I am a single dad of an 8-yr-old boy looking for help and suggestions. My son has been kicked out of 3rd grade for refusal and disruptive behavoir. He is now in a program for behavior problem children and is making no progress. They want to drug him but I am reluctant to do so as he does not have any classic symptoms of ADD. He is very bright but when challenged, doesn't participate in class and puts his head down and when prompted, goes to the floor and crawls around. He has done this since kindergarten. The situation often escalates as he is extremely stubborn and he then has to be put in a restraint hold and they put him in a padded "time out" room. He spent the entire day there yesterday.
I can teach him at home with some resistence that I can overcome easily but the teachers cannot. I think that he has had reading and understanding of written text come so easily to him that when he is confronted with any challenging work, he thinks he cannot do it and that it is impossible (for instance, memorizing times tables.)
Any suggestions?
Welcome
Sorry to hear you are having difficulties with your school. A full day in a padded room?????
As far as your obviously bright son goes try to eliminate other possibilities ie Hearing, thyroid, sugar. It could be that he is just worried about getting the maths wrong , in which case, his teachers should let him know that they are PAID to help him and find a way around the difficulty.
Good Luck
Dansmum
PS is it not illeagal to isolate a child like they have done? I thought the minutes in time out should equal the child's age?
it is not illegal to use isolation for punishment in schools, especially if it is for a child that has behavior issues. My son who just turned 6 has been in isolation since Monday..it is a small room tehy call inschool suspention with him and a adult and he sits there looking at the wall...and then they wonder why he is failing kindergarten
he has ADHD and is on medication but when he takes a fit they put him in ISS (inschool suspention)Hi dcarsen,
You must be really angry when this happens. when will teachers realise that ADHD needs kid glove handling. We can't just dish out tasks and questions without following it through with our children. ADHD children need support in school, they need people who understand not people who, when they can't cope just isolate a child. What is the child learning? Yes, 'time out' but make it productive. They should be looking at what caused the child to go into crisis. It all comes down to finances. If schools had the money to put extra 'understanding' hands in the classroom then our children would feel secure that someone was there who understands.
It really saddens me when i think of these children sat in a room
Good luck Dansmum
PS give your little fella a hug from the UK
There is a book called "Your IEP Measure" I am going to buy this today. My Chiropractor has a lot of experience dealing with the school as her sone has Aspbergers. You must take control and show that you know what the law is and what they are responsible for and you are going to make them do what they are paid to do. The school is not your friend. They are looking out for themselves. Once you realize that and educate yourself, you will start to get cooperation.
I am going to start taking my own advice today. Children with learning difficulties should not be put in any type of punishment detention. It is a waste of time for all concerned. Don't let them do that. It is their responsiblility to learn how to teach the child and provide services to him. You can get services from the county through WRAP services and they will. I think that part of the "no child left behind" law, the school must provide services for special needs children. I have been dealing with this for 2 years and it took one and half years just to finally get them to admit my son has special needs.
Hi schilcote,
Your story sounds a lot like mine. My sons school knew that Dan had difficulties before he walked through the door(4 1/2 yrs old) because the nursery he went to has strong links with the school. However, it was only last year that Dan was seen by the educational psyc. I had to fight tooth and nail for this. The school had the oppinion that it was down to parenting skills
and we have all been there EH!.
They wanted me to agree to send Dan to a EBD unit one day a week. Why? would i want to send my son to a Emotional Behavioural Difficulties unit when he didn't have any Emotional Behavioural Difficulties. HELLO!!! My son has ADHD and learns differently than other children. The reason he was showing behaviour problems was because they were not addressing his needs!!! After a long hard fight Daniel was finally Statemented (Assesment of special educational needs) and the local education authority paid for Dan to have 15 hours of 1to1 with a special ed assistant. I still dont think it is enough but it's better than nothing.
My message is the only person that has our children needs at heart is us. It's upto us to fight the cause because noone else will and remember it's the one who shouts the loudest that gets results. Look into everthing dont leave any stone unturned. I was lucky in some respects because i work in special education and knew which doors to knock on.
Good Luck Dansmum
PS The school can't do enough now because Dan comes with 15 paid hours on his head. Now how sad is that!!!
My 9 year old adhd son used to show the same behavioural problems as yours. He used to get suspended, hit teachers and show extreme behavioural problems. We tried riddilin, didnt work. He has been on Dexadrine for 2.5 years now and he may only have 2 outburts a year.
I do not agree with the padded room. I found that most adhd children just want you time. Although this may be hard being a single parent. Its worth it
there is also a book called the difficult child, it has interesting behavior modification tips that can help i bought it a few weeks back..it covers just "normal" behavior issues as well as sensory issues, and adhd. The book gives you examples of behaviors and tells you how to help themI know I am sticking my neck out here, but as a teacher withADD and having many ADD kids in my classes over the years, I
feel that it is only fair to shed a little light on some things.
First, I do want to clarify that I do not think that medication is the
answer for every child. However, I have seen remarkable
changes in children within the school environment because of
meds. I know that medication truly changed my life, and
believe me, I fought it tooth and nail! Like your son, things
came very easily to me until around third grade. As a third
grade teacher (who has taught multiple grades elementary
through middle school), I have seen that third grade is a difficult
transition year. Until third grade, kids are learning to read. At
this time, they are having to read to learn - some for the first
time. Also, until now, math has been primarily focused on very
concrete concepts (counting, basic addition and subtraction,
some fractions using common objects). In third grade we
introduce cursive, multiplication and division (which are very
abstract when you are only using paper and pencil). Many kids
who are in the habit of having things come easier to them and
being ahead suddenly see the playing field "leveled".
Everyone is learning things that are new to them and
EVERYONE is working hard. When you are used to having
things come naturally to you and you have never had to
struggle with concepts, it is easy to think that things do not
make sense and you are suddenly "not as smart" anymore.
Secondly, nobody is teaching because they are going to get
rich. Most teachers are there because they truly love working
with kids. Overall, we HATE to contact parents with bad news.
It is a very difficult thing to tell someone that the person they
love most in the world is having trouble. I do think that some
teachers are too quick to slap the label on kids because kids
are being expected more and more to act like "little adults."
That being said...there are huge demands on teachers to prove
that kids are performing academically. We are responsible for
teaching 20-25 kids at a time - all day/by ourselves. Often,
much of our time is spent refocusing instead of teaching. This
means less instruction time for all. I have never had a class
with just one ADD friend. For one person this is a lot...BUT it is
managable.
I cannot believe that anyone's child would be placed in a
padded room. The only exception I could think of is if the child
was a danger to themselves or others at the time. In that case,
we are legally bound to do what is necessary to protect other
children. My school does utilize ISS for behavior problems, but
I think it is essential to note the difference between ADD and
behavior. Behavior is choice driven, ADD is not. I did not wish
to have ADD, but here I am. Many ADD kids would give
anything to be like the others, but they do not have that choice.
Whether or not you choose medication, I would recommend
having your child formally diagnosed with ADD if you believe
that is the problem. One person posted about IEP's. An IEP
(Individualized Education Plan) is only required in schools if
your child is a special education student. Asberger's would fall
into this category, but ADD would not. If your child has other
problems, such as an emotional disorder that is causing
behaviors, they would qualify for special education services as
OHI (other health impaired). What you would be able to do if
you get a doctor's diagnosis of ADD is have your child recieve
modifications and accomodations through 504. This would
enable your child to recieve certain classroom modifications
and accomodations that are legally required without having to
qualify for special education. Some that I would recommend
would be preferential seating, testing and assistance in
Content Mastery Center when a quiet work environment would
help your child focus more, frequent "brain" breaks, a discipline
plan that focused on positive rewards vs. negative
consequences, a daily communication log home, etc. The
teacher would be required to use these modifications
consistently whether or not you choose to medicate. I am not
saying all of them would work, but at least you would have a
legally binding plan in place as intervention strategies instead
of just having unrealistic expections that result in chronic
discipline referrals. I would also discuss this at length with
your child's teacher. If he/she is very rigid, another classroom
may be a better option. Nobody remembers every teacher who
was kind to them, but everyone can remember the teachers
who made them miserable. Your son is very young to be
forming such a negative impression of how the school system
is working - not for him, but against him. Lastly, I would
recommend not going into the conference defensive. I know
this is extremely difficult, but it can truly change the course of
the year for your child. Children will do things in a classroom
with an audience of 24 of their peers that they would never do
in front of their parents. If the teacher sees that you are open
to listening, providing input and suggestions, and
understanding that he/she is interested in helping your child,
they will be more inclined to work with you. If they feel that you
are out to view them as the villian in all matters, they will avoid
communication when possible, and the one who pays the price
is your child. Especially if this is a teacher who views ADD as
strictly behavior based. If you feel that things are not resolved
to your satisfaction, I would recommend that you request a
meeting with administrators and the teacher in order to come
up with a plan for success to help your child, which may include
placement in another classroom.
I never had "typical" ADD behavior. No hyperactivity, true
discipline problems, or problems understanding concepts in
the classroom. My ADD manifests itself as a complete lack of
organization, procrastination, and extreme difficulties focusing
and seeing tasks through to completion. The school should
have some screeners that can be filled out by you and the
teachers who service him in order to see if ADD is truly the
reason for his problems. These should be provided to you free
of charge and the counselor should discuss the results with you
and provide copies to take to doctors if it seems likely.
I know this was long, but I truly hope it helped! There are
teachers out there who are invested in working with all kids -
not just the "calm and focused" type (which I sometimes have
trouble relating to)!
I am curious as to why teachers aren't educated about disorders such as ADD and ADHD. These are things they are going to have to work with at some point in their careers!
Schilcote, hasn't the school asked the couselor there to do some type of assessment? And if not, then perhaps you should have it done if you haven't already. It would only benefit your son. :) Also, I can understand your reluctance to medicate him. I'll admit it, I used to chastise parents for turning to Ritalin (the wonder drug at the time) and other drugs, but I have since come to terms with the fact that some kids need it, including my own child. It hurts to think that my 5 year old needs drugs to cope with everyday tasks that I take for granted, but now he can go through a day without all the problems he used to have. Try other remedies. (I don't know what they are, exactly, but I know they're out there. I didn't have an opportunity to try them before my son was hospitalized after a rage and started on Ritalin..) If that doesn't seem to do the trick, then really consider at least trying the meds. It may work, it may not, but at least you will have tried.
It's tough to be a single parent, especially of a child that has so many issues with school and behavior,and life. There are a lot of us out here! And we are going to support whatever option you choose, and offer suggestions along the way. Hang in there, Schilcote! And every one else, too!
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