HELPPPPP!!!!!!! | ADHD Information

Unfortunatly, my son has only "Me" time and has no friends or interests other than video games.. There are NO OTHER men in his life to help with that issue. I have a good friend who would be great with him but my sick ex, refuses to let him see him or anyone else yet he provides no support as a father figure. he is arguing he doesn't want to pay for 1/2 his meds which is court ordered. they are very expensive. thank you for your reply Jessica N I appreciate it.

Hi,

I am sorry for this bummer of a time you are going through.  I don't have a similar situation as far as the hubby part, but I am always looking for good male role models for my boys.  (12y/o ADD innatentaive, 10y/o combined)  I feel that boys now-a-days need more.

My boys are in boyscouts.  It's a great place for great role models and lots of activities.  Also, the guys can be guys - no girly stuff :)

Also, do you have a good church you could attend.  My older boy now meets on Weds with other middle school boys. They read and study and talk about a book.  (right now it is Crazy Love) The leaders are youth pastors and my son really likes them.  They are hip, but are grounded in going in a good direction.  They end up having all kids of discussions (and of course eat pizza!)  One night my son came home and asked me what a tampon was lol - nice opening (ooh no pun intended) for a new discussion.

I get great support at church from the women also!

I would also say trust your instincts on the meds.  When my younger son first started, he had angry rebound.  The doctor wanted to increase the meds.  Well I decided decreasing would be better and just halved the dose.  I then upped it again when he stabilized.

Hope this helps.

It has been a while since I have been here, things were going smooth there for a while, but everything has changed.

My son,Jake,12, has fallen apart. he is severly depressed(my husband of 30 years found a girlfriend and kicked Jake and I out of the house, we went bankrupt and there is no trace of Jake at his Dads house. He feels completely abandonded. He is out of control completly.

Jake stays up all night begging me to cook him food and when I do he refuses to eat it and sometimes throws it at me.

He is on Concerta 72mg, Zoloft,50, and we are trying Intunive(Tenex). I feel as if I am having a nervous breakdown and need help. He is seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and is failing school (highly gifted)

I am sure the last 5 months is due to the abandoment issue alot, but this has been going on longer.

He was doing better 6-8 months ago, at school, eating , going to bed at 10 pm. but now I just want to die

well today I lowered his Concerta to 54mg. He came out of school in a good mood and said he felt much better on the lowered dose and he did all his work and complimented him.AYyayayayyay! What next now. I think I will leave him there on the 54 dose till we go to the doc next week. see how it goes. I am so confused I do not know what to do!You did the right thing lowering the dose. I would try to give him as much
1:1 time as possible. Stuff that he likes to do. See if he wants to invite
friends over, or to the movies, etc. Lots of positive reinforcement. Is there a
male family member that will give him some extra time now? Ask your
psychiatrist about teen support groups.

I am looking for a Big Brother type of program near where we live but my son wants nothing to do with it.I do think it would make good by him. too bad.

Our middle school is the WORST! even with his 504 NO ONE pays attention and follows it at all. another big problem! Next step school commisioner. they helped me before. Hopefully with a med adjustment he will do better next year. he is in gifted program since Elementary, but do I take him down? it seems he would just aspire to less

I wish this on noone. this is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.

Can you encourage him to invite someone over? The movies is always a
good start. Or roller skating.

Do you have a mentor program in your area?

The church idea is a really good one. I am not particularly religious, but I
would still explore this avenue. The children have their own groups.

4-H is also a good one. No you don't have to go the animal route. Right
now my son is in 4-H woodworking.

Boys and Girls Club also offers opportunities if you have one in your area.

Don't worry, instead focus on community opportunities that will help your
son gain a feeling of belonging.

spamula,  I am so so sorry to read about what has happened. I wish I knew exactly what to say to make it all better. It really sounds like your ex husband had a breakdown and has some serious issues.

But I want to ask, do you think that besides the trauma of what has happend to Jake and you both personally, that puberty has set in and is also disrupting his meds?

Also, why can't Jake have the man that you mention in his life? Can it be court ordered? Why does his father who does NOT support him have any say in the manner? Why can't his son be happy? 

What is wrong with HIM??? Does he visit his dad? I have to say that the father's behavior is very strong, I don't know if I would want him alone with him. Can you have the court do something to make sure your son is safe?

Is his father/your ex on drugs? Something is really odd with the fathers behavior. Please, Please be careful!! Did he have some type of a mid life crisis???

have you been to court and have you had support mandated by the court? How can he kick a child out of the house, it was both YOUR house as well as your son's. After 30 years of marriage, you are entitled, yes entitled to HALF!! Unless the judge sees that you deserve more! Sorry, don't mean to be personal, I am just so upset over what happened to you, I want to help.

Please take care of yourself, Jake needs you!!  

BETHANN40662.1079976852

Yes Bethann I do think puberty is setting in and messing with everything,

Our divorce has been worked out mostly on paper but ex doesn't do his part,

My son has 0 friends and is very immature for his age making it hard to have friends.

Jake visits his dad when he is in town but hates to go there.

I am entitled to half and are getting it when the bankruptcy is done. about 1 more month I think.

I am still looking for some kind of program that he would feel comfortable with. everything is so far away and we have so much traffic I am trying to find something more local.

since he is a gamer, so isn't mine, does he have xbox LIVE?

Please try to find a LIVE game system, I swear by it. My son has "friends" in other states and they all play together. It has helped him socially. He has even been invited to "parties" from town.

My son will be 14 and is growing into his age finally after being immature. FINALLY. I think the LIVE gaming has helped him learn social "stuff". Boys tend to be immature but our adhd'ers are more so.

Please help him find ONE friend, that is all he needs in life, is ONE friend. I also tell my son this, all he needs is one.

Can school help him with social? I know middle school is brutal. I have two there right now

Have you reached out to them??

I am so sorry I want to do what ever I can.

Is there a big brother program in your community?  I think that would help your son.  Be sure to tell them that your husband abandoned you and your son and your son is taking it very hard and needs a positive male figure in his life.   GrannyC40662.2781365741