Explain ADHD=No relationships | ADHD Information

That's funny ramblinon because it's February. At least you'll be ready for this Christmas!
CreativeCrazy and Rainct: I believe it's never too late to make a friend. I'm 55 and recently made a very good friend, someone I think (and hope) will remain part of my life. It's true, if you can count your friends on one hand, your lucky.

I think one of the most important factors in making a new friend, is not telling them your life story at right off the bat. Take your time getting to know them, and visa versa. I love telling my new friend, "Wow, I didn't know that. Cool!"

I also think as we get "older," the people we meet our age are more open minded and compassionate. And see who we really are, and what's really important in a friendship.

I have perhaps 5 really good and true friends. Two of whom live 2500 miles away (and have been friends since 1970). Those girlfriends I may speak to 3/4 times a year, but we know we're always in each others heart.

I met one of my best friends 12 years ago, right after moving cross country...we were both camping alone, and I'll never regret going over to her campfire and saying "hi." We talked through the night, and haven't stopped since. Another I met at a bus stop returning home from work 12 years ago. Her family is now my surrogate family. So my extrovertedness has paid off tremendously. And I know they will always be my friends.

Incidentally, my friends' ages range from 37 to 73! I may not see them on a daily or even monthly basis, but when I do, they all accept me for who I am and how I am. They say, that's just the way and who I am, and who are they to judge? I hope they still like me on meds! (only second day on meds, can't you tell??)

I also communicate better on line, since my fingers can keep up with my speeding brain. You can't see me stumbling on my words or searching for the words I want.

So, CC and Rainct, it's never too late --hang in there.

Besides, you've always got us here, right? Who better understands?

RAE! New avatar, eh? GypsyWomyn38418.9137384259

thank you, GypsyWomyn for writing.

I'm starting this new job tomorrow, and I keep saying to myself to keep my mouth shut.

I would love to have the type of friendship where they just stop over without calling..think of things for the two of us to do last minute.

Im quite tired of being the one thar has to lkeep the friendship alive, which most of the time happens..then I give up..and thats the end of that.
I'm hopeful I will make new friendships..but i dont know where to find them!

[QUOTE=rainct] I'm starting this new job tomorrow, and I keep saying to myself to keep my mouth shut.

I would love to have the type of friendship where they just stop over without calling..think of things for the two of us to do last minute.

Im quite tired of being the one thar has to lkeep the friendship alive, which most of the time happens..then I give up..and thats the end of that.I'm hopeful I will make new friendships..but i dont know where to find them!

[/QUOTE]

Rainct, congrads on new job! However, I know exactly how you feel about keeping the ole mouth shut. For many years, when I was starting one of my zillion jobs, my aunts, sister, mother, everyone, would tell me to "keep my mouth shut" and "don't laugh" (I have a loud obnoxious laugh). I couldn't help it, I always felt right at home at a new job, and started in with the mouth. Of course, co-workers just thought I was arrogant, and downhill from there!

Are you currently on meds? If so, I'm curious if that will help you zip the mouth, at least until you're situated in the job. I'm still afraid to go back to work for that reason.

Where do you live, Rainct? I'll drop by. I love spontenaity (sp)! Who know, perhaps we live around the corner from one another.

P.S. My friends don't mind me dropping by unannounced; however, my sister most definitely does not want me to ever do that!

The hug below is for good luck tomorrow!GypsyWomyn38388.5607638889

[QUOTE=rainct]
I'm hopeful I will make new friendships..but i dont know where to find them![/QUOTE]

Here.

Right on, Mark! And who understands one another better!

Mark, I'm thinking of giving up these damn cigarettes and taking up the pipe. Haven't seen many women smoking them, but if Granny could do it, why not me? My cat would probably be happier too.

GypsyWomyn38388.5678356482I am 46 years old. My sisters don't even invite me out. I embarras them when I get frustrated(I have 4 sisters) I have one friend who we e mail alot, phone call are zero. I feel it is that people cannnot accept the fact that I am "multi task" person. I just got used to the fact that what is is what is. Tongue

[QUOTE=CreativeCrazy]

I am the same way I get mad and then I get over it quick....When I was younger I had room mates and I would get screaming mad at them(before my diagnosis)...then in a little bit I was nice to them...they weren't so nice...they would stay mad for days...I looked at it as I let all my feelings come out in the open and they just let them fester inside....I could move on and they couldn't ....My parents allways said I had diarreaha (sp?) of the mouth...whatever....I see what you mean this does stop friendships...I do tell people exactly what I think without thinking...since the Lexapro with Adderall..I am better at this...I listen more...mostly people used to think I was stuck up and snobby....I was really nerve ridden...I just think if I can see why or what I am doing to keep from having friends then I can change it and I will have friends....(don't get me wrong...I have tons of people I know and have casual convos with, but no real close friends)

AmyLeigh

[/QUOTE] I too have problems with relationships and my symptoms match social anxiety disorder. I made an appointment recently with a psychologist for both my possible ADD and SAD. I'm not sure if ADD is the sole explanation for all of this, or if there are other factors at play.

Just reading through these make me feel so much better. This explains so much. I could talk to an audience of 20, 000 people no problem, but put me in a small group and I am a mess, I totally clam up. I used to be in network marketing with a truly great company, and everyone kept telling me about all this great potential I had (which I am sure I did probably) because they would see me talking in a large group, or on a training call when the lines were muted out, and I was good, I knew that. But business wise I struggled so much because it is a business/industry that requires a lot of one on one communication which of course I suck at.

I too prefer to communicate via email or IM - for the same reason, I have more time to think about what I want to say.

ALOL

CreativeCrazy38484.9516898148[QUOTE=Mark Goode]

For me? I guess I just don't get what's going on with other people. My responses in conversation are awkward, I don't know where to look when in conversation, body language is a complete mystery...

I think people just find me hard work.

Then when I eventually do make friends, I tend to forget about them if we're not in contact for a while - doubtless giving the impression that I'm the one that doesn't need them.

I've kinda gotten used to it over the years, and it doesn't bother me anymore. Much. (OK, it bothers me lot, but what can I do about it?)

Vheers,

Mark -

[/QUOTE]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I do have a relationship with someone right now and I am almost going crazy.

I am extremely hard work for my parents and my boyfriend. and yes I don't make friends easily.

I am going through the assessment for ADHD, but I am pretty sure I have it.

I was hoping the meds would make it much better for me to make tons of friends and to become better at working.

Can anyone shed some light?

[QUOTE=Mark Goode]

For me? I guess I just don't get what's going on with other people. My responses in conversation are awkward, I don't know where to look when in conversation, body language is a complete mystery...

I think people just find me hard work.

Then when I eventually do make friends, I tend to forget about them if we're not in contact for a while - doubtless giving the impression that I'm the one that doesn't need them.

I've kinda gotten used to it over the years, and it doesn't bother me anymore. Much. (OK, it bothers me lot, but what can I do about it?)

Vheers,

Mark -

[/QUOTE] Hey, Creativecrazy, I completely feel you on this one. Everybody is always pressing me to get out and get involved in things just to meet people. It never ends up working, so i give up trying. Its not that I'm anti-social, or cant handle conversations. Its just that nothing seems stimulating, and its often really awkward to literally speak the thoughts that keep rolling off of my tongue, and everyone else wants to waste time with small talk, and they're like "slow down!". And then my girlfriend cant understand why i dont "connect" with her 5 friends. Haha, I can probably connect with one person out of 500.

There are sometimes when I too, see girls that I know who have thousands of friends and I get jealous thinking maybe there is something wrong with me - My little sister is always going out and doing stuff with a different person everyday - shopping with Jess, lunch with Suzie etc.

I on the other hand can count on one hand my friends, real friends - My mom, My best friend of 16 years, My good friend of 2 years, Another friend that I have been friends with for 6 years- lives in the same town (away from home in college) and we never see each other, my new friend Sara I met in class and my boyfriend.

To some people it may look sad that I do not have many friends but this is how I like it. I was the popular girl in High School and it sucks - you hear everyones problems and I know for me gossiping was a problem. I find life a little easier knowing that I can be my own best friend and I know I am "normal" because I have social interactions everyday with people at school so I know I am capable of having more friends but like many others have posted I have the biggest problem with talking on the phone, just callig to say hey or wanna go grab lunch - there are so many other things I need to be doing like studying and running errands etc.

So not being the social butterfly can sometimes be a good thing - just as long as you feel that at any time if you wanted to go back to being that saocial butterfly or become one if you never have - you can.

CreativeCrazy38484.952037037

eicholtz,

Girls don't like nice guys. I don't know why. I think that guys are the same way though. Lots of my female friends are dating/have dated guys who use them and treat them like crap, but lots of my male friends go after girls who use them and treat them like crap. I get nervous when a guy is too nice to me though because I wonder what he wants from me, or if I act a little bit interested in him he'll get really clingy which makes me want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction. Anyway, I don't think it's a guy/girl thing, it's just a human thing. Maybe when we're out of college it'll get better.

[QUOTE=CreativeCrazy]I don't keep in touch with my friends...it takes tons of energy to call someone and it is akward to have a conversation with them if I do get the energy to call. I do better with e-mail. Also when I am invited to partys and such I look forward to going then when the time comes I don't want to go because I am scared of what to do when I get there.....or that in a conversation I will seem weird to someone...I did not know that this was part of the ADD just wanted to see if and what other people experienced...[/QUOTE]

welcome to the party!

i would be interested to know what my friends think about me at times.

i do way better at communication with the computer and emails. i hate the home phone but like my cell because i can text msg friends.

as long as you realize you are not contacting your friends, you CAN do something about it.

I CreativeCrazy38484.9530324074

Hello everyone. I suppose that I do irritate some people...LOL but I have never had any problems having or keeping friends. I think it is a matter of self esteem. You 'gotta like yourself, and not be particularly concerned about what other people are thinking about you. Obviously there are some boundaries, but other than just basic courtesy and respect for our fellow man, we need not be concerned too much about what others are doing or what they may be thinking about us. I have come to realize that in good old corporate America ADD'ers can really have problems because they don't blend in. This is an important factor, because they (modern society workplace), seem to have strange sets of rules as it is, and someone who doesn't fit in easily under "normal" circumstances would certainly not have any fun trying to fit into a place with convoluted ethics based on "connections" and herd animal mentality. Maybe I have been unaware of the differences over the years, or at least any that I felt bad about. I do not want to operate on cruise control, without any real thinking going on, or feel like an obedient puppet...

On the subject of personal relationships, just tell your friends that you like them, but you are lousy at holding things together, so don't expect for you to, and to please call/come by for a visit fairly often, so that you will be able to remain friends... I must be different...I am almost always ready to talk!! LOL

quik138408.9628009259quik one, I am the same way. I am always ready to meet new people and
hang out. but on to my venting about tongight.......

i have realized that I do like myself, and I have no problem with who I am.
The problem is that girls (and I dont say women b/c I am confident that
college girls are not yet women and am hopeing that that women will
make me happy, and not these girls that keep blowing me off) keep going
home with idiots who are not worthy of thir attention. I see myself as a
good looking guy, with a good personality and a lot to offer the modern
women in not only love, but sexualy, emotionaly, and spiritualy.

I feel likke I am missing some thing here. I think its the a$$ hole
comment which would place me on the level of the rest of the male world
who I am convinced is somehow ruining it for me.

~Tommy

LOL

CreativeCrazy38484.951099537

Thank you ladyhope for the link to the article on relationships. I emailed it to my son and asked him to read it in the hope he would understand me a bit more. You did well to find that site. I looked for a while before I found this one. Thanks again.

You're welcome, Moonbeams and Creative! Glad to help out anytime I can. I love doing stuff like this for people. Sometimes the littliest things really do help.

Creative, wasn't that article something else? It was a revelation for me. In fact, it nailed me completely. All the detrimental things the author mentioned were all said to me when I was growing up, usually from my mom. I used to think to myself, "I am really trying, but nothing works." It was brutal in it's own way and even more brutal was not knowing for over 40 years what was wrong with me. At this point, I want to have a freakin party just to celebrate.

MB, I have scoured the internet and found a wealth of information on ADHD, which is what I like to do anyway. Sure do wish I could find a job researching the web. That would be great!

Peace,

ladyhope

Meds? Yup..in Adderall,starting tomorrow I'll be up to 20mg.Ive been increasing every 3 days. I think it helps quite a bit with the interrupting others, etc..

where do I live? Connecticut.

someone mentioned that I can find friends here..which I am grateful for..but I REALLY want ones to do things with in person.

Do you think its better for a person like "us" to be friends with non-adhd'ers' or with an adhder'??

[QUOTE=rainct]

How do I feel about keeping my mouth shut?   Not too confident I'll be able to do it....but I will try anyway..I dont want myt 1st impression to make me look like a spaz. I want to make friends ,but not as the big mouth comedienne.

Meds? Yup..in Adderall,starting tomorrow I'll be up to 20mg.Ive been increasing every 3 days. I think it helps quite a bit with the interrupting others, etc..

where do I live? Connecticut.

someone mentioned that I can find friends here..which I am grateful for..but I REALLY want ones to do things with in person.

Do you think its better for a person like "us" to be friends with non-adhd'ers' or with an adhder'??[/QUOTE]

Well, Rainct, just remember to take it slow on Monday. Making friends at work isn't the most important thing about a job, right? Just getting along with them is, so you can keep bringing in those paychecks $$.   Then you can use that $$ to join some kind of club or group. Cooking classes? Something you have an interest in, where you can meet people that you DON'T work with.

Your first day I would imagine you'll be listening and learning the job. Got some gum you can use to mend your lips closed? Awww, sorry! Just thinking about my past experiences.

Connecticut, huh? Guess I won't be dropping in any time soon. Sorry. I'm in Seattle area.

If on meds, I think I would prefer to be with non-ADHDers. But then, if we both are ADHDers, whether on meds or not, we would understand, and perhaps be more sympathetic. hee hee

Get a good nights sleep Sunday and GOOD LUCK. Let us know how your first day goes.GypsyWomyn38388.8758333333

Wow! I cannot believe this - all you guys sound so much like myself, talking to loud, don't know when to 'get foot out of mouth', and hopefully I have not insulted anyone on this board so far. That's my biggest problem socially, insulting people, and not meaning to. I always seem to say the wrong thing at the most inopertune time, which is probably why I have no friends or acquaintances. Right now I haven't even been able to get a part time job. At 46 I almost feel worthless, even my daughter thinks I'm weird! I'd like to get to a point where I feel "special" like an earliest post said that I came upon.

I truly believe that we are special, but regular folks just don't know it!!!

Peace to all,

ladyhope

MaybeCreativeCrazy38484.9506481482

Quote Lady Hope (Wow! I cannot believe this - all you guys sound so much like myself, talking to loud, don't know when to 'get foot out of mouth')

Couldn't help myself LMAO

Rae7038389.0056712963 [QUOTE=CreativeCrazy]... on a one to one basis they like me but in groups they seem not to want the others to know that they like me....I know this is not reality...but if I could explain how it feels when I am there this would be the best way...I get vibes from looks and peoples body language that I can't ignore....if I could I prob would find out that they really did not feel this way.

[/QUOTE]

I believe it is reality that those who are friendly to me on a one-to-one basis...behave in a group like they don't want the others to know. People can be so cruel. You may expect that among children, but adults can be even worse.

I believe their looks and body language does reflect how they honestly feel, and that they don't realize how obvious it is, like I'm stupid. And if I were to ask someone "Is there something I've done to offend you?" Of course they always say, "No." I wonder what is really going through their little brains: "Now, how can she tell we're embarrased by her, or that we don't really like her?" Do they have any idea how much it hurts?

And on a happier note....Rae HEEHEEHOHAAHAAHAAHAA!
GypsyWomyn38389.0381018519Moonbeams -- Just last week I was frantically looking for my keys. After running out to the car and them back in the house, I finally realized they were in my hand!!!

[QUOTE=GypsyWomyn]

Mark, I'm thinking of giving up these damn cigarettes and taking up the pipe. Haven't seen many women smoking them, but if Granny could do it, why not me? My cat would probably be happier too.

[/QUOTE]

Well, it's certainly unusual - but then we're not exactly usual people now, are we? I know 3 or 4 women who smoke a pipe, and there are pipe manufacturers who make 'Lady's Pipes' (Butz-Choquin and Savinelli spring immediately to mind) - so there must be a demand.

I can't stand cigarettes these days, no flavour.

Oh, and I'm almost afraid to ask - why would your cat be happier?

Mark -

Rae70 - You go, Girl!!!!!!

Creative - At 46, I still feel really young too, inside my mind that is, it's as if I haven't progressed past the age of 25. But from what I've read lack of emotional maturation is an aspect of ADHD so I don't feel so strange now. My daughter's friends and boyfriends have usually liked me really well. The guys think I'm a way cool mama and they don't mind talking around me. And I do worry more than I should about what others are thinking, esp. if I "know" it's about me. Don't ask me to explain it because I cannot, but I just know when I am the focus of someone's thoughts or conversation. I can see it in their body language and it's like I can hear their talking in my thoughts. Have people with ADHD been more prone to being psychic? I know too that I am ultra-sensitive to all outward stimuli and I notice obscure things that most people would never even give a thought to.

(((Little Lisa))) I just saw your post and my heart goes out to you. I understand how you feel because I have the same problem too. I've resigned myself also to a life of lonliness. I don't seem to register with most people either when I was in school or in any of my many jobs over the years. I have only one good friend I can count on but she lives about 100 miles away from me now. My brother has never been close to me, nor does he want to be. My daughter also lives away from me, she doesn't even call to see how I am. Most of my family has never accepted the fact that I have a problem that is not my fault. They think I am being this way on purpose.

What I have done over the years is to finally accept *who* I am for one. That has helped a lot. I try to be myself no matter what. It no longer bothers me if someone doesn't like me for whatever excuse they have. I stick to things that I know will not hurt me or judge me, like animals for one. I did have three cats and a dog, but when I divorced I had to leave my animals behind. My animals love me no matter what I am. They love unconditionally and that is what most ADHD'ers need in their lives, unconditional love. I also picked up a hobby like the internet. When it first came out I was addicted to it. All the things I loved doing I transferred to the net and I have found a few acquaintances here and there. I'm a lover of music and movies also. I went to my first movie this past year all by myself and you know what - it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had a really nice time with myself and thoroughly enjoyed the movie. From there you never know, we might find a friend afterall when we stop focusing on not having any.

Ladyhope! I only have one piece of advice for you: GET YOURSELF ANOTHER CAT...IMMEDIATELY!

Well, Gypsy, believe me if my mom would allow animals in her house then I'd have another kitty with me. I absolutely love cats!! However, I've adopted the mutt next door. Her name is Jane and she's a cross between a chow and a golden retriever. She seems to like me a lot. She goes with me on all my walks and always comes to greet me when I go outside. Having her around has been a big help and comfort.

Peace,

ladyhope

[QUOTE=GypsyWomyn]Ladyhope! I only have one piece of advice for you: GET YOURSELF ANOTHER CAT...IMMEDIATELY!
[/QUOTE]

Or a dog? Dogs are a little less selfish than cats, and dogs forgive your temper tantrums as long as they get food and walks, don't they?

Don't bother with an iguana though, they're not terribly cuddly or affectionate. I bought one on impulse a few years ago - she was about 6 inches long and very cute. She's now like a freakin' dinosaur - six feet of scales, claws and teeth. And she will probably live another 10 - 15 years.

Damned impulse buys ...

Mark -

Mark, now don't get me started on felines! I don't want to hear one negative thought about them. We'll have to start a whole new thread on pets.

I think they're more forgiving than dogs. My cats have always given me a little extra TLC whey they knowing I'm going through a tough time. Really! And when it's pouring out like today, I don't have to even consider going outside.

I suppose my best relationship has been with my cats. They love me unconditionally and keep me warm at night. And they live on an average of 12 to 20 years! Better than most marriages.

My dream is to live somewhere I can have both cats and dogs. I love 'em all! I'd like to be that woman in the book who lived on the hill with 1,000 of CATS!GypsyWomyn38389.6040393518I've been dealing with loneliness all my life. Every time I graduated to a new school (middle school, high school, college) I'd tell myself that this time would be different and I'd meet some friends. It never really happened. I am 30 years old and, other than my boyfriend (whom I've known for 12 years), I have exactly one friend (whom I met 13 years ago).

I went through a period where I tried convincing myself I didn't want friends. I did a lot of work on myself during that period of my life. Then I went through a phase (quite recently) where I was determined to make friends with the people I work with. But that hasn't really worked out either.

So now I'm trying to resign myself to a life of loneliness. I don't want to lie to myself anymore and say that I don't want friends, but I don't want to put myself through the torment (and it is torment!) of trying to make friends anymore. At this point, I just want to learn how to deal with the loneliness. Any suggestions?

I just found a great webpage about ADHD and Relationships. See what you think of this? We can post hyperlinks on this forum - I hope?

Peace,

ladyhope

ADHD & Relationships

Well, you see, Mark, I live in a non-traveling travel trailer that's only 8'x22'. So you can imagine the smoke in here! Every time I light up, Xena gives me a look to kill (and she's an indoor furball). I once asked a vet if cig smoke is bad for cats, he said no. How could it NOT be? Especially in such closed quarters. Awww, their small little noses inhaling all that ukky smoke! I know a pipe has smoke too, but I probably wouldn't smoke as often, hopefully. And I know I would certainly like the smell better...and smell better myself.

Thanks for the tip on Lady's pipe manufacturers.

I can relate to the loud laugh. I laugh VERY loud and like a hyena..my ex wife would shush me in theaters....mmmm I was out of control she was a control freak..no wonder it didnt work

I went and saw the daily show live in Ny a bit back. My siter and Dad insisted they could hear my life...since it's mine i couldn't tell. THere were only 100 folks in the audience though and heads have turned in theaters I laugh so loud..cant help it.... rest of the world needs to deal with that one. Laughter is from the heart. I wont ever try to censor it!

Bob, sometimes my laugh also stems from nervousness. And I'll laugh even when it's not something to laugh about. Once I worked a temporary job with a woman who laughed like I do, and it drove me crazy! I got a taste of me. I even had an aunt once tell me, when I was in my 20s, that my laugh was annoying and seemed phoney. Well, I'll tell you, I didn't laugh for some time after that one.

Wasn't that rude of her and totally insensitive???

I finally met a doctor who understood the hurt underneath the "nervous" laugh. In fact, I told him that's the name of the book I'll write one day: Beneath the Laughter. Pretty catchy, don't you think? But don't hold your breath for publication. I can barely write a check.

I have recently tried to lower the tone of my laugh, and do get positive reactions from those around me. But it is hard to teach an old dog (b*tch) new tricks. I'm trying.

Hi everyone. I know exactly what you are all talking about. I find myself very lonely and I just turned 50 and a young 50 at that. I was diagnosed at 45. My adult children think I am weird. My son (3 years ago) said he would like his 21st birthday party at my house but asked me not to talk to his friends in case I said anything strange. As it turned out I ended up in very stimulating conversation with a large group of his friends (they are all in Macquarie Bank and the stockbroking game) and the conversation was great. I do find it difficult at times. I do not know what those people thought about me after but I know that my son said that they all thought I tought out of the sqaure and was stimulating to their minds. It can be a lonely place at times. I still am not in a relationship. I have been accused of being undiplomatic and tactless and shooting from the hip. I say it how it is and dont play mind games. I cannot see the point in wasting energy on giving people what they want to hear. I just speak my mind.Forgetful. Yes that's me. Inevitably when I have people over for dinner I try to remember evrything but always after the meal I find the peas stil in the pot on the stove or the potatoes still in the oven. I have walked around my house looking for my glasses and then discovered they are on the end of my nose! My keys often go missing and I have had to phone my mobile from my house phone to locate it. Most annoying. 30 years ago when I was a private secretary for a State Manager of an Insurance Company he told me I had a memory like a seive and could not make head nor tail of my filing system. I just filed things under what made sense to me but no one else in the office could ever find anything.

Yep you all said it. I too have problems with relationships. I usually "shoot from the hip" and people don't really like HONESTY. I do not tolerate social "mind games" pleasing people so they hear what they want to hear. BUT - at least everyone knows where they stand with me. I am happy on my own and the few special friends I have appreciate me for who I am and understand me. They are my true treasures. YES - how about that island? [QUOTE=moonbeams8]

I do not tolerate social "mind games" pleasing people so they hear what they want to hear. BUT - at least everyone knows where they stand with me. I am happy on my own and the few special friends I have appreciate me for who I am and understand me.

Moombeam,

LOL My sentiments exactly!

Simi
< ="">� I'm all for that island!!!!!!!!!

Sign me up!!!!!!

G8 that's hilarious! Great idea though to stick all that stuff in the computer and have it do the work. Set it all up on an "I'm feeling productive" day and then let it just do it's thing.

Chocoholic I'm the same way about having to feel really connected to a person before it can be a friendship.

I've found that I have a hard time going to group stuff too. It's like other people have this ability to just invite themselves and somehow know if they're welcome or not. I need a personal invitation or else I'm sure that I'll be intruding and not wanted. What's up with that? When I was still living back home in Wisconsin my one very good friend would always drag me with her so I always had one person that I felt comfortable with. That was a good thing. Haven't quite figured out how to do it on my own.

what about forgetting things..like I have christmas presents for several people here in my house. I haven't even wrapped them. Maybe I'll do that .

It's true for some odd reason that girls don't like the "nice guy" and in my late teen years I tried to be the A-hole but at 23 I'm back to being myself. Even if people like it, I don't like being one and find NO enjoyment in it. I always look at people who act that way and it boggles me why they do it, I guess everyone finds pleasure in acting different ways.

I do find myself as being socially withdrawn a little bit more as I get older, I have little interest in making new friends beucase people just seem fake to me. I've always been very good at reading people which I guess is why I am the way I am. I have alot of friends over the years most of which I've fallen out of contact with just because I'm terrible at staying in touch with people. I have about 3 really good friends I see all the time and the others I see occasionally and meet up with to go out places.

I accually find it overwhelming to have alot of friends at once beucase trying to make promises to hang out or do stuff. It can really stress me out trying to balance my time with alot of people, maybe that's why I avoid making new friends so much.....who knows....

Yeah, it takes a little while to decide what kind of person you want to date to begin with...generally when you are "young" as in college age, you don't know what kind of woman you really are looking for. You probably want to give that a little thought. Most likely, though you will meet someone with whom you just click...keep in mind, younger females usually are not attracted to really nice guys. If you are too nice or accommodating, they think something is wrong with you...;)

Also any difference you have, whether it is what you talk about how you do things, whatever...who is to say that the other way is better? If you really are able to behave like someone who is secure, with himself...I mean really secure...you are a magnet...too simple...

Sorry Eicholtz-

As I often do, I only addressed part of what you said...what do you mean by your last sentence exactly? I may know, but do not feel comfortable assuming.

I've had many friends, but lost plenty because I would never call them back. I really only have one "true" friend and a lot of friends that I only go out with, but wouldn't really consider them people I could trust. Anyway, that one "true" friend gets mad at me all the time becasue I always say that I will call him and we will do something, but it never happens. Since I'm in college and he lives about 3 hours from me, he always tells me to call him when I go back home, but I always forget. He calls me cell phone and I never return the calls, I don't mean to, it just happens. He gets pissed, but he is pretty persistent. :) If I did this with my girlfriend, she would have left me a long time ago. My problem with group activities is that I'm either a totally friendly social butterfly, or a nervous wreck who can barely get out 2 words. And I never know which it is going to be- can go either way. I wish I knew what triggered the nervous wreck mode bc then I could try and work on it, but I cant come up with anything.

[to

CreativeCrazy38484.9526851852[QUOTE=MCD270]

It's

CreativeCrazy38484.9534490741Hot Damn! What a great thread! I dont need to place my thoughts or comments because everyone else has done it for me in one form or another.

I just wonder.... If we are so special, why is life so hard for us?
I always thought life would be a lot easier if everyone just did things my way...

I really do think that the reason why things are difficult for us is that everyone else looks at the world differently than we do so it's structured in a way that seems backwards to us, and we have to try to fit into it so we seem backwards to everyone else.I away.... CreativeCrazy38484.9539236111

Teachers were one of my biggest downfalls. Most of them just got overwhelmed with me and just about gave up on me. Two of them actually lost their temper with me. One of them, my fifth grade teacher actually told my parents that I would be in jail or prison by the time I was out of high school.

BTW... other than 'minor' traffic violations I have NEVER had a problem with the law and I have never spent any time in jail.

ZORG38420.3980324074illhtac

I am a junior in college as well. I managed to join a frat, and that has
been where most of my social interaction has taken place. I will be honest
there are still a lot of my brothers who think I am wierd, and even a few
who have let me know that they didnt like me too much but you know
what, there are always a few jack asses that slide into every group. Most
everyone else just doesnt care how I act, but the comforting part is the
few guys who actualy understand me and relate to me and encourage me
to be who I am.

I think people accept you for who you are. We just keep my ADHD as a big
joke, especialy after I saw that I was normal but boring when I was on
meds. I just sat there, put a few words in here and there and didnt move
around much. I missed talking with my hands, and having too much to
say. If people that you are meeting dont like that then they have no sence
of humor. I give everyone something to laugh at on occacion. including
myself. Whether its a random stupid comment, or I forget somethign
important, I just let it roll off my back, and allow them to laugh with me
about it.

Now in the romance department I should probably take some of my own
advice and just wait for a girl to accept me for me. But I still think I have
to be 6' and ripped to have a chance at a good looking girl. I dont think
my problems with women are from the adhd, its from self image and a lot
of teasing when I was in middle school. I'm not a bad looking guy, but if
you read any of the posts I've made in the High Sex Drive topic you'll
laugh at my luck.

I dont know if you drink, but I do alot better with a couple of beers in me.
I def. slows down the brain and lets you relax and feel more comfortable
in a situation. I would never want to encourage someone into alcoholism
(which I could be tetering on, but hell I'm in college its only a problem if I
drink the same way after college),but it might be worth trying if you dont
already.

I think the best thing I ocould tell you is look around the party for the guy
who is talking away, with his arms going allover the place, and try to out
talk him. If you say something dumb, I can garantee he wont remember
that it was dumb b/c he's just as ADD as you and hes already thinking of
how he's gonna try to impress the girl that just walked up to him and
wanted to talk.

Hope this helps
Tommy
Who wants to buy and Island and all move to it?
we might all starve to death because we will forget ot hunt or collect
food, but hell, what a way to go, TALKING each others heads off

I don't have anything to add, except that I can totally relate to everything that everyone's said. I'm a junior in college and I can't seem to meet people. I had a great best friend in high school so I would stick with her and that would get me into social groups and then once people got to know me a little bit they realized I wasn't all that wierd, but I still wasn't someone that people would call when they were getting a group together to go to a movie or something. Now my only real friends are one of my roomates, that friend from high school, and my mom. I never really got involved in things here, and I feel like it's way too late now. Plus, I have trouble keeping up with my school work because it takes so much mental energy just to deal with that, most of my free time I want to spend alone because social interaction takes so much energy for me too. But when I do want to get out and do something, I don't have people to call because I have such a hard time making and keeping friends. It's really frustrating because my sister is a freshman in college this year and she has tons of friends at school, a boyfriend, and still gets really good grades, and when we're home for breaks she goes out with a different group every night. If I go out while I'm home it's very likely that it will be with my mom. I love my mom and she's awesome, but that's still sad. I guess all of this is to say that I understand, and I don't have any answers either. I'm usually comfortable with who I am, and not having tons of friends, but sometimes when I'm feeling social it turns quickly to feeling depressed and inadequate because not many people want a friend who rarely calls and seems disinterested in them. I can't say that I blame them, but it's hard.

a side note: anybody have any advice in getting a guy (or girl) to ask you out? or how do you know if they're interested enough in you to go out with you if you asked them? I'm really bad at reading social cues and I think guys have trouble figuring out if I'm interested in them because I'm so bad at flirting- I'll do it without really meaning to or I won't when I really want to because I'm nervous and I'm afraid I'll say something stupid.

I understand the verbal diahrrea... I have a tendency to make light of things at at the most inopportune times sometimes. A few weeks ago a co-worker was telling me that her elderly mother was in the ICU with a terrible lung infection, and my co-worker was visibly upset about it. So I said, "well, all you can do is wait, right? Whatever will be will be." She gave me a funny look, blinked back the tears, and said "I guess". A second or two later, before I even realized what I had done, I made a joke (my way of trying to cheer her up). All that got me another funny look.

I think I come off as seeming very apathetic sometimes. I don't know if it is just me, or the ADHD. I DO care, honest! I'm just not good at showing it.

I too am not good at picking up the phone. My family all live in different parts of the country, and the last time I spoke to any of them was probably Christmas. I have a very close friend in another part of the country who I also never call. But she understands because she is just as bad. We chat on MSN once in a while though. My other best friend, who lives in the same city as me, would be on the phone 24/7 if it was up to her. She calls me two or three times a week and has the nerve to wonder why I never call her! Jeesh. Gotta love her though.

Oh, and ditto on the rehearsing phone calls - ordering pizza, calling about a credit card inquiry, anything like that. I hate it. I so much prefer email at work because 1. I don't have to rehearse it, and 2. and can go back and read it later if I forget something. Can't do that with a phone call.
Ugh, I hear you guys. When I was young I just never understood how to move into a group of people and talk comfortably. My worst nightmare was going into a crowded room and having to chit chat - I always hid somewhere! I still dont like it. Not sure if it is leftover feelings from when I was young, or if I'm still afraid I will space out and not follow the conversation or say something inappropriate. Probably a mix of all 3. I get invited to group things pretty frequently and I so often avoid them, kinda sad huh?
My other problem is not remembering to call people, return invitations etc. I'm so bad at that. I'm trying really hard to recognize that its something I do and combat it, but man is it a struggle...
I wonder sometimes if I dont expect too much from people- like I have to feel really connected with them to have a friendship. Cant just do the surface thing. I have so many aquaintances, but only a couple people I would consider really close.
All that being said, I do try really hard- just inconsistently and I think that confuses people.

Wow!
I have read this entire thread and I feel sooooo much better!

I have been beating myself up for years for being my inadequacy with others, but I see that I have so much in common with all of you.

Like Mark said, if I don't make a concerted effort to keep up with friends, we drift apart until there isn't a friendship anymore.

And like with CreativeCrazy and Chocoholic-- I'm excited about going a party when I'm invited, but when the day comes, I get so anxious, I can't go. Part of it is I'm hate crowds. Most of it is that I am very uncomfortable around groups of strangers (I tend to hold my own one on one). I fear stranger contact so much that I refused to go door-to-door to sell the stuff that kids sell when in school (Cookies, candy etc). It terrifed me!

And like with GK8 and BCGirl- My mind goes a million miles a minute. I either end up talking WAY too much and basically shutting down the conversation for everyone else. OR, I make a snarky remark at THE most inopportune time. I have a quick wit, but if someone is upset, they think I am being mean. Or at best, just a big flake for not getting the seriousness of the situation.

BTW, GK8, your ex was my mom. The person who had all the social skills and knew the right thing to do at the right time. I have drawers full of cards, but the birthday is 3 weeks past before I realize I missed it!

I rarely pick up the phone, like Ivil & BC. Either I don't trust what I will say to the person (if it is an emotional thing) or I just hate talking to a stranger. If someone calls me, half the time I am multi-tasking or distracted. More than once I have been asked a question and found myself going "Huh? What did you say?" And they KNOW I wasn't paying attention!

Lastly, Ivil hit the nail on the head. I have tried to 'fit' in, was active in church, chior, women's circles etc. But I never quite 'fit'. My attitudes, interests etc were soooo different that I felt like a misfit. Finally, I understood that I was simply different and that was OK and good.

And I walked away and haven't looked back.

BTW, I am in my late 40's and I refuse to give up hope for relationships.

Esther

Here's a funny story. I started an account with E-greetings and wrote a bunch of birthday cards to friends and family to be sent via email. I also took the time to write down anniversaries and some other special occasions such as holidays. I wrote nice things and set them up to go out at the appropriate dates. I wanted to do this because I knew I would forget those special occasions and not send a card or make a call to the people I truly love and care about.

Several months went by and my brother calls me and says he is really impressed with me. He said he really wanted to thank me for remembering his birthday. Of course I should of kept my mouth shut because I replied, "it's your birthday?" He wasn't so impressed after that. We both laughed historically because he knew what just happened.

Anyone else have a funny story to tell. Sometimes you just got to laugh to get it out of your system.

I am

CreativeCrazy38484.9501851852What are the character traits or reasons why it is so hard for us to maintain relationships or friendships? What makes us so different from everyone? Help me understand why life is so lonely....

I hae been described as both intense and inattentive and distracted by EXs. I guess it depended on the conversation. I suck at social cues too. I am better than i was 20 yrs ago. I am very good at speaking to a crowd not so good one on one or in a small group when it's a give and take situation. My Manager has told me he has a one minute rule...he can take one minute of me. It's only partly in jest. I disagree when silence is the best course, I say what i think when i think it... those aren't always a great way to be.

A friend was telling me his GF was quitting her job for a yr because she was too stressed about her least review.. She has a decent job. A very decent job for someone with a 4 yr degree in Social work. My first reaction was " When she interviews in a yr she wont have a shot against MSWs seeking the same jobs she will want and taking a yr off will make her resume FUGLY and She's an Ass if she quits w/o looking for a job. I then went on to say " Doesn't she hound you to budget and watch your money and sve more and now she is going to take a yr off?" Sure, I menat it but it came out to fast and blunt. If I had waitied a couple more seconds i could of said the same thing without the demeaning insta judgement framework. he didnt get pissed or anythign but some one else pointed out I called his GF an Ass...Who the hell am I to do that? That wasn't an endearing communication style.

I have friends though and am sure I will have GF again as well but, I can relate to how the ADD can put some others off. I get mad and am over it in an instant other people aren't like that in general. I am great at forgiving...A therapist once told me that can be a double edged sword if I always forgive and move past those that cause hurt am I not just open to get hurt by the same people again? I pondered it a bit but, you know, I am made that way. I forget and move one.

I am CreativeCrazy38484.9495833333

For me? I guess I just don't get what's going on with other people. My responses in conversation are awkward, I don't know where to look when in conversation, body language is a complete mystery...

I think people just find me hard work.

Then when I eventually do make friends, I tend to forget about them if we're not in contact for a while - doubtless giving the impression that I'm the one that doesn't need them.

I've kinda gotten used to it over the years, and it doesn't bother me anymore. Much. (OK, it bothers me lot, but what can I do about it?)

Vheers,

Mark -

ICreativeCrazy38484.9497800926

I think for me is that my brain goes a hundred miles an hour and sometimes I can not get my thoughts out the way I want. I also speak when I probably should keep my mouth shut.

But mostly it's that I don't keep in touch. I forget birthdays and other special occassions. I have gotten better at. My ex wife was very good at meeting people and keeping in touch with them. She would always get frustrated with me because I would forget special occasions and things that where meaningful for others. For example Christmas gifts. I would wander around department stores looking for gifts for family and friends. I would get things that I thought they would like. But she would always tell me that the gifts where OK. She always seems to get the right gifts for people and mine always gets a simple thank you. She gets hugs and comments like "how did you know."

She was always really good with Thank you notes. She would keep track of everyones birthdays and send out cards. If someone was in the hospital she make us visit them even if it wasn't really serious. She would call people and congratulate them on specail events in their life. The phone calls where always short and breif. It's amazing how we always got invited to parties, events or get togethers. We didn't have to seek them they came to us. If we didn't attend she would call several days later seeing how things went and would apologize for not attending. She was good that way. I have started to use these tactics now that we are divorced. Amazingly it works. But of course I am not as good as her.

Bottom line is that she is a better listener. She can pick things up. She is observant. For example. When we started dating she met my sister inlaw. 3 months later it was Christmas. She gave my sister inlaw green gloves and a green scarf. No big deal right? Well it was a big deal to my sister inlaw. My wife made the comment, "I noticed you always have a little bit of green on when ever I see you. You also wear beautiful scarfs. I thought you would appreciate this." The gift was a hit! My sister inlaw made the comment that her favorite color is green. I didn't know her favorite color was green?

Since graduating from high school almost 8 years ago I have made a grand total of one close friend. The two of us got thrown together on a big project at work and we just clicked. Everyone else remains something of a mystery to me. It kind of feels like there's another color that everyone else can see and I can't, and somehow that color tells "normal" people how to connect with each other.

And e-mail is definately easier for me too! I absolutely hate the phone. I will drift off in the middle of the conversation and I will forget what we talked about. Even stupid phone calls like to order pizza are stressfull. I always have to rehearse what I'm gonna say ahead of time. But I can have three different conversation's going in IM and keep them all straight and remember what's going on with all of them.

I hate having to rehearse what i am going to say.....that is what makes calling someone so stressful....

Well my worst relationship issue is that I have no romantic ideas at all - my brain rarely stops long enough to think about it!

Gets the hubby a bit down at times.

We are so unique and shine so bright, so bright we sometimes can blind people. We are special people and share a different view of the world than most people. We are innovators, not followers like the rest of the world. People take this as we are rude or awkward, lazy, or irresponsible. They don�t know what goes on inside our minds. I�d like to think that we don�t have many friends because we just don�t want let go of our individuality. At one time, I actually became more �socially involved�, but I felt so hypocritical. I just wanted to be me, but people did seem to like that. So, I joined a church, then a club, then a gym. In the end, is still little o� me.

Our minds for some reason just do not agree with the rest of humanity. "Think of an absentminded professor who can find a cure for cancer but not his glasses in the mess on his desk. These are the inventors, creators, poets -- the people who think creative thoughts because they don't think like everyone else." - Martha Denckla, M.D.

Just today, my 7 year old daughter had an emotional breakdown, which occurs commonly, because she can't seem to make any friends at school, not one. I see her and I see me. How many true, real friends you think someone really has? I believe that true friends, and companions, do not come in six packs. I can count my real friends with the adderal pills left in my bottle (there is only three left) and they are all �weirdoes� like me and we hardly ever talk or see each other, but if anyone one of needs help we all show up. I can handle loneliness fine, but seeing my daughter brake down really gets to me. Sometimes, I want to tell her to change, but I can�t. There is a part of me that tells me that our individually and uniqueness is not worth selling out.

It is very hard to find friends at 35 years old

BUT.,I still have faith that I will find healthy, good, true friends. Not ones that will use me as a damn therapist, and not talk to me when they dont like what they hear from me.

Lol thanks Gypsywomyn for pointing out this thread. Oddly enough in my eyes I am just like all of them. I just figured in my younger years I was just antisocial..well I am..sorta. But I have always said I know I have a best friend if I could do something so outrageous they would accept me for my flaw. Like accidentally burping or farting. If they laugh then they are a friend. If they don't I sure will be laughing so they better be a friend. lol

I just don't make friends well. Normal people just seem quite dull.

I have the horrible problem of people trying to treat me like a baby (the impulsivity ugh) I liked being "babied" just not treated like I have no maturity level. I am a person with twice the emotions of everyone else & impulsivenesss. 8(

What everyone has said here about friends is the way I am. I just don't make them. They want people who can carry on a normal conversation. I can't do it without feeling forced or having to try to control myself. And when I start topics with people I know we go around in circles because I forget each day that I already spoke to them about the same subject every single day. My senior year of high school I asked the same girl 5 times in the same week if she was going to the prom and she became quite short tempered lol It's either that or the same subjects do rounds each month. I have no topic of conversation other than what my brain happens to be doing and people get pretty strange looks on their faces. For instance, to be nice at work the girls invite me every other Friday with them to our special 1 hour lunch at work. They start a topic about American Idol for example..my mind drifts off to what Constantine was wearing on the show last week and from there the clothes remind me of the clothes of other people. Then I start thinking about what Nicole Richie was wearing in the last magazine I was reading and before long, I blurt out "Hey! Nicole Richie is engaged to DJ AM now" They all turn around and ask me where that came from. My thoughts & ultimately my conversations are one long fluid play set in my head and coming out of my mouth at inopportune times...thoughts that are so disconnected that people still in Act 1 wonder why we cut to Act 4. hehe

Reizende38445.607037037You're entirely welcome, Reizende. Glad you found it.
ha ha ha, I know what you mean, Reizende, about Act 1 and Act 4.

And about how a good friend you can belch and fart with! Oh yes, my newest friend I just made, she and I laugh so hard, when we do a symphony after we eat.

I usually 'bounce' a fart when someone lets one go. That usually tends to make them feel more comfortable. But I didn't have to with her. (Hope this isn't going to start posts about farts. )

I'm so glad, and yet so sad, to know that there are so many of us who have lived with ADHD all our lives and have had difficulty making/keeping friends. But I suppose all we can do now, is move forward, and use any and all skills we can learn (including meds if that's what it takes) to being more accepted by old and hopefully new friends.

GypsyWomyn38445.6166203704Or...we can just build ourselves a little subdivision and name it "ADHD Acres" and all move in. I am sure none of us will ever be bored again hehe

My pattern is to be very intense in the beginning of a relationship- both romantic and friendships- and then burn out and get bored. Other than my husband and family, there is no one that has been in my life for more than a few years. That doesn't mean that I don't care about or have extremely fond thoughts towards old friends, but I have always described myself as a "here and now kind of girl". In other words, when circumstances throw me together with someone on a regular basis (school, work, neighbors, etc...) some of those relationships will become relatively close, but as soon as it requires some effort on my part to keep in contact, it fizzles.

I have always known this about myself, but I never knew it was symptomatic of ADHD and until I started reading posts like these, I did not relate to it as "unsuccessful or negatively affected in the social realm" a la the self screening questionnaires for ADHD. Now that I think about it, though, it makes perfect sense. I can't believe I didn't recognize it before! I guess it just goes to show that when you isolate yourself from people long enough you don't gain the experiences that might clue you in when something in your life is dysfunctional.

Hi everyone. Well let's see. I also seem to have difficulty having a lot of "relationships" whether they be friendships with the same or opposite sex and work colleagues. I do have 2 very good friends that I have known for 30 and 15 years respectively and they know about my ADD. I do not tolerate "mind game" people and really cannot stand "office politics". I guess I always 'shoot from the hip" so what you see is what you get. Blatently honest, probaby tactless and undiplomatic at times, I do not tolerate dishonesty and insincerity. So.................as this world seems to revolve around the majority of the population "playing mind games" I guess that is why us ADD guys just don't fit in. Cheers everyone, I think you are all great. We understand each other.

[QUOTE=Haley]

I have come to believe we are not so much anti-social,(in fact we are often some of the first to recognize the injustices against others) or that we have difficulty making friends...I think it is more that we do not have the luxury of being AMONG OUR PEERS the way most other people of the world are. We do not have the luxery of meeting interesting people like ourselves (this is not meant to sound superior, it is just that we seem to need a higher level of intellectual stimulation than the typical person) I believe it this need for that stimulation that contributes so much to our boredom, our distractiveness, then to our isolation, then perhaps to our sadness, depresion and mabe even suicidality. We really do believe there is something WRONG with us, and I believe it is this very premise we must challenge...Think about it...we would rather suffer being alone with all of the cultural crap that supposedly goes along with ("our inability' to make friends), than to invest in conversations or relatioships that to do meet our needs. It is easy to say WE are the ones who have a hard time making friends, but if I wanted to, I could fake making friends becasue I have been enculturated to learn "normal" beahviors and to anticipate "normal social expectations.: But! Not only does the general population not know how to make friends with US they cannot even fake it if they wanted to becasue they not only do not understand how our body and brain works...I am sad to say they do not WANT to understand. For the general population Ignorance IS Bliss...Blaming people is much easier than looking for understanding and insignt, and dare I say it Compassion. It is a cheap and easy way for people to feel superior at the expense of others who have been identified as "different." I refuse to accept this behavior from any longer. My focus is no longer on that I am not THEIR friend...but that they are not mine.

Remember the song "Lookin' for Love in all the Wrong Places..."? Well, I had been lookin' for friends and acceptance in all the wrong places. I no longer patronize mainstream events with any expectations of understanding from the people there. I no longer give away my time, energy, passions, thoughts, beliefs, or thirst for good conversation to just anyone. No. If (the collective) 'you' want what I have to offer as a citizen of this world, WONDERFUL! I will know it by the way you communicate yourself to me and to the world. If you cannot or will not think and act outside of the box; if you cannot gleefully run up the abstraction ladder in the blink of an eye, and not worry that you may not quite know where u are when u get there, or what you may have found; if you shrink from honest, passionate debate because it might challenge you to challenge yourself and perhaps challenge anything or everything or even nothing of what you have allowed to flood your brain; if you have the need to be right for no other reason than you believe you are (because you fear the very debate I mentioned above);if you think you have all the answers for no other reason than because of who you say you are, what title you hold, or what letters run behind your name; or worse yet... if you think there are no more questions left to ask because you alone possess the absolute truth (and can prove it to me) then what I have to say to you is SEE Ya!...Not impressed...not interested...

We ADDers are learning that we are smart and creative, that we have insights, observations and expereinces often missed by others. We know that we feel deeply, hurt deeply, and rejoice wonderously! We need to assert our selves and no longer aplogize for our abilities. In fact, I am up for another name...Attention Deficit Disorder is only accurate when their is aggrement of what is important to pay attention to. I for one, thought the blue sky and the problem of a mother bird trying to build her nest in the tree next to my fourth grade classroom deserved my attention much more than reading aloud from yet another adventure of Dick and Jane. If I could not read or read well, than I would have understood my teacher's rath. But I was one of the best readers AND one of the best writers..and besides, it was my attention to give away or not...

Let's think of a new name for those of us referred with Attention DEFICIT. Let's get fired up!

Haley in Ohio

[/QUOTE]

I truly relate to what you write.

As far as new names for this condition. Here are my suggestions:

Attention Determination Hyperactivity Challenges-ADHC

Intelligent People with Distraction and Hyperactivity =IPDH

Those who do not live in the Matrix=TDNLM

Interesting Hyperactive Alternative Attention Condition=
IHAAC

Rapid Thinkers and Speakers of the Universe=RTSU

Fun People of the World=FPW

Interesting Hyperative Rapid Thinkers=IHRT

Alternative Intelligent Peaceful Rapid Thinkers=AIPRT

Smart Associates Reflective Thinkers Attention Sensative=Smartas

Those Cool and Creative in Life=TCCL

Anyone else?

Yes. Thank you.[QUOTE=goldenmoment] [QUOTE=Haley]

Let's think of a new name for those of us referred with Attention DEFICIT. Let's get fired up!

Haley in Ohio

How about,

"People"

-me

[QUOTE=Wonder Woman]

[/QUOTE]

Exactly. I never knew why I had so many relationships (friends) fizzle after a couple years except a small few. I am just not one to pick up the phone to see how someone is doing. Email, yes..but that only takes you so far. I now know that my best friend who has stuck by me for 18 years has ADD! No wonder we are still so close!

My personal feeling is that ADHD people are HIGH MAINTENANCE. I say this because I have ADHD and I dated a guy with ADHD. I still love this guy, but together, we are HIGHLY COMBUSTIBLE. Way too much energy going on at the same time. I DOUBT this would work for everyone, but I am very up-front with my ADHD to most people. Not the type of thing that I blurt out on a first date, (not usually), but I kind of slap a warning label on myself and I'm OK with that. You'd have to know me to know what I mean, but I now REVEL in my weirdness. I'm 34, diagnosed 2 years ago. When I was 16, I wanted to fit in. Now, I know that part of what makes me attractive is the excitement and unpredictability of my ADHD. I also know that my abruptness and spacing out make me seem like I don't care. So basically, I usually put the information out up front, and I'll use my judgment as to whether or not to use the words ADHD. I'll joke to a new friend or something and say, "There's this little tunnel between my brain and my mouth which SHOULD exist, but doesn't". Or something of the sort. Having been diagnosed finally was such a gift and I SHARE that gift with others often. My little sister used to warn her friends and boyfriends, "Don't listen to my sister, she's crazy," as a joke, because I joke with people quick. Now I just do that myself. I think it's working, but hey, I'm not always the most observant person in the world. Just giving my two dollars worth here.

[QUOTE=CreativeCrazy]What are the character traits or reasons why it is so hard for us to maintain relationships or friendships? What makes us so different from everyone? Help me understand why life is so lonely....[/QUOTE]

Really...it doesn't have to be. You have to just make the effort to see what it is about yourself that anyone would find offensive, or not nice to be around. If it is something that is legitimate, work on improving yourself in that are...if it is not something that you can even identify, or is just something that is not something you should bother changing, then don't worry about it for even a moment. People like people who like themselves. If you are confident, it makes all of the difference in the world. No one is perfect. Perfection is not a prerequisite for confidence, and self acceptance. I'll bet you are a cool person. You need to realize that and enjoy your life. Go after what you love and what you are good at. You will most likely have a greater number of people around you that have enough sense to appreciate you.

I have always had lots of superficial friends but only a few close ones. I always felt if you were really a good friend you would be as honest as possible (without being unnecessarily blunt of course... And help them be the best person that they could be. Most people seem offended by honesty, opting to say whatever it is that they think that the recipient wants to hear.

All of my life, I have always, (at the risk of becoming very unpopular), taken up for the underdog so to speak. I honestly did not concern myself with the possible repercussions. I suppose it was because anyone who was blatantly mean to others, did not have an opinion I cared about one way or the other.

Haley wrote:

I no longer give away my time, energy, passions, thoughts, beliefs, or thirst for good conversation to just anyone. No. If (the collective) 'you' want what I have to offer as a citizen of this world, WONDERFUL! I will know it by the way you communicate yourself to me and to the world. If you cannot or will not think and act outside of the box; if you cannot gleefully run up the abstraction ladder in the blink of an eye, and not worry that you may not quite know where u are when u get there, or what you may have found; if you shrink from honest, passionate debate because it might challenge you to challenge yourself and perhaps challenge anything or everything or even nothing of what you have allowed to flood your brain; if you have the need to be right for no other reason than you believe you are (because you fear the very debate I mentioned above);if you think you have all the answers for no other reason than because of who you say you are, what title you hold, or what letters run behind your name; or worse yet... if you think there are no more questions left to ask because you alone possess the absolute truth (and can prove it to me) then what I have to say to you is SEE Ya!...Not impressed...not interested...

Thank you for saying exactly what needs to be said! You go girl!!!!!!

[QUOTE=Wonder Woman]

[/QUOTE]

Wow, I am EXACTLY the same way. I just couldn't put it into words like you did.

CreativeCrazy38484.9523032407CC, Just curious, why did you go to this coffee social? Was it for work or is this your social circle that you hang out with? If it is the later, I would get some new friends. If they can't appreciate you for who you are they aren't worth your time.

< =""> Awww CC that sucks. I know how you feel though. I always feel like a bumb on a log at social things like that. It's like the rest of the world just doesn't get us... and in a way we don't get them either... I always catch myself wondering why some people do this or that when they can just do it sensibly.

I went to one of those home product parties a couple of weeks before Christmas. I thought, here's an opportunity to meet a bunch of people I've never met before. I intended to treat it as a test - to see how many new people I could chat with before the evening was out.

I ended sticking to my friend's side and didn't chat with a single new person. I tried to be friendly and smile and say hi to a few other girls, but they sort of gave me weak smiles back and continued to socialize with everyone else.

I dunno.... we must put out some kind of vibe that tells the world that we are different and not to bother getting to know us. It doesn't make much sense.

[QUOTE=bcgirl1978]Awww CC that sucks. I know how you feel though. I always feel like a bumb on a log at social things like that. It's like the rest of the world just doesn't get us... and in a way we don't get them either... I always catch myself wondering why some people do this or that when they can just do it sensibly.

I went to one of those home product parties a couple of weeks before Christmas. I thought, here's an opportunity to meet a bunch of people I've never met before. I intended to treat it as a test - to see how many new people I could chat with before the evening was out.

I ended sticking to my friend's side and didn't chat with a single new person. I tried to be friendly and smile and say hi to a few other girls, but they sort of gave me weak smiles back and continued to socialize with everyone else.

I dunno.... we must put out some kind of vibe that tells the world that we are different and not to bother getting to know us. It doesn't make much sense.
[/QUOTE]

Don't feel alone, the same thing happens to me. I am not a 'group' person either. I thought it was because I had a low tolerance for group behaviors. I don't know.

I actually wrote down all the groups, organizations etc I have belonged to since childhood. Most of them I was in because of some outside influence. I think only one or two I still have friends in.

I even went on a trip last year that was one of those group things where women all go and hang out and act silly. I was bored to TEARS! And annoyed at all the 65 year olds I saw drunk in the halls in their underwear.

I ain't a prude or a fuddy duddy, but geez louise girls.

EBurns38401.5354166667bcgirl, the very same thing happens to me everytime I am in a group situation. And you know, when I do make the attempt to join in and share in the laughter, I usually say something dorky because I'm nervous and then I'll get the OMG stares from everyone. So I end up with my head down wondering why I keep putting myself in these situations, that make me feel so terrible about myself. IMHO - the only way I will ever feel comfortable in that type of social setting is to have loads of self-confidence, that today I still sorely lack but I am hopeful.

Normal people ARE dull.
The root of all conversation is money and how much they have/make. Think about this next gathering.
No imagination. Blinders. Tuned out.
We blaze, they smolder.
We hunt, they farm.
They are messengers while we are the message........

( I like that last one, what does it mean?)
[QUOTE=Reizende] Or...we can just build ourselves a little subdivision and name it "ADHD Acres" and all move in. I am sure none of us will ever be bored again hehe[/QUOTE]

This isn't to get us off the topic at hand, but Reizende, there's a thread we did on us building a tree house.....a big, rambling one....for all of us! I brought it back....so you could read it.
Creative Crazy, if you read this post....that's a great name for our place....ADHD Acres!

Don't you think?

Let's think of a new name for those of us referred with Attention DEFICIT. Let's get fired up!

Haley in Ohio

WELL I HAVE TO SAY THAT I AM ALONE AND WOULD LOVE TO BE WITH SOME ONE FOR EVER BUT NOTHING IN MY LIFE IS PERMINANT AT ALL . INFACT THE ONLY PERMINANT PEOPLE/THINGS IN MY LIFE ARE: MY MUM,MY SON ,MY DAUGHTER,MY DOG . EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING ALWAYS PISSED OF SOONER OR LATER .

I WISH I WAS NORMAL AND JUST BLEND IN TO THE BACKROUND.Well for me I am married to someone that also has add and we both really get along because I feel it is because we both understand what each other are going through. That is what I think but you know I will always love her no matter what. We work hard at making sure that we remember that we both have it and we are in this together.

Well, everyone on this Earth is different. I know you can have ADHD and also be in a position of leadership like General Westmoreland in Vietnam..... I am sure there are others.....I have a few close friends. Several people I hang out with. I find people I have things in common with.... I join different organizations. I don't wait for people to come to me, I have to create my opportunites. I admit, sometimes, especially in the past, crowds used to bother me. But I choose my crowds more. Anyway, there are so many people with ADHD.

As far as dating, I have dated. I have not had a very long-term relationship. I have been focusing on having stability when it comes to a career and job. When that is done, then I am more open to dating. I am also particular about the kind of women I like, because I am kind of global-looking.... Of course, it is tough when you are on your own and you can sometimes shut someone from your life, because you feel you have your problems.... I believe in looking at this as positively as I can and letting the universe/God take care of this while I work in a faithful manner to accomplish the good things in life and I know I am doing my best and I can attain what I desire and so can you if you continuously affirm what is good about you....

Rain, you should say that I have yet to take steps that would lead me to more friendships. You said that it is hard to have friends at age 35. I am 32 years old. I have several friends; I have ADHD. I am working on the relationship part, but much of it, believe me, stems from our attitudes in life. Attitude is everything. Of course, it was easier for me to make friends when I was in university and also president of a student organization that I helped get off-the-ground and this was done by a person who was much more shy than he was before it.

Is my life perfect? No. Well I wait for perfection before I do things to change my life. I must use what I got. People out there want to feel appreciated, relationships are give-and-take, and you need someone giving you positive vibes and you must think of positives to give others... You should be asking yourself how do I make friends. Where do I go? What do I join? It could be a Church, Synagogue or what have you... Or, it could be through that website meetup.com or you could meet people on your job and be friends with one or two people you have something in common with and it doesn't all have to be deep moments with all of them....Focus only giving yourself positive thoughts and counteract the negative ones.... And no my life isn't perfect, I do not yet have every kind of person I want in my life or all the relationships I seek.... That takes time and belief and effort on my part...

There is that or singing Paul Anka's song "I am lonely, Mr lonely, I have nobody to call my own"...... or "And I say to myself what a wonderful world.."

I am sitting here at my computer crying.I typed in the word lonely on the search thingee here and it brought me here.I choose to have no friends,but sometimes it does gets lonely.Whenever I am around people I feel sooooo out of place and weird,like i don't fit in.when I go to the gym I will go to the very last tredmill so I avoid being next to anyone.When I see someone I know,I hope they don't come near me.I just want to be left alone.
     I do however have this thing I do ALL the time and I was wondering if anyone elce does it.I read peoples minds.Like if someone is looking at me,I will think to myself what the hell is she looking at.One tinme I was on line at a dept. store and there was this lady in head of me and I started thinking all these bad things in my head about her like she keeps looking over here,whats her problem etc.etc. then she turned to me and said I have an extra coupon would you like it.Ever since then I try not to read into people but I JUST CAN'T HELP IT!!!I feel like people are always judging me in some bad way.This makes me dislike people even more. I was just wondering if this is just my problem or does anybody out there do the same?[QUOTE=debdrunner]I am sitting here at my computer crying.I typed in the word lonely on the search thingee here and it brought me here.I choose to have no friends,but sometimes it does gets lonely.Whenever I am around people I feel sooooo out of place and weird,like i don't fit in.when I go to the gym I will go to the very last tredmill so I avoid being next to anyone.When I see someone I know,I hope they don't come near me.I just want to be left alone.
     I do however have this thing I do ALL the time and I was wondering if anyone elce does it.I read peoples minds.Like if someone is looking at me,I will think to myself what the hell is she looking at.One tinme I was on line at a dept. store and there was this lady in head of me and I started thinking all these bad things in my head about her like she keeps looking over here,whats her problem etc.etc. then she turned to me and said I have an extra coupon would you like it.Ever since then I try not to read into people but I JUST CAN'T HELP IT!!!I feel like people are always judging me in some bad way.This makes me dislike people even more. I was just wondering if this is just my problem or does anybody out there do the same?[/QUOTE]

Sounds to me like social phobia. ADHD'rs can develop this, but it's kindof a separate problem. I have it to some degree as well. There's no reason not to get professional help. You have a festering wound that needs stitches, might as well go get patched up. Human beings aren't meant to be alone, people who 'prefer' to have no friends are really just trying to avoid the anxiety of being judged. I have read that treatment is often successful!
[QUOTE=debdrunner]I am sitting here at my computer crying.I typed in the word lonely on the search thingee here and it brought me here.I choose to have no friends,but sometimes it does gets lonely.Whenever I am around people I feel sooooo out of place and weird,like i don't fit in.when I go to the gym I will go to the very last tredmill so I avoid being next to anyone.When I see someone I know,I hope they don't come near me.I just want to be left alone.
     I do however have this thing I do ALL the time and I was wondering if anyone elce does it.I read peoples minds.Like if someone is looking at me,I will think to myself what the hell is she looking at.One tinme I was on line at a dept. store and there was this lady in head of me and I started thinking all these bad things in my head about her like she keeps looking over here,whats her problem etc.etc. then she turned to me and said I have an extra coupon would you like it.Ever since then I try not to read into people but I JUST CAN'T HELP IT!!!I feel like people are always judging me in some bad way.This makes me dislike people even more. I was just wondering if this is just my problem or does anybody out there do the same?[/QUOTE]

I do the same.
I am not really alone.I have 4 children,and a husband.But as far as people go,I have been through my share of knock downs,and I look around me and I really do not see much good.People I see are uptight,unreal,and in my opinion for the most part unkind.I went to see Bob Dylan this weekend at the beacon theater and had a total blast.I do go where there are people,But I do get ALOT of anxiety as well.That is the reason I used to drink so much.Its because it would release all the pressure.I am 42,and have been diagnoised a little over a year(I think,I loose such track of time.It could be closer to 2 years.I'm 29, not married and have no kids. I seem to go through friends over the years. Like, I'll hang out with people for like 3 or 4 years and then just kind of fall out with them. Most of all my friends from high school are now married and have kids, and I can't ever imagine myself like that. I still feel like I'm 17. I just don't know why I fall out with people. I guess I always feel like I'm so different from them. I have a hard time opening up too, and there are very few people I trust. The funniest thing about this thread is it was started in February, and almost all of the people who responded to it then don't belong here anymore, yet their biggest complaint is they can't keep friends and don't try to maintain relationships. The proof is in the pudding, my friends! Now I'm depressed that all teh great people I've met here will be gone soon . . . like jonesie . . .

CC... this is a sore spot with me to...and I don't have any easy answers...sad to say but I've really given up on this concept of 'friends'... I really don't know what the word means I guess.

I rember many a tyme celbrating my bd on my own before I was married...even though I don't believe in destiny in it's broadest def., In this case, it looks like it is true.

Wow! I thought I was the only one who felt this way. Unfortunately, I have no answers or theories about this question. I will say this. The less I think about something like this the better off I convince myself I am.

Well 'better' is such a subjective word, I would say less umm, aware maybe. Is it another 'elephant in the room' LOL.

For me I just have to shrug my shoulders and say, 'probably just an un-dx personality disorder that I can't see [owch]. Do we all just live our lives with 'blinders' on, seeing just what we want to see, or is it . . . blah, blah. I could go on and one with these 'brain-versations' day after day and get absolutly nowhere. After awhile it becomes an 'exercis in futility' and I get a brain-freeze . . .

When you guys figure this out, you can let me know.

Weird thing is, I always like someone so much at first. Like I have the strongest feelings ever for them right away. Then, they bore me. Even the men I genuinely like. The only relationships that last for me are those with lots of conflict, bc even if you're not happy at least it is somewhat high energy.

Relationships are like the worst diversion from work, too. Babbling at the water cooler...

Happy Birthday creative c.I know what you mean about people looking at you like your weird. .When I am around people I feel weird, and out of place.I feel like people are always judging me.I prefer to be friendless.I am most comfortable when I am by by MYSELF.When I am out and someone starts talking to me I get so nervous and feel so uncomfortable.On the other hand my husband has friends and I tend to get jealous that he can go golfing and hold on to other relationships besides ours and I can't.

Sometimes you just have to be strong in yourself . . . weither it's marching to the beat of your own drum/tuba/bass or what ever it is...sometimes I think that that the things we go through can make us a stronger person. Not that I'm glad it is happening, but I've got to make some sence out of it.

For me - I used to think it was my clumsiness in movement and conversation, my inability to understand style, my lack of personal care. I've learned a lot since those days and I know what my personal friend deficit was all about.

I was selfish. Not just in sharing what I had - but in all things. I worried about my personal satisfaction regardless of how other's came out of it.

In conversations - I would only speak about me. After all it was the only topic on my mind - why wouldn't everyone else want to discuss it? Very bad for talking - it drove away many potential friends. For the good friends willing to put up with my me-centric behavior - I would end up abusing the privilege of friendship by not being there for them - and always thinking of me first.

Now - almost one year later - it's all different. Thanks to meds (meds are great, meds are good, let us thank meds for our food amen), councilling, and all these great people here and at my other favorite forums I am a new man. I'm not stretching it there - I'm not the same person I was at the start of this.

I LISTEN. I watch people. I learn about them. At work - I know who is married, who has kids, who is hurting and who is happy. Previously - I would walk in my fog and have no clue even of their first names. It was truly a sad thing.

Although I haven't ventured out to the real world outside of work much, I know that now I have the tools to make as many friends as I would like. Moreso - I can keep them.

Don't give up hope people. It's lonely - I was there. But there is a change that you can make - given good therapy and with good meds. ADHD can step back into the shadows and be YOUR bitch for a change!

Love you guys one and all - YOU are my friends!!!!!!!

the thing about recognising others is true. even b4 adhd, i read about this somewhere, and worked really hard to incorporate the asking about others, asking for their story, opinions etc. into my style of relating.

it works great for professional life, and new and superficial relationships. i'm good that way.

the real trouble is in letting others into my real life. the mismanaged finances, the temper outbursts, the mercurial moods, the constant non-sequitirs, the spotty job history, the middle-aged guy that lives more like a teenager me.

my trouble with friends ( and potential girlfriends) is that i can only hide these things for so long. i fear getting discovered. i fear having to admit what a train wreck i've made of my life, and having no 'good' explanation.

i still struggle with the others thing. i call a supply house, and even tho i know the woman who answers, and she knows my voice, i behave as if she were a stranger. i have a hard time remembering new peoples names. at parties, i am so overwhelmed by the stimulation that i must look as if i am really unfriendly, as i cannot relax.

it's not fun, but it's me.

quote from Seeker63-my trouble with friends ( and potential girlfriends) is that i can only hide these things for so long. i fear getting discovered. i fear having to admit what a train wreck i've made of my life, and having no 'good' explanation.

Hi Seeker! I realize that I am a little different in that I have always liked myself a lot. I did not realize that if everyone else was marching a different direction then it was I who was "off" LOL. Also females generally are more aware of "feelings". I was always very conscience of others feelings so that helped a lot. Sorry-let me get to my point. Take a look at yourself. I am quite sure you have MANY characteristics that are quite charming and wonderful! Be aware of them (hate to sound cliche') embrace them! There are ladies out there that would not give a da*n about what you were up to yesterday let alone all of the years of your life up until now. Seriously! If there are anoying habits that you have or things that you can change, start working on those, otherwise start realizing that you are a cool individual. For example...if you are nervous as heck at a social gathering or "party" remember to walk around with a huge smile on your face. If people try to talk to you and you are afraid you will not know what to say/you are supposed to remember their name just throw your hand out (or hug them if they look like that is the expectation) and exclaim in a jovial voice "Well, hello there, and how are you this evening!?" That would work whether you were supposed to know them fairly well, you'd never laid eyes on them before etc...Also, if I may ask- are you on meds? If you've already gone it to that a million times on this board forgive me, I haven't been on in a while. I think you are MUCH "better" than you think you are and I don't even know you. Also- people who want to get to know you will allow you to reveal what you want when you want - you do not owe them an explanation.

this is an experiment in font size. i am surprised that there are complaints, as on my screen, my posts show up larger than just about anyone else's, incl. glen's, whose posts appear on my screen as the smallest font.

i agree, the blue text, when small, is really hard to read. but as my text looks really big on my monitor, the black is harsh on my eyes.

on my screen, this is showing up about 1/2" tall, (or about 13mm for youse in the metric world).

feedback, please?

Much Improved font. How is the size of mine? I rarly come up with
something outstanding for others to see or read...oops! there goes that
neg. out flow again!!! [QUOTE=seeker63]

i agree, the blue text, when small, is really hard to read. but as my text looks really big on my monitor, the black is harsh on my eyes.

on my screen, this is showing up about 1/2" tall, (or about 13mm for youse in the metric world).

feedback, please?

[/QUOTE]

No more squinting! hooray!
Now I will be able to read your head

Hey Seeker63-

It may be more a matter of our lack of spacing-and in my case the bold, cobalt tiny font plus no spacing for new paragraphs, no indentions etc...

LOL, because you are right-our posts are suddenly pretty huge compared to most...

seeker - maybe check your default font in internet explorer. If it's tiny there you will see all postings as tiny.

I LOVE the new sizes!! I can SEE I can SEE!!

It's hard when I'm still waking up and it's squint time. This 19" monitor does a good job but that small font (especially when blue) just leaves me either forcing a squint or shaking my head and saving the reading for when I'm more alert.

GOOD STUFF - and thanks so much for the concern!!

Hi Glen. I actually like the bigger font too...people at work used to make fun because I always had my icons larger than normal etc... [QUOTE=CreativeCrazy]What are the character traits or reasons why it is so hard for us to maintain relationships or friendships? What makes us so different from everyone? Help me understand why life is so lonely....

[/QUOTE]

We are less souless and empty perhaps
I don't understand people in general, as a whole, at all.
Can't imagine what their goals, hopes, fears must be????
I am alone too.

Less soulless and empty? No - I see us as neither better or worse than those out there without ADHD. We see things at a different angle - we approach life at a degree off from the rest. Some say half full - some half empty. We say "nice glass".

If life is a river, the rest struggle upstream at a steady pace. They see the light above, the rocks below. For us - we sometimes paddle from above, flapping on the frothy surface - able to just make out the fishies below. Some are near the rocks, peering up through the darkness and watching the others safely go by without scraping along next to us.

I'm finding life less lonely now that I know who I am. I can swim along with the others - or skim above or lurk below. I have three options now where I was stuck with one I didn't like. Different but the same.

Perhaps, I have no idea because as i said above, I don't understand people, as a whole, at all.

I am often stunned by the souless emptiness I seem to detect in individuals so it is a guess.

I used to think that too - until medication cleared the fog and I realized it was me!

I used to look and look - trying to determine what feelings were there. Unless it was right on the surface I got it wrong the majority of the time.

Then - the dexedrine kicked in. I walked around them - and could tell fast and easily what was under the surface!

I had a coworker - very silent and withdrawn. The old me would say "oh - I must have said something - she doesn't like me anymore."

Now - I looked - really looked. Deep under - I could see - no FEEL what was going on! She was sad - very sad. Her face was gray, and eyes deep and far away. With my new gutsy self I went up and talked to her. Seems her foster son had tried to "check out" the night before - and she had not been able to cope with that. I talked to her a while - and went to our supervisor and without telling too much got him to talk her into going home and dealing with her feelings where she could do so better.

It feels SO good to know what's inside these people now! I thought it was almost magic at first - then realized I had felt this before but it always got scrambled in the other stuff buzzing around.

Wow. Big stuff but I can assure all of you that there's deep stuff in those people. We know it - but it gets scrambled up in the rest. With focus - you all can do it too.

I think I have seen what was there (with people) most of the time, which is sometimes even more frustrating because you DO know.

In other words if someone is feeling really bad or in pain for whatever reason, and you would like to show them that a lot of what they are feeling may be based on some huge bunch of misconceptions, but you can't -because they are not going to suddenly decide to stop whatever motion they are going through long enough discuss it with you. Weird as this sounds, I find that very frustrating.

BTW-I liked the "nice glass"

Quite frankly, I am very self-absorbed and I know that about me. I am very, very selfish with my time. It is hard for me to maintain friendships because I fail to devote the time to them that is needed. I have been handed friendships to me on a silver platter that I do not deserve and I keep them but it is hard for me to "maintain" them because I just push off correspondence, or decide not to call someone on a certain day because I covet uninterrupted reading, drawing, internet surfing, research time (on my Adderall).

Don't get me wrong, I am not that big of an asshole but it is really hard for me to "socialize" with any other than my wife(we have had a wonderful seven year relationship at this point, 3 years of marraige) now as an adult because I am just too busy with myself. I feel like Barbara Bush, "why should I waste my beautiful mind just chit-chatting?" And of course it makes me feel very guilty, I am so damned consumed with myself.

I have many of the same issues as described in these posts. Been single for 2 years and I am now being "set up" by an acquaintance( nobody who knows me well would ever try to set me up). I have never really dated and I've been pretty reclusive for the past several years so I'm at a loss plus I have learned not to trust myself as getting on the right med forced me to admit to my life and I can no longer pretend that I'm like everyone else...gee I could just keep this sentence going I really don't understand sentences anyway
So, we have had one phone call that was a bit strained at first but improved, we have a couple of things in common otherwise not too much but his general description (physical) intrigues me and he sounded pretty down to earth. He seems like a person who talks at a normal or bit slower speed and is maybe not that well informed on all the issues (compared to me) so I would probably drive him nuts if I verbalized in my usual fashion. He left me a message the day after we spoke saying that he enjoyed our conversation and he would like to hear more about me...()and asked me to call him back. What do I do? I know I shouldn't say too much about anything personal but right now adhd has my life turned upside down as my view of my entire life has changed along with how I should be handling myself now...it's as if I want a disclaimer stamped on me "adhd not a wacko" or "adhd please understand"...I'm just tired of feeling like I can't be myself but I don't want to say the wrong thing.....

Hi Sabina.

Call him. Meet him if you decide you want to. I would not say anything about it either way unless I felt something I said or did was conspicuously weird. And even then, I would make some comment letting him know I was aware that whatever it was was off the wall, and leave it at that. All people are nervous on first dates ADD or no ADD. Have fun!

Well I am back to this question almost 1 year later.....again...by myself...no close friends...I swear people look at me weird when I talk...like I am from another planet.....

This weekend is my birthday...I am moving...and I don't care because no one is planning anything any way...because I don't have any close friends....just friends that don't get close enough to know me....or celebrate my bday....sometimes I wonder if ADHD means you don't have friends who celebrate your birthday with you...and being alone...(like when we were little on the playground) is our destiny for life.... I am posting a poll on the b-day subject.

Guys (seeker/quik) - don't take this wrong ok?

Please - for the love of mike....

INCREASE YOUR FONT SIZE !!!!!!!!!

It's been hard to read your posts - and I truly want to!!

There are just a couple things wrong - the font is puny - tiny tiny tiny! I have glasses - and even with my 19" monitor I can't make it out without coming up with my nose greasing up the screen.

One more thing - the color - blue on blue is hard for my brain to register it. I end up seeing it as background noise and that's not good is it room?

I really want to read your words. When I make the extra effort you make total sense you guys.

Don't fear us scrolling down all the time. I don't mind - really I don't! Hell, I even scroll with DavidO makes his essays complete with molecular diagrams and a map to his house. If its worth reading it's worth scrolling.

For my sake and my optometrist - please up it a notch (or two)? I'd really like that a whole lot.

i actually have gotten quite good at being social. i used to be scared to call people and order food. now i suck it up and just do it. sometimes i come off as strange, but i think of it this way. i don't know the person, who cares if they think i'm weird! i am capable of making many friends but my problem lies in keeping in touch with them. i only call a few people. my cell phone hasnt rung in 3 days. maybe i'm just lazy, but the longer i go without calling someone...the less likely i am to call them. a friend of mine thought i hated him because i didnt call him for 2 years. i didnt even realize it was that long. plus i thought of all the things to say and nothing seemed good enough as an excuse so i kept putting it off. i havent talked to my best friend in a month, except for a 30 second phone call and two voice messages i left. and does anyone else here HATE leaving messages?! its like... leave a message after the tone... and i know i should say, "hey call me back." but what i end up doing is saying "hey, i was just calling because i uh.... wanted to hang out sometime...but um... you're not around so .... you can give me a call or something or you don't have to... but i'll uhh... talk to you later i guess... but don't call tonight cause i'm busy... call like.. tomorrow after 1pm...(BEEP) and i get cut off. then all i can think about it how stupid my message must be on the answering machine. i always call people and the phone rings and rings.. and im secretly praying that the answering machine wont pick up. wow. ok. yeah.i always pray the answer phone will pick up ----

i leave the LONGEST answerphone messages, along the lines of yours above but way worse and going on forever.

"hello hello got your message and yeah, i think that would be great but i was thinking to do this and ooh, look listen the coyotes are howling and er yeah what else, thought maybe yoga but maybe you're busy so well, then could do it tomorrow but then well, i'm not sure what i'm doing but yeah why not, would love to oh but what was i gonna say oh, yes BEEEEEP

then i phone back again.

oops sorry got cut off will try not to make it too long but yada yada yada... BEEEEP.
also props to haley's post about normal people boring us. Not that it is always the case, but I am very drawn to highly intellectual people. i want so badly to get more out of life, yet i sit around and wait for it to happen. in fact, there are ten things that i should be doing right now instead of playing on this computer... ahh well.i think on a lot of levels ADDers can be very selfish... if you read any of the 'spouses' posts you see it clearly. we are so busy just trying to keep our head above water that we have no time for anyone else and it becomes all about US.... our needs, our ADD difficulties just all about US.

not only that but in our attempt to swim rather than sink, we can grab on to that person closest to us and practically pull them down with us without realising that is what we are doing.

and there are an awful lot of ADD traits which are kinda not good on that level. an ability only to see things from your own point of view, a lot of defensive anger due to years of building layers of protection from criticism and rejection - which is often unproportionate and unjustified ---

a lot of putting the burden on to the other partner/spouse. not wanting to make the phone calls, not wanting to deal with the bills, not wanting to take a fair share of the adult-making decisions and responsibility.

a highly developed persecution complex. a gaping hole of needing constant reassurance which can never be filled no matter how hard the other person tries or how much they give.

being distant, pre-occupied, selfish to the needs of others, in own world, lazy, dis-organised, untogether, forgetful, inconsiderate, unreliable, dishonest and all of that....

i can see that we are not exactly the pick of the bunch for a spouse. obviously we don't all have every one of the above negatives - many of us have absolutely the opposite, some are manically full of energy and go rather than lazy and procrastinatey. some are very aware and considerate ---

but i think selfishness and immaturity are probably big obstacles in being a successful, loving partner and i think many ADDers can suffer from that.

of course there are also loads of positives to us --- but they have been mentioned elsewhere so no need to reiterate them here, i guess.

The more I read the more I realize that we ADD'ers are almost as unalike as we are alike. I can not speak for the masses, but I know I am anything but distant. I am so ultra focused on other people that I suppose it almost seems intrusive to some.

I like everybody pretty much, including myself. I have all kinds of things "wrong" with me but so does everyone else, LOL.

My doc says that all to often we try to group us all together under one big umbrella, which is crazy. He said it would be like saying all people with short legs are very similar people. Yeah, they take smaller steps....never achieve a long leggy look...but that is pretty superficial, right???

Obviously the fact that our brain processes information differently, may give us some distinct similarities,(basics, like losing things/changing the subject often etc)... but I am beginning to think that that is about it. In other words, there are a lot of happy people out there, a lot of sad people...a lot of big mouth people, a lot of quiet ones...a lot of insecure people, a lot of secure ones.....I am coming to believe that we are trying to blame/credit way too much of who we are on the ADD, when the ADD is not the issue. (Depending on the level of severity of course) The way perhaps, that you were able to cope with the ADD, is more the issue- not the ADD itself. My oldest sister has Cerebral Palsy. Never could walk without crutches, stiffens out noticably when she speaks, can't walk and talk at the same time etc...I am quite sure throughout the years many pointed, made mean remarks, made fun of etc....but she is not sitting around feeling like a loser or wondering why she had this horrible "affliction". She has 2 Masters degrees, and a good, happy life. I do not think it would be appropriate to now assume all people with CP are happy and well adjusted. The CP is not who she is, period. Likewise, the ADD is not who we all are.

I believe I could have been what is considered more "successful" had I known about the ADD sooner, but I am not defined by it. I wasn't then I am not now.

call him back and suggest meeting for lunch. why not? it should be fun. but don't get all hopes pinned on it being anything more than a fun lunch and know that you can charm the socks off him (of course you can!) -- hope you have a good one!

and if he is a nice guy even if you do start talking 10,000 to the dozen he'll be able to see the real you through it.

let us know how it goes!

cj
Yep, hard to read. Make it grow. Hey glen,I had to laugh when I read your post.Only because I have the same exact problem on selfishness.I don't do things on purpose but like I will be talking to someone and they will ask me things that are going on in my life and I will blab on and on and I never THINK to ask them anything about them..sometimes I think its a form of brain damage.I had this friend and her brother was in the hospital.she asked me how i was how my mom was etc.etc. I talked on and on about myself not thinking once about her or her brother!to quote what you said;In conversations - I would only speak about me. After all it was the only topic on my mind - why wouldn't everyone else want to discuss it? I just don't think! Sorry, LOL. In a couple of the other threads I wrote this big and felt very conspicuous...this is really too big, huh? Anyway, I like this size, because I do not have glasses on, and don't want to look for them...anyway....

HI,

I am new to this forum and am hoping someone can help me as my GP
is less than useless and thinks from looking at me for 2 minutes they
know all about me. I am adopted and being adopted into a middle
classw family they didn't want to know that I had been diagnosed with
a disorder on the autistic spectrum. My (adoptive) cousin has a son
with autism and as such has learnt more about ADHD and is convinced
I have it. Well the loneliness of not being able to make a relationship
or friendships work means that I am on my own day in day ouot.
Whilst my family see my achievements of a BSc and PGCE as
something to be proud of, i don't see it that way. The one thing I
want, a relationship and a family or even a best friend are out of my
reach and I cannot understand why. I am so lonely and it makes it
much harder for people to understand as I am considered beautiful
but the persistent harrassment of men for f**king is enough to make
me hang myself. I was on prozac for depression as a result of my
loneliness but the doctor took me off it after a year despite my
requests. Anything you can tell me that would help?

ladytess - I feel your lonliness and outrage at your life and your situation. I too am lonely - but have found true friendship here, at my work and have reconciled with my family due to my rebuilding my life with the help of good medications and one of the best psychiatrists I could ever have lucked out to find. Sometimes things just fall into place - and you can never predict when - or for that matter why?

I can tell you that family and friendships are more like crystals than like an organic thing - let me explain.

Most families are "forced" together by genetics, circumstances and other ties loose or tight. They feel that they have no choice in the matter - you get the family you are dealt. The friction they feel can be like pieces of sharp crystal rubbing against one another - they can fracture, and eventually shatter.

Now - take my dear brother-in-law. He came from one of those shattered crystal families. His mother, a former Jehova's Witness, neglected him and allowed other people to trample over and abuse him. His father, a career criminal, was the abuser and physically and sexually abused him. He escaped them both - only after a lot of friction, painful and destructive turmoil finally split him permanently. He met my sister - a solid, beautiful work of art and form. He fell in love - and eventually she with him as well. She fit into the places where his family left him open and fragmented - and they nearly hummed with harmony and love. Also, he fell in love with my parents - seeing them as the parents he had always wished he'd been born with. They too fit into places where he was left open and vulnerable - and together they created one large crystal form - beautiful and solid - able to withstand a lot of vibration and outside friction. They fit better together than my fit with them - and I was born into that family.

I know this is a bit obtuse - but hopefully you can follow my story. A true family is GROWN - not born. Eventually you'll find the pieces that fit into your life. The wounds will heal - and together your family, friends and you will be inseparable and stronger than any single one of you could ever be.

You are growing and learning. Your journey now is more in than out - and it is worth what you are going through truly believe that.

With me - I found inner strength I never believed was possible. Though I long for love and a family of my own - I am HAPPY where I am. If more comes, wonderful! If not - so be it. I love my online family here - my long distance family, bro-in-law included too. I even love my coworkers. They are good human beings worthy of love and I have more than I ever could need. Love, they say, is the only thing that multiplies every time you divide it.

hi guys, thanks so much, broke down and told one firend at work who is a quiet type but I just want so badly to disconnect my personal life from my work (work w/my ex) that it is great to have people who's opinion I can ask and who know what it's like to have the best of intentions but after the fact realize that you said a bunch of stuff that was probably off. For the first time in my life I realize that a good portion of the difficulty I have had w/other people is that there are times when I just communicate in a different language though I am convinced I am being perfectly clear. Obviously the general population speaks a language that I sometimes have no clue about.

Anyway, we have now spoken 4 times and he left me a message tonight. I'm not running scared yet though cause he lives quite a distance away and doesn't know where I live and won't unless I decide my chemicals and his have to get together (not a common occurrence unfortunately).
I even sent him a pic (had to doctor one of me and my ex, pathetic) and a couple of my daughter and he called me earlier and had me walk him though sending him an email (sigh) but he did it in a way that no one does and so of course it didn't work.
I sense that we want different things right now, he's a home body and I think a faithful kind of person and if I was to think about seeing a man right now it would be for a passionate fling unless someone came along who I have lots in common with and we don't, though he sounds very nice.
but maybe a fling.....??? I would never start something I knew was just for want of something more enticing but you can both agree to just a dalliance, right? Maybe it's time for me to reread Vanity Fair and pick up some tips

oh, I see I missed one of my 30 words that I turned the letters around in, correcting my typing is so boring, why do I transpose letters in so many wrods? Do a lot of people do this?

It's Actually quite simple:
Here's the way I see it.

   ADHD = No Relationships
   -A                 +A
______________________
DHD = ANo Relationships
+p                    -p
   ____________________
pDHD = Ano Relationshis
+l                        -l
___________________
lpDHD = Ano Reationshis
+2O        -2O
______________________
oolpDHD = An Reatinshis

Etc, Etc..ADHD and relationships get mixed up together, until there is only chaos.


and i so accussed the wrong person...

i now feel terrible

hey bina

well, you don't need to start a 'RELATIONSHIP' with this guy if you don't want... why not meet up with him anyway, see if you have good fun together then you can do the odd thing like the cinema or going to an art gallery or having the occasional tasty brunch on a Sunday down by the river.... or whatever.

i would take that approach even if you do fancy him. you don't have to rush into anything ya know.

sometimes you give the impression that you think people only like you for your looks but i really don't think that is true at all --- we can't see what you look like and we think you're great. don't underestimate yourself - it's a funny trick that looks thing it can be used to up your self-esteem in a very lowering self-esteem way.

you have way more to offer than looks. you're funny and sweet and generous and interesting. stop thinking it is all about your looks - it's not, i am sure most people are with you cos they like YOU and your personality.

i am not completely stupid in the head, i am the last to say that when dealing with the opposite sex looks don't work well in your favour and play a huge part in it, but since you have that part i think you need to work on your confidence in other areas a little.

you're great. a caring, loving mother and a sweet person -

even if this guy bores you to tears or it is all awkward and doesn't work out at all - just go for it, go for a lunch.

enjoy yourself.

and be prepared a 'tiny bit' for disappointment - but don't go in thinking 'this will be a disaster' because of course it won't. you CAN charm people, you are funny and i am absolutely sure he will enjoy his time with you and don't feel you have to offer him sex because he spent some time with you (i'm sure you wouldn't but tha is how it can work in some girls with particularly low self-esteem).

you are nice enough as it is.

you can take it slow. no rush.

but i feel you are not going to do it. cos you were kinda backing off already. it doesn't matter - another guy'll come along. if you get really bored and genuinely just want a 'dallliance' then i think that internet dating is probably great for that --- but, personally, i think it would be more harmful than helpful to your self-esteem and just reinforce that negative attitude that you have, that people just want you to have sex with you nothing more...

and i think you ought to try to break that.

sorry if i sound like a particularly boring and prudish maiden aunt!!!!!

I am confused. I understand and can relate to so much of what you all are saying. I have a hard time picking up on social cues, I dont know when someone is bored by the conversation until they get up and walk away!! But I call people TOO much. I think if I dont call i am missing something, like they are all out without me or something.

After reading everyone's posts I think you all sound like great people who have a lot to over in life and to others...thanks for being here

Glenn -

You seem ridiculously, manically happy for any person, adhd or not.
Congrats. I hope it holds for you. Really. Even though I hinted at that manic thing I would love to believe at least one person is ridiculously, enormously happy.

It will take far more concrete proof for me though, other than your saying "just put on a happy face and do benzadrine and therapy" for me to believe that a lot of the people I meet are not hollow. I'm fully aware that most of them think of me as an eccentric or weirdo or artistic type or an insane person or someone who refuses to grow up and ......

[QUOTE=mopw]

Glenn -

I'm fully aware that most of them think of me as an eccentric or weirdo or artistic type or an insane person or someone who refuses to grow up and ......
[/QUOTE]

And exactly what is wrong with that?

mopw - I was as cynical on life and the people in it as you are. Perhaps more! I saw people as actors in a world built for me - a nightmare world I'll admit sometimes but I felt like I was the center of the universe. I saw people like animatronic people - like hollow, emotionless "things". Just like you.

What changed? Certainly not them. I changed. The universe is the same - now I see it in perspective. Now I realize I'm a cog in the works - not the main character in this really bad, terribly long seinfeld episode.

Oh - the benzedrene - you'd feel totally awesome for a day or 2 on bennies - but it wouldn't last. Anyway - that's SO seventies!LOL!

I'm still what you might see as eccentric and odd. Some laugh at my behavior - and now I see when they do. Do I care? Less and less every day. If they laugh - maybe I've made their day a little more enjoyable. They never come up and try to make ME miserable - so there is no harm. Live and let live is a good thing to do.

Do you religiously pick at your toes/nails, find an add drug that answers your prayers only to have it slip away as your rapidly shifting hyperfocused yet inarticulate paranoia, perfectionism and desperate anxiety return- all while being called 'impulsive' 'compulsive,' 'eclectic,' 'weird' 'hyper' stimulating and intelligent?

I have always been very social, albeit excitable and driven to intense activities both healthy and not so much (Adult ADHD, on meds)- but after working through and finishing three months of unprecedented pressure and stress, I am still experiencing a lack of desire in anyone- socially and sexually. I though it would dissappear, but I can't seem to 'come down' off of this intense anxiety trip. I still do not sleep more than 3-5 hours, my smoking habit has become atrocious and I ignore everyone I know. The 'cave time'- when I literally turn off my phone for several weeks and produce an insane volume of work (which of course is never good enough- soliciting more anxiety) usually ends. But, it hasn't. I constantly feel paranoid, anxious and lonely BUT I REVEL IN ISOLATION. This is not normal for me and I'm feeling rather lost because I can't stand the thought of discussing this with anyone in person, please help! Has anyone had a similar experience?

Wow! I have been away from the boards for while (a few months) but my my, the current posts have hit the emotional nail on the head re how we suffer with ADHD. One thing I know is that we need to be there for one another. I have a co-worker who is "in the clost" with her ADD and I offer her what I know as well as any (I can't think of the word) TECHNIQUES! that's it... that I use to get through my day. I understand her reluctance to share the info with others...been there...done that. But I am learning to celebrate my creative way of thinking and doing. I love my enthusiasm, passion, creative problem solving. I can't STAND lazy people, and people who give their brains over to others rather than think for themselves. As far as friendships go; I have three real, true friends.

I still struggle though. But the trade off is worth it...we need to get people with ADD in political positions! They would be able to solve some major problems.

Haley in Ohio

Haley posted:I can't STAND lazy people, and people who give their brains over to others rather than think for themselves.

You said it! Most people act like herd animals-brainless followers...

I was skimming over this thread, and I was so shocked to find that there are actually people out there who suffer the same disappointment and loss as I do where relationships/friendships are concerned. I really thought I was alone in this...a bizarre human too much to bear for the average person.

I have so much difficulty relating to "normal" people, as they quickly become frustrated and intimidated by my inability to participate in shallow small-talk. I am often accused of using 10$ words, and when pressed to use simpler terms, I am unable to do so. Explaining things in a way that is easily comprehended is beyond difficult. When I try, I ramble incoherently. There are not many people out there with the patience to deal with it. It's just plain too hard to be my friend, I suppose.

I've been so hurt by people who patronize me...saying they'll be there for me (for instance: a concert I'm singing in, or a birthday dinner), and when the time comes, the excuses come along with it. Do they say it to shut me up? To stay safe from my vocal disappointment? Because it's easier to be silently cruel than outwardly cruel? I have news for them People with ADD do not take subtle hints. No one seems to have the integrity to be honest. I've cried myself to sleep on many a night, reeling from the insensitivity of those I had hoped would come through for me.

Well, sorry to vent so, but this very subject has been foremost in my thoughts as of late. I produced and directed a Christmas production at my church, and most of the people who promised to come did not. I am sure I will hear many lame excuses come Monday.

Dabonbon

I read the post about not having or not making friends and it was so true to me. I am 28 and also have a 9 year old son, who has trouble with his self-esteem. He worries soo much about doing and saying the the right things! It breaks my heart and only can tell him to be himself. I have explained that people may seem to be thinking of him and waiting to critize but really they are just as selfconscious. So I really got off the point there! What was my point? My point in bring that up is because it seemed to have been my theme all through school, we are talking from fourth grade on. I was not diagnosed until about a year ago after many years of drinking and generally not dealing with life. The first time I actually looked up the definition of attention deficit disorders I was blown away. Today I am dealing with friends and relationships. I just am not even interested in an intimate relationship with anyone. It worries my sisters, I am actually just learning to live life again with purpose, drive, goals, and clear head.

It use to
bother me that I was usually picked on with few
friends. Now, In my 30's, understanding who I am
and how I am helps. I meet people now, but I am
being the chooser of who gets to stay in my life. I go
to ADHD functions and find people who are similair
in certain ways.wow!!! I guess I am one of the normal people (I dont have ADD). I have come here to find out more abut ADD. I am trying to become friends with somone who has ADD. I am frustrated with her just as you all talk about. I dont know what to do. I cried the other day because I wished I could understand more. I think she is a great person and want to get to know her better. I see the ADD stuff getting in the way. I want to understand so it doesnt get in the way. Can anyone give me some help? Advice? Will I be able to understand? Want can I do to make it easier for her to see that I do want to understand? I just recently tried to get ahold of her and havent heard back. Do I keep trying? Or will I annoy her? I always feel like I will annoy her if I keep trying to connect. But then I get upset when I dont hear back from her. What do I do?

I have been lonely and friendless most of my life. It seams that I don't fit in with anyone. Either I find them boring, not smart enough, or so different than me that I just cannot relate to them.

If they are interesting and smart, I feel inferior and feel that they think I am not smart enough for them.

If they don't treat their pets the way I think they should, I consider that a huge character flaw, and cannot get past it.

I am annoyed if they don't get my sense of humor, as I think I am really funny. I am very self absorbed and talk too much.

You really can't win with me. After reading this, I wouldn't want to be my friend either.

hey pumpkin-

don't be so hard on yourself.

i think you'll find many of us here are in the same lonely boat. i know i certainly have been.

at 42, i'm very aware that i alienate all kinds of ppl., often for the reasons you describe. i do not suffer fools gladly, and have little patience for others.

some of what you describe is a consequence of the poor self-esteem many of us grow into b/c of our differences and difficulties relating to ,(for lack of a better term) normal ppl.

it's clear to me, that i, for one, really suffer with the blues this time of year. all the things that are wrong seem to overtake my consciousness.

you may notice that the ppl. with the most friends are ones that can't imagine that someone wouldn't like them. and some of these ppl. are the most obnoxious!

so try not to hyperfocus on the negative. easier said than done, i know. i'm fighting that battle as i write this, and probably a lot for the next few weeks.

if nothing else, we have that in common!

Why is it so hard for us to keep up friendships? Most of us I suspect never have trouble making friends initially, but then comes the follow-up. Calling on important days, sending letters and cards, returning their phone calls. I still have a First Communion card for my nephew who is now 11. I kept meaning to send it but... Every time I see that card I get filled with anxiety because it's just the tip of the iceberg. Basically, taking the extra effort that is so hard for us. Eventually, people just say "forget it!"

i recently found a little jacket i got for my 3-yr old niece for x-mas or something.

what do i do with it now? i never got around to sending it, and she's eleven! it's even too small for her two younger sisters!

i think ppl. do lose patience. all the things that you don't get around to doing end up being seen as broken promises.

undependable. or liar. or shallow. self-involved. all chastisements directed at me.

true enough, i suppose, but those weren't my intentions. those things are not in my heart, just my behaviour.

i h still have Xmass pesent 4 x g/f from years ago coat that was too small never returned it hanging on door, 4 got all bout it what sux is it was like 400 bucks

gonna bring it to mission

[QUOTE=LizJ]

My friends call me. Often. I am usually up, so I am prepared to talk for an extended period of time or make plans etc...I do not make very many future plans, in that I tell them I do not know what that day will hold. If they call at the last minute and I am available, then great, if not, oh well another time. I might add that they (my friends) are used to me speaking rapidly, so that in itself is not a problem. Most really bright people , for whatever reason, don't have a problem comprehending what I am saying-but I have to watch it in general.

I have a lot of cards bought specifically for certain people/events that I never send....:)

I had to unearth this post...it has had over 5000 reads....this shows that there is a real problem with us and realationships...[QUOTE=Ivil_Ivette]