Thank you everyone for your input.
We've tried concerta, ritalin, Pediactive, adderall xr, ritalin again, ritalin extended and adderall XR again.
I just want to get thru the end of this school year so we can try to figure it out during the summer.
It just seems like I and the school are giving him all the tools he needs and he is not using these tools. It would be a different story if we weren't helping help and teachers weren't helping him, but everyone is and he is not helping himself.
I am going to ask his doctor about Vyvanse at his next appt. THANK YOu for that suggestion.
Thanks again for your support.... I dread the daily calls or emails from the school... I just think WHAT NOW, You've got to be kidding me!
I think it is now time to take away his gadgets and be grounded. He has to learn that there are consequences to his actions. Thoughts???
Punishments don't usually work with these kids. Rewards work better.
Ready to give up the fight.
I have a 13 year old who had been on Adderall XR for years and it worked great. We had the small typically struggles along the way... nothing out of the ordinary really.
A few months ago (puberty) the meds stopped working. We've switched to Ritalin and Ritalin Extended. They definately to not work as the Adderrall does. I'm tempted to let him take the Adderall (that was left over) to see if perhaps he just needed and break and maybe it will "work" again.
We're at failing grades, homework not getting done not getting done thoroughly.
IF i sit with him for hours each night and do the homework WITH him. It will get done and he will get a decent grade on it. If I don't sit there, forget it... it's incomplete.
I HAVE TO HAVE A LIFE myself. HE HAS TO LEARN TO MANAGE HIMSELF. We have another child and volunteer our time and efforts to different cause so we do have a busy household. There's no doubt about that.
We're not even asked for perfect grades.. We'll take C's and above!
It's getting to the point where he thinks he's not smart. He says he tries (although he doesn't study for quizzes/tests), when he takes a test, he'll say... yea, it was pretty easy, I think it did pretty good... and when I check the grade... it's not good, it's bad.
A part of me just wants to back off and let him fail, let him deal with whatever consequences there are (kicked out of sports, summer school or whatever).
I need some support and suggestions. We are in VERY close contact with the school teachers and administration and are on good terms with all of them. They really care about our son and "pull" for him and even go above and beyond for extra chances.... he just screws them up
HELP!!!!!
Your story is so familiar to me! I have two sons: non-adhd, 20, and adhd, 12. We decided to back off the oldest and let him handle himself. Big mistake. After three years of college (and few actual earned credits), one drop-out and one "invitation to leave", I wish that we had ridden him like a Ferris wheel in high school. Had I known the habits that I was letting form, I would have held his hand through every class. He is a very smart guy (he scored a 30 on his ACT), but is just beginning to care about the consequences of his actions 4,5, or even 6 years ago. He is at the age when his friends who graduated with him are getting internships and part-time jobs with lots of responsibility, but he can't even think about that because his grade point average is so bad, he can't get an interview. When he was in high school, we left the responsibility of knowing what his homework was to him, without checking on him. I can't tell you how many zero's resulted because he hadn't kept track! ( And before all of the adhd parents out there get their radar up, he does not have adhd. He was tested as a child and as an adult. Both test results showed no tendency toward adhd.) He is FINALLY caring about his classes (all A's this semester at community college)and is holding down a part-time job at a landscaping company. BUT there is a lot of regret that he didn't try harder years ago and a lot of dings in his self-confidence. Consequently, I have decided that my youngest will not have the chance to get himself into that situation.
My youngest (adhder) has to show me his agenda every night so that I can see he has written the work down. If it looks to me like he's drifting while doing homework, I sit down at the table with him and do something else. If that doesn't help, I will take an active part by reading the questions outloud, asking prompting questions, asking the questions in a different way, whatever I need to do so that he stays on-task and gets it done. This year started out pretty labor intensive for me, but at this point, his agenda is always filled out, he does the work on his own (albeit I have to tell him it's time to come to the table), and he's getting good grades. If at any time he doesn't have the work written down or he forgets a book at school, we get in the car and go get it (which is tortuous punishment for him---he hates going back!) with the threat that if it happens again within the week, I'll be meeting him at his locker after eighth hour for the rest of the quarter (and he knows I mean it.) I am letting him do the communicating with his teachers (but I still email them occasionally) and he gets to set the schedule for working on long-term projects, as long as he knows that there will be a schedule. I know that many parents reading this will think that it's too much, but I can't let him learn the habits of failure and then feel horrible about himself and his capabilities. I think that kids have to be taught how to succeed, the habits of success. Five more years and I'll be able to say which technique is more effective!
Thank you for responding BPQW -
How do you tell if your ADHD kid just isn't trying enough?? Is that what my son's problem is or is it something more? Will making him quit everything to simply "study more" be the answer? My head says no, that's not going to do any good and just build resentment. When does the ADHD become an excuse???
He's not distrubtive in class, or anything like that...... it's just boils down to putting full attention and effort into school work and is he "getting it"?
I too did what you did in terms of helping with homework 1 on 1, going back to the school to get stuff....... I even would read his language arts books to him and then he would complete the questions (I did have him read a page here and their) and EVERY time I did this he got a 85% of better on the question and answer assignment. BUT, doesn't he have to learn to read on his on his own?
I have a 3rd grade daughter who is above average and she is so upset that I will read to the 8th grader and not her. It's tough. She's getting "left out" in terms of school work b/c my attention going towards him just trying to get him by.
Like I said it's been like this for about 6 months... when the old meds stopped working.
It's frustrating, it's sad and I dread the daily phone call from the school that the homework is not complete.
I guess I need to put myself and my activities aside AGAIN to work with him 1 on 1. It sounds like crazyness, I know... but I guess that's what I have to do.
Thanks for listening everyone....I am one VERY strong and thick skinned person, but it's all come to a head and I've had all I can take for today and I'm in tears.
I am with you sister. My ds (10) was doing great until the meds stopped
While I would have said it differently, ADHDtroll has a point. A child with no legs would not have parents who wondered if he wasn't trying hard enough to walk.
On the other hand, if the child with no legs had parents who did everything for him, he would never learn how to do all the things he is really capable of doing and be even more trapped in his life. The job of any parent with a child who has a disability - ANY disability - is to prepare her child for life as an adult, the best life possible.
I'm sorry that I don't have any constructive advice, as my son is just 8 and the meds are working wonderfully for him. I hope you find the answers you need, and are able to strike a balance in your life with your son and your own needs. You can't help your son if you don't help yourself too.
Good for you willa that the meds are doing great with2Gr8Kids, I'm sorry you are going through such a struggle. I fear when my child hits puberty, for I am afraid of encountering the meds no longer working.
Has your child tried Vyvanse? It's another amphetamine medication, in the same family as Adderrall. Since your child has a history of doing well with amphetamines, it might be worth giving it a shot.