Could really use some help w/15yr old | ADHD Information

KelsWorld,

One more thoughts, any idea if he is suffering from Post traumatic stress? Everyone deals with "things" differently and if school said things are changing, I just wonder if pst has anything to do with it?!

I have a friend at work who suffers from trauma from being abused as a child, and all the deaths in her family that happend within months of each other. She doesn't remember things or remember them correctly.

Just a thought.

Please keep me updated, I really care!

Thank you Bethann for your comments. We've had a rough week here and it just was so nice to see your comment. Yes, there is alot more to the whole situation. I am definitly having him totally reevaluated. There is just so much going on right now with him. It's hard to know what to do on most occasions.

Trying to teach him at the same time he seems to have an incredibly low motivation. I've been with him 15 months now, always thinking it was do to low self-esteem. Now, I am not so sure. We had issues this week that he just doesn't seem to care at all. He is not outwardly defiant and the only one he is hurting is himself. He has no interest in anything. Not even your common teenage interests, as simple as a taste of music. I am desperately seeking motivation or interest in something. I feel if I can just find that one thing that really sparks him, it would really make an impact.

Most of the things I have read about ADHD is these children/adults are active. They have many interests of all sorts. So, I am searching for what it is for him. The only thing that seems to give him any interest at all is not having any interest in anything at all. Sort of a defiant way?  

We are still hunting for a new physcologist that will take our insurance. We have found a place for testing which is scheduled a couple weeks from now. I went to a school meeting this week, where the school physcologist that had tested him back in January, said things have changed since then.

In January, she couldn't get an accurate read on him through a bask? test. She said, that the test results from him, his teacher and I were inconclusive. Then when she just tested him a week ago. All of his answers have changed.

I don't know if anyone would know this or not. I am not a counselor myself but after reading so much lately, I am starting to think he has a personality disorder. I wonder if a personality disorder and ADHD go together? If when I have him tested they will look into this as well? Or am I becoming a little too much of a google shrink here?

 

So many of us here have posted have said similar things that you have. I still think it may go back to his life with his mom, who knows what really went on except him, and her. He may be harboring things inside, not honestly sure.

you are doing the right thing by talking to all that you are.

Please keep an eye on him and stand by him regardless of how he is behaving. It could be him acting negatively for attention, you know what I mean.

Just continue to tell and show him how much you care.

I would love updates from you on how you are both doing. Please feel free to PM me or post, what ever you chose. Either is great. I just want to make sure you are all ok.

Thank you!

HI there KelsWorld,

First I want to applaud YOU for doing what you are doing for your "son"

I can't believe his mother left him in fostercare, how could she desert him like that?

I also want to mention that adhd'ers are 30% behind socially. so my turning 14 year old has the maturity of a 9.8 year old.

My son has adhd and has been medicated since he was turning 7, he is now turning 14. I can't say enough positive things about his life, but he is medicated 24/7.

Your son may have been on the wrong med, wrong dose, etc.

Would you ever consider starting from scratch - have him re-evaluated and begint the meds correctly and slowly? this way you will know that you are addressing the issues correctly this time.

I feel absolutely horrible for this poor child, but I am so happy you have been there for him. I understand that there is so much more to the story. I can only imagine.

Whenever someone finds this "place" we know that they really care, and you really care about your son.

Please post any questions or thoughts, you are among friends. Please let us help and support you and your family.

BETHANN40701.4346180556Hi KelsWorld,

Gee sounds just like my 10 1/2 yr son. He's on 60mg Vyvanese. Yes, all of that is normal....remember with ADHD they have no control and those mundane things don't matter as much as meeting the boys at the bus stop. You will have to tell him 100 times to those things and then a 100 more times. My son has combined adhd and odd.

If he's a zombie the dose is too high or he needs to try a different med. It should only help him focus. You should be able to see that with the meds he is able to control himself and function better.

We have a chart on the fridge of all the things he needs to do before and after school. He puts a magnet beside each one when he has completed it. It is a whole lot easier than nagging him to do his "jobs" If he completes it then he gets a reward, be it an extra 15mins of tv, a slushie from 7 eleven etc. Money is a big pay off for Mark, if you'll pay him for a good job he'll do it no questions.  So, he goes around the neighbourhood and cuts grass. Praise him for every good thing he does and bring up his self esteem that may help as well.



 

Thank you both for your responses. Since my first post, I seem to have a much clearer idea of what is going on. In addition, I think my DH is starting to understand that our son cannot control it. Things have truly calmed down around here due to an understanding from us has made a more positive environment.

I guess the facility that the doctor recommended was for substance abuse. Which that is bothering me. My son did try pot with a friend a month ago. I am not sure why this therapist thinks that now he needs to go for drug abuse therapy. Especially, if he may need ADD drugs to balance him out. I definitly do not approve of drug use at all. I just wonder if this is an extreme approach to a child that is just now growing roots. I am open to any opinion on that as well.

Jessica thank you for your post. I think that might be a big problem we are dealing with a family therapist, that also specializes in drug abuse. We might just have the wrong Dr for my son. He is good as far as family therapy. We have learned alot from him over the last couple of months. I am open to trying medicatio to see if it helps.

Notmyfault- the therapist had mentioned charts but my husband was very reluctant because of his age. He had a former opinion that at 15 we shouldn't have to do that. However, our knowledge that we have gained is changing our ways :)

I agree, that we are raising an adult. So, that is why I had a sense of panick that things were not 'clicking'. I really have been very cautious throughout the year of building his self-esteem. Now I realize that just him not being able to control this may be lower his self esteem.

I do wonder how I will beable to help my son be comfortable with meds. He said he didn't like them when he was on them before because of the Zombie effect. He hates talking to counselors, he says they don't help but he will do it to make me happy. How can I convince him that meds are a good thing for him?

 

I think that the first thing you need to do is find the right doctor. I don't think that the therapist you are seeing is the one. Recommending a child for placement in a facility is a big step and should really be a last resort sort of thing, not run of the mill treatment. You need to have him see a team of psychologist/psychiatrist who can correctly diagnose and then treat the ADHD. It's tricky to get the diagnosis right in kids that age. So much of teenage behavior IS acting like a zombie: sleeping all the time, grunting answers, forgetting everything except those things that involve their friends, etc.!! Teen boys are never going to give you a straight answer about their feelings or what they did during the day. They just want you to leave them alone. As for the lying about pot, he probably lies about sex to his friends, too. They tell each other crap about girls and parents and school while working out the complicated social structure and heirarchy of teendom. If you think he has ADHD, then start with a full eval by a qualified doctor. That's not your local MD. If it is positive, then see a pediatric psychiatrist with experience working with teens. It's okay for you to ask these questions when you're scheduling the appointment. Once you get a good team on the job, finding the right med might take a year or so. No child should ever be medicated to the point of being a zombie, otherwise known as having a flat affect. A good psych can work with that. I hope that you can help him get a handle on this. Good luck!

KelsWorld

I noticed that you said your husband is reluctant because of his age....well, he may be 15yrs old but he's really about 11yrs, that's why you have to tell him to do things over and over. The chart is just to help him have control over something. Their brains are racing a mile a minute and it's like rush hour and the lights are out.  My son hates to be nagged so that's why I have the chart, as for the meds....your son needs to know the meds he had were not the way it's supposed to be like. That trying something else or a different dose will help slow his brain down. Mark really notices the difference when he takes his meds as when he doesn't. It is also noticable to the neighbours....med holiday today eh???

sounds like your making progress just continue to read all you can the more you and your husband accept what he has the easier it will be to help him.

 

I would definitly agree it's been a struggle all year to understand to balance out what was teenage behavior, adhd, issues possibly from that his mother put him in fostercare, his dad was deployed and his upbringing before I received custody.

BPQW, that's actually what we are trying to do right now. Find a more qualified Dr. We have brought this up to the family therapist and he has been trying to help us find a place for testing that will take our insurance. I still have to break the news to him that our son will not be going for substance abuse counseling or facility of any sort.

Notmyfault- You are so right! I have said for over a year, I think he is about 10-11 years old by his maturity.

Thank you to everyone that is involved with this site. It truly has been a lifesaver for me. I know that it will take some time and work to get to the point that I can feel he has control of his own life. It's just been such a huge relief to beable to explain to my DH what is going on by reading others stories. He truly thought his son was just being a difficult teen. Now when we have things happen or he has to repeat for the 100th time something. My husband is calmer which indeed makes everyone in the house calmer and accepting of our son.

I cannot think everyone on here enough,those that have shared their stories and those that have responded to my cry for help! I think I have my son ready to try some medication after the eval. We have had some really good heart to hearts about all of this lately. It appears his lying has now stopped as well. He actually came to me the other day and confessed all of his sins. So, that might as well just have been former raising, that he didn't trust the adult to really listen with no judgement.  Thank you Again :)

 

I agree about moving on as far as the therapist goes. Most therapists
don't actually understand ADHD. It has a neurological basis. Honestly,
unless he truly specializes in ADHD, he has little value for your scenario.
In terms of behavior management you can look into ADHD coaches, or a
therapist that works in the office of a psychiatrist that treats ADHD.

You can locate a doctor to evaluate your son without your therapist. Most
insurance companies list the covered doctors online. Since what you really
need is treatment rather than a lengthy evaluation process (that's what
you'd need to get services at school), search on the insurance website for
child psychiatrist, or even psychiatrist (since his is 15). Or just call the
insurance company and ask them. There may be less than a handful in
your area. Call each one, verifying that they take your insurance, and that
they evaluate and treat ADHD for teens. The evaluation process with a
psychiatrist is brief and more to the point compared to a neuro-
psychologist, etc.

I am new here. I am so glad I found this site. I have a very long story. However, I will try to make it simple. My step-son was placed into fostercare by his bio mom last year. My husband was deployed overseas. I received full custody a week after my husband left. It has been a rough year, to say the least. DH has been home now for a few months. We are in family counseling.

I have been involved in my Step-Son's life since he was a year old. He lived with us fulltime until he was six. Then went to live with bio Mom until last year. He was not a hyper baby, however, a little slow with catching on to things and following rules before six. He was a good boy.

During his time living with her he was diagnoised ADHD and over the years has been placed on many different medications. When he would come visit, it would seem like he was "stoned". My DH and bio mom argued for years over these drugs.

This year has been full of alot of correcting for behaviors, he has come a long way. I never placed him on any drugs during the year, I had him alone. Repetitive, Repetitive, Repetitive that was my rule of thumb. Repeat until it sticks! For the most part, it did.

Yet, here I am :)   There are things/behaviors I cannot seem to understand. The therapist mentioned putting him in a facility. He does need supervision but not that extreme. He has really bad decision making abilities, it's like his subscious isn't working 50% of the time. When it is working he is truly a great, loving kid. He never gets angry, sometimes annoyed, he is not loud unless joking. He has no motivation at all, nothing will work as incentive to just do required tasks. It is literally as i have to hold his hand. When I do, he does wonderful. I just want to be able to live my life too.

He has been to so much counseling, he knows how to manipulate the therapist or anyone else that talks to him. He lets them answer for him. For instance, if you were to ask, How are you feeling? and you know that he just got in a fight with a friend. He will say good. If you say, are you upset about what just happened. He will say.. in the same tone, yes I guess I am upset.

He will make up stuff. Tell other kids he smokes pot, when he does not, we test him for that. He told a neighbor his bedroom was a closet at the end of the hall. When we ask him what he is thinking when he says these things. He says, I dunno. I have no idea why i said it.

We have to remind him to shower. Yet, he can remember what time the boys are at the bus stop to meet them there in the morning. Or if you said, we are going to dinner at the steak house, even if you change your mind, he will bring it up over and over again, until you go to the steak house.

Sorry to write a book now :(   Is this normal? Is this behavior normal? Are there any drugs that may work but not make him a zombie?

Any advice is much appreciated.

~frustrated...

It sounds like untreated ADHD-- poor decision making skills, lack of
motivation, lying, forgetful. It is all typical ADHD behavior. As far as the array
of available symptoms, this is not so bad. He needs medication prescribed by
a child psychiatrist. A stimulant. Like Focalin, Adderall, Concerta, Vyanese.
The goal is to produce a successful independent adult. You are not going to
reach that goal without medication. Behavior modification is only part of the
picture. If you have a child psychiatrist manage the medication then you
won't get that zombie effect. That happens when the doctor is not a
specialist -- like a pediatrician or family doc trying to manage the meds.
Those opposed to meds cannot understand why they are needed until they
live with the ADHD day in and day out. Jessica N40693.9090046296