Where do I draw the line?
I'm trying to find some answers until I consult a professional. I'll try to make this short and sweet - I know you wouldn't want to read through too much of this... lol.
All my life I have been easily distracted - more content with gazing out of the window listening to the noise of cars driving past than the teacher or my mother speaking, and instead of working I felt compelled to draw and doodle pictures (still do). The only areas I have ever excelled in are art and English - which explains my flawless grammar.
But I have done about 10 pieces of homework during all the time I have been at school, and am now 17. It's not because anything STOPS me from doing it. I know I should do it, ..and the nagging feeling sits in my stomach all night long, but somehow I just avoid getting started.
I'm afraid because I just do not know where to begin, I feel internally disorganized and am often externally disorganized too - leaving books at school, losing pens and so on. I can only memorise what I've been taught if I take notes. My short term memory is disastrous.
Writing essays, despite my good English, is terrifying. I like to write them and get my thoughts down, but when I am TOLD what to write about, and HOW to express my thoughts, I start to panic.
Finishing assignments has always been difficult. I work best under ALOT of pressure and therefore wait until the last few days before getting started.
People always tell me I'm a bright person... and maybe this is why ADD has not been spotted IF (and that's a big if) I do have it.
When I think about concentrating on one thing for a long amount of time, my head starts to hurt with this weird stressful feeling, like my brain is physically straining to cope with that idea.
Am I just being stupid and confusing this with laziness or can any of you relate? Laziness, or a real issue? I've already suggested this to a couple of psychiatrists (who I see because of my Asperger's Syndrome) and they didn't shake their heads and dismiss the thought. They gave methis article to read to assess myself on and I fell RIGHT into the daydreamer category, especially with the taking up and giving up hobbies part, which has been a consistent problem throughout my life despite a HUGE burst of motivation at the beginning. Sigh!
If you read all of that, I really appreciate it... thoughts would also be appreciated, thank you :)Hi Squirel011,
I relate to your experiences as a high school student. I was
told I scored the highest IQ in my class and was always in
conference with my teachers as they tried to figure out why I
underachieve. Even now, I am faced with a tidal wave of ideas
when I start to write. I used to feel so paralyzed . People and
even I thought of this as laziness. Daydreaming for me was a
way of deal with the unbearable pressure I felt to conform to
expectations.
I'm sorry to hear that you are not given more choices by your
teachers. Having said that though, I hope you don't get too
upset at your teacher. Unfortunately, many teachers do
not have enough information about the needs of exceptional
students.
If you will allow me to share, this is my strategy to go around
the school system... I usually just do the assignment my way
initially and then I try to make it fit.
They used to tell me I have to sit still to read...That is xxxx.
Instead, I now pace with a book and read several at a time.
When I get bored with one subject, I hop to another. To meet
the requirements of the courses I have to take, I limit the set of
books to the required readings.
The same strategy applies to wriiting. When I was taught to
write essays, they told me to start with an outline. That is xxxxx
too. Go with your gut then find a way to do what your teacher
tells you. Now, I like having two computer screens or work with
two documents at a time too. But this is just my style. You have
to find your own strategy. Several notebooks open at the same
time perhaps? Or study each subject for just 5-10 minutes at a
time? Experiment. I did a lot of exploration. And I think that
sometimes even my current strategies do not always work.
I hope you find even one teacher who would understand the
way you process. I am now in grad school and I found one prof
willing to work with me inspite of my ADD. (I didn't tell anyone
else).
All the best,
F.M.
Wow, this is my first time checking out the website and I am amazed at how many stories I can relate to. Yours in particular seems very similar to my own experience with ADD.
First of all, I'd just like to reassure you that you are not being stupid. You can clearly express your ideas in a very articulate manner and it is evident that you have great introspective ability. So when people tell you that you are a bright person you can believe them. I am telling you this because it has been the most positive part of my battle to overcome this hurdle.
I am 24 yrs old and have been tested for ADD numerous times in the past 18 yrs. Only last year (after flunking out of college) was I diagnosed with somewhat extreme ADD along with a bit of depression. The test administrator told me that the tests used today are far more accurate than the ones I had taken in the past. Also, a higher I.Q. level can cause a misreading of many of the tests. This explains why I have been able to get by at school for so long without dealing with the ADD. It's like I was trying very hard at times to study and get organized but most of the time I felt .........well, just disconnected and easily distracted. The only things I would excel at were things that I was very interested in (usually things I would daydream about anyways), or something that was linked with an activity such as art or sports.
I have to wrap up now but I know of a book that you might find helpful. I can't remember the title off hand but it is about the link between ADD, Asperger's Syndrome, and Autism. I will see if I can dig it up somewhere and I would be glad to help or answer any questions if I can.
One last note: If you do have ADD it is nothing to be ashamed of or embarresed about. I see it as something that makes us different from the rest of the world and gives us the creative abilities to accomplish far more than most humans if we learn to harness the power of our dreams.
Thanks for your reply
and thanks for saying I have great introspective ability. I like to think I am an intelligent person underneath my daydreaming and the interaction problems I experienced as a child. Often though, I misinterpret EVERYTHING and forget things quite easily, and people get the idea that I'm airheaded, especially online.
You sound a bit like me. You seem to be a gifted person who has lived with ADD all of their life, thinking that everybody else was exactly like you. School can be a nightmare sometimes... when you're not in class praying for the lesson to end, you are in a crowded corridor with shrieking girls and boys pushing each other into walls, hoping you'll make it safe to the next class, even though you know you never did the homework for it. It's horrid.
I really do have to try and not ramble on about my feelings on this, and squeezing what I want to say into a few easily readable paragraphs is difficult, so...
My way of thinking has a right-brained dominance, meaning that instead of excelling with mathematics and programming and science, I've always been fascinated by art and books and music and the creative side of everything. Which is strange, because people with Asperger's tend to be the opposite (as they are mostly boys). On every website I have visited regarding ADD they have always said that women with ADD are extremely creative, emotional, intelligent and act upon gut instinct as opposed to rational thought.
All four of those qualities apply to me, as well as every symptom for the daydreamer category of ADD. And no, I would NOT be ashamed or embaressed if I found out I do have it. I would actually just have a better understanding of myself, and finally know why I shy away from homework and huge social activities for no reason (I prefer to spend time by myself though I do have a group of great friends). Hell, I wouldn't take medication for it, that's for sure. I don't want to have to change myself to benefit anyone else. I like me.
An IQ test shouldn't even be given. I don't think knowing my IQ would make any difference at all. Whether it's 80 or 180, it certainly wouldn't determine if I had ADD or not. Not in my opinion.
As for the book you mentioned, tell me as soon as you remember the name! My email is neppymeister@hotmail.com and I would like to check it out.
Whew, I made that post pretty long...
lmfao cute smiley. Ok, I'm done.
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