Diagnosed too late... | ADHD Information

My son is 34 yrs old. When he was in school he had many problems with focusing, staying on task, etc. even though his test scores were high and in 7th grade he was reading at college level, etc. He was tested for ADD and I was told he seemed not to have the classic type. He went for therapy for a time and the psychologist thought he just needed to have a written schedule to help follow up on tasks. In the 70's and 80's there really wasn't a lot of indepth studies or solutions. I just thought everything would work out as he matured. In the meantime, he was a delightful person; caring, happy, Mr. personality with lots of friends and projects. A talented musician, self taught. School was a disaster, as he really could not focus and was easily bored. His father, who died when my son was 5 yrs. old, had the same problems. His mom told me they called it "having mercury in the blood" (they were from europe) and he could never sit still.

In his late 20's I noticed my son becoming a bit more distanced from me, but I just figured he was distancing himself as an adult, finding his path. It wasn't until I moved away and he came to see me one holiday, that he told me he had been self medicating and was hooked on opiates and realized it had become a problem and was trying to wean himself off of them. The strange thing was that when he was on them, he was a really focused person, calm and enjoyable to be around. He became an expert on subjects he read about and could quote trivia and facts most people would never remember. He's always had an awesome memory. I know I'm his mom, but his intellect is pretty amazing. It was the first time I saw him able to sit still and really stick with and follow through on interests and projects.

Unfortunately, he lost his battle with the drugs and wound up in a Nevada State Prison where he has been for the past two years serving a first offense drug conviction for possession of 4 grams of marjiuana and being under the influence of a controlled substance. He has been clean for two years, but when he gets out on parole in two months, I know that all he has to do is screw up on any misdemeanor in that state, including spitting on the sidewalk, and he'll be back in. They have a zero tolerence drug policy and their prisons are crowded with non-violent drug offenders. (I'm not entirely faulting this, as they probably saved his life.)

In my searches on line, I came across an article written by a prison psychologist entitled "IF HE OUTGREW IT, WHAT'S HE DOING IN MY PRISON?" The aritcle was profoundly a discription of my son. I just sat in front of the computer and cried. All the symptoms and traits fit to a "T" including the self medicating part, the part that calmed him and at first enabled him to function on a more normal level, but of course, progressed to an addiction.

Now I am searching for information to help him deal with things when he gets out on parole. I'm terrified he will get back into the same mode when he gets frustrated and/or anxious, which is sure to be part of picking up the pieces of his life and dealing with ADHD that he still seems to have. Even in prison, he can't stay on track and ends up getting angry easily and breaking the rules over stupid things, all of the things that started in grade school. Not hurting anyone stuff, just not following the "rules". Marching to a different drummer, the impulsive actions so many of you talk about.

I'm sharing my story because I'm in pain. I see such a bright young man losing precious years. I wish, as a mom, I would have known then what I'm finding out now. It's good to know that some progress is being made in validating that there is indeed a reason, physiological, or whatever for these behaviors. I need to know more, in order to deal with everything, and to help to get him the help he needs. He also is Type I Diabetic, so some of the mood stabilizers and meds are very hard on his liver, which is already jeprodized due to his illness.

I empathize with you all, in your quest for knowledge and peace of mind. It isn't easy, and there is still the unknown and the denial, even on the part of some of the medical community, to recognize and and make valid what you all experience and know first hand.

Tired38069.9547569444

Hi Tired:

My heart goes out to you and your son. There is not enough resourses for people with ADHD.

But it is not too late for your son. Adversity can usually bring about positive changes.

I can sympathize with you. My son is 39, and just in the past few years have I come to suspect that he is ADHD. He cannot keep a job, either gets fired or quits. He cannot keep a relationship with woman. They always dump him. He just cannot take care of anything. He couldn't get a library book back on time. He has never had a car that was not smashed in someplace. He has had two DUI's, and recently told me he was drinking too much, and taking Vidodin. He said he needs help. His moods are up and down..he has been on meds for depression. Recently, his ex girl friend had him arrested for coming to her house. Hopefully, this will be cleared up in a few weeks, and I think I have convinced him to come home. ( he's been in another state for 4 years and has gotten no where. Sleeping on someones couch at the moment) He has NOTHING. We have to get him diagnosed, and get him some help before he ends up in prison too.

He will not have any insurance to get help, so I'm not sure just how we are going to manage getting him diagnosed. Does anyone know if there are places that will "help".

Its great to find this board, and see what everyone else has to say.

Good luck to everyone

[QUOTE=jakesmema]

He will not have any insurance to get help, so I'm not sure just how we are going to manage getting him diagnosed. Does anyone know if there are places that will "help".

Its great to find this board, and see what everyone else has to say.

Good luck to everyone

[/QUOTE]

Hey...your son sounds like me right now @ age 24.

Hi there...

You seem to have a pretty good handle on what is going on with your son and I just only wanted to make one point. That fact that you are here in this group says the world about how you feel about your son. I am roughly the same age as your son and my mum feels very guilty about the fact that she didn't discover this issue earlier.

I don't blame her at all. We're all here just trying to do the best we can with the resources that we have available to us and there comes a time in your life where the responsibility for your life migrates from the parent to the child.

Just think how lucky we are that your son was born when he was. He has plenty of years ahead to correct his life, it's nothing like too late! Imagine if he was born 50 years before with no hope of diagnosis or worse no hope of medication.

As for being in prison, that sounds very harsh for 4grams. He needs to understand that in most other parts of the world he probably would have only got a caution.

Best wishes..

Imodan

lol chazinmo..@ some fam. members with significant issues. i'm not making light i can just relate. so forgive me please,

dear tired,

your son is very fortunate that he has a mother like you who still cares. you haven't given up on him and that is the best thing you could do for him. as far as knowing about adhd..let me tell you a short story:

my therapist has a colleague who is a psychiatrist..so he's actually in his forties..who just found

out that he has adhd. we're talking about a mental health proffessional here! its so easy not to know its a miracle anyone even finds out. especially when it sometimes seems like such a slippery diagnosis..is it real? is it imagined?

i fought for several years with myself debating whether to get on medication b/c i just felt like it was an exaggeration of a few eccentricities i happen to have. it sometimes take that 'ah ha' moment to realize how much its effected our lives.

i'm so sorry about your son. its so very tragic that he has to do time when rehabilitation and understanding is what he requires.

hopefully when he gets out you can get him into some testing and therapy to figure out solutions and get him back on his feet.

the best of luck,

sincerely,

sumi

Hi Sumiah,

No offense taken. I guess that was a bit of an understatement . My family tree is full of nuts including me! I have some uncles who are real characters.

I think it is good to keep a sense of humor. Gotta keep laughing!

hey chazinmo.

my family reads like a dsmv IV:

my paternal grandmother=alzheimers

my father= paranoid schizophrenic

myself and my brother= adhd he's that classic hyper , and totally in denial and i'm combo. yeah! the best of both worlds! (an overactive mind and a total inability to do motivate to do anything! what a prize i picked out of the bag of life!!LOL)

my father was also a an alcoholic, and i've heard stories about a few cousins on drugs , i bet to cope with the mental problems....and at least two of my aunts are in the sanitarium.

scary isn't it?

well at least i just turned out to be 'sensitive'

TIRED;

Don't give up. I went down the same road as your son, but got lucky and didn't get into serious legal trouble. I'm a month from 50, and am getting better and looking forward to the future. Your son still has a lot of life ahead of him.

CrazyIvan,

Hi! well done on getting thus far! welcome to the club. I am 2 months away from 54 and even though i got into some really crazy things and like you did'nt get into legal scrapes. I now thing my intell. and creativity got me through. Tired even though i cannot really know your pain, let me say this, Ivan and myself have gotten thus far. So what am i trying to say? Well if a rogue like me can get by i believe there is hope for others. Believe me there have been times when i thought, why am i so lonely, why are people so weird in the way they respond to me, How come others have friends who accept them as they are. These were the 2 things that used to get me down. Not any more, Why? I know more about ADHD and how it affects.

Hi Tired

I am 45 years old and during the 70's had many close calls that could have landed me in a similar (actually much worse) situation than your son. It was just a matter of luck that it did not happen to me.

Do not think for a minute that you have any blame in not recognizing ADD. I am a parent of two kids (16 and 25) and we always can find plenty to feel guilty about. But not recognizing ADD is not one of them.

My wife of 20 years has an MS in Criminal Justice and an MS in Vocational Rehabilitation. She also is a Certified Vocational Evaluator and in addition to her prison work spent 13 years in a school district working with kids, many of who were ADHD. She did not even figure it out with me! I was only diagnosed three months ago. So don't blame yourself! In fact, don't blame anyone. There is no need for blame, all we can do is try to figure out what to do going forward.

As for your son, if the laws you are talking about are state laws and not federal, you may recommend to him that he relocate just in case he slips. My son went through addiction issues (as I did) and there are sometimes steps backward as we are trying to move forward.

My son found Narcotics Anonymous and AA to be the programs that worked for him, clean for 2 1/2 years. But I guess the key is to not go it alone. I personally think spiritually based programs are good, be they Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or whatever. But any group your son can relate to is important as we all need a support group of those who understand us (like this forum!).

But your son needs to do it for himself. All you can do is be there and help him. As long as he now knows what the issues are, and can be directed to the right resources, it really will be up to him. We are all responsible for ourselves once we realize what the issues are. You are not responsible for his success or failures in beating this monster.

Again, I am not a shrink or a counselor, just someone with ADD and some family members with significant issues.