@mmcnatt: I'm sorry if I upset you in anyway.
@ everyone else: Thank you for the advice and kind words. I understand it is a nerological disorder but I just have days of frustration and unsure how to handle it all. I would never hurt my child in anyway. There are just days I get overwhlemed. When he is arguing and throwing things and breaking things, and I've tried every pos reinforcement and healthy boundry I can think of...and its still happening on that day, I feel like I can't help him and I am such a bad Mom. My family and friends tell me that's not true but I feel that way.
Re: the meds...its just frightening to me to have a 5 yr old on amphetamines. There are real side effects with the meds. We have started them and have found a good dosage and it has helped with the ODD and has drasticaly reduced the ADHD symptoms. However, in the evening he will often have tantraums and be very tired.
I'm glad to hear that the meds you've started seem to be working, that has to be somewhat of a relief. Our DS was 5 when he started meds also & hubby was dead set against it until he finally just swallowed his pride and said to try it...anything to help our DS. They worked well for him & honestly he is thriving BECAUSE of the meds. Medication is supposed to HELP them, not hinder them so keep that in mind. Although there are side effects to meds (loss of appetite, etc...) some of those side effects decrease over time as his body adjusts to the med. Your troubles in the evening could be stemming from what is called rebound...your son's meds are wearing off & this tends to be a time of struggle for them. They tend to be more moody, emotional, angry and tired. We only have ADHD to deal with, not the ODD part so I'm not real familiar with that side of things, but I do know that getting the dosage right so it takes you thru the entire day--and I mean until bedtime, can make a big differene. Whether this means somehow extending the current med to carry you thru or finding a supplement to give in the afternoon, it is a possibility. We are fortunate to have a med combo (2 kinds) that carry us through until he's sleeping & I can tell you that is soooo worth it! Keep plugging away until you get some happiness back in your life and remember that your son is struggling inside his head & needs your help to clear the fog. I can totally relate to the days that you just want to throw in the towel...believe me I can, but at the end of the day when you you at that sweet face sleeping, all of that goes away and you just want your child to feel normal & want to do whatever it takes to get them there. Good luck! Oh and on the addictive behavior...I agree with ADHD Hunter...often times they seek out the alcohol & drugs to calm their jumbled up minds. If given the tools early in life to clear their heads, whether it be meds, therapy or counseling, they probably wouldn't turn to those things.The evening tantrums are called rebound... very common. Perhaps a routine of movie watching at that time, and a snack would help.I love my 5 yr old boy so much. He can be smart, funny and loving. He's just been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. The problem is that I get sooo frustrated with his challenging, defiant behavior. I try to stay calm and redirect but some of the things he does or says are so disrespectful that I want to put my fist through a door! I get so increadibly frustrated and sad. I'm lucky that I have a partner who will help but there are very difficult days. I sometimes end up saying things I regret out of frustration. We are in counseling and trying new meds but I'm worried about giving him "speed" because his biological family has a history of addictive behavior. Help!
How does everyone else handle it?
I agree - they can make you crazy some days. The best advice I've read (and I've read a lot!) is that ADHD people can't control their behavior any more than someone who wears glasses can take them off and be able to see. You wouldn't get frustrated and angry at your child if he needed glasses to see, so why let yourself get upset when your adhd child needs meds to behave?
I still can't follow that advice all of the time, but it's helpful to consider next time you're annoyed.
Mom to 10 and 3 year old and husband with ADHD, 14 year old and 6 year old so far so good
I understand the frustration, so do know that you are not alone.
ADHD MEDS ARE NOT SPEED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for uppercase but referring to medications that are used to treat ADHD as "speed" really gets under my nerves. (And to today, I am really moody)
ADHD meds either stimulants or non stimulant. There is a big difference from the rx of an ADHD med and the street drugs known as "speed".
[QUOTE=momoffourboys]The best advice I've read (and I've read a lot!) is that ADHD people can't control their behavior any more than someone who wears glasses can take them off and be able to see.
[/QUOTE]
That part is spot on. Because he "appears" normal, we expect "normal" behavior. You will get a bit of this from his teachers in the coming years. They know the child has ADHD, but insist on commenting in every report card that he can't sit still.
Consider, if he had a more substantial and obvious handicap, you would likely be more sympathetic. No matter how much it may feel like it, he does not want to do the wrong thing or behave badly, but it will come. It is important for his growth and self-esteem, and for your sanity, that you accept him, love him and guide him.
Point out where he is over the line and ask him how he could have handled the situation better/differently. Set hard rules for unacceptable behavior (hitting).
You will hear that negative reinforcement (punishment) does not work. It is absolutely true. What works is love and firm support.
Keep in the back of your head that the diagnosis phase may not be over yet. Comorbidity, or co-existing conditions are very common.
Fixing broken bones are like math: 1 + 1 = 2.
Fixing mental health issues are closer to art: 1 + 1 = YELLOW, sometimes.
Be patient.
All the best,
Chris
Actually, your tolerance for the behavior will increase and so will you bag of tools to deal with it. Removing yourself from the room is always and option. You don't always have to deal. The book Magic 1-2-3 is a good one for managing ADHD kids.On the addiction point there is another possibility. As ADHD is genetically linked, it's possible that the other family members have had degrees of undiagnosed ADHD and have self-medicated over the course of their lives. Drinking and drugging to quiet the rapid-fire noise in our heads is not uncommon, especially in the undiagnosed or misdiagnosed.
What I am saying is, by not providing your son access to the tools that may help him cope, are you possiby adding to the risk of substance abuse down the road? Don't be so quick to right off the meds.