Were you in my house danielle2? I deal with the same thing with my DS9. I am reading the book, the explosive child, just started and saying the timeouts and reward games do not work for adhd kids... so now I am hoping to get to the chapter that says what DOES work... lol...
hang in there... i understand!!
I love Kevin Leman and gained much from his parenting series about NOTI am at a loss. No matter how I discipline my son- nothing seems to work. I feel like he grows more and more disrespectful of me each day. I have to admit it, he pushes my buttons and I don't know how to control myself anymore. Morning routine and bedtime routine and afterschool are soooooo difficult. I tried giving a countdown so he is aware of how much time he has to complete something (get dressed, homework, get in bed, etc).We bought a timer. We count 1-2-3 and then send to time out. We walk away. we send him to his room. We get him away from his brother. we take away tv, video games.
He will not willingly do anything we ask of him. Every time we are met with a moan and a "Oh my god". Sometimes we just avoid asking him to do anything and other times if we try to follow through it is like WWIII. Is it worth it? We want to teach him responsibility and follow through and good work ethic.
Our nights at home have become something we absolutely dread! HELP!
Have you read about the marble system that ogram described? We have found it works very well with both our sons, one who has ADHD and one who doesn't. I think part of what makes it work so well is that is focuses more on rewarding good behaviour than punishing bad behavior. Hello again! I am sorry that I have not been on here in awhile. It all starts with knowing what your child values the most and using that against them. It may be several things and if so use them all! My childs top values are my attention, my approval, outside play, video games, tv, having friends over to play & time spent with me. All of these can be compromised if he exhibits bad behavior. Since I have been consistent with taking the things away that he values most he has gained more respect for me and knows that if he does what he is not suppossed to do there will be a consequence. Always. When I say shut him down immediatly, I mean that as soon as he starts his bad behavior he will get sent straight to his room. I do not yell at him and I do not address what he is doing I just look at him and tell him ROOM NOW. He may go to his room crying, yelling or screaming but I do not address that. You can't. That gives them control. He knows that if he gets too out of control in his room and does not calm down he will get extra things taken away on top of what I may have already decicded to take away for the inital bad behavior in the first place. Once he calms down then we talk. I let him know what I have taken away for his behavior, which normally he is more upset that I am disapointed in him then what I took away. That all stems from talking with him and helping him figure out when he gets mad what are some other things he can do other then the negitive behaviors. I also reassure him that I know he knows a different way other then what he did and if he puts his mind to it he can do it. My son now often says, "Mom, I almost did that because I was mad but I didn't want to get in trouble and also I can feel myself getting upset but I don't want to." This is absolute progress for us! If he realizes hes in control of his self then he may get to the point where he can come off of medicine which is our ultimate goal. He will not get me upset, instead he will be the one upset when he gets his consequence. That is very important. You must try hard to shut down there negitive behavior immediatly or ignore the temper tantrums until he sees that what he is doing does not effect what you are doing. Then once he is calm let him know that now you will be taking away his most cherished thing. I now see him working hard to gain positive attention versus how it was a couple of years ago. I know all kids are different & what I am doing may not work for yours but I must say that I have been working at this for 2 years to get it to where it is now and if it is one thing I know for sure it is consistancy! Goodluck all!!I disagree that discipline does not work for ADHDers. Sure they may need more then your adverage child, but if given none how will they ever learn. Many adhd children are master manipulaters. They have learned that if they do things a certain way they can get a reaction out of us. Which often normally results in getting what they want due to the frustration we have endured from them. It has taken me two years to undue this type of behavior with my ds age 7. He now knows that I will not play his games and he will not get what he wants from me by acting a out or throwing fits. As soon as there is a hint of disrespect, name calling, chaseing and hitting his sibblings, yelling, throwing things or being plain out demanding with me he gets shut down immediatly. He will be sent straight to his room. He then knows that I will not address any of his behaviors as long as he is crying or throwing a temper tantrum so he knows that if he wants to come out or talk to me he has to calm down first. I do not cave anymore. I stay firm. He is now to the point where he knows that he will receive a consequence for negitive behavior and actually has stopped to think about it before he does it. Sure he may have his off days where he just does it and does not think about it, but in the end I am always here to show him that he will not just get a way with that and he will receive a consequence. Showing constistency in addressing the negitive behavior will make a difference in the long run. It may take a couple a of years and be exhausting but in the end it is worth it. My son knows that if he exhibits negitive behavior he will have to answer to me. I feel showing all children weather they are adhd or not that they need to be held accountable for there actions will help them to be successful adults. Show them you are the parents and it is your rules! Don't give in and dont give up! Wow guys this topic is too great and you are providing awesome information about discipline. well i want more updates. I am hoping to learn so much, I am open for any suggestions I have tried the norm but my girls seem to find ways around it after awhile please can anybody throw some ideas my way. ThanksAnyone try "The total transformation"? I bought the program but have yet toepokey, I have added a post for Masetaemya. I feel the same as you. I would love to have the tools to shut my child/ren down immediately instead of having them ignore, backchat and scowl at me. It's a struggle to even get my kids to their rooms for time-out let alone the time out having any real impact on them.
I'm considering the Dr Phil approach............strip all their privilleges and get them to earn these back. Me and hubby resort to yelling but I know that only makes things worse. We are suppose to get down to childs eye leve, gain their attention and then ask them to repeat what we said or do they understand what we said. Consistency is a big key holder. Me and hubby bicker somewhat (ashamed to say so but yes in front of the kids ....... purely out of stress and frustration of a sitiation) and we know this definately contributes to the bad behaviours. Me and hubby disagree at times how a situation should be handled and again, this contributes to kids behaviours.
Anyway, lets see what Masetaemya post back and maybe we can learn some more.
Cheers
Tars
I could have written some of these myself, its the same thing at our house. 10yr with aspergers and adhd and a copying 5 yr old brother. Hubby works a ton so the disipline is often on me. When hubby comes home he doesn't really get all the routines and rules or whatever problem we had and were working on that day. He can tend to just jump in and punish by taking things away instead of first understanding the whole situation. We also seem to have entered a big lying stage with our 10yr old. Big lies little lies, doesnt matter, with punishments for them he still does it over and over. I've yet to come to a solution for this. Maybe I will try the grounding from sun up to sun down on a weekend day. Perhaps that will help it sink in more that hes not going to get off easy. Instead of just taking privilages and screen time away. He also over the last 2 years, has been having small pee accidents and not wanting to do anything about it. Now unfortuantly hes actualy had a couple poo accidnets and did not want to come home and change instead lying and saying it didn't happen. I try to tell him this is a huge social kick, not to mention unhealthy. I get the uhuh uhuh uhuh. It is totally not a consistant thing for him, but gets my stomach in knots thinking about it. I believe its something he can help because he goes months sometimes without anything happening. I dunno, there is a special place in heaven for parents of adhd children im sure of it.
hi
i have just had my last appointment with CAHMS we have decided to try my son aged 6 without meds but it was suggested to read a book called "the incredible years" by Carolyn Webster-Stratton its a book that is going to be used in my area on the next parenting course. it works on difficult children and those with ADHD and ODD. i just bought one of ebay im hoping its here soon im losing the plot my son keeps hitting, shouting and generally being rude to me and his dad, his dad has fybromyalgia and CFS( ME). i post again when i start reading it.
hope it helps.
what is CAHMS?