activities.

Also, you mentioned he is in 6th grade.  Did he start middle school this year?  When the different elementary schools come together, that's a great opportunity to meet kids who wouldn't know his history in the earlier grades.

I wish I lived in your area and could help out. 

Hey, I do live in your area, NW suburbs of Chicago.  My son will turn 12 this summer and has difficulty making friends.  Kids like him but he does not get the invitations that I know other kids are getting.  He goes to a Catholic school and is in 5th grade.  He just started playing basketball at the Lattof Y on Friday nights in the hopes of making some new pals.  He will also be joining a new Boy Scout troop in the area to broaden his horizons.  My son likes legos, video games, and computers.  A good activity for him to meet a new friend would be doing something ACTIVE at a specific location.  For example, one of his favorite places is Enchanted Castle in Lombard (I think) which in addition to the usual arcade games also has Lazer tag, glow in the dark mini golf, a mini race car track, and food. It is a contained setting, and the parents just hang around and make sure the kids are behaving.  My son has adhd, currently on 20 mg focalin XR and clonidine at night. He is a great kid, friendly, but his social skills could use some polishing.   I do alot of modeling good social behavior and he picks up on it.  Think about it and if you are interested, let me know and we can take the next step.  I like the idea of switching schools. He starts middle school next year? Perfect timing. I would consider driving to make this happen. Middle schools often have elective classes that generates friends, such as band. The kids in band hang out together. Same with basketball. Maybe chess club or photography club. Use the middle school to create new opportunities for him.

I also have the idea to switch schools. When I first began the adhd search for support years ago, the first board that I was at had many members who were much older and their children where now adults who had careers. One was a teacher herself and she too had her child change schools to give her a "new" start, and it worked.

Your son is carrying the labeling and it will follow him all the way until the path is changed.

I feel so bad. My son had this as well but it helped when he went to middle school and there were more kids from the other two elementary school.

I am so sorry you are where you are, been there, AND I am furious over your friend who betrayed you OR was never really your friend, not sure which?

ALSO, my son loves xbox Live, and he socializes there. What about video games and going live so he can play with the others? And if he wants, whenever, he can just shut it off or switch games?? That really helped my son, he considers kids his friends from years back on the games and they still play.

My son is now 13 turning 14 in June.

Oh, I also wanted to ask, what are your son's interests? And does it bother him that he has no friends, or is he "independant"wow, I feel you completely! My son is 10 and yesterday literally came home crying saying he had no friends, that it's just not fair :( That certainly is a quick way to break a mommy's heart! ((HUGS)) to you, I'm still trying to figure this out!