School & AD/HD | ADHD Information
Hello everyone! I am new here! I am so glad to find a message board & support group. My son is 6 years old & has been diagnosed with ADHD, predominantly the inattentive type. He isnt on any meds (as of yet). I am constantly struggling with his teacher and school for help. I feel like they do not give him the help and support he needs to achieve acedemic wise in the classroom. He is constantly calling himself stupid because he says he doesnt get his classroom work done & the other kids do. I just got thru pitching a fit & getting my point across about punishing him for not getting his work done. Although they "do not pick his apple" (which is their form of punishment), they still harshly tell him he should of gotten his work done. I feel like my child should not endure this, because it is enough to endure the difficulties of learning he is enduring at 6 years old. He has rcvd 2 report cards now... the 2nd grading period being a little worse than the 1st. But his writing, math, & reading have all improved since the 1st grading period!!! So HOW can she say he has gotten worse? She insists on telling me, "I have been teaching for 15 years and I have my psychology degree." She was the one to tell me she felt he had ADD or ADHD and maybe medication would help him. SO why wont she help him??? After having him tested & giving the report to the school... 3 1/2months... nothing!!! NO call, no nothing!!! I have briefly discussed the report & everything with the teacher & principal, but after giving it to them, they have not allowed a conference with me or anything. I called to check up on it & I was told, they would have someone call me. The teacher is aware of the report & his problem, but yet still treats him as an individual normal student, with notes on his paper like "I had to work one on one with him to get him to do this!" Well isnt this her job?
I am venting I know, but I want to know what you all think!! I am just simply outraged!! The sad thing is, I attended this school when I was in primary school, and I took my child out of the district he is suppose to attend just so he could specially attend this school, because I had faith in this school. I am just extremely dissapointed!!
I am 1madmama
This was my situation also and I probably have cried enough for you and I both. My son is also 6, has repeated Kindergarten. I am in Illinois and the schools we are in aren't all that great here, but now that my son has his IEP and is labeled with ADHD, things at school have changed. (and YES, realistically they are labeled and that's something else you need to work out in your mind, he's not like every other kid and not the kid you thought he'd be...).
DO NOT EXPECT HIS TEACHER TO 'FAVOR' OR CHANGE THE WAY SHE TREATS YOUR SON. SHE WON'T AND PROBABLY SHOULDN'T. TEACHERS ARE OVERWHELMED AS IT IS. As sad as it is, the meds will help and if you're going through the guilt stage now, welcome aboard. This doesn't mean that you should give up on your childs education, there's things to do about this, you just need to learn your options and choices. My son requires help every day and the stuff he doesn't finish, he gets put in his homework backpack or assistance from a spec ed teacher. If your child is in a private school, they probably don't have the ability to give him special help like a public school, at least thats the case here and you need to hire a tutor ( an hour here)
You'll find yourself angry at first, then sad. The tears will be coming soon if they haven't already..... been there, done that. Being mad or sad isn't going to do anything, you need to ask the special ed dept to have him assessed for a learning disability or decide if drugs are the thing to do. Like my son, who is inattentive, he just can't stay focused and that's a big reason for him not learning.
Mad, sad, confused, hurt.... with effort, you'll find some satisfaction, although it's a lifelong struggle.
I have no problem emailing you personally.
One more thing. I did learn from my sons school, depending on budgets, the social worker may not be in the school every day of the week and same with the nurse. Do they have the paperwork from the doctor about the ADHD? If not, they probably won't do anything to help him til they get it. Does he have a learning disability?
I learned from my sons teacher,that the teacher has to 'move along' and can't focus or change their daily routine to help one/two/three child(ren). However, someone in the school should be assigned to help him. If your child isn't keeping up, the teacher won't keep bringing him up to par with the rest of the class. You really need to understand that.
If you don't get a call from the school, leave a message with the principal, the social worker, the school nurse and the special ed teacher. Have his doctor forward ADHD records and recommendations to the school. You'll get help.
I am almost guessing his lack of focus is making him fall behind. Please reassure him he's not 'stupid' and that he just needs to learn differently than the way they're teaching him and that he'll catch on with help. Too bad us humans have emotions, huh? I'm sure it's breaking your heart.
That sounds like an excellant idea!!! I will do that now!
Thanks again for all your support!!
Love and Hugs to all!
~Mandy 
Kudos to the kindergarten teacher! But more kudos to you, for being there for your son, and showing the school that you will always be there, no matter what it takes.
You now have a success. I recommend you start a diary (call it your "success diary"), and write an accounting of how you felt an injustice was being done, you sought information, received it, and then took it to the school. Because of those actions, the process has begun for your son to receive the services he needs.
As time goes on, you can look back into this diary, and see how you overcame some hurdles to achieve a positive end result. You can add more entries to the diary, no matter how big or small, so that you can build from those positives.
Too often people get hung up on negatives; you have a great positive experience here. Buld from it!
I know I've now gone into a completely different topic, but it seemed like timing. Without going into too much detail, when a person is thinking negatively more often than not, their brain is registering those patterns. Acknowledging a success, and reviewing it often, will help to break that cycle.
For that reason, it's not too early to help your kids make a Success Diary. They can draw pictures, cut out pictures from magazines, or design it however they like. The important thing is that they walk away feeling good about themselves, knowing they CAN achieve success (however you define that ... a finished project, homework turned in, no calls from the school this week, you name it).
I wanted to let you all know we had ice & a little bit of snow here Wed evening so it delayed school here last Thursday morning, so she rescheduled the meeting to this Thursday morning. But last Wed. afternoon, I went & talked to his Kindergarten teacher for a very long time & gave her all the info I had printed off the internet & let her read his report. She is a teacher I trust very, very much. She is very loving & caring with the children. She was just as shocked as I was that nothing had been done. And since I have had that convo with her, I have gotten a call from the 504 Plan team head administrator, the school psychologist, and my son told me his teacher moved his desk near hers & is helping him with his work. And that he now gets stickers as he completes his work in class. Amazing HUH!!!
When I talked to the school psychologist she stated she talked to his teacher on 2 seperate occasions (including back in October when I delivered the report), and she told her my son was doing fine in class. I told her if the teacher thinks he is doing fine, why does she grade him below his grade level on his report card? So she said she will be meeting with us on Thurs, and so will the 504 Plan Team Administrator. So I say Kudos to his Kindergarten teacher!!! She has helped me greatly!! I just wanted to let you all know!
Thanks again for al your support!!
~Mandy
1madmama,
The meeting was Thursday, right? How'd it go?
Oh tnm29 I will be just as you!! I will push, push, push! Because I refuse to let my child fall through the cracks because the want to sit in the lounge & have coffee!
I agree with you 100%
In my 6 year olds case with adha and the schools, have them put it in the IEP that your son would benefit from a one on one aid in the class room to help with his school work. My son benefited from this. But make sure the people are appropraitly trained to do this. I've been dealing with the school and there problems since he was in preschool. It sucks and very difficult. Like the others said, take notes do your homework and don't let them push you around
many parents of adhd children have this same problem. the real problem is that so far, nothing has been done to fix it. i had a meeting with my childs teacher, principal, guiedance councelor, the special ed teacher, and a lady who called herself a behavior specialist. after the meating was over, the behavior specialist asked me if i though i might be over reacting a little bit. I was out raged. The so called purpose of this meeting was to establish an IEP for my child. that is an Individualized Education Program for special needs kids. Instead it turned into a "lets accuse the mother of being over bearing and over protective meeting".
I haven't gone to the superintendant as of yet but have an appointment to do so. We will see how far I have to push these people to get my child the education and dicipline he needs.
Hello,
I feel your frustration. You will not get to far by just sending in the Dr.'s note. If that is indeed what you did. Phone calls generally don't work either. You must put into writing that you want to have your child tested for learning disabilites. They will schedule a Child Study Meeting (or whatever they call it in your area), which you will be invited to. You need to do a little homework to find out what your rights are and be prepared to present your childs case to the CST and convince them to do the testing. There may be more involved then ADD, which you want to rule out as soon as you can....don't wait until he is in the 3rd grade. The sooner the better. Your child may qualify for a 504 plan or if he has other problems an IEP. If he qualifies for either he can have some accomodations in the classroom to help him. Such as extra time to complete work or tests. Front row seating, all instructions clarified, just name a few. This is your childs right and once this is established the teacher must conform. It is also the schools responsibility to see that they are carried out. Always make your requests in writing and try to be diplomatic, not emotional. Take notes and do your homework. Good luck and I hope this has been helpful.
It most definately breaks my heart! I guess my main anger point is, when I first discussed it with her, I point blank ask her if she was going to have the time to give him the extra time he needed in the classroom & her response was, "Oh yes! Whatever it takes!" I feel like saying don't tell me that if you do not mean it! I have left messages at the school! I just do not feel like they are giving me the help I need & I am getting ready to take my first action. I am going to talk it over with them in a conference, and if that doesnt get me anywhere, then I am gonna take it legally further. They act like he doesnt need special help. This is all new to me & beyond his doctor, I feel like there is a dark space out there. I felt for sure the school would help. But I havent received ANY assistance yet, and this is a public school. I am just shocked at their behavior.
Thank you so much for your thoughts. Please do email me, I would love to talk to you & get your help!
~Mandy
My child is adha only and he has an IEP. Although I am not satisfied the teacher is following the guiedlines set by the IEP. I do know that the school would not offer an IEP, I was told by my childs theropyst to request one. I did and it took almost 3 months of calls, notes, and personal visits in order to get them to do it. Then they give me and the teacher a form to fill out. It has questions like: while in the grocery store, your child is likely to run up and down the isles. then answers like .. strongly disagree, somewhat disagree. disagree, agree,somewhat agree, strongly agree. Once this form was filled out and the scores tallied, the will decided if the child qualifies for an IEP.Heseemsok~ It has been 3 1/2 months I have been asking for help!! They are doing NOTHING!! I just wanted to clarify that to you. I have called him several times, and I see him every Thursday when I volunteer at the school, not to mention everyday when I pick up my child along with the 2 other children I pick up to take home and he is out front personally putting the children in the cars. ( Which that is when he decided to tell me that is when the teacher would go over some things with me at our parent/teacher conference on Thursday) So, I have asked him & called him several times. <<<NO ACTION>>>
But there is getting ready to be some action...Some MAMA ACTION!!! I am armed with all my questions and information I have printed off the computer. I am ready for the teacher on Thursday.
She has been known to "red dot" students for behavior to warn the upcoming teacher for the next year!! Isn't that nice?!? But I am ready for her!
Thank you all for your support, It has really helped me more than you know! I have learned so much! I will definatly keep you informed of this meeting, etc.
Thanks again,
~Mandy
Just wanted to clarify, my son is not in a private school and from what I've been told in the area that i live, that our private schools do NOT have the ability to give my son the help he needs. Hearing this, he is in public schools.
I personally think if this child is not learning, not finishing his school work, he must need extra help and may have a learning disability, which would give him the ability to get an IEP. Also, from my understanding, it hasn't been 3 1/2 months that this woman has asked for help, it's been 3 1/2 months since school started and now the school is finally telling his parents he's not doing well.
My son does have an IEP, he has ADHD and a LD. We found his LD before his ADHD was diagnosed. Without his LD, I don't know how he would get an IEP, or even if he was able to get one.
My sons principal is so involved in the school. I would hope that one phone call to the principal by 1madmama would bring some kind of action. If not, call who ever is in charge of the principal. I highly doubt that the school is purposely blowing her off.
hey exactly how did some of you get a iep for yourchild? thats not easy, my son that is 7 has a 504.its
not easy getting a iep. my son gets no tutor or
antthing of that nature. im in the school volunteering ,
trying to help so maybe theyll be good to him.
teachers are overwhelmed but if the stats are correct
there are lots of adhd children. as far as i know
teachers take very little classes on mental illness or
learning dissabilities. so concider yourselves lucky
to obtain a iep. i just keep tutoring myself. keep up
the good fight its your child there worth every
tear,halfpint.In order to be qualified for an IEP, your child must need special education services. Having AD/HD alone does not qualify. From what you say, you have a 504 which means your child is receiving accommodations.
Let me see if I can explain the difference to you. Having a 504 is the same as getting the child into the school. In other words, making it so the child can get TO the education. Having an IEP means, now that the child is in the school, how do we have to alter the education?
The 504 alters the facilities, the IEP alters the education. If you want to look at it that way. kinda.
A 504 does nothing to change what one child gets from another. It's the same education. But an IEP provides special education services, whether it be from an occupational therapist, speech therapist, resource teacher, or an aid in the classroom (or even monitor/consult). It's somehow delivering the education in a slightly different manner .........ooorrrr a very different manner (depending on the accommodations listed in the IEP).
BTW, if you have a 504, and find later that you have learning disabilities and get bumped up to an IEP, you won't have a 504 any longer. The accommodations in the 504 get written into the IEP.
NOW.........that said.......some people DO get IEPs for AD/HD alone. If the AD/HD is SO severe that it interferes with the learning and affects the education, an IEP can be written under the category OHI (other health impaired).
This is sometimes easier said than done. But, perseverance and doing your homework can get you the help needed. Just try not to completely alienate those who you're asking to provide the help.
WOW! Where to start? Heseemsok - some or all of what I say may not apply to you since you are in a private school. I know that accommodations can be asked for and received while in a private school setting, but I am not as versed in that as I am in in the public school.
1madmama - I will leave my e-mail address for you if you would like to contact me. What is happening to you at your school is not only wrong but illegal. If I understand what you written so far, you had your child tested for AD/HD (from now on I will type ADD). You did not mention whether this was done in the private sector but from how the school is reacting I will assume it was, and that the school did not do the testing.
You then took the results (I pray you only took a copy and kept the original at home, or vice versa) to your son's school. Apparently you not only talked to his teacher but also the principal, asking for a meeting, only to be told "someone will contact you". You said it has been 3 1/2 months. There is a legal requirement of how much time the school is allowed before the meeting MUST be held. I don't know where you live but I live in VA and they have 10 working days. NOT 3 1/2 months. (btw, do as already advised, put everyone in writing and make copies)
I am going to quote some things, that unless they have changed with the new IDEA, you want to copy.
Under Purposes (in part A, Individuals with Disabilities Act) - "The purposes of this title are -
(1) (A) to ensure that all children with disabilities have available to them a free appropriate public education that emphasizes special education and related services designed to meet their unique needs and prepare them for employment and independent living;"
skip ahead to Part B
Under "CLASSIFICATION BY DISABILITY NOT REQUIRED' it states:
"It is not necessary to determine the exact nature of the child's disability before the child can receives special education services. Some school districts spend months evaluating the child before offering any special education services. During this time, the child is continuing to fall further behind. It is not necessary to classify the child's disability before providing an appropriate education."
Again, from what you have said, you already have a diagnosis of ADD. Whether your child has learning disabilities in addition has not been mentioned, nor does it need to be according to that last part. You have demonstrated enough on your part, combined with comments from the teacher to warrant a meeting of the school - whether it be called a Child Find or Child Study Team or what have you. They are mandated to meet, and include you as part of the team.
What happens from there depends on the severity of the disorder (or disability(s) if any are found). Possibilies include an awareness of the teacher with non-documented accommodations, a 504 with documented accommodations, or an IEP with documented accommodations.
I WILL pass on one more piece of advice tonight. Unless you are willing to remove your child from this school, go into every encounter you have with them as though you are in a long-term relationship that you don't want to end. In other words, look at it almost like a marriage. It is a relationship with give and takes on both sides. And unless you want a divorce, and move your child to another school, do not completely alienate them. Your child will still have to deal with their teachers each year.
As promised, if you would like to contact me: add-vance@cox.net
Good luck! and don't lose heart (my son is about to graduate, a happy student!)
Jenita
Thank you sooooooo much for all the info! I knew there had to be some kind of time frame! I just wasnt sure. I still am unsure what it might be for NC. Because ADD was so new to me and because I trusted this school so much, I made the mistake of trusting the school to guide me... BIG MISTAKE!!!! They have helped me NAA DAA!!! I will email you tonight! Thanks sooo much again!! Everyone! Thank you!!
~Mandy
I have a couple comments to make regarding meetings with your school.1. If you plan on bringing a tape recorder you HAVE to let the school know, so they may also tape the meeting. If no prior notice is given, you are REQUIRED to provide them a copy. There are pros and cons to recording meetings.
The pros are that you not only capture on tape things that may slip your mind later, or that you miss in the excitement of the moment (or anxiety) but also important information that you may not fully understand at the time and after hearing it repeatedly, you can begin to grasp the significance.
The cons are that the school can do the same thing. What's bad about that is they can look for things (and they will) that you say, whether you meant it or not. Once recorded, always recorded. If you ever go to due process, those tapes can be presented.
2. tnm29 - I'm sorry to hear that your old doctor was not supportive, and am definitely glad to hear that you are seeing someone new. When going to a meeting, you do not need to take a doctor or an "expert". Of course it helps you if you can bring a person knowledgable in advocacy skills, but if you don't know anyone like that, by all means, take a friend. Anyone who can be a second set of ears, or the person to take notes.
Also, please, please, please do NOT let them tell you when the meeting HAS to be. They have to make every effort to hold meetings when you, the parent, as a member of the team, can be present. If they have to stay after school on Friday, oh well. I always, always, always took my husband. Yep. I made the meetings at a time when my husband could be according to his work schedule. And the bonus of having him there was (and I really hate to say this), they didn't just have a "mom" to deal with but now they had a dad.... a man. As awful as that sounds, I really believe it made a difference in how they acted at the meetings.
3. Unfortunately, yes, there are schools that will try ...........well, let me word this differently...........will not respond to parents in a timely manner, until they are called onto the carpet by someone knowledgable. Most schools should have a Parent Resource Center attached to them. Seek them out and see what training they have, if they have books to loan, what they can tell you about your state regulations. If yours does not, get on the web and type in your state department of education and start doing some research.
Look to see if there is a local CHADD chapter. (CHADD standing for Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) Go to their website for more information.
The more informed you are, the more productive of a team member you can be. Remember, this is your child we are talking about here. YOU are their first advocate.
For everyone having problems dealing with the schools. You need to put all your requests in writing & CC the teacher, Principal, Administration, Special Ed Team, & the Superintendent if you are not receiving the help you are legally entitled to. In the letter you need to clearly state that you are requesting a meeting with & then list everyone you want there, & then let them know they have 2 weeks to respond & 1 month to set the meeting up before you take your problems to the next level.
In the meeting, bring your childs Dr &/or therapist, they will be your liaison between school double speak & what your child needs. I would also bring a tape recorder. You must request that they put the plan of action, whatever it may be, in writing. At the end of the meeting schedule follow up meetings, do NOT let them say they will let you know, inform them that they will need their calendars in the meeting.
These website offer wonderful assistance:
http://rd.bcentral.com/?ID=2478879&s=101870555
Remember you are your childs advocate.
Oh man, then I too would be FURIOUS. I read your statement that it's been 3 1/2 months since school started and you didn't get feedback, not that it's been that long since you brought up the concern for it. I can't believe the school would wait that long and it doesn't even seem like you're getting any type of excuse either. You would think the staff would notice you there every week tutoring and put a little push on the subject.
I do hope you get some feedback from your Thursday meeting and I would really question why it took so long. Not all schools or teachers are this way and if need be, consider changing schools... or teachers. I know you said that you were there when you were little (and the school is still standing? kidding, of course). You have to wonder if there's a bunch of other folks that feel the same way.
It doesn't seem like they're thinking this is as big a concern as you. It would be nice to hear, on Thursday, that he's not really as far behind as you think. I realized this when we had our conference last week.... OK, maybe he is behind, I don't know, I'm trying to make you feel better. Still, they should return calls and any concerns.
Us Moms-of-the-ADHD Board will come down there and kick some a** if that's what is needed. This teacher and some other staffers will not only have 'red dots' for this year, but some black and blue ones too. Now THAT would be real support, huh?
I'll buddy you on Thursday or Friday.
that is great advice. and is exactly what i did, the problem here is my child former psychiatrist made me feel like i was waisting he valuable time just coming to regular meetings, there is noway he would have gone to a school meeting. as far as the new doc we have, well i have only met him once and still not familiar enough with him to know what he does. I can tell you that some one from his office goes to the school every tuesday to evaluate the children who are under their care. I love that!! with the last doc, i had to convey the teachers and my problem with the child. That is not easy especailly when you don't perticularly agree with the teacher. but nevertheless we are done with him and now this doc will be better informed. I hope you have better luck than I have. I have 2 children with ADHD, my youngest who is 9 is on an IEP because he has some speech problems also. My 12 year old is not and I have been trying for 3 years to get him the help he needs but the school is not doing anything. He seen some specialists in Rochester Minnesota and they contacted the school and said he needs to be put on an IEP, but the school refuses to do anything. I have been to meetings and his therapist also came with me but it did no good. He also has absentee seizures and was told he may also be bipolar, but it is very hard to get any of the doctors around here to do any testing. I always have to remind them to take his blood work when he goes for a checkup.My son's therapist is amazing. When we had problems with his teacher last year, HE made the appointment with the school. But that is the type of person I wanted. When I went to interview family therapists, I made it clear that not only did they need to click with my son & not push meds, they would also need to be my son's advocate & help me navigate the school's red tape. And that is exactly what he does.
He is not a psychiatrist, but a family therapist. Maybe that is why he is more flexible.
csmommy38384.6059259259[QUOTE=Jenita]I have a couple comments to make regarding meetings with your school.
1. If you plan on bringing a tape recorder you HAVE to let the school know, so they may also tape the meeting. If no prior notice is given, you are REQUIRED to provide them a copy. There are pros and cons to recording meetings.
The pros are that you not only capture on tape things that may slip your mind later, or that you miss in the excitement of the moment (or anxiety) but also important information that you may not fully understand at the time and after hearing it repeatedly, you can begin to grasp the significance.
The cons are that the school can do the same thing. What's bad about that is they can look for things (and they will) that you say, whether you meant it or not. Once recorded, always recorded. If you ever go to due process, those tapes can be presented.
[/QUOTE]
The reason I said to bring a tape recorder was because it can be such an overwhelming amout of info to process. I know that even with DH, our therapist & myself, there was info that I missed. I hadn't though about the cons, thanks for bringing that up.
Hmmmmmm...sounds 'just like us'. Bet you hear that one alot right? But lemme say this; in kindergarten our 5 year old little darling almost drove his teacher that was retiring that year crazy... BUT: he was one of the top 5 in his class and was the BEST boy reader in his class...imagine that? I gotta tell ya; kids are kids and boys are boys (our son hasn't been diagnosed as of yet though; but in evaluation stages) anyway; maybe...just maybe you can make you son accountable 'for his actions' in school this way...my son's teacher came up with this idea and I just made a website for it. Check it out and you might have to actually DEMAND to meet with the teacher and if not then go pick him up from school one day and CORNER her. (she 'has' to comply). Ok; here's the website that I call Operation Smiley; believe me; we're to the point that we will try ANYTHING right now. This however worked...but he's lost interest and just really does what he wants. Check it out. http://home.earthlink.net/~frappollofamily/index2.htmlHi. Most private schools have a very narrow window of that they deem as approprate behavior. My 7 year old daughter is currently in private school and they have been as helpful as they can, but we're moving her to public school next year. They helped us locate some good resources in the city for testing and counseling, but that's about all they can do. The lower school counselor works with my child once a week on her social skills, but I can see any results.
She's very bright and above grade level, so I know they'd like to keep her around for those reasons alone, but even with meds and better behavior, her personality is just too big for their narrow window! I'm even thinking that her actions won't stand out in public school too the degree they do in the private setting. There's one child in her class this year who also has ADHD. I remember her last year as a sparkly, spunky little girl with a smile. Now she's so medicated that she moves around like a zombie. I'm not going to do that to my child just so she'll fit into their mold. It's a great school, but enough is enough. The new school is just down the street so maybe my child will actuall meet some kids from the neighborhood instead of all the richy-rich kids she's been around for three years. We do OK, but we're not rich. A little it of diversity won't hurt either. Most of the kids at the public school are "car riders," but some are bussed in from the inner city.
Luckily, I have a friend who is a teacher in town and is guiding us through the right channels to ensure our child gets the assistance she needs next year. All the IEP, M-Team, and other stuff is confusing to me so I need all the help I can get.
Best of luck to you............