Masetaemya, you responded to a post from danielle2 titled discipline and it seems your methods of discipline have worked wonders on your child/ren. You also mentioned in your post when your child acts out you "shut him down immediately". Can I ask by what method you do this? On this same thread "discipline" epokey has also responded in regards to your comments.
I am in a similar situation to epokey where me and hubby resort to yelling and still the kids do their own thing (ds aged 9 ahd and dd aged 8 non-adhd). Her behaviours model my sons behaviours. DS's meds have made a huge difference but we still need to fine tune him and dd.
Time out seems to have very little effect on either of my kids and that in itself is an effort just to get them there.
I'm wondering whether when it gets this bad that we then need to go back to the basics and strip them of all their privilleges and get them to earn them back.
Anyway, I was impressed with your post and whilst it took some time with your child, you have seen the benefits on a positive scale. Could you just give some info on what forms of discipline you used (other than time outs) and what it is you do to shut your child down immediately. That is what I want to be able to do too!
Cheers
Tara
I like you at one time stayed in constent battles with my husband as far as our son is concerned with his adhd behaviors. I would always let all of my sons behaviors slide because I fully felt as if it was not his fault but his ADHD. This type of thinking kept me in constent argument mode with my son, husband, daycare, neighborhood kids parents and my other children. It was almost as if I had this bubble around him that said he has ADHD so excuse him for EVERYTHING he does. Then one day as I watched my neighbor kids parents tell there kids don't play with my son because he is trouble and he has ADHD that is when it finally hit me. I am not helping him by allowing him to use his ADHD as a excuse. I have to teach him how to control his ADHD and hold him accountable for his actions. There are different techniques that can be used as far as behavioral therapy in dealing with kids with ADHD to help them learn how to control there actions and thought process. As I have said to you before it has taken me a long time to undue what I did when he was younger with allowing him to have whatever he wants so he doesn't throw a fit as well as having the mantality that he is ADHD so excuse him for everything he does. By addressing my sons ADHD behaviors all the time I was able to make him aware that weather it be ADHD related or not it still was not okay. This allowed him to be more aware of exactly what he should not being doing and when he went to do it again he would catch himself and stop because he knew it was wrong. We would talk about different things that he could do when he got mad like count to 10, go to his room, or come tallk to me versus hitting his siblings, screaming, crying, kicking or yelling. Slowly after constent redirection I was confident that yeah he may have ADHD but I have given him the tools to know that what he just did is not okay and for that he will receive a consequence. I do not hold him in the ADHD category anymore and often times do not even tell people he has ADHD because after years of working at it he now knows what is expected of him and is able to handle himself. Don't get me wrong everything is not always peaches in cream and for those times I fall back on discipline and talking with him to ensure that he again has the tools to fix it. If we allow our kids to use there Adhd as a crutch and never hold them accoutable for there actions they will never grow into the successful adults that we so long for them to be. Good luck! Don't give up! Consistency and accountablity is key!!Masetaemya, thanks again for your response. You are 100% correct in all that you have said. Whilst we hold our son accountable for his actions, there are many times when we lapse and thus are not consistent and that's as good as doing nothing. I have printed off this post and am going to discuss with hubby that there is hope with consistency. Well done for what you have done for your son.
Cheers
Tara
Hello again! I am sorry that I have not been on here in awhile. It all starts with knowing what your child values the most and using that against them. It may be several things and if so use them all! My childs top values are my attention, my approval, outside play, video games, tv, having friends over to play & time spent with me. All of these can be compromised if he exhibits bad behavior. Since I have been consistent with taking the things away that he values most he has gained more respect for me and knows that if he does what he is not suppossed to do there will be a consequence. Always. When I say shut him down immediatly, I mean that as soon as he starts his bad behavior he will get sent straight to his room. I do not yell at him and I do not address what he is doing I just look at him and tell him ROOM NOW. He may go to his room crying, yelling or screaming but I do not address that. You can't. That gives them control. He knows that if he gets too out of control in his room and does not calm down he will get extra things taken away on top of what I may have already decicded to take away for the inital bad behavior in the first place. Once he calms down then we talk. I let him know what I have taken away for his behavior, which normally he is more upset that I am disapointed in him then what I took away. That all stems from talking with him and helping him figure out when he gets mad what are some other things he can do other then the negitive behaviors. I also reassure him that I know he knows a different way other then what he did and if he puts his mind to it he can do it. My son now often says, "Mom, I almost did that because I was mad but I didn't want to get in trouble and also I can feel myself getting upset but I don't want to." This is absolute progress for us! If he realizes hes in control of his self then he may get to the point where he can come off of medicine which is our ultimate goal. He will not get me upset, instead he will be the one upset when he gets his consequence. That is very important. You must try hard to shut down there negitive behavior immediatly or ignore the temper tantrums until he sees that what he is doing does not effect what you are doing. Then once he is calm let him know that now you will be taking away his most cherished thing. I now see him working hard to gain positive attention versus how it was a couple of years ago. I know all kids are different & what I am doing may not work for yours but I must say that I have been working at this for 2 years to get it to where it is now and if it is one thing I know for sure it is consistancy! Goodluck all!!Masetaemya, thanks for your response. I hear what you are saying and I will admit whilst we discipline, we are not consistent.
With meds currently working for our child, the main behavioural issues we have are when meds wear off (late afternoon / early evening) my son gets silly, hyper and loud. If we say anything in order to calm him down, for some reason he tends to go louder, even sillier and then me and hubby get frustrated and my son picks up on this and then he starts getting "mouthy".
Part of me feels guilty for constantly being on at my son for being silly, loud , hyper etc.....when I know its his adhd trait but my husband finds it very difficult having to listen to sons silly behaviours & talk etc......Part of me feels we should let this behaviour slide but my husbands adamant we get right onto it as it can escalate ..My son will be 10 in October this year.
Do you discipline your son for this type of behaviour or is there any particular way you deal with these annoying adhd behaviours?
Thanks again for your response and you have given me great hope and motivation for consistency............which me and husband will most certainly start working on.
Cheers
Tara
bumping...........I'm interested to hear as well. Hubby and I have finally decided that maybe it's time for a meds change....we've contemplated it for about 3-4 months but it's so scary since we've had such a good combo for almost 3 yrs now. It's a big change! But, I know that meds don't fix everything & there are still behaviors to fix & correct as well, so I am very interested in hearing more on this subject as well. Especially to benefit my younger non-ADHD son so seems to be picking up on the craziness & thinking its funny, rather than listening to what I say when it's not.