Hello everyone! I am new here! I am so glad to find a message board & support group. My son is 6 years old & has been diagnosed with ADHD, predominantly the inattentive type.  He isnt on any meds (as of yet). I am constantly struggling with his teacher and school for help. I feel like they do not give him the help and support he needs to achieve acedemic wise in the classroom. He is constantly calling himself stupid because he says he doesnt get his classroom work done & the other kids do. I just got thru pitching a fit & getting my point across about punishing him for not getting his work done. Although they "do not pick his apple" (which is their form of punishment), they still harshly tell him he should of gotten his work done. I feel like my child should not endure this, because it is enough to endure the difficulties of learning he is enduring at 6 years old. He has rcvd 2 report cards now... the 2nd grading period being a little worse than the 1st. But his writing, math, & reading have all improved since the 1st grading period!!! So HOW can she say he has gotten worse? She insists on telling me, "I have been teaching for 15 years and I have my psychology degree." She was the one to tell me she felt he had ADD or ADHD and maybe medication would help him. SO why wont she help him??? After having him tested & giving the report to the school... 3 1/2months... nothing!!! NO call, no nothing!!! I have briefly discussed the report & everything with the teacher & principal, but after giving it to them, they have not allowed a conference with me or anything. I called to check up on it & I was told, they would have someone call me. The teacher is aware of the report & his problem, but yet still treats him as an individual normal student, with notes on his paper like "I had to work one on one with him to get him to do this!" Well isnt this her job?

I am venting I know, but I want to know what you all think!! I am just simply outraged!! The sad thing is, I attended this school when I was in primary school, and I took my child out of the district he is suppose to attend just so he could specially attend this school, because I had faith in this school.   I am just extremely dissapointed!!

I am 1madmama

This was my situation also and I probably have cried enough for you and I both.  My son is also 6, has repeated Kindergarten. I am in Illinois and the schools we are in aren't all that great here, but now that my son has his IEP and is labeled with ADHD, things at school have changed.  (and YES, realistically they are labeled and that's something else you need to work out in your mind, he's not like every other kid and not the kid you thought he'd be...).

DO NOT EXPECT HIS TEACHER TO 'FAVOR' OR CHANGE THE WAY SHE TREATS YOUR SON.  SHE WON'T AND PROBABLY SHOULDN'T.  TEACHERS ARE OVERWHELMED AS IT IS.  As sad as it is, the meds will help and if you're going through the guilt stage now, welcome aboard.  This doesn't mean that you should give up on your childs education, there's things to do about this, you just need to learn your options and choices.  My son requires help every day and the stuff he doesn't finish, he gets put in his homework backpack or assistance from a spec ed teacher.  If your child is in a private school, they probably don't have the ability to give him special help like a public school, at least thats the case here and you need to hire a tutor ($30 an hour here)

You'll find yourself angry at first, then sad.  The tears will be coming soon if they haven't already..... been there, done that.  Being mad or sad isn't going to do anything, you need to ask the special ed dept to have him assessed for a learning disability or decide if drugs are the thing to do.  Like my son, who is inattentive, he just can't stay focused and that's a big reason for him not learning.

Mad, sad, confused, hurt.... with effort, you'll find some satisfaction, although it's a lifelong struggle.

I have no problem emailing you personally. 

One more thing.  I did learn from my sons school, depending on budgets, the social worker may not be in the school every day of the week and same with the nurse.   Do they have the paperwork from the doctor about the ADHD?  If not, they probably won't do anything to help him til they get it. Does he have a learning disability?

I learned from my sons teacher,that the teacher has to 'move along' and can't focus or change their daily routine to help one/two/three child(ren).  However, someone in the school should be assigned to help him.   If your child isn't keeping up, the teacher won't keep bringing him up to par with the rest of the class.  You really need to understand that.

If you don't get a call from the school, leave a message with the principal, the social worker, the school nurse and the special ed teacher.  Have his doctor forward ADHD records and recommendations to the school.  You'll get help. 

I am almost guessing his lack of focus is making him fall behind.  Please reassure him he's not 'stupid' and that he just needs to learn differently than the way they're teaching him and that he'll catch on with help.   Too bad us humans have emotions, huh?  I'm sure it's breaking your heart. 

It most definately breaks my heart! I guess my main anger point is, when I first discussed it with her, I point blank ask her if she was going to have the time to give him the extra time he needed in the classroom & her response was, "Oh yes! Whatever it takes!" I feel like saying don't tell me that if you do not mean it! I have left messages at the school! I just do not feel like they are giving me the help I need & I am getting ready to take my first action. I am going to talk it over with them in a conference, and if that doesnt get me anywhere, then I am gonna take it legally further. They act like he doesnt need special help. This is all new to me & beyond his doctor, I feel like there is a dark space out there. I felt for sure the school would help. But I havent received ANY assistance yet, and this is a public school. I am just shocked at their behavior.

Thank you so much for your thoughts. Please do email me, I would love to talk to you & get your help!

~Mandy

Hello,

I feel your frustration.  You will not get to far by just sending in the Dr.'s note.  If that is indeed what you did.  Phone calls generally don't work either.  You must put into writing that you want to have your child tested for learning disabilites.  They will schedule a Child Study Meeting (or whatever they call it in your area), which you will be invited to.  You need to do a little homework to find out what your rights are and be prepared to present your childs case to the CST and convince them to do the testing.  There may be more involved then ADD, which you want to rule out as soon as you can....don't wait until he is in the 3rd grade.  The sooner the better.  Your child may qualify for a 504 plan or if he has other problems an IEP.  If he qualifies for either he can have some accomodations in the classroom to help him.  Such as extra time to complete work or tests.  Front row seating, all instructions clarified, just name a few.  This is your childs right and once this is established the teacher must conform.  It is also the schools responsibility to see that they are carried out.  Always make your requests in writing and try to be diplomatic, not emotional.  Take notes and do your homework.  Good luck and I hope this has been helpful.

many parents of adhd children have this same problem. the real problem is that so far, nothing has been done to fix it. i had a meeting with my childs teacher, principal, guiedance councelor, the special ed teacher, and a lady who called herself a behavior specialist. after the meating was over, the behavior specialist asked me if i though i might be over reacting a little bit. I was out raged. The so called purpose of this meeting was to establish an IEP for my child. that is an Individualized Education Program for special needs kids. Instead it turned into a "lets accuse the mother of being over bearing and over protective meeting".

I haven't gone to the superintendant as of yet but have an appointment to do so. We will see how far I have to push these people to get my child the education and dicipline he needs.

Oh tnm29 I will be just as you!! I will push, push, push! Because I refuse to let my child fall through the cracks because the want to sit in the lounge & have coffee!

I agree with you 100%

Thank you sooooooo much for all the info! I knew there had to be some kind of time frame! I just wasnt sure. I still am unsure what it might be for NC. Because ADD was so new to me and because I trusted this school so much, I made the mistake of trusting the school to guide me... BIG MISTAKE!!!! They have helped me NAA DAA!!! I will email you tonight! Thanks sooo much again!! Everyone! Thank you!!

~Mandy

Just wanted to clarify, my son is not in a private school and from what I've been told in the area that i live, that our private schools do NOT have the ability to give my son the help he needs.  Hearing this, he is in public schools. 

I personally think if this child is not learning, not finishing his school work, he must need extra help and may have a learning disability, which would give him the ability to get an IEP.  Also, from my understanding, it hasn't been 3 1/2 months that this woman has asked for help, it's been 3 1/2 months since school started and now the school is finally telling his parents he's not doing well.

My son does have an IEP, he has ADHD and a LD.  We found his LD before his ADHD was diagnosed.  Without his LD, I don't know how he would get an IEP, or even  if he was able to get one.  

My sons principal is so involved in the school.  I would hope that one phone call to the principal by 1madmama would bring some kind of action.  If not, call who ever is in charge of the principal.  I highly doubt that the school is purposely blowing  her off.

Heseemsok~ It has been 3 1/2 months I have been asking for help!! They are doing NOTHING!! I just wanted to clarify that to you. I have called him several times, and I see him every Thursday when I volunteer at the school, not to mention everyday when I pick up my child along with the 2 other children I pick up to take home and he is out front personally putting the children in the cars. ( Which that is when he decided to tell me that is when the teacher would go over some things with me at our parent/teacher conference on Thursday) So, I have asked him & called him several times. <<<NO ACTION>>>

But there is getting ready to be some action...Some MAMA ACTION!!! I am armed with all my questions and information I have printed off the computer. I am ready for the teacher on Thursday.

She has been known to "red dot" students for behavior to warn the upcoming teacher for the next year!! Isn't that nice?!? But I am ready for her!

Thank you all for your support, It has really helped me more than you know! I have learned so much! I will definatly keep you informed of this meeting, etc.

Thanks again,

~Mandy

Oh man, then I too would be FURIOUS.  I read your statement that it's been 3 1/2 months since school started and you didn't get feedback, not that it's been that long since you brought up the concern for it.  I can't believe the school would wait that long and it doesn't even seem like you're getting any type of excuse either.  You would think the staff would notice you there every week tutoring and put a little push on the subject.  

I do hope you get some feedback from your Thursday meeting and I would really question why it took so long.   Not all schools or teachers are this way and if need be, consider changing schools... or teachers.  I know you said that you were there when you were little (and the school is still standing? kidding, of course).  You have to wonder if there's a bunch of other folks that feel the same way. 

It doesn't seem like they're thinking this is as big a concern as you.  It would be nice to hear, on Thursday, that he's not really as far behind as you think.  I realized this when we had our conference last week.... OK, maybe he is behind, I don't know, I'm trying to make you feel better.  Still, they should return calls and any concerns.

Us Moms-of-the-ADHD Board will come down there and kick some a** if that's what is needed.  This teacher and some other staffers will not only have 'red dots' for this year,  but some black and blue ones too.  Now THAT would be real support, huh?

I'll buddy you on Thursday or Friday.

For everyone having problems dealing with the schools.  You need to put all your requests in writing & CC the teacher, Principal, Administration, Special Ed Team, & the Superintendent if you are not receiving the help you are legally entitled to.  In the letter you need to clearly state that you are requesting a meeting with & then list everyone you want there, & then let them know they have 2 weeks to respond & 1 month to set the meeting up before you take your problems to the next level.

In the meeting, bring your childs Dr &/or therapist, they will be your liaison between school double speak & what your child needs.  I would also bring a tape recorder.  You must request that they put the plan of action, whatever it may be, in writing.  At the end of the meeting schedule follow up meetings, do NOT let them say they will let you know, inform them that they will need their calendars in the meeting. 

These website offer wonderful assistance:

http://rd.bcentral.com/?ID=2478879&s=101870555

http://www.wrightslaw.com/

Remember you are your childs advocate.

My son's therapist is amazing.  When we had problems with his teacher last year, HE made the appointment with the school.  But that is the type of person I wanted.  When I went to interview family therapists, I made it clear that not only did they need to click with my son & not push meds, they would also need to be my son's advocate & help me navigate the school's red tape.  And that is exactly what he does.

He is not a psychiatrist, but a family therapist.  Maybe that is why he is more flexible.

[QUOTE=Jenita]I have a couple comments to make regarding meetings with your school.

1.  If you plan on bringing a tape recorder you HAVE to let the school know, so they may also tape the meeting.  If no prior notice is given, you are REQUIRED to provide them a copy.  There are pros and cons to recording meetings. 

The pros are that you not only capture on tape things that may slip your mind later, or that you miss in the excitement of the moment (or anxiety) but also important information that you may not fully understand at the time and after hearing it repeatedly, you can begin to grasp the significance. 

The cons are that the school can do the same thing.  What's bad about that is they can look for things (and they will) that you say, whether you meant it or not.  Once recorded, always recorded.  If you ever go to due process, those tapes can be presented.


[/QUOTE]

The reason I said to bring a tape recorder was because it can be such an overwhelming amout of info to process.  I know that even with DH, our therapist & myself, there was info that I missed.  I hadn't though about the cons, thanks for bringing that up.

1madmama,

The meeting was Thursday, right?  How'd it go?

I wanted to let you all know we had ice & a little bit of snow here Wed evening so it delayed school here last Thursday morning, so she rescheduled the meeting to this Thursday morning. But last Wed. afternoon, I went & talked to his Kindergarten teacher for a very long time & gave her all the info I had printed off the internet & let her read his report. She is a teacher I trust very, very much. She is very loving & caring with the children. She was just as shocked as I was that nothing had been done. And since I have had that convo with her, I have gotten a call from the 504 Plan team head administrator, the school psychologist, and my son told me his teacher moved his desk near hers & is helping him with his work. And that he now gets stickers as he completes his work in class. Amazing HUH!!!

When I talked to the school psychologist she stated she talked to his teacher on 2 seperate occasions (including back in October when I delivered the report), and she told her my son was doing fine in class. I told her if the teacher thinks he is doing fine, why does she grade him below his grade level on his report card? So she said she will be meeting with us on Thurs, and so will the 504 Plan Team Administrator. So I say Kudos to his Kindergarten teacher!!! She has helped me greatly!! I just wanted to let you all know!

Thanks again for al your support!!

~Mandy

That sounds like an excellant idea!!! I will do that now!

Thanks again for all your support!!

Love and Hugs to all!

~Mandy

Hi.  Most private schools have a very narrow window of that they deem as approprate behavior.  My 7 year old daughter is currently in private school and they have been as helpful as they can, but we're moving her to public school next year.  They helped us locate some good resources in the city for testing and counseling, but that's about all they can do.  The lower school counselor works with my child once a week on her social skills, but I can see any results.

She's very bright and above grade level,  so I know they'd like to keep her around for those reasons alone, but even with meds and better behavior, her personality is just too big for their narrow window!  I'm even thinking that her actions won't stand out in public school too the degree they do in the private setting.  There's one child in her class this year who also has ADHD.  I remember her last year as a sparkly, spunky little girl with a smile.  Now she's so medicated that she moves around like a zombie.  I'm not going to do that to my child just so she'll fit into their mold.  It's a great school, but enough is enough.  The new school is just down the street so maybe my child will actuall meet some kids from the neighborhood instead of all the richy-rich kids she's been around for three years. We do OK, but we're not rich.  A little it of diversity won't hurt either.  Most of the kids at the public school are "car riders," but some are bussed in from the inner city.

Luckily, I have a friend who is a teacher in town and is guiding us through the right channels to ensure our child gets the assistance she needs next year.  All the IEP, M-Team, and other stuff is confusing to me so I need all the help I can get.

Best of luck to you............