I’m losing my sanity | ADHD Information

Hi all.  I am new here and thought maybe I could find some advice and if nothing else, find people that are going through the same things as me.  Let me tell you a little about my son-or a lot.  He is 8 years old.  He is very bright and is in gifted classes at school, but his ADHD is out of control.  Where do I start with that?  He has meltdowns that rival that of a 2 year olds temper-tantrums.  You never know what is going to trigger them and when to expect them, sometimes every little thing will set him off and other days its takes something big, or at least something big to him.  He screams and wails, and there isn't a whole lot that will calm him down.  He chews his clothes so bad that his father and I have to buy new clothes on a weekly basis.  I have been buying them at Goodwill because I can't afford the new clothes anymore.  He will come home from school with his shirt hanging halfway down his chest from chewing so bad.  We are getting constant conference calls from his teacher and the counselor at school because of his behavior.  Recently he has started telling them that he wants to die.  I'm terrified because I don't know how to deal with that because I don't know if he means it or it is an attention seeking behavior.  I am so grateful that he has an amazing teacher this year, but I know I won't be so lucky in the years to come.  He can't, or maybe wont, do anything that requires effort without being absolutely forced to do it.  And of course, inevitably, that causes a meltdown too.  He has bathroom issues too.  If he is doing something he is intensely absorbed in, he won't stop to go to the bathroom.  He will just go in his pants, and I don't mean pee.  I found a sock in his bedroom this morning that he used to wipe with because he says he had an accident in his sleep.  I'm not sure what the truth of that is and I was too tired this morning for a fight and had I pushed for a different answer, it would have been a fight.  Anyway, that was my breaking point where I decided that I need someone that can relate to this.  We have tried herbal supplements to no avail.  I have tried rewards and punishments and nothing seems to help.  I am exhausted and not coping with this well anymore at all.  He had issues when he was younger too, but instead of getting better, they are getting progressively worse.  We get insurance on May 28th, and I will be taking him to the DR. then.  I plan on getting him medicinal help, and I know some of you probably don't agree with it, but please don't get angry with me.  I think that this is a choice that I have to make for him at school, him personally and to keep some form of a relationship intact.  As it is now, we fight constantly, he has no friends at school and his close family relatives don't even want to deal with him anymore.  So I guess what I am wondering is, does anyone have any methods or other ideas to help?  Either to get us through until he does get the help he needs or things that I can do now and in conjunction with medication.  Any ideas would be greatly appreciated at this point because I really don't know what to do anymore.  Thanks.   Have you considered Aspergers??  Its a high functioning autism.  Asperger children have behavioral issues, are extremely bright - if not gifted, and because of sensitivity to senses (hearing, visual) things will set them off that don't bother other children.  My son was dx with Aspergers, ADHD, OCD and ODD.  First thing I did was change his diet, took out all processed foods, dyes, sugars.  Shopped at fruit markets for his food.  Saw a huge change in his behavior in two weeks.  And everyone else noticed it too. 

Just some ideas for you to consider. I have brought that up several times with his father, but I get told I am crazy for even thinking that way. People in my  family tell me that he is a boy and his behavior is "normal". although it was glaringly obvious how different he was at his spring sing at school 2 weeks ago. There was no other kid that acted like him on the stage, and the spring sing encompasses everyone from grades 1 through 5 in his school.  Most of his problems started cropping up when he was in kindergarten but at that point his father was working 80 hours a week and didn't deal with anything because he wasn't there to see it.  Sadly it took up separating almost 2 years ago and him having to start being a parent without having me to deal with it all to finally admit that there are issues.  I have felt strongly for a while that he may have Aspergers as well as ADHD.   Do you live in the Detroit area???  My son was dx at Children's Hospital in Detroit.  If not, you could always see if the school psychologist could test him.  If not, take him to your son's physician and mention your concern.  What you described sounded just like my son.  He had obsessions before he was one, his behavior was a huge concern, immature behavior........but he is doing so much better now that he's in the 6th grade!  There is hope!!! I seriously believe a lot of my son's frustrations and temper tantrums were from lack of being understood.  Now that he is doing much better, and being understood better, we are seeing less and less of behavior issues.  I think my son felt the world was against him.  Self esteem was shot.  BUT...he's feeling better about himself and because of that there's been a huge change in behavior. 

Read up on Aspergers.  There is a checklist of traits which will help you to determine if that is what he has.

Good luck. 
50% of ADHD kids have a comorbid condition, like ODD or bipolar or sensory
integration issues. It sounds like you need to start with a good evaluation,
and then medication. You could look at the pediatricians covered under your
pending insurance and schedule an appt now to occur right when the
coverage starts. Then you'll have no delay.

The bathroom issues are not uncommon for ADHD kids. My son had issues,
that didn't entirely end until 11 yo. If you search for this on the board you'll
find it.

Bethann is right, if your child is unmedicated, then you are actually dealing
with a 5.6 yo. That's important to remember for your own sanity.

Have you looked into medication? I wonder if you address the adhd that you will see a different child.

Your son also sounds like he has sensory integration. Look into researching sensory integration. Chewing on clothing is a big sign. My son has both adhd and sensory. He is now almost 14. The bathroom "thing" may also fall into that category.

Most adhd'ers have co-morbids, anxiety and depression seem to be common. Your son may be depressed. He may have been born with it OR he may feel it because of not being understood and not getting help at school. THey need to help him! It is their job.

Can school help you by evaluating him? have you attempted getting an IEP or 504 through the public school? Also, what is his social like, does he have friends? Does school have social groups? Ask, please ask them what they offer!!

Your son is NOT the only adhd'er at his school. Remember that!!

Aspergers have trouble in social settings, they don't "get" a lot of what is going on around them, they perceieve things different.

ALSO, adhd'ers are 30% behind their age socially. So your child at age 8 acts like a 5.6 year old. Remember that! They like to play with younger children also. they relate to more, BUT they are very bright!

You need to have your son evaluated and if adhd, please consider medication. It truly saved my son's life!!

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