I need some advice | ADHD Information

Thanks cwheeler I will talk to his school about that!

He's incredibly smart he just gets VERY easily distracted! His teacher told me at last parent teacher confrence that he is failing 2nd grade and he will have to be held back. A week later we spoke with the VP and asked him how to help Tristan. The teacher called me back the same day and told me that Tristan was very smart and in no danger of being held back. I am getting no help from this teacher. She changes her stories so much. I have spoken with the principal and we are having a meeting next week. Tristan is in year round school and starting back on track for him is like starting a whole new year all over agein. Every time. I have tried calling another school that is traditional but they have no openings. Any ideas?

 Firstmommy I had to read your reply severaltimes. Our situations are a lot alike. My sons name is even Tristan too! I am having the same problems with my son's teacher. She is constantly changing her stories.

 I have been doing research nonstop though for the past month and I now have a 504 in place for my son. I had to fight to get that in place though. I am still having problems with getting her to follow it but we are having another meeting next week to go over that.  I also asked for a full educational evaluation of Tristan (I still wanted the 504 though to have in place while they do the evaluation since they can take up to 60 days) and I want to get an IEP. If he does qualify for special services I am going to want regular classroom just with modifications and resources in the class. I don't know what I will get but I at least know a lot more now about what I do want.

 I went armed with a whole notebook of information when I showed up at the last meeting. They tried telling me that retention is good for kids but I had a huge stack of articles with me that all said that retention DOES NOT work and actually harms the childs education. Being overage for a grade is a better predicament of dropping out of school than underachievement. What is saddest though is when I told them the facts with the proof to back it up the principal said that she knew the research and agreed with me and then dropped it.

 

 I am still frustrated but at least I feel like I know where I need to go from here...Now if only the school would cooperate !

Momoftwo2 how long has your son been dx with ADHD? It has only been 3 months for Tristan. I just talked with someone about IEP and they said that the child has to be at least 1 1/2 years behind his class to even qualify to take the IQ tests. Tristan isn't behind but he can't concentrate. He doesn't finish his school work so he brings it home and his dad and I spend most of the night fighting with him to get it done. We can't even enjoy our child anymore. There is so much tension in the house because we don't know how to help him.

The schools are not willing to help our kids. For them, a child with ADHD is just a lost cause. If he can't keep up with the other kids then he's a troublemaker. I think that the teachers need more training in understanding what ADHD is and how to help a student who has it. Treating them as though they are no good is certainly not helping our kids or us as parents!!!

How are the mornings with your Tristan? How long does it take him to get ready for school?

 

Tristan was diagnosed 16 months ago when he was in the first grade.

 Who told you that they have to be 1 1/2 years behind to be evaluated?   What state are you in? If a child does have to get 1 1/2 years behind before they will help that is just ridiculous! Maybe you should make a written request for your son  to receive a full educational evaluation and just see what happens. The worst they can do is  tell you no.

What I found out though through talking to the person from the district that is over special education services is that a child does not have to be failing a single subject to have an evaluation. The school though when I had asked about a certain program offered (that I thought Tristan could benefit from) had told me that they could do NOTHING for my child (even evaluate) until my child was failing. This was last year. Then they completely changed their story around though so I definitely know how you feel about the always changing stories.

  Does Tristan have a 504?

 Have you asked the school why he is bringing home so much work? If so what do they say?

 We  used to have awful mornings. Every now and then we still have rough mornings around here but most of the time  they are easy now. It  took a lot of trial and error though to see what worked for Tristan since every kid is just so different in what they respond to.  The way I manage my mornings now is by doing everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) the night before. I lay out his clothes down to his socks and shoes. I have his comb and toothbrush laid out in the bathroom for him. I have backpack ready by front door. When I wake him up I take him (and the clothes) to the living room and he gets dressed in there. Lights on and no TV. If I leave him in his room it takes him forever because he gets distracted by everything. I make simple & quick breakfasts (like toast with peanut butter, turkey bacon n the microwave and OJ).  I set a kitchen timer in the living room as soon as I get him in there and if he gets completely ready (dressed, fed,teeth brushed,hair combed) and "beats the timer" then he can watch cartoons for the remainder of the time left on the timer. It makes it a game to him (he calls it playing "beat the timer") and it rewards him for getting ready quickly. It has made my life sooo much easier. I used to dread mornings so I know how you feel.

 I agree with the school not knowing a lot about ADHD.  I had the school counselor tell me that she thought something more was wrong with Tristan because he is immature compared to the rest of the kids. Yes, immaturity compared to peers the same age is normal for ADHD kids,lol. A lot of the people I have dealt with at the school think being hyper is the only thing to ADHD and medicine should be the cure all. I think when you are dealing with people that are supposed to be professionals in education it should NOT be this hard.

Momoftwo2,

We live in Utah. A person with a place called the Family Enrichment Center told me about the 1 1/2 year thing. I told him that Tristan isn't behind in school that much but that he does need special needs.

I didn't even know what a 504 was until today. I think that I will be making some phone calls next week though! I can't believe the hoops we have to jump through just so our children can succeed. His teacher doesn't like knowing that she is not the ONE and ALL, but I have printed some information for teachers from a website called additudemag.com that I will be giving to her and the principal of the school. Hopefully they will begin to understand what our children are going through.

I like your idea on the morning situation. We will be trying that tomorrow. I read some other posts where one lady writes what needs to be done on her child's hand. I am going tonight to get two books about ADHD. Hopefully, I can get some more good ideas. If I do you will be the first to know.

Thankyou so much for listening and giving me your input. It is a great comfort to realize that I'm not the only person with these problems and there are things to do for help. I look forward to talking with you again very soon.

Thanks again.

Momoftwo2 I know exactly how you feel. My son is also 7. He will be 8 in April. He was diagnosed with ADHD just a few months ago and is currently taking Adderall XL. I'm not sure what has happened the last few weeks but he is acting out a lot. He refuses to get ready for school in the mornings. It takes him about 30 minutes just to get dressed. He is so consumed with playing that he can't get anything done. I have tried so many different things to get him motivated and nothing is working. If he has a good morning and gets up he can put together a puzzle piece. If in 5 days he puts the whole puzzle together we have a list of fun things that we can go do. It lasted one day. He just doesn't care! We have tried taking things away from as well and pretty soon I will have more toys in my room than he does! I am out of ideas. I don't know what to do next.

His teacher is also at her wits end. She is constantly telling him to turn around, quit talking and finish his work. Nothing is helping.

He is seeing a counselor once a month and this last time didn't do a thing. He is acting worse than I have ever seen and I don't know what to do!! The counselor is always telling us what we should do and that he knows that it will help and soon my son will be getting things done on time. This counselor has no children of his own. He is the typical text book doc!!! Things that you read in a book don't work for every child. It certainly isn't working for my son!

If anyone has any new ideas on how to help my son please let me know. I need some fresh ideas!!!!

Thanks for listening.

 

I guess I'm blessed to have a wonderful school system that does work with me, although I have to question them all the time, by 4th grade, they don't tell you anything.

We have a thing called SST which is Student Support Team (it's like IEP) they can modify things, give him specific rewards and he can stay on grade level, etc.

I don't think it should be considered Special Education though unless he really can't cut it. It sounds like you need IEP instead, where they can make just modifications.

FirstMommy,  Some teachers are frustrating.  Especially when they don't understand ADHD.   They should not be holding your child back.  I completely disagree with that.  (I am a teacher.)  I would ask to see his grades on all assignments.  I would ask how it compares to the rest of her class.  In our school district students have to be a year behind to receive special services, but not to be evaluated.  I hate to say it, but this sounds like a knee jerk reaction to the No Child Left Behind Act.  Are they in danger of being named a "school in need of assistance?"  That would explain their fear, but not justify their reaction.

Your psychologist (outside of the school) can arrange for a full evaluation.  Including the educational evaluation.  The nice thing about that is it sounds like it may be less biased than your district right now, and give you a  bit more leverage.  Does your district or building have a 504 coordinator?  I would find out and ask to speak to them.  Obviously they think that your child's disability is affecting his education so it "shouldn't" be a problem to get a 504 in place.

I would research some classroom interventions for students with ADHD and very nonthreateningly meet with the teacher to discuss what she has tried and what else might work.  One thing that worked with one of my children is a therapy disc to sit on.  I was looking on the web to show you one and found this website:

http://www.ups.edu/ot/evidence/2003/Allen.htm

Here is an example of what one looks like:

http://www.lakeeriemed.com/exertool.html

Another on of my kids uses the silencer headphones (from Menards).  I always have a few so that the child that needs one has one and the other kids can take turns using the extra one.

Good luck.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD in November,after finally realising that his behaviour which started around the age of 4 (he is now 9) wasnt going to change,I stopped telling myself it was immaturity and actually took him to a doctor,we put him on Strattera 8 weeks ago and so far there have been no results,I have to wait till april 18th to see her again and get his meds changed or something,he steals all the time,and no punshment/reward schemes work,he even steals stupid things like the remote control for my tv! He draws all over his walls and can be very destructive,he has made 2 holes in his bedroom walls,he still acts like a 5 year old a lot of the time,ie the drawing on walls and also other things like not eating with his fork,using his fingers.

He also loses things all the time,and you have to tell him to do something 20 times before he does it,he cant sit still even when he is playing a computer game (which he loves) and at school he has to sit on his own or he distracts the other children.Luckily he has a very good teacher and she is also like me rahter relived that there is finally a reason for his behaviour.The school have been very good,the only problem is that because of lack of funding,they need a auxiliary teacher for children like my son but cant get them,so she just has to plod on and try and get him to do his work.

I get extremely frustrated sometimes with Troy,and hope that we can find a medication one day that works,as terrible as it sounds,I just sometimes want a normal coming up 10 year old child.

Mind you saying that my son is a wonderful little boy,he is very loving and he has a great personality with a wonderful imagination

I can relate what to what you have been going through. My daughter is five years old and we held her back in her Pre-K class. My daughter attends a private Catholic School, this after she had already been in a public school. The public school told us our daughter was delayed in speech and also had a sensory intergration dysfunction from her epilepsy. This all came out during her iep. At the recommendation of the school system we placed her in their program, only to find her sitting in the corner of the room on several unannounced visits. She had been on the waiting list for private school and we finally got the call and placed her in the Pre-K program. She did well, but soon we had to place her on ADHD medicine to help her. She goes to speech and O/T once a week and is slowly coming along, but I know deep down inside, she will not make it to first grade in the private school. I am scared to death to have to put her back in the pubic school system after seeing what happened to her before, and believe me, my wife & I raised a big stink after finding Katelyn being ignored and the public school officials told us, "You can go private or home school." God bless you and good luck.I am angry for you, I am a Service Coordinator by trade and work with people and kids with disabilities.  ADHD is a disability and should be given what people with disabilities get, for example extra time or a break in between testing.  Special Ed classesto me are for kids with MR or learning disabled.  My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD in November and from what i am learning holding them back is sensless for they are very intelligent.  There are laws with kids with any disabilities you should look into, I bet if your son was given the extra he would Ace that darn test.  Good Luck Jillhi

my heart goes out to your son. he and i seem to be in the same
boat except that i am in medical school (so i have been
struggling with academics for a long time)

the hard thing is that there is no manual for what do step by
step or that there is a sure expectation from a certain medicine.
so the problem is that you are making your own way across
uncharted territory. i recently had to stop my clerkship because
my ADHD was making it very difficult to do what was required
and though i was on meds, they required tweaking and i was
not in a position to deal with the side effects while in school

has your son seen a psychiatrist? please do not take this in a
negative way. i know psychiatrists have a negative image and
anyone who sees them is seen as having something wrong
with them, but if you can find a GOOD psychiatrist - one that
specializes in ADHD, they may be able to help you. when i
mean help. i do not mean just meds. i mean in getting to know
the nature of the ADHD, what might help, what won't, and even
writing letters on behalf of the patient to schools and jobs to
explain the nature of the person's actions and behavior. also,
there are educational therapists who specialize in children with
adhd. i saw one of these too and she helped me immensely,
by showing me different strategies and different ways ofthinking

one thing you have to know, someone who is not trained in
dealing with adhd will not help a child with adhd. so if your son
is being taught only by people who are not well-versed in his
unique situation, they will not be reasonable.

something i have to tell you and i hate having to say this, but as
a child with adhd your son is going to have a harder time than
nonADHD kids. i will not say "normal" kids because that is a
subjective term. your son simply belongs to the minority. i am
in the medical field and there are a distressing numner of
people in this field that still believe that it is an excuse, a
vehicle for the drug companies this and that, but again, do
these people have adhd? do they know how those with it
struggle to meet the expectation of nonADHDers? of course
not.

you obviously love your son very much, otherwise you would
not be so willing to fight tooth and nail for him and i hope that
he appreciates that. if he is bright like you say, i know he does.
all you can do is to continue to give him love and support and
to continually remind him not to be discouraged by the
criticisms of those who do not understand him. that he IS smart
and he should not give up trying. kids need lots of
encouragement especially at that age.

god bless you for giving your son the care he needs. i am 26
and i have a 10 year old brother who has adhd and my parents
refuse to acknowledge it even when they know i have it (they
are still in denial) and it breaks my heart to see how his self-
esteem and social life have suffered because he does not get
the help he requires.

i am sure your son is bright - he might even be brighter than
most kids in his class. unfortunately, the school system is not
designed for kids like him, so he is not given the chance to
show his potential. just keep reminding him that he is smart
and that he is loved. the second part helps so much

hope this aids you somewhat
give your son a hug for me

  Hi. I have never posted here but I do read from time to time. I am so frustrated and fed up with my son and the school I just don't know what to do. I have a son that is 7,almost 8 and is in the second grade. He is ADHD and on medicine (Straterra).I have had alot of problems with him this year. The first being that he has gone through several different types of meds this year. Most of the stimulants make him really anxious or have some type of weird tic. They all worked alot better than the Straterra but I had to take my son off of them because he was miserable on them. Needless to say the school was/is not happy at all and I keep hearing (from the VP) how we should change his medicine. They don't seem to get that I would do anything to help my son but that (putting him back on the other meds) will not help!

 So my son has been making A/B honor roll except for last six weeks he made A's, B's, 79 and a 77. I did not think much of it though because he had pneumonia during that 6 weeks and was also pulled off his meds for that time(because of the interaction with the meds he had to take for the pneumonia). I just told him that he would do better the next six weeks and I thought that was that. Then his teacher told me recently that she wanted to talk to me about retaining him in the second grade. I could not believe it and said "NO" because he is not behind and is making passing grades. Then she brings up the TAKS test is next year (third grade) and she does not think that he will be able to pass it since he has trouble concentrating and she always has to be on top of him to complete work. My way of thinking is that is a full year from now and right now he is passing the second grade. My son has worked so hard for his grades and he is proud of them. So today I talked to the principal and she tells me that they are probably going to hold him back. She says that since he has been going to the learning lab every day for one on one help that his grades dont reflect passing on a "second grade level" so they have every right to hold him back now. Then she too mentions that next year (third grade) is the TAKS test and she does not think that he will pass it so he will get held back then in the third grade anyways.

 I am so mad right now. They have already told me that they will not sign for him to go on to the third grade level just because his teacher sent him to the learning lab. I had no control over that and neither did my son. She sends him there when she gets tired of having to stay on top of him so someone else can teach him and help him for a little bit. After a 45 minute phone call the principal finally brings up that maybe there is a chance of him going to the third grade. If he is tested for special ed then he can have as many modifications as he needs and then they can pass him. Plus she mentioned that then he can get modifications for the TAKS test and then she thinks he will pass it. I don't know much about the special education testing or procedure though. She could not tell me much about that except that I can go in tomorrow and fill out the paperwork to get it started. Do other ADHD kids go this route? If so does it help?  

 I don't know what I should do. I just don't understand it. I really don't know what I am supposed to tell my son about not moving up with his friends after he has been thinking all year that he has been doing so well with his grades. My son is smart and can do the work no problem, he just has a problem sitting still and needs redirection alot of the time. He is really immature for his age though so I do know that he is a handful. I just dont understand how holding him back is going to help that.  Has anyone else went through this? Or does anyone else have any advice? Any advice is appreciated... even if you think I am wrong.

Thanks for letting me vent, I feel a little less crazy now  

                                                            

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