ADHD Adults coping with life | ADHD Information

Life, family, friends.  They do not understand.  So often we are labled with lazy;  confused;  absent minded;  rude;  not listening;  it is so difficult to continue "normal relations" with friends and family.  Sometimes family who know about the ADHD  just ignore the person

Yeah, I know what you mean.

It was many years ago, and I can't remember how old I was when I finally realised that friendships and 'normal' relationships where things that only happened to other people.  I was probably about 10.

Kinda lonely, isn't it?

Cheers,

Mark -

Yes it is.  But look forward to the people you are meeting here today who know exactly what you are going though

There are friends out there that "get it", they're just harder to find.

And I don't know about the rest of you, but I have a really hard time with the social stuff of making friends. Makes it really hard to find someone that does "get it!"

Sunidesus, I know just how you feel when it comes to the social & friends aspect. I do have a friend who "gets me", but most of the time I avoid social situations b/c it's depressing to go to parties, and pple who started out not even knowing each other end up clicking and making plans for next weekend!

Parties in the 80's was "the event that happend EVERY weekend. Me & my hubby were in our early 20's, and had a group of friends we hung out with. I never felt like I belonged. I diden't talk much, but when I did, someone always talked over me. I was still included when we went on vacation as a group and I had my hubby with me. But I still felt so alone! The worst was yet to come....That summer, the guys decieded to go to the shore for the weekend. My hubby went and was sad for me b/c the girls also went away that weekend. I found out when I got brave, and called to see if "since the guys were away, maybe we could do something" Her sister answered, and had no idea what to say. I droped the phone, and felt so hurt,rejected and wondered why I was hatted so much. Cryed non-stop.

Of course there was alot more to this story, all hurtfull. After all, I thought they sorta liked me even though I was shy. Later I learned I wasn't invited b/c they though I'd embarress them by saying or doing something stupid, just not fitting in. Also my "looks" weren't excepted. All 5 of them were tall, thin, blue eyed, fair skinned, blond(some bleached) and very pretty. Let me throw in, ALL SNOBS, also! Now me , as my screen name implies, have dark brown eyes, medium complection and dark brown frizzy hair(at least it was real) thin and most people though I was pretty or "exotic looking" They looked like they were made from a "cookie cutter". That part I can laugh at now. imagine if we all looked alike? BORING!

Shortly after that, we moved from there(phila) back to my home state of Florida. We never saw them again. It was then I realized I was different, and sensed something was wrong that I'd probably never outgrow? But what I wondered? I had to wait another 20 some yrs. to find out.But I've met lots of great pple here and know I'm not alone. I guess I'll always be anti-social. I'm 47, and because I always felt I never measured up, I worked on staying thin and young looking to compensate. I can still turn heads, but now I have been called a stuck-up bitch, b/c I haven't a clue what to say! Don't want to say the wrong thing and maybe lead them on. I'm still married and my hubby has learned to somewhat understand me.

Sorry so long, but that post really hit home!

I think the worst insult i have received is from my MUM I was called a bitch that was just like my father -

He is an abusive alcoholic drunk - i have never abused anyone I love!!! very confusing

I can certainly relate to everything being said here.  At last to find others like me.  I too was very shy in school and also energetic.  I was Sports Captain and Class Prefect 2 years running.  I did not attend school dances because I felt different to the other girls who seemed so popular.  I was always accused by my teachers as being a dreamer and I did create some mischief at bording school, short sheeting the beds.  I only found out at 45 years of age that I had ADD and everything suddenly made sense.  But it has been a long hard road with many different jobs.  I have actually achieved quite a lot with study and even became a Trainer in adult education.  My methods were a bit out of the square and the class always thought I was a bit weird but I have a few close friends who say that is why they love me so much - because I am so different and have and unusual way of thinking and perceiving things.  Good luck to all of you and hang in there.

I only have total understanding from my siblings.

Otherwise, I do have lots of folks I am 'friendly' with, but almost none that I feel are close.

Which makes dating a bugger.  My SIL is trying to set me up with a guy who is 'nice' and I keep asking her "Yeah, but can he follow my train of thought!?!"

~~sigh~~

Esther

Latina, your post is amazing. You sound just like me. In fact you all sound just like me!

I remember my very first day of Kindergarten - I will remember it for the rest of my life, I'm sure. I walked into that room with all those other kids that I didn't know, wondering how on earth I would ever become friends with them. I saw how friendly they were with each other, and I wondered how they could seem to be such great friends with each other already. After time, I started to learn who was who's "best friend", and wondered why I wasn't good enough to have one. To add to my developing insecurity, the other kids started teasing me. At first, there didn't seem to be a reason. Later, they teased me for being "quiet" and a "loner". Every time I DID open my mouth for something, I'd get a "Ooooh! So she CAN talk!" I never learned assertiveness because my mother always told me to ignore people who made fun of me. I learned that I wasn't even worth defending. I thought I was worthless - I thought everyone hated me. If someone gave me a compliment I automatically assumed they were lying.

Thinking back, I was a very energetic child. At first, I talked to everyone and didn't care about what people thought. Maybe the other kids thought I was "weird", because of some of the things I would say. That's probably when the teasing started. Eventually I began to withdraw into myself, becoming very quiet and shy. Pretty soon I wouldn't talk to anyone unless they talked to me first. By the time I reached junior high, I turned red if the teacher called my name. The last thing on earth I wanted was attention. I had very few friends; the ones I did have were either "losers" themselves who eventually ditched me the moment popularity called, or people who wanted to take advantage of me. I never dated in high school. I never went to a prom or school dance.   In the 12th grade, I became friends with a couple girls in one of my classes. They were smart, funny, and very kind. They were not drinkers, or "partiers", like everyone else, and they did not care about popularity. For some reason I knew they were different. We are still friends to this day, 10 years later. By the time I was 23 I had "snapped out of" my insecure thinking, and although I am no social butterfly, I don't panic if someone talks to me now. I am reasonably confident and very aware of my strengths. I know I am attractive and I don't care anymore what anyone thinks of me. I still don't mingle at parties or anything, but at least I am comfortable with myself.  their loss right?

and these experiences have definitely made me more laid back
towards people as i try not to judge nowHey bcgirl & moonbeams, is it possible that the three of us are tripletts?.....Different ages and even countries! After reading both of your's, I found MORE stuff that I diden't mention. Triplets ( to most ) are 3 babies born the same day, mom, hospital, country and so on. Just think, we're ADD! Anythings possible.

Hey Latina.  Yes we probably are soul sisters.  Good to meet you.  Keep in touch

ugh rae that was awful what was said to you,

no one should say that sort of thing, especially a parent.

i don't know about the other members, but for me, i think one of
the qualities that ADHDers have in abundance is an open
honesty. i've always been one to speak my mind and i hate
playing games. some people have a hard time dealing with
this blunt frankness and would rather act passive aggressive or
retreat from it. i find though that there are a lot of people out
there who are like this (really, are we all still in kindergarten?)

i think also another reason is that those who meet people like
us in the short term are quick to judge us. and we don't have to
do anything to be judged

anyone else have this problem? people think you are arrogant
when you've never even spoken a single word to them or are
not even aware that this person knew you existed? that people
dislike you right off the bat and they have absolutely no logical
reason to?

i get this even from people who are now my friends. they
always tell me "you know when i first met you i didn't like you."
when i ask why, the answer is always the same, "i can't
remember."

but i am so glad to find a forum for those with our unique
qualities. i went to my first ADHD support group yesterday and
it was such a wonderful experience (can you imagine a room
full of ADHDers staying on topic? didn't happen)

i hope that this experience will be the same

cheers all!<<i get this even from people who are now my friends. they
always tell me "you know when i first met you i didn't like you."
when i ask why, the answer is always the same, "i can't
remember.">>

LOL!!! Same here. One of my bestest friends who I've known since the 12th grade thought I was the biggest loser before she got to know me. Lucky for me she gave me the benefit of the doubt and gave the friendship a try.

One of my other closest friends who I met at work in 1999 told me later that she was intimidated by me the first time she saw me! I asked why and she said I had a "bitch" look - LOL! I guess that's why a lot of strangers still don't talk to me much. *shrug*
Wow. I thought I was the only one. 12 years of high school. No real friends. No girlfriends. I remember always being scared. First day of every year I would be happy to go to school, but when I got there I was scared. It was like I was the asshole magnet. Or maybe I was the asshole? I don't know, but even now at 27 I don't socialize. I talk to my girlfriend, who picked me up lol, and 3 other people. I am friendly at work and people say and act like they like me. My built-in rADDar tells me they are full of it though. I used to think it was my low self-esteem but in the year I have been there only 2 people (same time though) asked me to do something with them outside of work, but of course I didn't. 27 years of loneliness and general distrust of people has crippled me. I don't even talk to my parents. My mother never called me a bitch but I must have heard loser, lazy, fat bastard and what not at least 27000 times.

I have grown accustomed to people thinking I'm conceited for not talking to them or blurting out answers or motor mouthing during conversations. I've realized that while I do have ADHD, and it has royally screwed my life up, I can take comfort in the fact that I never was arrogant or conceited or unthoughtful or opinionated. I am smarter than most people. I realize that the more I say I am smart the more people dislike me and the more I demonstrate it the more they hate me. Shrug, "normal" made me feel insecure all my life. But, we are the normal people. I believe that ADDer's, and especially the more intelligent ones (intelligence seems to be common among us) are the normal people. We are the forefront of evolution and everyone else is falling behind. Or maybe my low-self esteem drives me to thinking that as a coping mechanism. Lol who knows.

Sorry, I started motor mouthing again, even in emails So much for Adderal

Amen to that Moonbeam. The doctors, psychologists really need to work hard to help take the mystery out of this disorder and try to get friends and family to be a little more sympathetic.

cheekydeeky

I    have been feeling very happy, content and succussful lately...I just stopped  gaging my succuss and happiness by what others did, had  or appeared to feel like

Like Popeye I yam  what I yam. I try to lead my life  in a way  that  doesnt conflict with my own moral values when I do it I generally feel pretty darn content...of course I am divorced not married  and being married  fuxs  that  equation all up lol