ADHD/My Life: A Random Stream of Myself | ADHD Information

I appreciate you writing all this out for us too.  I think self awareness is always a struggle- thats why a lot of people don't even bother to think about what they do and why. 

I also wonder too how much of what you are going thru is tied in with your stage in life?  I am guessing you are maybe in your early 20's?   Thats a tough time for most people even if they make a good package on the outside.  You've got a lot of changes and expectations (your own and other people's) to deal with and sort thru. 

I am a thinker too.  Thats a good thing and a bad thing :) but its me.  I tend to seek out people who are introspective too because it is a quality I like. 

Thank you for sharing and I hope this has given you some helpful insight. 

 

As a form of therapy for myself I wrote out a random stream of who I am hoping it would recognize how ADHD has affected my life. It's pretty personal but I hope some people can relate to it.

It's pretty long, and at times a bit nonsensical, but I'd appreciate it if you scanned over it.

-I confuse being deep and introspection with self-doubt.
-When I look at who I am I always start with the negatives.
-I think way too much before getting out of bed in the morning.
-Talk to my self in a way that is non-beneficial to who I am.
-I look for quick answers not truth.
-I think I am crazy when I am really just human.
-I am smart but I do not have the ability to understand what my needs are.
-If I could have more focus in my life would I know how to use it?
-I am afraid to believe in things because that means I would have to follow through.
-I try to take a shortcut to self-actualization when that is impossible.
-I feel I don’t understand the responsibility of being human.
-I am in college for the wrong reasons, and I have no interest in my major.
-I can not define success, no one can.
-I have to learn to define success on my own terms.
-I can’t find a balance of self-esteem and self-efficacy.
-I sometimes feel i don't understand even what a relationship really is.
-Sometimes I feel I cannot grasp how large the gap between myself and others is.
-I don't see love even when it is in front of me every single day.
-My life looks very good on paper.
-So many of my habits/coping skills are rooted in same places since I was a kid.
-I make the same mistakes over and over, hopefully until now.
-I have no idea how to make slow changes in my life; I put off everything to the last minute so it’s done quickly.
-I think as myself as an observer rather than someone who is responsible for a life.
-It is a lot easier to observe things and people happening around me than looking at myself as part of life itself.
-I feel that I watch my life happen rather than controlling it.
-ADD has controlled my life to a point though I don’t now how to take charge properly.
-I don’t realize the freedoms with no one in the world is dependent on me.
-I look up to my younger brother.
-My mom is nicer than I deserve, she always knows why I make the decisions I make, I really don’t like it.
-I have the best friends.
-Sometimes I feel I’m different person to everyone, in an attempt to make a connection, and if I was caught in a room with all my friends family I would explode in a crowd-pleasing supernova.
-I can be in a room of people and feel more alone than being by myself; this is because I don’t know who I am and when I am alone I can be whoever I want.
-I am a loner that needs other people to define who I am.
-I don’t like my dad because he is so much like me, I love him for the same reason.
-I have the mentality that all the good parts of me are from me and all the bad parts are from my surroundings, though I do not give myself credit for the things I do.
-I romanticize who I am and my past as a coping strategy.
- I could live a thousand times and not be as lucky with the talents I have.
-Think more than do.
-Sometimes I don’t know my own mood; sometimes I think I have one mood, observing.
-I generalize people, thinking I know who they really are.
-I think that I don’t fall into anyone else’s generalization because I think “I know everything”.
-My only true delusion: I think that I’m the only one that thinks the way I do.
-No longer taking who I am, accepting it, and taking advantage of this but using is against me.
-Dwell on the past, instead of doing things for the future.
-I’m starting to fulfill my own prophecies by not accepting the reality of my situation.
-The Irony of a Self Diagnosed Hypochondriac.
-Knowing why I do everything and thinking what it takes to be the person I can be but not knowing where to start.
-I think I am a great person because I can always help people out with their problems when really it is because I am going through it or have gone through the same things myself.
-Even though I write all these things down I will still repeat so many of them.
-Frustration > Depression
Superrad, I personally appreciate you sharing. I have many of the same thoughts, however, I have difficulty putting down on paper, so to speak, how I feel. I've been given so many books to journal in, but can't seem to delve deep enough in myself to actually put words to how I feel. I can definitely relate! Perhaps you have given me a little motivation to try the same.

Now, where did I put any of those empty journals?