Mother and son with ADHD

First of all,,,, you are NOT stupid or crazy. There is a great book you must read. It will give you insight on ADD, and ADHD. It is called "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder" by Sari Solden, MS,MFCC.  It might really help you see if you think you might be ADHD. Then go to the doc and find out! I was like you,,,,, joking about ADHD, knowing I had it. But never realizing the extent of the damage in my life it caused. I was recently "diagnosed" by a psycologist, and my doc is just now starting me on meds.

My friends also called me "flakey", "spaz", and I really thought I was just an idiot! I too, have problems with conversations, and listening. I am distracted by literally everything. And get overstimulated.

From reading your letter, you do sound like you have some ADHD struggles, but of course I am no doctor! But , since your son has it,,, it is likely that you do too. There is evidence now that it is passed down in the family usually .

Gotta run,,,, see I am late to pick up my 4 year old from preschool. I can relate to your struggles, and hope you do seek help.

Christy

Well, I feel at this point like I can not do anything else until I find out if ADD is what I have. My son was just diagnosed and placed on adderall xl. Something that I was absolutely against! I feel as if this drug will take away the great qualities that he has to offer to this world. I am doing it on a trial basis and went through excessive testing to find out if he truly had add. His qeeg showed little to almost no activity in the frontal lobe of his brain. A charecteristic in people with add. As crazy as this is going to sound I am going to say it. Our whole family had seen a differance by the end of the day after his first dosage. He was talking to us, having a real conversation! But I have seen that he gets very upset about things that he would have not even noticed before. He is going to the bathroom alot more, and he can not fall to sleep. So I don't know what to do.When I took the test for him, I had to keep reminding myself that it was not for me! It was for my son. This is when I decided that this craziness of denial has to stop!

 My whole life I had been told that ADD is just a label for kids that teachers don't want to deal with. I have heard this quite often because I was tested when I was a child. Just a hands on test, such as puzzles and things like that. It was actually at the school. But my mother refused medicine and ignored what I have lived with everyday of my life.

I have literally driven in the car at least two miles and had this awful feeling of "how did I get here?" I honestly don't remember the last two miles because I was somewhere else, in my other little world. I have ran through stop signs several times and stopped at a red light thinking that it was a stop sign and started to go. The best one yet was when I drove away from the gas station with the gas nozzle and hose hanging out of my car. Didn't find that one out until I got home. I drove for fifteen minutes with this hose hanging out of my car! LOL! I have to laugh.......or I will cry.

Lists of things that have to be done around the house....paint the bathroom, new knobs for cabinets in kitchen.......if I walk through a room in my house that has a project that is half done my eyes lock on what needs to be done, and then what was I in there for? My husband insists that I will never be happy? I have come to the conclusion that this may be true. I can't hold a conversation with anybody. As there talking I laugh at the wrong times and my eyes are everywhere. Because I am really not listening! I am looking at the wall behind them and telling myself that it needs to be washed. Or I am thinking about all of the things that need to be done outside in the yard when spring comes. Its January for petesake! I can literally block out a whole conversation that my husband will be saying. Especially in the car. If only I could listen to music all day and just lose myself in the music. Most of the time I will not eat because I have way too much to do. I have super days where I make all of my appointments, write them down and clean the house top to bottem. Then there are days where I am so involved with cleaning and taking care of the kids that I am super late for appointments. Because I can not leave the house unless all of the beds are made. Otherwise the whole way to the appointment I am thinking about those beds that are unmade. If people visit me I am up and moving around cleaning all of there messes. Taking half full glasses and dumping them down the drain. My friends just laugh at me. That is who I am. But I am tired of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to take the time to greet the people as they come in my house and sit down and talk to them. Not run upstairs and clean the bathroom.

I don't know exactly where I am going with this. I am sorry that I have jumped around so much. I guess I just need help and all of the info out there on the web is just too confusing for me! I just don't want my son to grow up as I did. Feeling dumb and out of control!

If anyone knows of some super sites for add I would love you to share. I will be organizing my childrens rooms. I have to do something else. Need to get my mind off of all of this chaos! If that is possable. I just need to admit that this is a problem in our family and figure out how to make the best of it! To the library for some research I go!

Ness,

Your story is so familiar, I could have written your post myself!  And there is hope.  I was in the very same boat for too many years.  My oldest son was diagnosed 11 years ago and given Ritalin. I obviously did not pay enough attention to the doctor and at the first sign of rebound we bailed on the meds.  He struggled through school and suffered bouts of depression.  Of course we all thought it was just for kids, just for boys and I was just scatterbrained....wrong.

During my youngest son's diagnosis (which I fought from kindergarten thru 5th grade) the counselor gave me the oxygen in the airplane speech - you know, I have to help myself in order to help my child...Anyway, the diagnosis wasn't much of a shock, nor was the heredity factor - my family is riddled with it!

No one else in the family has ever sought treatment, but they all have very organized wives....my poor kids have had to survive an ADHD mom and live with chaos.  Until now.  My son responded to Adderall but it was pretty inconsistent and he was worse when in wore off in the afternoon than he was with no meds.  Concerta has been WONDERFUL for him.  (Honor Roll....OMG!!!!!)  I have just begun Ritalin and cannot tell you the difference.   I'm still not there yet, but I am no longer TOTALLY OVERWHELMED.  I am so much calmer and even-tempered (big change). 

I have to say, for me, the absolute worst time was between the "I'm pretty sure I have it" stage til the day I started meds.  After the diagnosis, I was relieved to know that is was something besides lazy-crazy-stupid, but I think I was even more overwhelmed and anxious because I was more aware of my screw-ups but felt helpless to do anything about it. 

I know this post is too long, and if you only scan the beginning and end - you will know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and that THERE IS HELP AND HOPE.

Good luck!

Tracy

Well, thanks to all of you for the support. I will for sure check into concerta for my son, if the insomnia keeps up. We are giving him a month on the meds to see if he adjusts. It is nice to know that I was not losing my mind about the instant results that we were seeing in our son. I now am sorting through his room so that there is no clutter, which leads to distractions. TOO MANY TOYS! Is all I have to say. I guess my next question would be do I give him his exact diagnosis...ADD? I don't want him to ever use his ADD as a crutch. He did ask me what the medicine was for and I told him that it was so he could concentrate better, finish what he always started and not forget thing so much. I just don't want him to think that he is differant. What to do, what to do?

I do have to agree with tdsully that .....oh I hate that, when you are in the middle of typing and you completely blank on what the heck you were saying! It makes me angry! AHa, yes this is where I was going....I agree that the worst part is knowing and admitting finely that this is the problem and waiting for the end result of what is to be a Normal Life! But my appointment is on the 4th of February and I am pumped! Right now I am doing alot of research on ADD. Went to the library and picked up a few good ones. The thing that sucks is reading it! I read fine and actually super fast........but couldn't tell you where they were going with what they were saying. I have skipped around alot, to the parts that are interesting. So I don't know excactly how much good that it is doing me?

But anyway, I am so ready to get started with the fixing of my problem. And I know that my husband has been ready for some time now! The man has put up with alot. Once I mailed, in a bank envelope, $459.00 from a garage sale I had. It took me two weeks to retrace my steps until finely like a bolt of lightning what I did came shooting through my head........then it was gone......ten minutes later I remembered throwing it on top of some mail to go out on the front seat of my car. The whole pile, money and all went away in a little white mail truck! I actually got the money back! Yes, I am actually pretty good at getting myself out of the messes that I make for myself. But, a week later I lost $150 in the dressing room at a thrift store while trying on clothes! Never got that back! Never told my husband about the dressing room incident........didn't want to hear what I heard when I mailed the money, all over again! I meen I already know that I screwed up, I don't need anyone pointed it out. I think thats the worst feeling, knowing that your spouse can't depend on you. But anyway, thanks to you all for your support. I think that I will really get alot out of this group.

That is if you all can stand my super long posts!

hi, ive got adhd myself and so have 3 of my 5 boys!

ive recently been dignosed and to be honest ive noticed ive been different for years but never knew i had adhd!, i have always had a temper on me too,

the dr is going to put me on conerta 18mgs to start off with for the first week and then 2x day for the 2nd week etc..., ive got to pick my meds up monday and away i go.

i didnt want to go on meds as ive been doing things without even knowing i had adhd, but im sorry to say over the pass months my behaviour is getting worse, im snapping at hubby and the kids and even swearing like a trooper, i am a good mother but i think its time i took these meds to make home abit more liveable, in a way i cant wait as while driving today i nearly crashed as i was more busy looking where the shopping in the back has fell! even when ironing this morning one of my boys was going off on one, i turn round, forgot that i was ironing and the iron fell and i caught it and it burnt my hand!

i do forget what im doing and its beginning to worry me now, even though my hubby loves me and weve got 3 boys with adhd too i dont think he understands whats it like for me, im thinking of asking him to quit work and help at home as im scared of leaving something on and forgetting about it!

do you think im asking too much?

This is long and I apologize- but I'll try to break it up into bite-size pieces...

Ness: In response to your question about what to tell your son about the diagnosis, I don't know how old he is, and you know him better than anyone - but be careful how he learns about it.  If it's a big secret covered in shame, that's how he'll feel about it.

My oldest (now 19) was diagnosed with ADD and LD in 3rd grade.  He took his diagnosis like a STUPID label on his forehead, and it had an overall negative impact on his self-esteem and confidence.  When he aced a spelling test, he told me it wasn't him - it was the pill.  So when he stopped taking the meds- he expected to be dumb.  Getting him through school was TOUGH. 

With my youngest (12), we were pretty much diagnosed together, and I have been very open with him about the others in the family (his GrPa and Uncle) - and we don't look at it like a disorder...actually, we prefer to see ourselves as fortunate - we're creative, spontaneous, energetic, etc. We fully appreciate Thom Hartman's Hunter vs. Farmer analogy and see ADD as a major contributor to the survival of the species. 

We see the meds as a way to fit into the box when we need to, and we use them as a ladder instead of a crutch.   His doctor and counselor have taken great pains to be absolutely sure that he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that his accomplishments are his own - not the meds.

Everyone is different, but for my son, Concerta was a Godsend.  Since it's a controlled release, he has no ups and downs during the day and the only time insomnia is a problem is on the weekends if he doesn't take it. 

As for me, I'm in the first month of regular release ritalin and like the others, I'm still in the trial phase to find the best dose and schedule, but the change was instant and amazing.  I am very, very nearsighted - and taking ritalin is so much like when I first got glasses - I walked around amazed that you could actually see individual leaves on trees!

My temper is almost non-existent (BIG change), I'm calmer, no anxiety attacks, and best of all when I go to bed - I go to sleep.  It's AMAZING.  I really did not want to take meds, and to be honest the only reason I agreed to try it was that I didn't want to send my son a mixed message...who knew?

The effect has been so obvious to everyone around me.  My dad, who is 70 this year, is even asking if it's too late for him to try it.  My brother, who was in the anti-meds - "just have to try harder" camp is starting to change his tune.

I guess, to sum it all up - I'd have to say:

 A) What matters most is how you feel about yourself and your ADD. 

 B) Meds are not magic, and they don't give you something you don't have - they simply make it easier to use what you do have.

 C) While the effects of meds are instant, change is not.  Ritalin, unfortunately, does not deliver motivation, and it will take time and effort to change old habits and coping mechanisms that have been in place your whole life, whether you knew it or not. 

 D) Go for it, give it a try.  Don't give up at the first bump in the road - and remember that you are not alone!